From the Waist Down

Chapter 7

I turned over, like a child avoiding her parent, and crossed my arms over my chest. Eric's tee shirt was big in every way, hanging loosely around my arms and chest, clinging awkwardly to my thighs and pooling around my stomach. I stared at the wall, unblinking despite the fact that I was monumentally tired. Eric didn't move for a moment. I couldn't get anything from him. Whatever emotions he might have been feeling, they didn't pass between us. For whatever reason, our blood bond was a one way street. I drifted into him, but he didn't echo in me. It was better that way. I couldn't stand to feel whatever he was feeling. I could barely deal with my own problems.

The lights dimmed but remained on, and while I was regretful of the shadowy golden light produced by the dimmer switch, I was so glad to have the light on that I didn't really mind. Eric nestled back into the bed clothes, his long legs sliding beneath the cool sheets and warm blanket. Finally, he put out an arm in my direction and lightly touched my shoulder. Did I want to go to him? I was so conflicted that I couldn't decide. I wanted to crawl into his arms and never leave him, but at the same time, I didn't want hands on me. I didn't want to be touched. Frustration set in quickly, serving only to make me more confused and angry about it.

"Come, Sookie, under the covers," Eric urged me. His voice was rich but soft, a hint of concern underlying the tone.

"You're wrong," I whispered, almost hissing the words. I sat up, my hands forming small fists like a child throwing a temper tantrum. Tears glinted in my eyes, but I couldn't let them fall. I wouldn't give Victor the satisfaction. I tucked my knees into my chest and dug holes in the wall with my glowering eyes.

"About what?" He asked gently. He took my shoulder more firmly and turned me to face him. I stared past him at the closet doors.

"Everything that happened was my fault. I have to take the blame. I have to accept that. I let it happen." I inhaled sharply. Eric was stony beside me, though I could only see a portion of his face. I refused to look at him completely. "After Felipe took over, it was too dangerous for us to be together, but I couldn't stand to be without you. So, I pursued the relationship. I never should have gotten involved with vampires, with you, with Bill. It was all a big thrill. I couldn't hear your thoughts and it was so…so different from anything I'd ever known. So I let you all pull me in. I let it happen. It's no one's fault but mine. I deserve everything you all ever did to me. It never would have happened if I hadn't gotten involved. It's my fault. I didn't even fight back."

"Sookie Stackhouse, look at me." Eric gripped my shoulder firmly, and used his free hand to push my chin in his direction. Our eyes met and I couldn't look away. It was just that his eyes were hypnotic, deep and serenely blue. Now they were almost smoldering with rage. "No matter what has happened between you and vampires since you met Bill, none of that has to do with what happened tonight. Victor used you. Do you hear me? He used you and attacked you and hurt you in order to elevate his position in Felipe's circle. Victor is a callous, cold, manipulative bastard, and he absolutely will not get away with what he's done to you. I will see to his punishment myself, regardless of what Felipe de Castro thinks about the matter. None of this is your fault. You are a beautiful, brave, independent woman. You survived a trauma tonight, but it was not your fault."

He softened and touched my cheek tenderly, his lips rising up to kiss my forehead.

"You need to get some rest, my love," Eric murmured, tucking the blanket around me like a cozy shield. "Close your eyes."

"I'm scared," I whispered, almost ashamed to admit it.

"I'm right here. I won't leave you." Eric frowned at me.

"It'll be daylight soon." I looked at his clock on the bedside table. It was nearly six, the morning after the longest night I had ever known.

"You can wake me during the day, Sookie. It won't take much."

"Will you stay awake until I fall asleep?" I was already yawning.

"I'll do anything you need, my love."

***

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what happened to her," Sam grunted, standing at the front door. His hand lingered near the knob, and outside, the taxi cab blared its horn for a second time. Sam stuck his hand outside in the dark and held up a finger, telling the driver to wait.

"I don't know the whole story, Sam," Pam shrugged. She could feel the sun long before it tinged the horizon with incendiary yellow light. It wore her down, made her ache for a protected place to ground for the day.

"Tell me what you know."

"She was inside the building with Victor Madden, the right-hand man of Felipe de Castro, the King of Louisiana, Nevada, and Arkansas. I don't know why Victor lured Sookie in, what he intended to garner from their meeting, but I do know that he attacked her. I understand she was badly hurt."

"He bit her," Sam growled like an animal.

"More than that, I think. He bit her, yes. But there's more to it than that. I didn't ask, and I haven't spoken to Eric, but I saw her. I haven't been a human in a long time, but women have a sixth sense about these things." Pam turned her head to one side and closed her eyes, almost as though she were in some kind of deep meditation. Finally, she opened them again. There was a fire behind her irises, a dancing fire that looked about as far from the comical Pam as was conceivable. "Her clothes were torn, the shorts she wore to work. I believe he violated her."

