Men's Club


Jim walked into McCoy's quarters and sat down. Bones wished for the umpteenth time that he'd forced Jim to get in the habit of knocking back when they were roommates.

"I'm busy Jim, go bother the physician on-call," McCoy said, taking a swallow of whiskey.

"Little early for that, isn't it?" Jim asked.

"The day isn't even over and I've already done two emergency surgeries and gotten dragged into one of your cockamamie schemes." McCoy looked at him balefully. "Do you have any idea how much paperwork that involves? Having to do it stone cold sober would constitute unnecessary cruelty."

Jim raised his hands defensively. "Hey, it's not like I don't have reports to write too."

"You managed to foist most of it off on the station chief on the excuse that the majority of the action happened there," Bones grumbled. "And you seem to have talked that friendly giant of a computer expert into summing up the stuff from the casino. All you've got to do is write up a couple commendations and sign them."

"Don't be jealous of my natural leadership abilities," Jim grinned. "Besides, Sorenson volunteered. He and Spock seem to go back a ways. I think he's planning to do Spock a favor and edit his role a bit."

"More like he's going to edit Selina out of it as much as possible," McCoy said. "The ambassador came by while she was out and asked me to leave her reaction out of my reports. Said if I wrote it up, he'd just have to have it redacted later so I might as well save myself the trouble. I should probably be grateful - a drugged civilian Federation official is a whole other mound of paperwork - and it's not like there's any mention in her medical records of ever being expose to heraladil before."

"Well, it's not like it's exactly a prescription drug. And from what Spock said, the last time she had it was in spiked candies," Jim said. "I got the impression they didn't know they were spiked until it after it affected her." He chuckled. "She must have woken up wanting to kill someone, because neither of them wanted to even carry her to sickbay. Spock more or less tricked Sorenson into it."

"What? You didn't volunteer?" Bones asked.

"I tried." Jim shrugged. "You shoulda seen the look I got from Uhura."

"Just as well Sorenson brought her," McCoy told him. "He's the one who suggested that she'd probably put up with being kept for observation if someone played chess with her. I'm not sure how I'd have kept her otherwise. I'd already pissed her off enough by that point."

"Yeah, actually that's what I came by to talk about," Jim said. "I talked to Sulu afterward and even though they had good laugh about it, well, you know how controlled she usually is? I feel like maybe we sort of pushed her off the end of her rope."

"My God," Bones said, staring at his glass. "I've only had one of these and I'm already imagining things. Did I just hear Jim Kirk say he feels badly about how he's behaved toward a woman?"

"Seriously, Bones, I'm not that bad." Jim scowled at him. "In fact, I was hoping you might have some idea of how to apologize."

"I apologized for letting my thoughts wander, but damned if I know how to make up for acting like she was some trophy I could shove in your face." Bones shook his head. "You're the smooth talker. Most women forgive you even when you treat them like just another notch on your bedpost. I should be asking you for advice."

"The problem is, like she said, she is not most women. And I somehow doubt that Spock or Uhura are going to help me out here."

"Well don't look at me," Bones said. "Go ask that walking redwood. Seems like he knows her almost as well as Spock."


.

When Jim entered the computer center, he heard laughter booming from inside. It didn't take long to identify the source. Nurse Chapel was sitting on the desk next to Sorenson, who was holding his ribs against tremors of laughter.

"And that," he said between hoots of laughter, "is another reason I got well out of sickbay before she woke up!"

"You didn't do anything but carry her in and tell us to get her into her own clothing - which was a great idea by the way," Chapel said. "You wouldn't have had anything to worry about."

"Ha! Spock was the only one safe, and even he wasn't taking any chances." He chuckled and shook his head. "Conniving Vulcan made me carry her the last time too."

"I did offer," Jim interjected, walking over.

"Oh, hi, Captain," Sorenson said, trying to stifle a laugh.

Christine nodded at Kirk, looking a little embarrassed. She leaned over to Sorenson. "I think I'll tell you the rest after you're done," she said sotto voce and headed out the door.

