Prompt word - moon
1,000 words

*****

"To whom do you pray?"

"Phobos."

"Fear? And what is it you fear most, Alexander?"

Alexander sighs deeply, his eyes not leaving the full moon that lights up the night sky. He's avoided Hephaistion all evening, deserting the dining tent before his best friend would notice. His wishes his thoughts were as clear as the cool night air and unfaltering moon above him. What does he fear most? Is it whether he will be able to lead his men to victory in what he knows will be a bloody battle? Or perhaps, being unable to prove his worth as the true warrior that he still considers himself to be, and that which is expected of him?

Going into battle provides a fearful anticipation all on its own, even without the added responsibilities of having so many people depending on one's decisions and capabilities. As king, Alexander has to be aware of what's going on at all times, has to be strong and unaffected by emotions, no matter how chaotically rampant that they run through his body, attacking his mind and sending his heart soaring with anxiety.

"Is not fear, Hephaistion, just the same nervousness that I feel before any battle. You should know that by now, my friend."

Hephaistion shifts his feet, moving his body so he stands before Alexander whose face remains lifted to the brightness of the moon. Alexander sees Hephaistion's movement from the corner of his eye, sees them but dares not look at him or meet his icy blue gaze. He's positive Hephaistion will know what's really going on inside Alexander's head and heart with one simple look into his troubled eyes. Hephaistion can always see Alexander's very soul shining in his eyes, and the king does not want that being the case tonight.

"Fear is not something to be ashamed of."

"As I already stated I have no fear in my heart at this moment, Hephaistion. I am simply running my strategies and plans through my head."

Hephaistion cocks his head, eyes squinted at his friend. "But you did day that you were praying."

Why was it that Hephaistion is the only one to ever see through Alexander's facade, the only one who ever dares see into his brain and soul, the only one brave enough to always question him?

Alexander was afraid, but not with regards to any of his responsibilities as king, nor his capabilities to lead his men and prove himself. He cares not for any of that at the moment. He continues to watch from the corner of his eye as Hephaistion turns his back to him, raising his eyes to the moon above, and wrapping his cloak tighter around his body.

"I believe prayer is good for the soul, Alexander, but I believe fear is, as well. We cannot have a truly accurate view of the world around us and the things we have yet to face, without allowing fear to move our minds and hearts. Fear is to be accepted into our souls. It's a feeling that makes us strive to be better, and I believe we are better men because we allow fear to guide us in some matters."

If only Hephaistion knew how much fear Alexander truly has in his heart, how it rips his soul apart, but not fear of losing any battle or of losing his dignity and position, though those particular fears did manifest themselves from time to time. Alexander's true apprehensions and discomforts, the ones that have followed him from the moment he met Hephaistion, is the fear of losing him. He fears not for himself, his men or his kingdom, but for the best part of his life; the man who is anchored in his heart, the one whose very existence makes Alexander stronger and more capable in everything he does.

"I have fears, Alexander, and there are time when they are truly abundant and overwhelming," Hephaistion continues. "Do you believe that makes me a weak man?"

Alexander shakes his head, finally drawing his eyes down from the sky to the form in front of him. He wants to grab Hephaistion to him, wants to drag him into his tent and hold him, be held by him, love him. But he knows that's not to be ... because of his own preoccupation and fear.

Hephaistion turns then, blue eyes wrinkled with concern meeting wide brown, a small smile turning up the corners of his mouth. "Do you? Believe me weak?"

"No," Alexander manages to say, the words barely recognizable as they utter between dry lips and a throat parched with nervousness. "I have never considered anything even remotely in that vein of thought, Phai."

Alexander hopes Hephaistion never finds out the extent that he worries about his love not returning from battle, how he stays awake the night before each confrontation, tossing and turning, his mind not allowing him one moment of rest. It's one of the reasons he has never let Hephaistion spend the night on the eve of battle, he just doesn't want the man he loves to see his fears and insecurities, and he doesn't want Hephaistion to worry about him.

"On the eve of battle, it's hardest to be alone," Hephaistion says as Alexander feels his heart crack down the middle. "I understand it is a warrior's code, but that does not stop me from feeling the loneliness and worry that every night will be our last together."

Alexander can do nothing but stare at the beautiful man, his heart full and aching with love. It's like Hephaistion has read his thoughts, has delved into his very soul and taken Alexander's fears as his own. "Stay with me tonight, Hephaistion." The words surprise even Alexander, but before he can rush to retract them, to make an excuse, to make them disappear, Hephaistion's arms are around him, holding him tight.

"I understand your fears more than you are aware, Xander," the general whispers, his lips only inches from Alexander's ear. "And I would never presume to make you do something of which you are not comfortable."

"Stay with me."