"You look like you could use a drink and a half dozen sandwiches."
Harry tore his glance away from the river and looked into the face of his old friend.
"Thanks for coming."
No words passed between them as Malcolm led the way to a pub nearby. It was a popular local spot, so even though it was still early, it was not empty enough that their presence would've been particularly noticed. Malcolm ordered some food and brought over two pints, and waited, considering his friend and former boss carefully. He looked…exhausted certainly, but there was more to it than that. It was if someone had crushed his soul. He never expected Harry to take him up on his offer to talk, but was glad when he did. He knew Harry well enough to know that he felt things much more deeply than he was ever allowed to express.
"I never thanked you properly for the poem, at the funeral."
"No need. I just wish the opportunity never arose."
Harry nodded slowly and sighed. Malcolm decided to press on.
"I saw her, a week or so before it happened."
Harry's head snapped up.
"We used to have a drink, every few months, just to catch up," Malcolm continued.
"I didn't know."
"She made sure you didn't."
"I wouldn't have minded." He always thought it was a stupid rule anyway. Spooks had few enough friends as it was without having to cut them out when they left the Service.
"She didn't want to put you in an awkward position."
Typical Ruth. Always bloody protecting him.
"I'm going back to work. Tomorrow."
It was Malcolm's turn to be surprised.
"Are you sure?"
"I can't be sure of anything, not anymore…You don't think it's a good idea."
Malcolm chose his words carefully.
"It depends on why you are going back. If you're doing this out of a sense of guilt, then no, I don't think you should. Ruth wouldn't have wanted…"
"She gave everything for me and the Service. I have to honour that, Malcolm."
He considered.
"To be honest, Harry, it's hard to picture you out of harness. Just make sure you're doing this for the right reasons."
Harry nodded.
"I didn't deserve her."
"That's the thing about love, Harry. No one deserves it."
They had another pint and talked of cricket and the weather. A few times Malcolm tried, somewhat unsuccessfully, to start an argument in the vain hope of trying to keep Harry's mind on something else, if only for a few minutes. Harry, not fooled at all by Malcolm's sad test match predictions, appreciated the gesture nonetheless.
When they finally left, Harry extended his hand. Malcolm took it, and surprised Harry by pulling him into an uncharacteristic hug.
"Ring me anytime, Harry. I mean it."
"I will. Thank you."
"And for God's sake, eat once in awhile."
Harry cracked the tiniest of smiles.
"I'll try."
