Do You Believe In Fate?
Disclaimer: None of these characters etc. belong to me. They all belong to the wonderful and amazing Stephanie Meyer. I don't think I could ever be that creative. Lol. Stephanie rules!
Author's Note: Okay peeps. I know I keep saying this, but I'm really sorry I haven't uploaded in so long. School's been CRAZY busy, and I'm not sure when I'll be able to upload. But in 16 days (aka when school is out) I swear, I'll be a busy writing fiend! Thanks so much to everyone who's been patient with me and kept reading even though I'm taking forever. Please, please, please; be kind and drop me a review. I haven't gotten any lately, and it makes me sad. :(
Being Brave
I couldn't remember a time when I'd been so nervous, or so happy. It had been seven months since Edward had made his promise to me. It was September; two weeks from my birthday. I was going to go home and see Renee, and it was my plan to tell her about Edward. There was only one problem with my plan. Every time I thought about it, I broke out in a cold sweat. I couldn't stand the thought of my mom looking at me the way I knew she would; with betrayal, anger, disappointment, and finally thoughtfulness. And I hated knowing that those thoughts would be on how she might convince me that I was making a mistake, and to wait until I was older to get into a serious relationship. For god's sake, I was twenty one, about to be twenty two. How long did she expect me to wait?
Edward of course was being Edward. Which means he was being outrageously supportive and logical… damn him. Why couldn't he let me freak out a little? It was kind of how I worked through things, and blew off steam. When I told him this, he just grinned that crooked grin I loved best, and said he knew a better way for me to blow off steam. I can't deny I liked his way much better than I liked mine.
I think that Edward had ulterior motives in trying to make me feel better. He was ridiculously excited about the fact that I'd be telling my mother about us. He really wanted to meet her. I suppose I can understand that. He loved me, and was eager for the approval of my family. I wanted her to like him too. I think my heart would simply shatter if she told me I couldn't see Edward anymore. Over the months, I'd grown to love him more with each day. I'd come to the conclusion that there wasn't a more perfect man for me anywhere in the world. He loved me, I loved him, and neither of us were going to let each other go – is there anything more perfect?
Alice and Rose were also trying to convince me things would be okay. "Bella, you are worrying far too much about this. Renee would have to be blind, deaf, and have an IQ of below eighty to not see how perfect you and Edward are for each other. Not to mention how in love with each other you are. Honestly, it's sickening how much you two love each other." Rose said. I laughed.
"Thanks… I think." I said. Alice giggled.
"I agree with Rose. Renee should be thrilled that you found a guy like Edward. Edward's the kind of guy that will love you forever, and always take care of you." She said. I sighed.
"The key word there is should be thrilled. Renee isn't rational when it comes to things like this. But I'm going to have to try anyway." I muttered.
"Just out of curiosity, what made you decide to tell her now?" Rose asked.
"Well, I have this feeling. I'm going to be graduating from college next year around this time, and I'm turning twenty two. I figure if she's not going to except Edward and I now, then she never will. I have a two weeks off before I have to start next quarter, so I figure it's the perfect time to tell her without the pressures of school and work together on top of it. And all the secrets have been just piling up, and I'm sick of it. I want to tell her the truth. I just pray that she'll be okay with it." I murmured. Rose and Alice hugged me tightly.
"Don't worry so much hon. She'll come around eventually, even if she's not okay with it right away. She's gotta except that you're an adult now, and that you're going to do grown up things whether she likes it or not." Alice soothed.
"I know." I took a deep breath. "Okay, I feel a little better now. You girls want to help me pack?" I asked, smiling. They grinned at me.
"Of course. We are the masters at anything that involves clothing. I'm almost insulted you had to ask." Rose said. I laughed, and followed them into my room.
After arguing and finagling over clothing and what and wasn't appropriate for my trip, I was finally packed, and it was nearly time for me to go to bed. I had an early flight in the morning, and wanted to be well rested. As was my ritual when I wasn't spending the night at Edward's, (which was less and less these days) I called him just before I crawled into bed.
