One of Jim's Harebrained Ideas
Two things were apparent to Lt. Jessy Hanlan once consciousness began to seep back into her brain: (1) her head hurt even worse than the morning after her graduation party, and (2) she was lying on her side in a small space with her hands tied behind her back. Neither of these could be considered positive signs, except in so far as they indicated that she was in fact still alive.
She tried to lift her head. Starbursts of pain exploded behind her eyes. Correction: being alive was not necessarily a positive thing right now. She put her head back down.
She heard footsteps moving in her direction.
"Hey, she awake yet?" said a male voice.
A door slid open behind her. She decided to play dead. She certainly didn't want to try moving again anyway.
"Nah. Still looks dead to the world," said a second male voice. The door slid closed again.
"How hard did you hit her anyway?" said voice #1. "Maybe we should have the doc take a look at her."
"Yeah, sure," voice #2 dripped with sarcasm. "Let's just waltz into sickbay and ask the doctor to come take a look at the girl we got tied up in the closet."
"Jeez. I meant have our doc take a look at her," said voice #1.
"Ship's scheduled to be here in a few more hours. If she doesn't come to by then, we'll have him come take a look. He'll be better at making her talk anyway," said voice #2. "Come on. We have to get back down to the floor."
She listened until she couldn't hear the footsteps anymore before even attempting to open an eye. Dark. Well, they did say closet. She tried moving again, very slowly. Pain shot through her head. Okay. Lie still. Sounds like you've got some time to recover, she told herself.
That is a very good plan. That was a woman's voice, but it seemed to be inside her head. Where had she heard that before? Oh yeah. The fantasy voice that said "Help is coming" a few minutes before everything went black. Go away fantasy voice, she thought. I've got enough trouble without cracking up right now.
I am sorry we could not arrive in time to be of assistance, but I assure you that I am quite real.
Yeah right. That blow to the head must've really scrambled me, she thought. She tried to concentrate on something else, like a clue as to where she was. There music coming from below and the sounds of a lot of people, almost like a big party.
Very good, said fanstasy voice. The Captain thinks you may be near the gaming parlor. Is that your impression?
The Captain? Fantasy just jumped to a whole new level. Okay, fantasy voice, yeah, it sounds like the casino and real voice #2 said they had to get back down to the floor. Any chance you'll leave me alone now?
If that is your wish. Please continue to 'play dead'. This time help shall arrive.
you got it fantasy voice she thought before lapsing back into unconsciousness.
.
Selina staggered slightly against Spock when Lt. Hanlan's mind drifted back into darkness.
"Yes," she said. "She believes she is in a closet somewhere above the gaming parlor. And she overheard two men saying their ship would arrive in a few hours."
"She understands we're coming to get her, right?" Kirk asked.
"She has suffered a severe blow to the head. It was the pain that brought her awakening to my attention. She is disoriented and seemed to believe I was some sort of mental aberration brought on by her injuries. She has lapsed back into unconsciousness."
"That's not good," said McCoy. "We need to get to her soon."
"The area above the gaming parlor is occupied by the establishment's offices," Spock said. "Unfortunately, it is also shielded against transporters to protect against trespass. It is probable that they will dispose of Lt. Hanlan to cover their guilt if we attempt a direct assault from without."
"Okay, so we have to sneak in." Kirk grinned.
"Jim," Bones said. "I don't like that look in your eye."
"It'll be fine Bones. I was there the first night we were in dock. Everyone will figure I came back looking for some action."
"Captain," Spock said. "May I point out that the offices are likely to be locked and guarded, and that as a starship Captain, you are quite recognizable which will put them on alert?"
"As a starship Captain, Spock, but most people only see the gold shirt. In my civvies, with my hair slicked back, I'm practically invisible." Jim smiled. "And I can break into the offices. I hotwired a car when I was 12 and I've broken into a few locked rooms before." He winked.
Spock crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows.
"Trust me. All I need is a distraction to get past the guards." He grinned at McCoy. "Whaddya say Bones?"
"Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a cat burglar," Bones growled. "And this isn't the same as breaking into the women's dorms after hours."
Selina lifted an eyebrow. "However, smuggling her out might well be quite similar to sneaking out of the men's dorm."