Sam boiled over and, at the same time, sank like a stone. He wanted to scream, but his voice was caught in his throat. He wanted to run back to Eric's room and pull Sookie into his arms, but he couldn't move his feet. The cab honked a third time, but Sam sank against the heavy front door until he was crouching on the floor. The hairs rose up on the back of his neck and his eyes stared vacantly ahead, unseeing.

"Is he dead?" Sam breathed.

"Not yet," Pam answered him, her voice still hard to describe. "Eric had me shackle him up in the basement. He has not left Sookie's side since he rescued her from the bar."

"May I do the honors?"

"I don't know anything about his plans. You will have to ask him yourself." Pam shrugged thoughtfully.

"I'm not leaving."

"We have a guest room that you're welcome to occupy. Like the rest of Eric's home, it has no windows. The sun is nearly ready to rise, and I'm going to ground. Bill will be joining me. There is some food in the cabinets and refrigerator. You are welcome to feed yourself."

"Pam," Sam stopped her. He still hadn't risen to his feet.

"Hm?"

"How is she?"

"I have not seen her, but if my own experience is any indication," Pam paused. "She is not well."

***

I was screaming at the top of my lungs, but he couldn't hear me. I scrambled in the dark as pitch blackness, my arms flailing wildly, my knees scraping against brick and mortar, my toes sucking into the deep swamp mud. I was sinking, just trying to keep above water, begging for help. Hands came rushing out from beneath me and yanked, dragging me down faster and faster. I threw out my arms, wailing, crying, but the sound only reverberated in my head like a bullet shot into a steel-walled room. It bounced off every wall and jumped back at me, useless. I let my arms drop like weights. Sinking faster and faster, I was up to my chin in water before I knew what had happened.

Eric, please. Please help me. If I just thought, he wouldn't hear me. My voice couldn't go any louder. I was alone in the abyss of black mud, trapped. I didn't fight back. I let it happen. The mud rose up to my nose and bubbled as I breathed. Take your last breath, Sookie. You're as good as dead now.

I sat up suddenly and looked around the dark bedroom. Eric slept soundlessly on the bed beside me, his body as straight as a steel rod and about as cold. The alarm clock behind him read three after three in the afternoon. Sweat formed in beads on my neck and face. The room was strangely cold, and as soon as I realized that an air conditioning unit was blowing cold air on my cold and damp body, I began to shiver. Then, I began to convulse. When I started to hyperventilate, huffing in short shallow breaths that served only to wind me up and threaten to make me pass out, I shook Eric. His shoulder wobbled once. I pushed him, as hard as my weak arms could manage.

Each passing second only served to work me up more, making breathing more difficult. The room began to spin, and I thought I saw Eric's eyes flicker. Don't pass out, Sookie. Try to take a deep breath. Calm down. I couldn't. I couldn't calm down. Eric looked up at me, his deep blue eyes groggy with the sleep of the dead. He sat up instantly and took me against his chest. His arms darted out like attacking snakes. His hand rubbed my back slowly. My fingertips began to tingle like they'd fallen asleep, and my head ached while my eyes spun like the cars on a Tilt-a-Whirl.

"Easy, Sookie," Eric murmured gently against my ear. "Deep breaths. Ssh. Listen to me." I let my eyes close and I tried to hear him. Victor's face loomed up and my eyelids peeled back again. I panted faster. I began to feel sick.

"Listen to my voice, Sookie," Eric said. "Hold your breath."

"Can't…" I huffed.

"You can. You don't want to pass out. You had a nightmare. If you pass out, you'll have to see that nightmare again. Stay with me. Hold your breath."

I puckered my lips and held a gasp of air in my mouth, my cheeks sticking out like a squirrel filling up for winter. Eric stroked my hair, his fingers sorting out the strands and untying the kinks and knots.

"Now, as you let it go, I'm going to count to five. Let it out the whole time. Ready?" I nodded. "Okay. 1…2…3…4…5."

I breathed out through my mouth, letting the air escape like a hole in a balloon. We did the exercise again and again, five times before I was calm enough to relax and breathe on my own. Eric lay back down on his pillow and pulled me with him. He tucked me into his bare chest, his skin warmer from the heat of the blanket. Though I kept my eyes open, I tried to relax.

"Just rest, my love," Eric sighed.

"I take it back," I whispered, exhausted from the panic attack. Already my eyes were heavy again, but I was afraid to go back to sleep.

"Hm?" Eric blinked.

"It does matter…that you love me, I mean." I tucked my head under his chin, and though I couldn't feel him through the bond, it was good to be so close to him. "I love you."

"Rest, Sookie," Eric sighed lightly. He began to hum, his low voice rumbling through my skin as we rested together. I couldn't fall asleep and let that monster back into my thoughts. I wanted to stay bundled, wide awake, in my lover's arms forever. While Eric hummed tunes to songs I didn't know, I passed out again. I only lasted ten minutes.