Chapter 2 Girl in my head
I only saw her when I was fucked outta my skull, she was always the same, I could remember her exact details, right down to the last detail, she seemed so real and yet I knew that she couldn't be. Before I passed out I would stare at her beauty and just wish someone like me could have her, beautiful wasn't a word good enough to describe her. She was tiny, in weight and height, my guess would be a mere five-three, not even sixty pounds. She always wore black pants with faint white pinstripes with a silver chain attached to her hip. Her pants hung over her black and white sneakers, making her look even more like a tom-boy. Her black zip up hoodie hung off her making her chest pop. that hood always on her head yet her silver ringlets poked out from the sides. It was her eyes I loved the most, soft silver yet peircing metallic grey, and everytime I looked at them, they were always sad, sad at what I was doing. She was the only one that seemed to care, her hand would touch mine and her warmth was incredible, it made me want to get straight just to see her properly but in the morning she would be gone and I would go back to self-destruction. I always pictured what it would be like to hold someone like her, her skin soft against mine as her eyes looked lovingly into mine. It was a pipe-dream, sadly I knew this but I still held onto it, because if I didnt, what else was there. I had heard her voice, whispering my name before I fell back into the black haze, it was always soft, sweet yet full of eternal sadness. I don't know how long I had been seeing her, for as long as I could remember, actually thats not true, the first time I used drugs and got mind fucked, I saw her. She shook her head sadly at me, a shiny tear in her ashy pools. I remember wanting to hold her and tell her I was sorry, tell her that I would be better if she gave me a chance. I was willing back then just like I was now, to give up the demons if she would be my angel. That annoying banging came at me and I just knew that it was morning and somehow I managed to survive another night. It was enough to push me even further under that fifty feet of crap. I oly wanted two things right now, the girl or death, looked as though I wouldn't be getting either. I pulled myself into reality, already I hated this day and it hadn't even started yet. I pulled on some clothes and yanked the door open, Mark on the other side. The only one besides the girl I could call a friend and even he was starting to slip away.
"Fuck you look like shit Glen" He said just barging in, it sounded more like an accusation than anything.
"Yeah, whatever, what do you want Mark?"
His eyes flared up with concern, "I wanted to see if you were ok?"
"Fine and fucking dandy, like cotton candy" I spat out, the moment I said it it sounded familiar, the girl had said it and I had heard it. I shook it away, that wasn't possible because she only ever said my name.
"Glen we're worried about you" Mark said softly as I got undress into cleaner clothes, this wasn't unusual but right now I wished he would leave and the girl would come back. Maybe me naked would change her mind, maybe not. Of course she wouldn't, I was a freak and thanks to work I was now a monster that wasn't worth anything. I wished I had quit caring like I claimed, but the truth was I did care and that hurt more than anything. "Glen you're going deeper and deeper into this dark place, we just wanna help you out of it"
"No one can Mark, only the girl can"
"What girl?"
I had said too much as always and now I was gonna have to explain, I didn't want to because hearing the words would only make me sound crazy. I shook my head like it didn't matter, "Nothin"
"Don't tell me nothing" Mark growled, I had known him for so long that I guess he was the only one that knew me well enough to get away with the many different tones he used. "You've been seein a girl? Since when?"
"I haven't been seeing anyone. Man, Mark, just leave it!" I found myself shouting so loudly that the walls shook. At least I was dressed and ready to go. "Can we just go, I have another night to get through before I'm back in the personal hell that is life"
Mark ignored me as we strode out the door. I kept wishing that my girl would turn up, but I guess deep down I didn't want her to show up, it would only cement the obvious, she was another beautiful woman out of my monsterous grasp.
When I got to the arena I was able to ditch Mark and just wonder around to think. I was thinking of ways to make her show and try to get her to talk to me, just prove that she was real and I wasn't insane, its bad enough being pathetic but to be mentally unstable as well just made things seem worse.
"Hi Kane, how are you?" Eve Torres looked at me with her large doe eyes. There was a time I thought she was pretty, until I realised she was just like my ex-wife, a slut that would take my money but refuse to love me or even like me.
"What do you want?" I spit at her, I couldn't help but wonder if my girl could take her, I believed she could, if she was anything like I imagined, she would use the chain on her hip to choke the bitch.
She started running her fingers over my chest, once upon a time I would of been suckered in, it wouldn't be the first time a whore around here had done that. Now it just made my skin crawl and my mouth fill with vomit, thank God for the swallowing reflex.
"I was just wondering if you had plans for the hall of fame?" Eve cooed at me, I should of fucking known. HOF was like the prom for these girls, the higher your 'date' ranks on the wrestling food chain the more time was focused on you. So yes, Eve walking in with me, a twenty year veteran and well known superstar, it would be great for her, it would be like walking in with Mark, Randy or John.
"Think I'd rather job to the Miz or a NXT rookie than go to the HOF with you, slut-whore"
Eve didn't waver for a moment, her hand travelled to my belt line, her hand stopped right just as she was about to hit the ultimate place. "C'mon Kane, it works for both of us, I get camera focus, and if you're really good to me, maybe I'll let my hand wonder further south"
That flash of black and silver earnt my attention, running down the corrider, my girl! Pushing Eve aside I ran after her, shouting out like a mad-man. She just kept running, around bends and sadly I was losing her. Pushing myself harder than ever I caught up a few steps, she rounded another corner and straight into a dead-end. I got there a second after she did but all I got was a dead end and me. She was gone and I couldn't even catch her. For the first time in a long time, I felt my heart beat once before breaking.
