Thanks again for the reviews guys. I'm sure you all know how much your comments mean to me by now. I know I said that this chapter would be happier but I kinda realised that I needed to resolve the issue of the nightmares first (I did try to make it happier near the end of the chapter though!). Merry X-mas guys! Hope y'all enjoy the chapter :)
Chapter 49
"Charlie?" Ruby called hesitantly as she made her way back into the cabin and looked around for any sign of her mother "Are you..." she stopped when she entered the kitchen and noticed Charlie looking through cupboards "What are you doing?"
"I'm cleaning" Charlie answered steadily as she braced herself with her hands on either side of the sink "I'm trying to keep busy..."
"Oh..." Ruby walked slowly over to Charlie and stood at her side "Are you okay?"
"Peachy" Charlie commented dryly. She quickly backtracked at Ruby's hurt look "Sorry"
Ruby shrugged silently and glanced down at Charlie's arm which still bore the long red scratch "How's your arm? It looks like it hurts" she reached out slowly and couldn't help the wounded expression that surfaced when Charlie flinched away from her touch.
"Its fine" Charlie coughed awkwardly and stepped back "Just my own stupidity again"
"Charlie?" Ruby questioned in a soft voice as she watched the older girl attempting to inch subtly away from her "Are you mad at me?"
"No" Charlie shook her head but refused to meet Ruby's worried gaze.
"Are you sure I haven't done anything?"
"I'm sure" Charlie nodded quickly.
"Then why won't you look at me?" Ruby asked tentatively.
"I'm sorry" Charlie sighed and forced herself to turn her gaze towards Ruby "I'm just kind of distracted right now but...there's actually something I need to talk to you about"
"What is it?" Ruby frowned at Charlie's nervous and pained expression "Is it bad?"
"We should probably sit down..." Charlie hesitantly reached forward and took Ruby's hand before walking into the living room.
"So what do you have to talk to me about?" Ruby asked nervously as they sat down on the couch. She glanced down noticing that Charlie still hadn't released her hand.
"This isn't easy to say..." Charlie swallowed nervously "You know we leave this place in a couple of day's right?"
"Right" Ruby nodded slowly.
"When we get back to the bay I think that It would be best if you went to stay at Aunt Michelle's" Charlie blurted out.
"You...What?" Ruby pulled her hand from Charlie's and gazed at her in shock "You're sending me away?"
"No...Yes" Charlie sighed heavily and ran a hand through her hair in frustration "It's not like that Rubz...I just think it would be best for you if you stay with Aunt Michelle for a while. Change of environment and stuff"
"But I need to be here!" Ruby exclaimed strongly "With you and Joey. I need to stay with you"
"I'm not exactly the most stable of people to be around right now" Charlie attempted feebly "I don't want you to go but there's nothing I can do to support you right now. You would be better off away from me"
"Y'know..." Ruby stood up from the couch tears burning brightly in her eyes "If you wanted to get rid of me you should have just said so"
"No... Ruby wait!" Charlie called as the younger girl fled from the room. A moment later she heard the thundering of feet running up the stairs and she leaned forward placing her head in her hands "Damn it..."
"You know that was really insensitive" Charlie looked up at the sound of Joey's voice to see her standing in the doorway with a disapproving expression on her face.
"I'm only doing what's best for her" she sighed "I'm no use to her right now...Not like this"
"Sending her away is the absolute worst thing you could do" Joey advised gently as she moved to sit on the couch next to Charlie.
"She needs support" Charlie countered "Something which I really can't give to her right now"
"No" Joey frowned thoughtfully "Do you know how telling her she's better off somewhere else sounded like to her?" she continued without giving Charlie a chance to reply "It sounds to her like you're saying that you don't want her around"
"That's not what I meant!" Charlie looked up sharply.
"You're pushing her away" Joey softened her tone and reached out to place a hand on Charlie's arm "There's only so much I can do Charlz. It would be pointless to send her away because what she needs now...what she really needs right now is her Mum" Joey shifted forward as she noticed tears glittering in Charlie's eyes "She needs you to hold her and tell her that everything's going to be okay. That you're going to be okay"
"I don't know if I am" Charlie sniffled miserably "I'm useless to her Jo. I can't do anything right. Maybe that's why Dad took her away from me..."
"Hey!" Joey interrupted gently as she moved her hands to her wife's cheeks "Stop that. You're not useless. She needs you right now Babe. That's all that matters. I know that whatever's troubling you is between you and Ruby. Nobody else. You have to let her in or it'll never get fixed"
"What if I'm beyond repair?" Charlie smiled lightly.
"Nothing's ever beyond repair" Joey whispered as she pressed a soft kiss to Charlie's head "You just have to try hard enough to fix it"
---
"Rubz?" Charlie hesitantly knocked at her daughter's door "Can I come in?" she sighed when there was no response "Ruby?" she paused waiting for an answer before she pushed the door open.
"Come to tell me to pack me bags?" Ruby was turned away from her but the hoarseness of her voice made it obvious that she had been crying "Send me to live with our aunt?"
"Ruby..." Charlie stepped forward and sat on the bed next to the teenager "I..."
"I don't understand it" Ruby sniffled as she turned to Charlie revealing her tears "I don't understand what I've done to make you push me away. To make you feel like you can't trust me"
"I'm sorry Rubz" Charlie once again felt tears building up in her eyes "I don't really want you to leave. I didn't even think about how it would sound to you until Joey told me..."
"You don't want me to go?" Ruby frowned in confusion "Than why were you trying to send me away?"
"I need to tell you something" Charlie said quietly "Something I've been putting off ever since Dad died. Will you listen?"