"I remind you that there were no armed guards in the men's dorm," Spock said.
"Huh?" Kirk and McCoy did a bit of a double take.
She ignored them. "There was Tim. I would have rather dealt with an armed guard."
"Surely you do not propose to involve yourself in this preposterous scheme?" Spock asked her.
"I would prefer a more certain plan, but I see no alternative if we are to rescue Lt. Hanlan in a timely fashion. Furthermore, I think the chances of success would be significantly diminished if I were not to participate."
"Whoa now," Bones said. "Spock's right. We can't let you risk yourself on one of Jim's harebrained ideas."
She raised her chin defiantly. "As you have noted, I have proven my utility in rescue missions quite to the satisfaction of the ship's security personnel."
"Nevertheless" Spock said. "Given your role in arranging the trade conference, you would be even more likely to be recognized than the Captain."
"And you know perfectly well that I can alter my appearance such that no one will make the connection," she challenged. "In fact, it is considerably easier for me, since no one is suspicious of a woman using artifice to change her appearance."
"Fine," Bones said. "I can't let you two go off without back-up and Hanlan is going to need medical attention. I can dress down pretty well too."
Spock looked at all of them for a long moment, then compressed his lips with a look of resignation. "Very well. I shall see if I can obtain appropriate civilian clothing from ship's stores."
"No, Spock," Selina warned. "Any Vulcan in a casino would draw attention, but you are the only one on this starbase. Your presence would be too great a risk."
"I can not allow..." He stopped when he saw how her eyebrows shot up. He paused and tugged at his uniform tunic. "That is, I believe it would be wise to have additional back-up."
"You have been on the station frequently investigating security issues. You will have a reasonable excuse for being nearby," she said. "I will call you if we need you."
"It'll be okay, Spock." Kirk said. "Having her along will be like having a built in alarm system. And we've already got security combing the station for Hanlan. So just assign a detail to come with you to search something near the casino. You'll be right there if there's trouble."
Spock straightened and clasped his hands behind his back. "As it appears I shall be unable to dissuade you," he conceded, "I shall make arrangements for a security detail."
.
A half hour later, Jim Kirk arrived in the transporter room with his hair slicked back and dressed in his second best civvies, the ones that looked a bit like a retro tux. Bones was already there, wearing the leather jacket he'd had since they'd met as cadets, but otherwise dressed in enough black to resemble a latter day Johnny Cash. Spock was standing by the transporter, surrounded by a rather large security team.
Jim crossed over to Spock. "Spock, I know you're worried about her, but isn't this overkill?" He glanced around at the dozen or so security men crowding the transporter room.
"Vulcans do not worry," Spock informed him. "And I requested only a detail of five. I am told the others insisted on volunteering. I assume because of their concern for Lt. Hanlan."
"Okay... Right. We'll get going as soon as Selina gets here. Where is she anyway?"
Spock pursed his lips. "I am informed that for women attaining a look appropriate for this scenario requires more time than simply changing clothing. However, Nurse Chapel has agreed to assist her in order to speed the process and Lt. Uhura has volunteered to obtain an appropriate ensemble to achieve the desired affect."
"Desired effect?" Jim grinned. He hadn't seen Selina wear anything above the knee yet, but if Uhura was choosing the outfit, this was probably going to involve a very short skirt.
Spock was looking at the ceiling. "It is Lt. Uhura's opinion that once she is finished, no one will scrutinize Ms. Chandri's face."
McCoy's surly expression dissolved into an anticipatory grin. Spock glared at him.
The transporter room's door opened and figure in a shimmering hooded cloak walked in flanked by Chapel and Uhura.
Jim was profoundly disappointed. "That's it? That's the disguise?" he asked, walking up to them. "I thought you'd be just a little bit more creative."
"Keep your pants on," Uhura said. "And I mean that literally," she hissed in his ear.
The hood dropped to reveal someone who only vaguely resembled the no-nonsense Ambassador's aide. Dark wavy hair, usually tied back or elegantly swept up, fell in a mass of curls around her face. The usually minimal touches of cosmetic had been replaced with cherry red lipstick, rouged cheeks and dramatic eyeliner.
