Here's the next chapter! Hope you all enjoy!
"So, Kim," Aisha was saying over the phone. "I'll bring over all of those magazines that I have. The ones that Trini didn't even bother looking at."
"Uh, yeah, sure, 'Sha," answered Kim. She balanced the phone between her ear and her shoulder as she poured orange juice. "Just give me a call whenever you're on your way over."
"Okay, I'll probably be over around 6. I'll come straight from work."
"Okay, see you later."
"Later, girl."
Kim hung up her phone and set it on the countertop. She took a sip of her juice and leaned over in her seat, hearing the front door open. "Oh, hey Tommy," Kim said wit a smile, jumping off her stool to greet him. "Why the sudden visit? Aren't you supposed to be at the dojo with Rocky and Jason?"
"Yeah," he answered, giving her a kiss. "I just thought I'd stop by with some lunch." He held up a bag from Panera Bread and set it on the countertop, next to Kim's juice. "I hope you haven't eaten yet, have you?"
"No, no. You're right on time." Kim's stomach growled and she opened the bag, pulling out a couple of sandwiches and a salad. "Wow, thanks!"
"I wasn't sure which one you wanted, so I got you a sandwich and a salad."
Kim shrugged her shoulders. "I'll eat both. Thanks!"
Tommy grinned, taking a seat. "No problem, Kim." He gestured to the seat next to her. "Eat up."
The two of them were silent for a bit, both of them eating their lunch. An unspoken air of tension filled the air and made Kim feel uncomfortable.
"Do you think it's a good idea to get married?" she asked, chewing her food. "I mean, I want to. And I love you. But do you think it's a good idea?"
Tommy was silent, contemplating his answer. He didn't feel the same tension that Kim felt. "Why wouldn't it be?"
Kim shrugged. "I don't know. I just...can't shake this feeling that I have. Are we living in the past? Living out some high school fantasy?"
This time Tommy shrugged, not answering. He felt a little uncomfortable with Kim's questions, although he had similar ones running through his mind.
"I mean," Kim continued. "We should try and figure this out now, right? Before we become another statistic, like my own parents."
"We're not even married yet and you're already talking divorce?"
"No...I just...I don't know. I feel weird. I...I'm trying to push myself to tell you things that I've kept from you. I feel like I should be comfortable enough with you to tell you everything. And I hate myself for not getting over that mental block that I have. I want you to remember me as whole. I don't want you to think of me as broken."
"I don't think of you like that."
"I know you don't...I just...can't help but feel like that."
"Well...can you pretend I'm someone else? Like Jason or Rocky? Or Adam?"
Kim shook her head. "You're not someone else. You're Tommy. Not Jason or Rock or Adam."
"You talk easily enough to them. What stops you from talking to me?"
Kim shrugged. "I guess...if I let you into my head, you'll see..."
"See what?" Tommy prodded. He rested his hand on her hand and rubbed it.
Kim was silent and didn't say anything. She could hear Adam in her head, telling her to talk to Tommy and not to him. She took a few deep breaths and tried to push herself to break down her mental walls to let the love of her life in.
"You know," said Tommy, "even though we got back together...and we all got close again, I could still sense that I'm not fully there. You won't let me into your head. Sure, you tell me how your day's been and what you've done and everything, but...sometimes it feels like what you tell me...it's..there's no substance. It's something that you'd tell someone that you're not close to. And I want to be close to you. I want to be in your head. I want to be that person that you can vent to. That person that'll help you through your issues and stuff."
"I want you to be that person, too. I just...I don't know how to let you in. With Adam and Jason and Aisha and them...it's just so easy because we've shared so much already. And it's hard...it's hard to let people see that vulnerable side. That's why I started writing songs and stuff. That's the only way I could let my feelings out, but...I don't know. I'm sorry. And I don't want you to feel left out. It's just...they know so much about me. It's hard to put everything that we've been through in words to tell you."
"Well, I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere. I'll help you. I'll help you find a way to let me in that circle that you guys have. That bubble that no one can break into."
"We don't do it on purpose."
"I know you guys don't. And in no way, do I blame you or any of the others. I love each of you guys."
"I guess I'm still broken in some ways."
"Well, let me help you heal."
"It'll be hard."
"I don't expect it to be easy."
Kim looked down, unable to say anything. "I don't know how to do it."
"I'll help you. Just tell me how."
"I can't tell you how if I don't know what's wrong."
Tommy was silent. "Well...whenever you figure it out, I will be here. I want to marry you and I hope you do to."