"Hello beautiful love of mine." My heart melted as it always did when he said things like that. No matter how many times he said them, I never got used to it.
"Hello handsome. How are you?"
"Much better now that I can hear your voice. How was your day?"
"Stressful, but I feel better now. Alice and Rose gave me a little pep talk." I said, already fully relaxed by the velvety sound of his voice. I swear he could hypnotize me into doing pretty much anything with just his voice.
"That's good. Did you eat?" he asked. I sighed. He was always worried about me taking care of myself. I'd lost a few pounds more then was probably healthy with all the stress of school, work, and Renee. So Edward was being even more careful with me than usual.
"Yes."
"Promise?"
"I promise. I even have witnesses, your honor." I teased. Edward chuckled, and I shivered.
"Good. I worry about you." He said. The simple love and care in his voice made my heart shudder in my chest.
"I know. I love you Edward." I murmured.
"I love you too." He said. In that instant, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight.
"Edward?"
"Yes?"
"I changed my mind. I want to sleep over at your place tonight." I said.
"Bella, you have an early flight. You should stay home." He said, his voice lightly amused.
"I don't care. I can't sleep alone. Not tonight." I said. I heard him sigh lightly.
"I'm on my way." He said. I smiled. I knew that this was his way of compromising. "Get in bed and wait for me. Try to sleep." He said.
"Okay. Drive safe." I said. He laughed. It was sort of our ongoing joke. We both knew Edward drove like a maniac.
"I'll try." He said. I laughed.
"Hurry over." I said.
"I will."
I changed into one of the shirts that Edward had left here, and inhaled deeply. It still smelled like him. That smell that was like the sweetest cologne, but wasn't. Sunshine, pine, honey, and male. It was like a drug. I crawled beneath the covers, and put on my soothing playlist on my iHome. I closed my eyes, and drifted in the half sleep, half wake state while I waited for Edward.
After what seemed like only minutes, I felt the bed shift beneath Edward's added weight. I smiled as I felt his arms drew me to him, and wrap securely around me. He brushed his mouth over my ear, and sighed. "Bella." He murmured.
"I'm awake." I said. And I was. As usual, my body became hyperaware of his the instant skin brushed against skin. Edward had changed into pajama pants and taken off his shirt while I was half asleep. I moaned a little, and shifted so I was in a more comfortable position. I rubbed my cheek against his warm skin, and sighed. Home…
"You're tense." Edward murmured. That wasn't entirely true. My body was entirely relaxed now that Edward was here, but there were still knots in my muscles that betrayed how worried I was.
"Only a little." I said. He began gently rubbing my shoulders and neck, and I moaned low in my throat. He chuckled.
"Only a little." He repeated. I nodded, too lazy to speak. "I wish you'd relax, Bella. Everything will be fine." He said. I thought for a moment.
"Edward?"
"Hmm?"
"What if our positions were reversed? What if you thought your parents wouldn't approve of me?" I asked.
"I'd tell them anyway. If they loved me enough, and understood me, they'd accept my decisions." He said.
"I don't doubt my mother loves me." I said, suddenly offended. "It's the understanding she lacks." I said. Edward didn't say anything, but continued to gently knead my flesh until I was nearly pliant as wax. Suddenly a song came on over the speakers, the melody soft, flowing, and beautiful. It was called Brave, by Leona Lewis. I knew the lyrics by heart, though I'd forgotten that I even had it. I suddenly wanted to weep. The song so perfect it was painful. She sang of being afraid to fight for love, and how her lover fought so hard for them.
Then I did begin to cry. "Bella?" Edward called, panicked.
"I'm sorry." I said, calmly wiping the tears from my cheeks. I was surprised my voice was so steady when my heart was quivering in my chest."Have you ever heard this song?" I asked. He paused and listened.
"Yes." I turned my face up to look at him, and brushed my mouth over his.