"I'm almost finished. I'll have everything ready for you in a little bit," Sorenson reported, gluing his eyes to his screen.

"That's not why I came by." Jim sat down next to him. "Sounds like Christine was filling you in on what just happened. I get the impression that you know Selina?"

He shrugged, eyes still on his work. "Spock doesn't have a whole lot of friends. We eventually all seem get to know one another."

"But it seems like you must know Selina pretty well," Jim persisted. "I mean, you even have a nickname for her."

"That arose purely out of self-defense." Sorenson chuckled, one hand lifting to his beard. "It's 'Grey' only because she didn't like being called 'Mouse' and she's a lot better with a rapier than I am with a broadsword."

Kirk puzzled a moment, but decided he'd figure that one out later. "Anyway, I was wondering if I could ask you a couple questions?"

Sorenson bit his lip and nodded still without looking up. "You can ask, Captain. And because you outrank me, I will even try very, very hard not to laugh."

"Okay," Jim said. "But, this isn't Starfleet business, so call me Jim."

He shook his head and looked at Kirk out of the corner of one eye. "I think I'll stick with Capt. Kirk, because if I think of you as just another confused guy trying to pick her up, I am definitely going to laugh."

"Right." Jim started again. "The thing is, I'd like to apologize to her, but I'm not quite sure how."

"I see. If you'll allow me to imitate our Vulcan friend for a moment," he said, straightening his face and lifting one eyebrow, "I believe the standard and accepted approach for executing an apology is to say 'I am sorry'."

Kirk laughed. "Hey, that's pretty good. Does the eyebrow thing just start working after you've known him long enough?"

"You either have it or you don't," he said with a grin. "But the advice is sound."

"Well it sounds easy, but, look, usually I don't need advice for this sort of thing." Jim ran a hand through his hair. "It's just that somehow with her I keep sticking my foot in my mouth."

Sorenson looked over and then reached across, offering his hand. "Join the club. We'd have come up with a secret handshake, but since the club includes most of the male humanoids in the quadrant, there wouldn't have been much of a point, eh?"

Jim took his hand. "You too?"

"Long time ago." He quirked a smile. "She's mostly forgiven me, so now we're mostly friends. Why else do you think Spock would just hand her to me like that?"

"So you'll help me out?" Jim asked hopefully.

Sorenson barked a laugh. "Absolutely not."


.

Dr. Leonard McCoy had finally - hallelujah! - completed the mountain of reports and forms (somehow still referred to as paperwork, although not a single sheet of actual paper was involved) that were the lot of ship department heads. Taking an extra shot of liquid courage, he decided to try to see Selina and diagnose the extent of the damage to his (admittedly already slim) chances with her. At the very least, he might find a way to apologize, although his track record when it came to apologizing to women was definitely not encouraging.

He nearly collided with Jim as he stepped out of the turbolift. "Dammit, Jim, watch where you're going!"

Jim fell into step beside him, flashing a trademark grin. "I'm guessing you're going the same place I am."

"Yeah, probably," McCoy allowed. "Well, we ticked her off together. I guess we might as well apologize together. I don't suppose you got any advice from Sorenson?"

"Not much. Just told me to say I'm sorry," Jim replied. "Otherwise, he seemed pretty set on staying out of it."

They turned the corner into the hallway containing Selina's quarters just in time to watch her extend a hand to Sulu as he walked through her door.

"Damn. So much for that," Bones growled, starting to turn around.

"Wait a minute. He said she told him that she was going to reward him later for being a good sport," Jim said, stopping him.

"Reward him?" McCoy asked.

"Hey, it was all just a joke ...I think." Jim shook off the thought of the grin on Hikaru's face. "Maybe he's just picking up a bottle of wine and he'll out in a minute?"

Bones just stared at him. "Jim, that optimism of yours is beginning to border on the delusional."