"Of course I want to marry you. That's never been a question."
"Well, I'm glad."
The two of them were silent again. A million things were running through Kim's mind. She looked down and took her hand back from Tommy. She took a deep breath and continued to stare at the floor.
"I've never fully healed from my accident."
"Okay," Tommy said, taking her hand into his own again. "I'll help you."
"No. You don't understand. I've never fully healed from my accident." Kim took a deep breath. "And I'm probably never going to be healed from my accident."
"What do you mean?"
Kim looked down and took a deep breath. She swallowed and exhaled. "I haven't healed from my accident. The accident we told you about. The one that made me send the letter to you."
Tommy furrowed his brow, staring at Kim, who didn't return his glance. She was looking down at her hands, rubbing her thumbs together. He waited for her to speak.
"I...I...I don't want to worry you."
"Kim...if something's bothering you, I want to know. I want to help." He took her hand again, this time not letting go when she tried to pull it away.
Kim exhaled again. "I've never fully healed from my accident." Tommy nodded. "When...when I fell...I...I hit my head...I...I hit it really bad." Tommy nodded again, remembering the story. He waited for her to continue. "I hit the part of my head that controls my sight." She reached a hand up to touch her head. "The occipital lobe. After my accident, my retina was shaped peculiarly. It made my doctor worry enough to send me to an ophthalmologist. But he didn't tell me at first, since I did have my sight. He told Jason, who made me see an ophthalmologist."
"What did the ophthalmologist find?"
Kim didn't say anything. Instead, she looked to the side and stared at a picture of her, Trini, Aisha, Adam, Amy, Jason, and Rocky. It was taken before she and the others got close to Tommy, Billy, Hayley, and Zack again. "They took really good care of me. Even--especially when I didn't want it or deserve it. I'm still amazed that you're back in my life. That Billy and Zack are here. That Hayley and I have become such good friends." Tommy didn't say anything, unsure of what to say. "They've been there for me every step of the way. They know me better than I know myself." She smiled sadly and looked up at Tommy. "I hate...I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling weak. I hate feeling like I could break at any second. I hate not...not being able to do the things that I used to do. To do the things that I love. I miss riding rollercoasters. I miss going skydiving. I miss not having to worry about every little thing. To worry if the sun is gonna bother me one day. To worry about all the flashes that surround me all the time. Worrying about whether or not I'm gonna get hit in the face every time I step outside. Or even inside."
"I don't...I don't understand, Kim." Tommy rubbed her hand with his thumb. "What happened?"
"There was a tear in my retina. A small, very small tear, but it was enough to worry about. I refused to have surgery." She looked up Tommy. "I still refuse to have surgery."
"You still have it?" he asked incredulously.
Kim didn't say anything. "I don't want to have another surgery as long as I can control it. My ophthalmologist said I have a retinal detachment and that I should have surgery."
"What happens if you don't have it?"
"I lose my sight."
The two of them were silent for a bit.
"Why won't you have the surgery?"
"I don't want it, Tommy. I don't want to be lying in that hospital room again. I don't want--"
"But if you lose your sight--"
"No," Kim said firmly. "Jason, and Adam...and all of them have been trying for the past...ten, eleven years to get me to have the surgery, and...well, I've still got my sight now, so..."
"Isn't there something we can do?"
"No." Kim shook her head. "I know what the symptoms are. I know what I should do if I get any of the symptoms. After I was in the hospital and saw the ophthalmologist, I didn't have any of the symptoms. I still don't. And if I don't have any of the symptoms, why do I have to have the surgery?"
"Because it'll prevent you from losing your sight!"
"If I'm meant to lose my sight, then I'm meant to lose my sight. A surgery won't change that."
They were silent again.
"You said that you won't ever heal from it..."
Kim nodded slowly. "As long as I put off the surgery, I still have the tear in my retina."
"So why don't you--"
"NO!" exclaimed Kim. "I don't want the surgery." She was silent for a bit. "It reminds me..." She shook her head.
"Reminds you of what?" prodded Tommy.
Kim didn't say anything. She just looked back at the same photo of her and the others. "It reminds me of being in the hospital after my accident. Of how scared and lonely I was. Just being in a hospital brings me back to that. And I still have bi-yearly visits. To my doctor and to the ophthalmologist. I just...I can't stand being there. I can't stand being in that place. I can't stand feeling like that again."
"But if it helps you--"
"If it helps me? Do you really think it might help me?"
"Of course, Kim. If it helps you, why not? Why won't you just go on and have the surgery? You'll be able to keep your sight!"