"She's talking about you." I murmured. "You've fought so hard to keep us together. Even when we were young, you chased after me. But I let myself be dragged away." I said. My breath came out in a broken sob. "I know this sounds cliché, but you're so brave. No matter what, you always come through for me." I said. "But I've been such a coward. At the first sign of conflict, I run away. It's what I've always done." I said.
Edward's face got hard, like it had when I'd said I wasn't good enough for him. "Bella, you're being ridiculous. You're one of the bravest people I know." He said. I shook my head vigorously.
"No, I'm not." When he opened his mouth to argue, I placed a finger on his lips. "But that's going to change." I said. He frowned, and blinked in confusion. "When I see my mother, I'm going to tell her we're getting married. No matter what." I said. His eyes widened.
"Bella, are you sure?" he asked. The original plan had been to tell her we were in a committed relationship, and work up slowly to the engagement which hadn't technically happened yet.
"I'm sure. I'm going to tell her everything. It's time I stop being so afraid. I love you, and I want to be with you for the rest of my life. If my mother can't understand that, then she's going to have to lose me. I can't let her tear us apart again, Edward. I just can't." I whispered.
Edward's mouth was suddenly fierce on my, stealing my breath away. He rolled smoothly so that he was on top of me, devouring my mouth. I moaned, and arched beneath his caressing hands. "Edward." I whispered.
"I love you, Bella. Hearing you say that makes me so happy, I can't even tell you." He said. I smiled beneath his heated lips.
"I think you just did." I said. He chuckled. Then he sighed.
"As much as I would like to continue this," he said as he kissed my neck. "You have an early flight tomorrow. Get some rest, my love." He said. I sighed, and let him pull me back into his side.
"Love you." I murmured.
"Love you too."
The next morning, I was feeling a little wired. My determination hadn't wavered, but my stomach was rebelling against me. Butterflies were too gentle a term – it felt as though tiny gnomes were using my internal organs as punching bags. No joke. I was in the car with Emmet, who had offered to drive me to the airport since everybody else was working. Emmet and I – and Jasper and I actually – had become fast friends. Emmet was like the big brother I'd never had, and Jasper was funny, quiet, and sweet. And they both treated my best friends like queens, so how could I not love them?
Emmet was currently laughing at me as he watched me fidget and twitch all through the ride to the airport. "Bella, seriously. I've never seen anyone twitch this much when all they're doing is going to visit their family. Not even I was this bad." He laughed. I glared at him, and stuck my tongue out at him like a little kid. He just laughed again.
When we got to the airport, Emmet parked in the parking garage, and we got out of the car. He was quiet while he was helping me get my bags, and then looked at me. "Bella?"
"Yeah?" I asked, confused at his serious tone.
"Don't let her push you around, ok?" he said. I frowned.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I know what it's like to have your family disapprove of your decisions." He said. I winced. I had forgotten that his parents hadn't responded well when he'd told them of his decision to marry Rose.
Emmet and Rose had gone to visit, and when she came back she cried for nearly an hour before Alice and I had gotten her to calm done enough to tell us what happened. Apparently everything had been fine until they said they were getting married. Em's parents thought he was being stupid and impulsive. He's shouted at them, and defended her against everything they'd said, and then finally Rose couldn't take it anymore, and had given them a piece of her mind. She's held in tears until the second she walked in the door. Later she said it was because she'd wanted to be strong for Em. It was actually part of what had inspired me to tell Renee.
"I'm sorry, Em." I said quietly. He shrugged.
"It's alright. Their loss right?" he said, looking like a big teddy bear in desperate need of a hug. So I hugged him tightly, and he returned it.
"Of course it's their loss, you big goof. They'd have to be blind or crazy not to see how perfect you and Rose are together." I said, telling him the same thing Rose told me. Emmet laughed gratefully.
"Thanks Bella. Now come on, all this sappy stuff is gonna make you late for your flight." He said, grinning. I laughed, and shoved at him. He barely moved an inch. Stupid muscles…
Emmet helped me find my gate, and then hugged me. "See you, squirt." He said. I glared at him.
"I'm not that short." I said. He laughed. I came up about to his chest.
