I heard the knock on the door the following day. I was laying in bed, where I had been since yesterday. Since I found out.
"How is she?" I heard Prue say.
"She's holding up," Leo replied.
My door opened. I turned away.
"Hun, your sisters are here," he spoke softly.
I stayed silent.
"Give me a second," he said to them before closing the door.
He sat beside me on the bed.
"You can't lay here forever," he whispered.
"Leo, my mother is dead," I said with no emotion.
"That's not why you are laying here," he returned. "You can't just feel bad about this forever."
"Leo!" I said, shocked at his insensitivity. "My mother is dead. I'm upset."
"No. You're feeling bad about yourself. Maybe a small portion, yes, you are sad. But don't hate yourself just because..."
"Because what, Leo?" I asked, sitting up.
"Because you hated her."
The still silence returned.
Tears filled my eyes again.
"How do you always know how I'm feeling?" I whispered.
"Because," he placed a hand on my cheek, "I know you."
I nodded.
"Why should I feel bad about hating her? I did, I do hate her. For everything she did..."
"For what she did to Paige. You feel bad because... deep down, you thought she would change. You thought that you could force her to change, and eventually forgive her," he said softly. "You thought you would love her again."
"But I couldn't. Not in time," I whispered.
"That's not your fault. I know this will take some time, but you can't blame yourself," he said.
I nodded once more. He reached one arm around me and pulled me closer to him. I rested in his arms for a moment. Then I took a deep breath, wipe my tears, and walked out of the room.
No words. Not one of us said anything. I stepped forward. Somehow we all found each others arms, comforting each other with long hugs.
"I can't believe it," said Prue. "It's just hard to think..."
"That we don't have a mother," finished Phoebe.
"It's her own fault," I said bitterly.
"Piper!" Prue scolded.
"What?" I returned angrily. "She made her choices."
"I kind of agree," Phoebe said.
"I can't believe you," said Prue quietly. "She had a serious problem."
I shook my head. "Prue, I haven't forgiven her for what she did. I'm sad, yes. But not for one second will I feel bad for her."
"I do," she whispered.
"I'm sorry, Prue," I said. "Not for her, but for you. I'm sorry that you're sad."
I stepped forward and hugged her again.
"I still have to tell Paige," I whispered as we broke apart.
"You haven't told her yet?" Phoebe asked.
"I just couldn't," I sighed with more tears coming.
Prue nodded.
"I could stay, and help, if you want," she offered.
I shook my head again. "Thanks, but no. I don't know how she's going to take it. It's best that I tell her alone."
She nodded.
After a few minutes, they left. I felt a little better being alone again. Leo came out and we sat on the couch for a little while. It was nice. No talking, just occasional forehead kisses and hand squeezes.
*************
I picked Paige up from school that afternoon, dreading every minute of the ride home.
"Why can't you just tell me now?" she urged again.
"Paige, please. Just be quiet."
She sat back and stayed silent. I hated snapping at her and telling her what to do.
When we got home, Leo was on the couch, still.
He stood up as we entered.
"Hey," he said.
"Hey," I said softly, kissing his cheek.
"Do you want me to leave?" he whispered in my ear.
"No," I said. "It's alright." I turned to Paige. "Paige, let's go in your room."
She shrugged and walked into her room.
Leo kissed my cheek again before I followed her.
Paige sat on her bed, looking impatient. I closed the door behind me.
"So, what is it?" she asked.
I turned to face her. The tears in my eyes gave it away.
"Oh god. Piper what is it?" she asked again. Every trace of impatience had vanished from her voice.
"Paige," I sighed. "Something happened yesterday. While you were at school."
"What is it?"
"I couldn't bring myself to tell you last night," I continued.
"What is it?" she repeated.
I began crying harder.
"Mom passed away of alcohol poisoning yesterday," I whispered.
She didn't move for a second. I reached to touch her shoulder.
Suddenly, she put her hand over her mouth as if she was going to be sick. She ran out in the direction of the bathroom.
"Paige!" I called after her, following her out. I reached the bathroom just in time to get the door slammed in my face.
"Paige, are you okay?" I called through tears.
"No!" she screamed angrily.
I leaned against the wall. I had no idea what to do next.