"Okay" Ruby nodded hesitantly and sat cross legged on the bed next to the older girl.
"I fell pregnant under bad circumstances" Charlie started honestly "Very bad circumstances which left me scarred physically and emotionally" she glanced at Ruby when she felt her flinch slightly "But don't think that I resent you for any of that...I love you no matter how you were conceived. You have to know that"
"Okay" Ruby smiled weakly and nodded urging her to go on.
"Do you want to hear this?" Charlie asked considerately "Because I can stop right now if you want me to..."
"I want to know" Ruby responded firmly "This is important for you. I know that" she reached forward and grasped Charlie's hand in a show of support "Go on"
"You want to know what's in my nightmares?" Charlie asked quietly.
"You can tell me" Ruby whispered comfortingly.
"After I was raped..." Charlie felt Ruby flinch again but continued softly "I didn't tell Dad right away. I was confused and scared but...When I started to get morning sickness I had to tell him. He believed me right away but he wouldn't press charges. He said that it was a waste of time" she laughed bitterly and shook her head causing unshed tears to finally fall "So there was never any justice for what happened to me..." she glanced at Ruby to see that she was just as tearful "After you were born I was still pretty traumatised by what happened and the birth. Mum and Dad sent me to Aunt Michelle's" when the sense of irony hit her Charlie's tears began to come thicker and faster "Then when I got back after a few years...You had started to call them Mum and Dad. You were happy with them. You had warmth and love and security and safety! I could never give you that. I was useless to you"
"What happens?" Ruby whispered "In your nightmares?"
"Dad's gone" Charlie responded through her soft sobs "You and Joey are messing around outside and I'm standing watching you both. I'm completely content and then...There's a guy with a gun. I don't know why or how he got there but...He fires three times and you both hit the floor. I just stand there. I can't move and...I'm useless to you both just like Dad knew I would be to you"
"Charlie..." Ruby shifted forward and wrapped her arms around the older girl in a tight embrace as sobs overtook her.
"How am I supposed to look after you now that he's gone?" Charlie sobbed quietly into Ruby's shoulder "I couldn't take care of you before and now..."
"You're not useless!" Ruby pulled back and gazed intently into Charlie's teary eyes "Do you...Do you remember what I said to you at your wedding?" when Charlie looked like she was going to interrupt Ruby continued "I told you that you're my protector, my guardian angel, that you're the person I can talk to about anything...I meant it all. Everything you saw when you got back from Aunt Michelle's? The warmth, love, security and safety? You give me that! You're the person I feel safest with. I know that you love me and that's all I need"
"Really?" Charlie sniffled.
"Really" Ruby smiled tearfully "And what I need right now is my family. I need you and Joey to get through this. But I need you to let us be there for you too...Don't push us away Charlz"
"Okay" Charlie nodded with a slight smile.
---
"Hey..." Joey stood up and smiled when she noticed Charlie and Ruby walk into the room. She was caught slightly by surprise when Ruby rushed into her arms "Whoa...What did I do to deserve the attention?"
"Thank you" Ruby whispered as she hugged the older girl tightly "For getting her to talk to me"
"Of course" Joey offered the teenage a small smile when they pulled away and glanced at Charlie.
"I'll be back in a minute!" Ruby announced before she rushed off to the kitchen.
"It seems like it went well" Joey noted.
"It went better than I ever thought possible" Charlie smiled as she walked forward and pulled Joey into a breathtaking kiss "Thanks Jo...I don't know what we would do without you"
"Oh suffer endlessly I'm sure" Joey grinned teasingly "But seriously I'm glad that you both talked...I hate seeing either of you in pain" they gazed at each other lovingly before they began to inch closer.
"Nothing you can see that isn't shoooown, nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to beee...."
"Oh My God" Charlie laughed "What was that?"
"I think that was your daughter's attempt at singing" Joey giggled "It's nice to see her happier than usual though..."
"I know" Charlie smiled "Thanks Joey...I kind of feel better now that I've talked to her"
"Good" Joey whispered as she raised a hand to Charlie's cheek "The last few weeks have been killing me..."
"You know I love you right?" Charlie asked as she gazed into Joey's eyes sincerely "I love you so much Jo..."
"I love you too" Joey smiled before she leaned forward and captured Charlie's lips gently with her own. She sighed in contentment when Charlie deepened the kiss and pulled her closer on the couch.
"Are you two at it again?" Ruby questioned in amusement when she returned to the room balancing three steaming cups in her hand "Ow, Ow, Ow...A little help?"
"Oh sorry Rubz" Joey jumped off the couch and relieved the younger girl of two of the cups.
"Thanks" Ruby grinned. At Charlie's questioning look she explained "Hot Chocolate. I know you're still ill and since I didn't make any before..." she set her cup on the table in front of them before making her way over to the TV.
"Thanks Rubz" Charlie smiled as she watched her daughter place a disc into the DVD player "What are we watching?"
Ruby jumped onto the couch on Charlie's other side "Aaal you need is Looove!"
"Across the universe it is than" Joey winced as she snuggled close to Charlie's side.
"We're going to be deaf by the end of the movie" Charlie grinned teasingly.
"Hey!" Ruby pouted as she pressed play on the remote control in her hand "I resent that statement"
"Right" Charlie laughed. She grinned when Joey pressed a soft kiss to her cheek and turned slightly to look at her.
"Love is all you need" Joey whispered with a soft smile. Charlie beamed in response and pressed her lips gently to the younger girl's.
"No making out during the film" Ruby's teasing voice sounded causing them to pull apart.
"Yeah, Yeah..." Joey grumbled in mock disappointment before they turned their attention to the movie.
TBC