"Of course you're not." He agreed. He gave me one last hug, and I grinned.
"Kiss Edward for me will you?" Emmet shuddered.
"That's cruel and unusual, Bella." He said. I laughed.
"You deserved it." I said. Then I waved, and walked into the tunnel to my plane.
During the plane ride I was actually fairly relaxed. I was on my way there, and there was nothing that could stop me now. So I managed to nap a little bit, and made sure to snack, lest I suffer the wrath of a concerned Edward. Heehee. I even managed to do a little bit of writing. There'd been an idea for a story bouncing around in my head for a while, but I hadn't been able to do much about it with everything going on. But on the plane I managed to get the basic outline and characters details laid out. It was coming along nicely. I smiled, and looked up, then realized we were just about to land. I quickly stuffed my things back into my carryon bag, and waited for us to touch down.
When everything was all said and done, I was finally off the plane and looking through the crowd for my mom. I stretched up onto my toes, and craned my neck. As nervous as I was about this weekend, I really did miss her. "Bella!" I looked to my right, and grinned.
"Mom!" I shouted. I dropped my stuff, and ran up to meet her. We both laughed, and hugged fiercely.
"Oh Bella." My mom sighed as she hugged me.
"Hey, mom. I've missed you." I said honestly.
"Oh, I've missed you too darling. How have you been? It feels like it's been forever since I've seen you." She said. I felt a twinge of guilt, but shook it off.
"I've been good. Not much new, just really busy." I said. "What about you? Anything fun and exciting?" I asked. That instantly sent my mom into a chatter. I smiled, and picked up my bags, and listened to her talk about nothing. Believe it or not, but I actually missed this part of her. She always got so excited about everything she did. She loved finding new hobbies to try out, and even though she dropped most of them a week or two after starting them, she always put everything into them for those first weeks.
This time it was yoga. She's bought mats, videos, outfits, and everything. She said it was very relaxing, and I should definitely try it. It might help me relax, and get some of the stress out. I gave her my usual response. "Whatever you say, Mom." She laughed, then frowned.
"Honey, are you okay? You look tired, and a bit thin." She said. I laughed.
"That's school for you. Don't worry too much Mom, I'll be fine." I said. She smiled.
"Alright. Come on, let's go home. I have a surprise for you." She said. I smiled too, and followed her out to the car.
When we got home, I sighed. This wasn't home anymore, but it was love. It was familiar, and memories. It still felt comfortable even though I didn't feel like it was home anymore. There was always plenty of love in this house, no matter how much my mother and I disagreed. I smiled. "So, where's my surprise?" I asked. She laughed, and pulled out a takeout menu from the junk drawer.
"Chinese! Your favorite. The surprise is I'm not going to try and cook on my own, or make you do it." She said. I laughed.
"Yeah. No offense Mom, but you scare me when you cook." I said. She laughed too.
"Yes. I learned long ago that I should never attempt to cook without your help." She said. I laughed.
"That's good. Now let's order us some food!" I said. We laughed, and then called our favorite Chinese place.
An hour later, we were spread out on the floor, laughing, talking, and eating chow mien and sweet and sour chicken. We sipped lightly at wine, and watched old home videos. I nearly choked on my wine laughing while I watched my miserably failed attempt at ballet. "I can't believe you forced me into classes." I giggled. My mom shook her head.
"Yeah, I should of known. You always took after your father in the dancing department." I was about to change the subject, because usually talking about dad made her sad. But she kept talking. "I remember right after we first got married, that I wanted us to take dancing lessons together. Of course there was only one place to go for dance lessons in Forks, so we went and after one lesson I knew he was a lost cause. But oh how we laughed about it! He was constantly stepping on my toes, and tripping over his own feet. But we laughed." She'd been smiling before, but now she looked sad like she always did.
Mom didn't usually talk about did like that. She only told stories of how they fought, or how disagreeable they were. She hardly ever talked about when they were happy. "Mom?" I asked.
"Hmm?"