Jim looked back toward her door and was about to reply, when they saw Spock coming around the bend at the opposite end of the hall, clearly headed for Selina's quarters. McCoy could almost see the little cartoon angel and devil perched on each of Jim's shoulders as he considered what to do. On the one hand, Sulu had just walked in, so if Spock came by now, he'd interrupt anything that could possibly happen, leaving Jim a chance. On the other hand, Sulu was his friend, and if the situation was reversed...

Jim jogged down the hallway with Bones at his heels. "Spock, we were just looking for you!" he called, intercepting Spock a few paces ahead of Selina's door.

Spock stopped and nodded acknowledgment to each of them. "Captain. Doctor. Is there something you require?"

"Yes, we wanted to talk to you about..." Jim began, racking his brain for something. Almost together, McCoy said "Heraladil." while Jim said "The casino."

Spock raised an eyebrow, looking somewhat confused.

"Um, that is," the Doctor said, willing Jim to keep his mouth shut. "I wanted to ask you how you knew Selina had taken something similar to heraladil in the casino. There's no mention of a prior reaction in her records."

"Her mental state was quite similar to the previous instance of exposure," Spock explained. "However, on that occasion, due to the lateness of the hour, I did not immediately realize that she had not simply fallen asleep. We were alerted by a colleague's surprise that she would sleep after eating so many of his 'special candies'. She recovered before we could transport her to the infirmary and quite strenuously refused medical attention. Consequently, there is no official record."

Spock attempted to continue toward Selina's door, but Jim caught his arm. " 'We' being you and Sorenson?" Jim asked. "She didn't really deck him, did she?"

Spock turned and clasped his hands behind his back. "She was somewhat ...alarmed... when she regained full consciousness. However, she did not become violent until Mr. Sorenson attempted to use his superior size to compel her to see a physician." He looked down at the floor. "In hindsight, I should have warned him earlier that she had been trained in Suus mahna."

McCoy laughed. "No wonder he backed away so fast after putting her on the biobed."

Spock nodded. "I trust that answers your questions, Doctor." He began to move toward Selina's door again.

"Uh, wait, Spock," Jim said. "I...also wanted to make sure everything was in place for closing down the casino."

"As you know, Captain, the evidence uncovered has persuaded Mr. Newcomb to enter early retirement in preference to facing charges of negligence. The raid on the facility will be conducted 30 minutes past the close of business tonight by Mr. Betz, whom Cmdr. Giotto believes to be quite competent to accomplish the task," Spock reported. "And Cmdr. Sorenson has alarms in place to signal if the private transporter or shuttle bay are accessed."

"Um, yes, very good." Jim looked at McCoy to jump in.

Bones turned his hands up slightly, looking back at Jim. Spock slowly arched an eyebrow, looking at one man, then the other. "If that will be all gentlemen?"

The two men stepped aside. If anything was going on in there, at least they should have bought them enough time to think of setting the privacy code.


AN: Suus mahna is a highly effective Vulcan martial art. It isn't mentioned in TOS, but T'Pol demonstrates it in the Enterprise series.

Minor cliff-hangar. bwahaha!

We had some girl bonding, so I figured it was time for the guys to show a little solidarity. Jim really isn't that bad - when the competition isn't head-to-head, he's got a friend's back, even if it means losing out himself (same goes for Bones). Sorenson may be excused for refusing to provide advice to Jim (beyond say 'I am sorry', which is good advice) on the basis of having sound survival instincts.

The trope of having some of the characters improvise (somewhat awkwardly) to delay, distract or mislead someone else is also a TOS staple. The end of The Tholian Web is a classic example, with McCoy and Spock colluding to tell Kirk that they never listened to his final orders after he had been presumed dead (one of the very few TOS examples of Spock blatantly lying despite the 'Vulcans don't lie' line in other episodes).

PS: So far one reader has already figured out the 'Grey' reference. This chapter should provide enough additional info for anyone else still wondering. If not, the next chapter will explain.