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Chapter 60
House and Bryan decided on a restaurant not too far from the police station. It was small and quiet, which was perfect. Neither one were in the mood to be around a lot of people.
They walked through the door and were greeted by a young, attractive hostess who quickly seated them in a booth towards the back. She handed them their menus, flashed them a smile and walked back to the front of the room to seat another couple that had walked in. Their waiter arrived a few minutes later and both men eagerly ordered a drink.
While waiting for his drink, House scanned the variety of foods on the menu. Not seeing anything appealing, he closed it and laid it to the side.
Bryan studied House for a minute. "Allison would want us to eat."
"Not really hungry." House answered in a low voice.
The waiter interrupted with their drinks.
"A liquid dinner suits me just fine but you go ahead." House said as he picked up his drink and took a long sip.
Bryan closed his menu. "I'll eat if you eat."
House cocked his head to the side and gave Bryan a long look, thinking how much he sounded like Cameron at that moment. He rolled his eyes in fake annoyance. "I suppose I will have a burger then. I don't want you to starve because of me."
Bryan gave a faint smile. "Sounds good to me."
After giving the waiter their order, they sipped on their drinks and engrossed themselves in the silence.
It was Bryan who interrupted the silence first. "After you called last night, so many things went through my head. I couldn't go to sleep. All I could think about was how this could have happened to Allison." He paused, taking another sip of his drink. "Why in the hell didn't she tell me that she was in trouble?" The anger and hurt were evident in his voice.
House heard the heavy emotion in Bryan's voice. "I would assume it was because she didn't want to worry you. That's what Cameron does, isn't it? Always trying to save everyone else while pretending there is nothing wrong with her?"
Bryan laughed a little. "Yep. That's Cameron. She has always been that way… but when she realized how serious it was, she should have called me."
"Everything happened fast. I suppose she thought the whole thing would be over with before anything happened. I think we all thought that." House took another sip of his drink.
"This is insane." Bryan said and rubbed his hand over his tired face.
The waiter sat their food and another round of fresh drinks in front of them.
Bryan continued. "You know my wife Jenny, is about to have our third child. She's due any time."
"Really. I didn't know that." House said surprised.
"Allison didn't tell you?"
House knew that Bryan was trying to figure out how close he was with Cameron. He took a bite of his burger and was surprised at how good it tasted. He watched as Bryan did the same.
Heavy silence hung in the air while the two men continued to eat. House could sense that Bryan wanted to push the issue about him and Cameron a little further. The last thing he wanted to do was open that door. He was not good at sharing his feelings especially when he wasn't sure himself of what he felt but he knew that Bryan needed to talk about it.
"Why don't you just ask me?" House finally said.
"Ask you what?"
"What you really want to know."
Bryan hesitated as he stared at his food. "Alright. Are you in love with my sister?"
House choked on the large bite of food he had in his mouth. That wasn't a question he was expecting. The truth was, he didn't know if he was in love with Cameron. He wasn't even sure he was capable of loving someone.
Bryan saw the perplexed look on House's face. "Are you?"
House cleared his throat. "I don't know." He knew it was a stupid answer but it was the truth.
Bryan narrowed his eyes at House. "I don't know isn't an answer."
"It can be." House responded in a snarky tone. He saw the questioning look still on Bryan's face. "It's all I have." He said in a more sincere tone.
"You're sleeping with her, aren't you?"
"Doesn't mean I'm in love with her."
"So, you're just using her so you can sleep with her."
"Call me silly but I'm pretty sure she wanted to sleep with me too." House said in a cool tone.
Bryan leaned back in the booth and sighed heavily.
House laid his half eaten burger on his plate and stared at Bryan. "I'm not using her."
"She's in love with you, you know. Nothing you do will ever change that."
"I'm not a person you love." House admitted.
"So I've heard." Bryan stared hard at House over the rim of his glass. "I really thought she had found a way to move on from you when she started seeing Chase but that didn't go too well either."
"Chase is an idiot."
"To say the least but so are you."