"Were you and Dad ever happy?" I asked quietly. She blinked.
"Of course. I wouldn't have married him in the first place if we weren't happy, at least for a little while." She said.
"You never talk about being happy with him." I said, feeling sad.
"Oh baby, of course we were happy. I don't think I've ever been happier since." She said.
"Then what happened?" I asked. She was quiet for a moment.
"I don't know. I guess I just got stir crazy. I couldn't stand being in such a small town. I'm a city girl through and through, and Forks drove me crazy." She said.
"If you loved him, you would have stayed." I said angrily. My mother blinked.
"Bella, what's got into you?" she asked.
"You just don't get it mom! He loves you! Not loved, loves. He still has pictures of your wedding day on the mantel, he hasn't changed a single thing about that house since you left. You were it for him, and you dismiss that love like it was nothing!" I shouted.
"Bella, I don't dismiss it. That love was everything to me, for a time." She said. I couldn't comprehend what she was saying. To me, if you loved someone, and loved them enough to marry them, you stayed with them forever.
"How can you say that when you left him? And you left him heartbroken." I said. I wasn't sure if I was still talking about dad, or talking about when she'd dragged me from Edward when we were still so young, so fragile.
I stood up suddenly, and ran into my room. I heard my mom call after me, but I didn't stop. I couldn't face her right now. I kept running, and locked my door behind me. I flung myself on my bed, and wept. But I knew it was sheer terror that had caused me to raise my voice. It terrified me, what she had said. She'd been so happy, so in love, just like Edward and I. But then she's left, and hadn't looked back. I didn't want to face the possibility that that could happen to me too. My entire being rebelled against the thought, but I had to look at it.
Could I leave Edward? Would something change me to such an extreme that I would ever willingly leave the man I knew I loved with my whole heart? I thought about it seriously, objectively, and knew the answer. No. I couldn't. I wouldn't. My mother had to have been wrong. She just hadn't loved my dad enough. If she loved him like I loved Edward, she would have stayed with him no matter where they were. But… what about my dad? I asked. If he'd known that she was unhappy there, wouldn't he have loved her enough to leave?
I thought about that too. Then I remembered him telling me he hadn't known. He just hadn't seen how unhappy she was. So he didn't even get the chance to prove he'd do anything for her. I shook my head. My mother was flighty, and impulsive. It was possible she did love him, deep down. She just didn't give herself enough time to let that love grow. I'd been together with Edward for over a year and a half. I knew I loved him enough to stay with him forever, and we weren't even married yet. I couldn't imagine how much more my love for him would grow once we were married… once we had a family.
That was another thing that didn't make sense to me. She had me. And yet she'd torn me away from everything I knew, for what? What could have possibly scared her so much that she would take me away from my home, my family? I couldn't imagine.
Later, after I'd calmed myself down, I went downstairs to apologize. I found my mom in the kitchen. "Mom?" I called. She looked up, looking weary.
"Hello, Bella." She said.
"I'm sorry. I don't know why I snapped at you. I guess things have just been building up. I didn't mean what I said." I was only half lying. I didn't mean to hurt her, but I believed what I said. She smiled.
"That's okay, honey. Don't worry about it. You weren't entirely wrong, after all." She said. I hugged her.
"It's ok, mom. We don't have to talk about it. Let's just have fun this weekend." I said. She smiled.
"Ok." She said, sounding relieved.
That night, I went upstairs to my room, and called Edward. Mom was already asleep, but I still whispered. "Hello gorgeous." I heard. Instantly the tightness in my chest that I hadn't noticed disappeared.
"Hey. God, is it possible that I already miss you?" I asked.
"It must be, since I miss you too." He said. I smiled.
"I can't talk very long, I just wanted to say I miss you, and I love you." I said.
"Same here. When you're ready, we're all waiting for you at my parent's house." He said.
"Emmet, Rose, Alice, and Jasper too?" I asked.
"Yeah, we decided to come up early, since my mom has been bugging them to start planning the wedding." He said. He sounded highly amused.