Kim threw her hands up. "Maybe I don't want it."
"Don't say that, Kim." She shrugged her shoulders. "If the surgery can help you--"
"What if the surgery doesn't help me? Hundreds of people die from surgeries every day."
"Is that what you're worried about, Kim?"
"No!" Kim jumped up and stormed off into the living room. "I'm not worried about that!"
"Then what's wrong?" Tommy followed her.
"Nothing, okay! Just leave me alone!" She paced up and down the living room.
"No," replied Tommy. "I'm not going to leave you alone." He sat down and waited while Kim continued to pace.
"Are you just gonna sit there all day?" Kim said, cutting her eyes at Tommy.
"Yes," he answered. "I'm gonna be here all day and all night, if that's what it takes. I'm not gonna leave until you tell me what's wrong. If the surgery helps you."
"The surgery might not help me," Kim said through gritted teeth. "It might even hurt me more."
"I understand that," Tommy said gently. "But are you afraid of the surgery?"
"No." This time Kim spoke with a softer voice.
"Then what are you afraid of?" Tommy tugged on Kim's arm and pulled her down to sit next to him. He pulled her close and hugged her tightly. "I'll be here for you if you have the surgery or not. I'll be here if you happen to lose your sight. And I'll be here for everything else."
"Tommy..."
"I already told you. I'm here till the end. So you're stuck with me."
"I don't see what I've done to deserve it. Or you, for that matter."
"It's a simple matter of existing, Kim."
She rolled her eyes. "You weren't there, Tommy..."
"I wasn't there for what?" Tommy released Kim from his arms and looked at her.
"Being in a hospital...going through another surgery...I just...I get scared. I get so scared that I'm gonna lose myself again."
"I won't let you."
"It doesn't matter whether or not you would 'let' me. That's just how I feel. Every time I go back to a hospital. Every time I'm admitted for something. Every time I have a test done or every check-up that I have. It always brings me back to that time in the hospital. When I felt like I didn't have anybody. I didn't know how to survive. I didn't know how to be myself. I lost me. I couldn't remember why I was living. Or what I was living for. I forgot everything and everyone. It reminds me of a really bad time in my life. I was depressed...and I didn't know how to get out of that."
"But you had Jason and Trini. They were there with you in the hospital, weren't they?"
Kim nodded. "They were there. They're a big reason why I'm still here now. Why I was able to pull out of it. But, at the time, I didn't see them. I didn't see Aisha when she came. Rocky. Adam. It took a while...but I remembered. They helped find me. They helped me find myself again."
"Especially Adam."
Kim nodded again. "Adam, along with everyone else, was a large part of that."
"But he's the reason why you're in your music now, right? He helped you, too."
"Are you jealous of Adam?"
"Do I have a reason to be?"
"That depends. Do you feel like you have a reason to be?"
"Right now, at this moment, I feel like I have a reason to be. You love him, don't you." His last sentence was a statement, not a question.
"Of course I love him. He's my best friend--"
"I thought Trini and Aisha were your best friends."
"I can't have more than one best friend?"
Tommy rolled his eyes. "That's not what I meant." He stood up and faced her. "I just--"
"I thought we had this settled. Adam and I are close, yes, there's no denying that. If I'm in a jam, I know Adam is there to help me out. I know Jason is, Rocky, Aisha, Trini. Billy. Hayley. Zack. You. Especially you, Tommy. But he and I aren't in love with each other. But I do love him, I won't deny that."
"I never asked you to."
"Then what are you asking?"
"Why won't you take the surgery? Why are the others fine with you not having it? Don't they want what's best for you?"
Kim's eyes flared at Tommy's last question. "I know that my friends want what's best for me. That's why they've agreed to let me make my own decision regarding this whole thing. They remember how lost, how depressed, how unhappy I was in the hospital. And I don't think they want to see me back in there as much as I don't want to go back."
"They're my friends, too."
"Of course they are, Tommy." Kim stood up and faced Tommy. "When I woke up in that damn hospital room, the first person I saw was Jason. He was there with me since the very beginning. I've known him forever. He doesn't want to see me in pain as much as I don't want to see him in pain. Did you know that he kept how bad my injuries were from me? From Trini and Aisha?" Tommy shook his head. "I don't want him to have to do that again. He shouldn't do that again."
"Kim..."
"And Trini...she dropped out of school to move here, Tommy. Dropped out of school. You know how important it was for her. She had to go to some college down here because of me. She's sacrificed so much for me. I can't let her do that again."
"Times are different now, Kim."
