Summary:
AU/Anime-verse/Gen: Edward Elric died bringing Al back. Then, a year after his brother's death, Al sees Ed again – only this time, with a new Ouroboros tattoo on his right hand…
I don't own Ed or Al or any affiliated and recognized characters in FMA.
A lot of italics indicate flashback.
Chapter Three
"The truth is – your brother is gone," Mustang said calmly. His dark intelligent eyes scanned Al's face, as if looking for…something.
Al didn't dare interpret it the way Mustang's solemn tone suggested and he warbled out the next few words desperately. "Gone, as in…?"
"Dead," Mustang responded flatly. He looked away, as if unable to meet Al's wide eyes. "Your brother is dead."
Al gasped, his head spinning headily and dizzily.
No. No. It wasn't true. It couldn't be true because…Brother was a State Alchemist. And he was so strong. And strong State Alchemists would never just die. They fought. Strong State Alchemists survived.
Not true. Not true. Not true.
Al took in huge breaths, calming himself, and waited. He waited for Mustang's lips to twist into that infamous smug smirk and he waited for Mustang to say something like: "Got you. The shrimp's fine, he's just waiting for you outside…".
But all the Colonel was doing was staring at him in concern, his face etched in grave, timeless sadness, and after a few minutes of eye contact, Al eventually had to accept that it wasn't some sort of joke or a prank. That his brother – his brother ohgodohgodohgod, he was talking about Ed, his invincible big brother – was truly dead and gone.
Al tried to think about it rationally. He tried to think of logical reasons why his brother wasn't dead. It was a task much more challenging than Al had expected, and eventually, he just closed his eyes and avoided logical thought.
He'd never realized how much logic hurt when it was against you and the very foundation of your world. Al didn't want to understand that Ed was gone, because that meant that Al was alone, for the very first time in his life.
Al curled into a ball and he wished and wished and wished that he had never told his brother that he wanted to return to his original body, because if this loneliness without Ed was the price that Al had to pay, then Al would have gladly spent the rest of eternity as a suit of armor.
I feel more empty than I did when I was a suit of armor, Al reflected bitterly, clenching his fists.
"I'm sorry that things didn't work out," the Colonel suddenly said solemnly.
Al closed his eyes. "Me too," he whispered, trying to curl up even tighter, as if hoping to make himself so small that he would just disappear.
He didn't.
"Hey, Al," Ed said weakly from the hospital bed. He couldn't even lift one of his arms to wave; his automail one was completely busted, and his flesh one was broken in several places. His brother just settled for simply grinning at him, as if that idiotic, cheesy, desperate smile could save him from Al's wrath. And Winry's, once she heard about it. Which she soon will; of that, Al had no doubts. Ed didn't trust any other mechanic to fiddle with his arm. Even if it did mean a certain death with said mechanic, because Brother was just foolishly loyal like that.
Al resisted the urge to strangle his stupid brother. "Brother, you moron!"
His brother just scowled and looked away, looking vaguely guilty. Good, Al thought vindictively. Maybe this time he'll learn his lesson.
"Don't call me a moron," Ed muttered indignantly.
"I'll call you a moron if I have to! Brother, what were you thinking? You almost got killed!" Al shouted. "On a routine military mission!" Because, really, the fact that it was a routine military checkup made it all the more ridiculous.
"But I didn't get killed! I'm fine, Al! Look at me!" Brother snapped back at him. "So stop scolding me!"
Al clenched his fists in frustration. Ed was hardly fine. Beaten-up was more like it, but Al didn't really want to pursue that point anymore. His brother always had a high pain tolerance. "Yeah, but what if you do that again? You can't just rush in anywhere you please, Brother! You've got to think about it logically first! And look at you! You can't even move your arms and you're hurt all over! I was so scared when Colonel Mustang had to drag you out of there! You were unconscious and you were bleeding everywhere! Some of us thought you were dying! You were asleep for days, Brother! I was so scared!"
"Al," Ed slumped visibly at Al's worry. Inside, Al scoffed. So now Ed started to feel remorseful about what he did. After Al spent days freaking out about his brother's fate – now Ed started to regret his rash actions. "Don't worry about me, all right? I always turn out to be okay."
"You call this okay? You got beaten up by an entire faction of rebels with guns and alchemy, Brother!" Al finally pointed out to his brother's battered form crossly, before kneeling by Ed, frowning at his black eye and swollen mouth. "So, no, I don't think that this passes as okay."
Edward looked away sulkily, refusing to acknowledge Al.
Al swallowed at his brother's stubbornness, before continuing in a begging, pleading tone. He cradled one of Ed's bandaged hands very gently in his gloved armor hands. "Please, Brother. Please promise me that you won't do that again. You scared me, Brother. So much. I – I don't think I can lose you. Ever."
Ed's golden eyes softened as he turned back to Al. "You won't lose me, brother. We're in this together, remember?" A momentary break. "But this…this kind of thing is something that I've got to do. I'm a dog of the military, Al. But someday soon, all this would turn out to be worth it, because we'll get the Philosopher's Stone and we'll restore your body back to the way it was."