"You won't be laughing once we're engaged mister." I said.
"Don't remind me. I'd hate to be in Emmet and Jasper's shoes right now." He said, souding horrified. I laughed.
"Told you so." I said. "I love you. Goodnight."
"I love you too. Sweet dreams, my love." I smiled when I hung up.
My mom and I did have fun that weekend. I ended up trying her yoga with her, and it actually was really relaxing. And it turned out I was fairly flexible, so I did pretty good at it until we got to the balancing poses. We're not going to discuss what happened then. There was lots of laughing, and lots of reminiscing about my childhood days. On Tuesday we had presents and store bought cake. It was my last day before I had to leave, then I was going to Forks to spend the rest of the week with Edward's family and Charlie. Mom knew about the Charlie part, just not the Edward's family part. But I was going to tell her today. I would have told her sooner, but I wanted to wait in case it ruined the weekend's happy mood.
I laughed when I saw what she got me. It was my own yoga mat, and a DVD with instructions. "Mom, you shouldn't have." I teased. She laughed.
"I thought you might like to try it on your own, since you did so well last time." She said. I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah, sure I did. Thank you for thinking of me, though." I said. I leaned down to pick up the paper, when I heard my mother gasp. I glanced up at her. "What?"
"What is that?" she whispered, looking at my neck. I glanced down, and my eyes widened. Shit. I'd been wearing the ring Edward gave me around my neck so that I wouldn't give it away before the time was right. I'd had it tucked into my shirt, but when I'd bent over it had slipped free. Well, it was now or never. I took a deep breath…
"Mom, I have something to tell you." I said. She was still staring at him, looking horrified. "I've been seeing someone." I said.
"Who?" she whispered. My back went up.
"Edward Masen. The boy you told me didn't exist." I said. My mother gasped again.
"How?" she demanded.
"He lives in Oregon now. We ran into each other. We started talking, and he asked me out on a date. After a while, he decided it was time I meet his family. I agreed. And that's when I found out what you did to me." I whispered. Her reaction was making me angry. What right did she have to tell me who to love?
"Bella! You've kept this a secret from me? All this time? How serious is it?" she asked.
"This is a promise ring." I said, slipping it off my neck, and onto my finger. "He promised to marry me one day, and I said that one day I would say yes." I said.
"Your engaged?" she cried.
"Practically."
"Bella! You're too young! I haven't even seen Edward since you were four! This is just happening way too fast." She said, holding her head as if it was spinning.
"I don't care what you say, mom. I love him, and he loves me. We're meant to be together. I now that sounds like what everyone says, but it's true. How else can you explain us finding each other after all these years?" I demanded.
"Coincidence! You're blinded by young love, and not thinking straight. Don't make the same mistakes I did, Bella."
"Love is a mistake? No! I won't accept that what I feel for Edward could ever be a mistake! Can't you see? I adore him! I can't imagine my life without him. I don't want to imagine it. I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him, and no matter what I would leave him, like you left dad!" I screamed. Her face got hard.
"Bella, I forbid you to do this. This is a mistake!" she said, her voice pleading.
"NO! It's not a mistake! How can you say that to me! I love him! And if you can't understand that, then you're going to lose me." I said. Renee looked stricken.
"What?"
"I'm leaving. If you won't accept Edward and I, then I'm leaving." I said.
"Bella, you can't! You'll regret this for the rest of your life." She said. I shook my head vigorously, and clamped my hands over my ears.
"I won't listen to this anymore." I said.
I ran upstairs, I threw all my stuff into my bag, and zipped it up. I threw my bag over my shoulder, and ran back downstairs. "Bella! Where are you going?" My mother demanded.
"Home! To Edward!" I shouted. I flung the door open, and ran out into the hot Arizona night.
Ending Note: Hey everyone! School's finally out, and I'm back to writing as often as possible. Chapters will be coming much more quickly now, so keep an eye out! : ) PLEASE REVIEW! I'm going through review withdrawal! Lol. Hope you liked this chapter! XD