"Aisha left Africa for me. She gave up her dreams to help me."
"Aisha--"
"And Rocky? When I visited him in that hospital room in Angel Grove, it scared me. It scared me so much. And then he had to leave Angel Grove. Moved down here, too."
"But Rocky al--"
"Then Adam came. I know he was only here because Rocky was here, because Rocky convinced him to move down with the rest of them. And I finally found someone that I could help as much as they helped me. He missed the rangers almost as much as me, maybe even more. But I could see how much he was hurting over leaving the rangers. And even though I was still in a bad way, he was my rock. He was the one person that I felt like I could be myself around again. He understood--understands me in a way that I don't even understand myself. And I'm sorry--I really am--if that makes you jealous or uncomfortable, but...that's just the way it is. He and Jason, Trini, Aisha, Rocky, and Amy have helped me in more ways than I could imagine. And I don't want to put them through that again. I don't want them to have to give anything else up to help me. To protect me."
Tommy didn't say anything for the longest time. He took a seat on the couch and after a moment, Kim joined him, taking his hand. "Say something, Tommy."
"First of all, I know that they and I would give anything up to keep you from being in pain. And I know that they--none of them--regret coming here for you. So you shouldn't feel guilty over that. And you know that Jason is always there to protect you from yourself. He's always seen you as his little sister and he would never want you to feel worse over something that's not your fault."
"The accident was my fault, Tommy. I didn't have to rush. But I did."
"And Trini...I don't think she regrets dropping out of school to move here. She's got a great job, great friends, and a great husband. My best friend in the whole world. And do you think that Aisha really regrets leaving Africa? She told me once, a few months ago, that she was already feeling homesick and was grateful for the chance to come back to the United States, despite your accident. And Rocky chose to leave the rangers. He chose someone to take his place. It sucks that it happened the way it did, but..that's just the way things are sometimes. Adam...he chose to leave the rangers, too. We all did, at the time. And sure, there have been times when I've regretted leaving, but...we can't take those things back."
"I just...I don't want to make them worry. They're more than just great friends; they're a great family. I talk to them more than I talk to my own family."
Tommy nodded. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Hayley and Billy were, for a long time, the only adults other than my colleagues at school that I talked to." Tommy kissed the top of Kim's head. "I'm gonna marry you. And I plan on spending the rest of my life with you."
Kim grinned and cuddled into Tommy's arms. "I want the same thing."
"Are you sure."
She turned and looked into his eyes. "Yeah. I'm definitely sure."
"Sounds great, Kira!" Kim called into the studio, pressing down a button. Kira shot her a thumbs up. "We'll start from the beginning, though, okay?" Kira nodded in the booth.
"So, you're okay?" Adam asked from the seat next to her.
"Yeah, I am. I really am. I feel a lot better knowing that Tommy knows I'm this--"
"Fragile little being?"
"I hate being thought of like that, but yeah." The two of them were silent as Kira began to sing in the booth.
"I'm going home
Downhearted and hoping
Im close to some new beginning
I know
Theres a reason for everything
That comes and goes "
"Is that where the inspiration for this song came from?" Adam asked with a knowing smile.
"You do know how I love to throw myself into my work."
"So...pick a date, yet?"
Kim glared at him. "I swear, you're as bad as Aisha."
"But so many people are looking to me
To be strong and to fight
But Im just surviving
I may be weak but I'm never defeated
And I'll keep believing
In clouds with that sweet silver lining"
Adam laughed. "You think so? I can be worse than Aisha. In fact, you've probably seen me worse than Aisha."
Kim grimaced, thinking of their touring days that were not so long ago. "Oh yeah, that's right. How Amy puts up with you day after day, I don't know."
"Easy. The same way you put up with me day after day."
"Most days
I try my best to put on a brave face
But inside
My bones are cold and my heart breaks
But all the while
Somethings keeping me safe
And alive"
Kim shook her head, laughing as she adjusted something on the switchboard. "I must say, I do love having Kira as a guinea pig for all the music that's just been going through my mind lately."
Adam shrugged his shoulders. "You know Kira's always been a fan of your music. And, as much as I hate to see you stressed, I love the way you relieve that."
"And why didn't I pick up song writing in the beginning?"
Adam shrugged again. "Cuz you wanted to be a star?"
Kim playfully hit Adam as she turned up the volume.
"I won't give up like this
I will be given strength
And now that I've found it
Nothing can take that away"
There's that chapter! Hope you all enjoyed it! Please review!
Song is: "Sweet Silver Lining" by Kate Voegele