"We'll restore you first, Brother," Al corrected automatically, before remembering to glower and to cross his arms. "And you're not – you're not a dog of the military, Brother!" Al sighed. "I understand that you've got to do what the Colonel orders you to, but…you can still be careful, can't you? I'm not asking you to promise me that you'll quit the military, I'm just asking you to be careful and that you won't go rushing off into someplace without the Colonel's reinforcements just because you hear a suspicious sound!"
Ed bit his lip, before ducking his head. "I can't promise that I won't do it again, Al." Then he lifted his head, his eyes blazing like two bright golden suns. "But I will promise that I won't leave you. Ever. In fact –" and here Brother started to smile " – you won't be able to get rid of me even if you tried, okay, Al?"
Al uncrossed his arms and pondered this uncertainly, before nodding. "Okay, Brother. But do that again and I'll –" Kill you myself, he was going to say. His eyes wandered away from his brother and to the tray on Ed's lap.
The breakfast tray – and it's leftover.
"Brother, you didn't drink your milk…again!" Al accused.
Ed winced, before opening his mouth to begin a furious tirade against the 'white-liquid-secreted-from-a-cow'. " – It's disgusting, Al, it really is, and I'm not going to drink that –"
And that was how Al knew that everything was going to be okay.
"I promise that I won't leave you…"
Brother, you liar, Al thought.
Al rubbed his face, expecting to feel more tears that weren't there. He blinked. His eyes were only slightly damp, not completely wet like he had been expecting. He wondered if he was in shock. Though Al had never thought too deeply about shock before, now that he was intimate with it, he understood it completely. It was a human survival instinct – a way for the body and mind to not just shut down from the horror of knowing. It was a way for the heart to steel itself before shattering completely, into millions of tiny little pieces.
Al could feel his heart tightening, toughening itself up. And his lungs and ribs, too.
"Alphonse?" questioned Mustang, eyes inquisitive.
There was a long pause, as Al tried to catch his breath - but to no avail.
"I –" Al, trying to respond, wheezed out weakly. His empty, hollow chest felt unbearably tight, tight like something squeezing it hard from the outside and now suddenly he couldn't even breathe and ridiculously, Al even felt vaguely hysterically happy about that instead of panicking because he figured that if he wasn't breathing, then that meant he was dying and if he was dying then he could see Brother again soon. And then he would get to punch his brother for breaking that promise, the promise that Al had always held on to whenever the two were in trouble. "I –"
He started to choke, and he felt his throat close up.
"Alphonse! Alphonse, are you okay?" Mustang asked. His dark eyes were wide, his brows scrunched in concern and apprehension. The Colonel got up, his face twisted in anxiety, like he was scared to lose both Elric brothers in two weeks. "Answer me, Alphonse! That's an order! Are you okay?"
Are you okay? Brother's low voice murmured to him. Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay?
Oh my God. I'm losing my mind, Al thought faintly, feeling both startled and horrified at his realization. I'm losing my mind. I'm losing my mind. I'mlosingmymindI'mlosingmymindI'mlosingmymind.
The world exploded.
All the memories that had been missing from Al's mind a few seconds ago suddenly popped up again, trying to get back into its rightful place in his head, squirming and wriggling. There was no blissful dazed fog anymore. All Al knew was the sudden color, the startling brightness, buzzing noises and pain.
He was only vaguely aware of how his fingers clenched into fists. He was more concerned with the ringing chaos in his head – flashes of gold, sparks of alchemical blue and then he was overwhelmed by visions of fiery red. Blackness. Gold eyes. Hazel eyes. Black eyes. Blue eyes. Violet eyes. Brown eyes. A thousand voices – high, deep, low, quiet, loud – started to speak in his head at once.
Al this one's for you I'm so sorry sorry sorry that I can't be with you when you wake up If you remember this then please don't grieve for me Where is Fullmetal Sir the Fullmetal Alchemist is not breathing what should we do Is the other Elric boy breathing Yes sir Quickly take them to the hospital there might still be some time left Al you have to wake up Give Winry and Pinako my thanks and tell them that I love them okay God I love you so much Al you'll be fine without me there I'll see you in the Gate someday but not too soon do you hear me Al If you visit me in the Gate too soon I will kick your ass right back to Central but I just want you to know that I don't regret a moment of the time that we spent together hunting for the stone Has Alphonse waken up yet No sir Al you are the best brother that anyone could have Tell me when he wakes up he might be able to shed light on this situation and this is goodbye for now, brother, but we'll see each other again I promise you and this promise I will definitely keep –
Al closed his eyes, grabbing fistfuls of his hair, trying to block out everything. It was too much for the mind to absorb all at once and it might just as easily break him, so Al was not stupid enough to try to take in everything. He knew the law of equivalent exchange and he wasn't going to risk the remains of his sanity for so much information, it just wasn't worth it –
"Alphonse. Alphonse, what's going on? Kid, calm down! Alphonse, breathe! Shit…Nurse! Nurse!"
"What did you do, Roy?"
"It told him the truth, Maes! He startled to hyperventilate – and don't just stand there! Get help!"