"I'm a bastard."
"You may be but even bastards can love people." Bryan paused. "I know you have feelings for her. I heard it in your voice when you called me last night and I saw it in your face today when we talked to Hodges."
"Why is it so damn important for me to tell you how I feel about Cameron?"
Bryan shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe because you are important to her. Maybe I just need to connect with someone who knows her… who really knows her."
House looked away. The pain in his chest was back. The same crushing pain when he found out Cameron was missing. He sighed heavily. "Cameron has always seen me in a way that no one else has." He paused. "I have pushed her away and hurt her more times than I can count."
"I know."
House was surprised at the comment and wondered how much Cameron had actually shared with her brother. He continued. "I'm not proud that I hurt her."
Bryan looked away this time. "But do you have feelings for her?"
House felt the lump in his throat getting larger and he silently cursed himself for getting emotional. "Yes, I have feelings for her… strong feelings. Stronger than I want them to be."
Bryan knew that House was not a man to share his feelings and that the conversation was difficult for him. Suddenly, Bryan couldn't stop the emotion that filled his eyes. "We have to find her."
House saw the tears but kept silent. He didn't want his own emotions to become more apparent than they already were.
Both men were ready for the conversation to stop.
"I'm suddenly exhausted. How about we call it a night?" Bryan said as he pushed a half eaten burger to the side. He pulled out his wallet to retrieve his credit card when House tossed a fifty on the table, completely surprising him.
House didn't miss the look. "In spite of what your sister may have told you, I do pay my way every now and then."
An amusing smile crossed Bryan's face. "Thanks."
After paying, they stepped outside and waited for a cab, both lost in their own thoughts.
The first cab pulled up and House nodded to Bryan. "You take it. I'll catch the next one."
"Are you sure? We can share this one." Bryan suggested.
"You go ahead. I feel like traveling alone."
Bryan understood and started to climb into the cab. "Thanks for tonight." He said quietly.
House gave Bryan a little nod. "We'll talk tomorrow. Get some rest."
As House watched the cab pull away, he couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sadness as the yellow cab carried Bryan away.
A short time later, House walked into his dark apartment. He looked over at his trusted friend and the desire to touch her ivory keys were now just a distant thought. Not bothering to turn on any lights, he slowly limped to his bedroom, removed his shirt and jeans and sat down on the side of the bed. The pain in his leg was intense. He had managed to ignore it earlier but now it was too much. He quickly downed a couple of pills before climbing in between the cold sheets. He stared at the ceiling, thinking about what Bryan had asked him. Was he in love with Cameron? He asked himself. And if he was, would he ever allow himself to admit it? The last thing he wanted or needed in his life was to be in love with someone.
He rolled onto his side, cursing all the thoughts in his head and the pain in his chest, that wouldn't go away. Could the ache in his chest actually be his heart breaking? He wondered but knew that was an idiotic thought. A heart couldn't really break… or could it?
Damn it! He mumbled and angrily flung the covers off his body and limped into the other room. He poured a little scotch into a crystal glass sitting on the counter and took a sip, enjoying the burning sensation as it trickled down his throat. He turned and stared at the black beauty before him, luring him with her elegance, as if she knew he was troubled. He slowly moved to the bench and sat down. The desire to touch her was too much to resist and he placed his hands on her ivory keys and began to play. As the notes filled the quiet room, a peace filled him for the first time in days. He closed his eyes and cursed the woman who had somehow captured his heart. He hated that he wanted her but most of all, he hated that he needed her. If there was a God, why would he do this? Let him find love, only to take it away and leave him cold and empty once again? Worse, why would he put Cameron through this? What had she done to deserve such a fate? The questions continued to run through House's head and he pounded the ivory keys harder, trying to block the thoughts. He didn't want to think any more. It hurt too much. He needed peace. He breathed in deeply and let the music fill his soul once again, trying not to think but… a small, small voice in the back of his head continued to speak. House couldn't deny the voice and prayed that he would one day soon, hold the woman who was consuming his every thought, in his arms again.