"Christine did a good job, don't you think?" Uhura asked.
Spock raised an eyebrow. "She looks sufficiently unlike herself to pass cursory scrutiny."
"That's where the rest of it comes in." Chapel smiled. "Nyota is a genius."
"What?" Jim asked. "For dressing her in high heels and a big cape?" ...unless that was all she was wearing...no, stop, focus on the mission, he told himself.
"We shall need something with which to obscure Ms. Hanlan's appearance if we are to discretely remove her from the premises," Selina explained. "And I had no desire to walk through the ship displaying my current attire." She frowned and looked at Uhura. "Or lack thereof."
"Hey, you told me what you wore when you let Allen pick you up in front of Tim." Uhura smiled. "We both know you can carry this off."
"So let's see it!" Jim said, ignoring the icy stare from his XO.
Selina looked at the crowd of red shirts in the room and at Spock, who seemed to be suddenly quite absorbed in studying the transporter controls. "I believe that can wait. We should allow the security team to get into place before we proceed to our destination."
Spock looked relieved, but there was a small collective sound of disappointment from the security men.
"Gentlemen." Spock's command voice cut through any distraction. "We will depart in two groups and begin a systematic search of the hotel across from the gaming parlour. Team 1, take your positions on the transporter pad."
Once Spock had departed with the second team, Jim smiled. "Okay, now that Spock's gone neither of you have to be embarrassed. Let's have a look."
"I see no necessity to remove my wrap before entering the gaming parlour."
"I do." McCoy smirked. "We'll draw a lot less attention if Jim here has a chance to roll his tongue back into his mouth before we get there."
Uhura and Chapel laughed. Jim rolled his eyes. "And of course you're not the least bit interested, because you've, like, turned into a Vulcan or something?"
Bones grinned smugly. "I'm a doctor. I see people in various states of undress all the time." He smiled at Selina. "Now don't you be uncomfortable darlin'. If I stare, it's just professional interest to make sure picking out that shrapnel didn't leave any scars."
"Yeah. Right," Jim muttered. Well he could play it cool too. "And I just want to make sure it's a good look for a casino. Afterall, I've got an image to maintain." He adjusted his collar and winked at her. "I can't be seen walking into the joint with a lady who's not dressed at least as well as I am."
"Go ahead," Uhura told her. "If I can't come along to help, I should at least get to see the reaction to my handiwork."
Selina somewhat reluctantly undid the clasp at her throat and pulled the cloak from around her shoulders. Jim had braced himself, knowing she wouldn't appreciate it if he stared. He caught himself staring anyway.
"Does this meet your standards?" she asked, arching an eyebrow and turning around.
It wasn't that the dress itself was all that provocative. The skirt was only a little shorter than what Uhura wore on a regular basis and the soft material hanging from spaghetti straps at the top did not actually reveal so much as drape suggestively over cleavage. He had certainly seen women dressed in less. But up until this moment, he hadn't quite realized just how conservatively she usually dressed, and seeing her now in something meant to be a little sexy, was...well...really sexy.
"Yeah." He coughed to clear his throat. "That'll do alright. What do you think Bones?...uh...Bones?"
The Doctor was staring with a grin that suggested considerably more than professional interest. Jim nudged him. "Oh, um, yes," McCoy said, looking a little guilty. "You, uh, healed up very nicely."
Uhura and Chapel winked at each other. "You boys be good," Chapel warned them. "The Doctor's not the only one around here who knows how to use a hypo."
"Let us get proceed then." Selina stepped carefully onto the transporter platform. "I am certain Lt. Hanlan is at least as eager to be rescued as I am to get out of these heels."
Kirk coming up with some odd scheme, that despite all logical expectations, manages to work is an enduring theme, so no Trek tale would be complete without it. Plus, I needed a scenario to let McCoy and Kirk compete head-on. I watched Mudd's Women recently and McCoy grinning and nearly hyponotized by a pretty woman in the transporter room is stolen shamelessly from that episode. And after reading Stilletto Wars by The SouthernScribe I decided this would also involve letting Uhura and Chapel dress Selina up. (You know Uhura is enjoying the idea that this is going to totally torture Jim.)