"The doctors are already coming! Hold him down! It looks like a severe panic attack added with something else! Don't let him bite his tongue!"
"What's going on? – we're going to have to sedate him, gentlemen. Hold him down. Shelby, get the sedative. Hurry!"
Bright colors and events splashed across the forefront of his mind. Al desperately tried his best not to see. Tried his best not to acknowledge them. It was too painful and exhausting and debilitating. He felt hands on him, trying to press him back down but he fought against them anyway. His physical body arched into the air, forcing his head into the pillow, into a wild attempt to get rid of the sudden rush of memories.
It didn't work. More and more images and sounds came flooding into his brain.
He saw Mom, her eyes crinkled and her lips curved into a kind smile, her brown hair tied up into a braid, a basket of red juicy strawberries next to her – holding out her arms for him and he watched as a ten-year-old Ed eagerly run into her embrace, grinning and calling out for Al to join them, and Al wanted to cry because both of them were gone now and he was left here all alone –
Then there was Winry and Pinako and his brother; Winry was staring at him, her blue eyes shining because they'd just agreed to take her to Rush Valley and to buy her lots of automail stuff and Ed and Pinako were wrapped up in their customary argument about who was shorter ("Who are you calling short, you microscopic old hag?") and Al felt so warm and fuzzy –
Teacher's face suddenly appeared as she taught Al and his brother everything that she knew about alchemy, while reading 'Sewing for Beginners' ("One is all, and all is one, Al. Don't you ever forget that.") – and then she was smiling at them, looking so proud like she was their mother and they were her kids and her eyes were soft and gooey and a bit wistful when she looked at them for once because they finally finished their training and were on the train back to Resembool –
And then – and then he saw Brother. His gold eyes were tired but determined; his mouth a thin, straight line; his yellow bangs hanging in his face, mouthing the words 'I love you' at him as he activated the transmutation circle on his chest, watching the blue crackle of alchemic energy take his brother away –
And Al howled.
For a second, Al felt a searing pain in his wrist as something pierced his wrist.
Then there was just the cool, welcoming blackness again, dragging him into the dark world of dreams.
Author's Notes:
Ah, I do apologize for this really late update (especially since I said it would be soon!) - but I do have my excuses! Between 2 sudden but important tests in two of my worst subjects (I hate it when teachers suddenly tell you: "Hey, there's a test next lesson, in three days, and it'll probably count for your final grade for your next school report!"), a few pages of coursework, a more homework to do, and a wedding to attend, it was really hard to convince myself to go back and edit a rather sucky chapter.
Because yeah, it was pretty bad after I looked back at it. :p I hope that my crazy cutting (I cut the last 1/3 of this chapter out, which is probably why this chapter's so short; the edited part is currently sitting in my outtakes folder, hopefully to be incorporated in some other part of this story!) made it readable, at least.
That being said, I am off to vacation in Phuket for roughly a week on Saturday which may mean no updates, depending on whether the hotel offers wireless access. For those who are curious, I will keeping my writing progress updated if I can on my profile :)
iTorchic: Thank you for saying that! I'm so unbelievably flattered that my writing has inspired such strong emotions in a reader, you wouldn't believe it! You definitely brightened up my day with that comment, so...wow...thank you.
Horselvr4evr123: I'm sorry for not updating sooner! ." But yeah...I was sort of busy? :p Thanks for the compliment. :) Yeah, I do feel sorry for Roy and AL :( I kind of think that Ed got the better deal, what with dying and everything. :/ At least he doesn't have to deal with the mess he left behind yet, right?
crazycomedian: Aah! Did I mention how I'm extremely anal about the overusage of punctuation? XD I'm trying to break this horrible habit, but it's hard XP Thanks for pointing it out! :) And thanks for saying that! :p I'm glad that I kept you at the edge of your seat!
Unnoticed Observer: Thank you! I liked the flashback too X) Roy will definitely have a part of the plot! :p Of course I couldn't kill Maes; he's part of the package deal that comes with Roy! But eek...maybe the update didn't come as fast as you wanted to? I'm sorry! :p I probably won't put this on hiatus, because I am planning on wrapping up this fic in a few months, before my life gets busy with exams. :(
Sugaku: Hey :) Haha, when will Al see the homunculus version of Ed? Well according to my plan...in a few chapters (and by that, I mean...about 2 or 3 more, including the ones that I'm writing right now). :) I already have part of it written out on my iTouch, because I just couldn't resist tapping it all out! XP Thanks for the compliments :)
Wanna be Alchemist: ;) I can't say who brings Ed back just yet! You will find out in a few chapter's time, though; but this character isn't original or anything - they're from the anime and the manga. :) If you want to guess, then be my guest! :p I'll tell you when you get it right. ;)
To my reviewers: I honestly, truly do love you guys! I appreciate all your comments, whether it's something good, something you think I need to work on, or just general questions, because every one of them improves both me and my writing. Every chapter in this story is dedicated to you guys.
So thank you, thank you, thank you; I can say those words a few thousand times over and I still won't be able thank you guys enough! I do hope that you will keep on helping me with my writing if you have reviewed before, and if you haven't yet, I would most love to hear from you! :)
