Chapter 3
I decided to wear a t-shirt and a pair of jeans with holes in the knees, and a pair of fingerless gloves, settling to the fact that I was trying to un-impress not impress.
"Not coming in?" he asked sounding a bit wounded as I waited out side his bar to meet Mike.
"I'm waiting to meet up with some one." I smiled and turned to him.
"That cute guy from last night?" he asked, Jimmy always knew, he was a barman he kind of knew the signs.
I smiled and felt the blood rushed to my face.
"oh go Bail's." He laughed nudging my shoulder.
"Nothing's going to happen, I'm just playing along until he realises he is not going to sleep with me." I said fidgeting with my cloths.
He smiled looking at the ground for a moment then looked at me.
"Bail's I know you have that whole hate the world thing going on, and I understand, I do, this world can suck." He paused.
I gave him a look that said 'get to the point.'
He looked deeply in to my eyes. "Not every body is bad, there are some trust worth ones, but most importantly Bail's you need to have some fun." He said, trying to give me advice like an older brother would. Which to be honest is how I saw him, what little I did let on about my self he knew.
I wanted to say something but everything I had to say back to him sounded like a cop out, reason after reason came up about why I couldn't trust anyone and why having fun was a bad idea, suddenly there was a loud cheer from inside the bar.
"I gotta get back," he said pointing towards the bar. "Just chew on what I said."
"Sure, thanks Jimmy." I said smiling at him as he walked away.
A cab pulled up in front of me and Mike's smiling face popped out holding the door open for me.
"Hey," I smiled, sitting in the cab and sliding over taking a deep breath, this was completely out of my routine.
"Hey were you waiting long?" he said sliding in next to me.
"No" I smiled.
He gave the driver an address in Manhattan that I didn't recognise and the driver started driving.
I decided looking at him was better then looking out the window at the ever changing world.
"Did I under dress?" I asked nervously.
He looked me up and down. "No you look perfect." He smiled rubbing my arm.
"This isn't like a date or anything is it?" I asked, knowing it probably was, I had to distract my self from the people out side the car, very well that the situation in the car to most people would be harder to deal with then the lights and sights of New York I'm not most people. Both are bad but concentrating on a 'Date' was the lesser of two evils, when did my mental problems change become more about being out side then they did about people?
"Well I was going to leave that up to you." He said nervously.
I looked him in the eyes, not sure what that meant, I was definitely confused, I wondered what look my face gave because he continued.
"I would like it to be but I figured you didn't, but I don't think you too keen on this whole thing so that's why I'm leaving it up to you." He said confidently.
I sat back in the seat, now I was in the in control? Contemplating both our futures? Maybe I'm making to big of a deal out of this. it's just dinner, it doesn't have to be a take.
I closed my eyes channelling the little bit of me that might not have quite frozen over yet.
"We'll just take it as it comes." I smiled.
He smiled and sat back in the seat next to me.
"Sure."
Not long after the cab pulled up in front of a Chinese shop, Mike got out of the car and put his hand out for me, I reluctantly took it, it's just a hand right?
"Chinese food?" I asked looking at the sign.
"Well I was going to give you a choice." He laughed pointing behind me.
I turned around slowly looking at a McDonald's restaurant. I giggled a little, like when you heard a degrading secret in high school.
"You want to take me to McDonald's for a date?" I smiled.
"Or the Chinese restaurant." He said motioning behind him.
"No way, let's go to McDonald's." I said grabbing his had and pulling him towards the pedestrian lights "I have not been to McDonald's since, well since I was in California last." I smiled.
"I went to one last week, travelling, you know." He shrugged.
We made our way to the fast food restaurant ordered and received our food then made our way to the quietest corner furthest away from the door, upon my request.
Although I knew how bad the food was for my body it was absolutely amazing.
"I get it more." Mike said quietly in a dull manner.
"What?" I asked looking at him.
"How you feel about the world." He said looking in to my eyes.
"Oh, right." I said looking down and away as I remembered what I made him do to have dinner with me.
"Yeah, I get it but I still don't know why you lock your self away." he said squinting as he said it.
I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out.
"I realise I don't know what has happened to you in the past, and I have no place in saying any thing but you cant let those people that have hurt you in the past ruin what you could have in the future." He finished.
"I like living how I do." I blurted out the first thing that came to my head.
"Because it's safe." He replied.
"Look, I know you have the best intentions but you don't really know any thing about how I live or why I want to be like this." I said feeling my self starting to shake.
"I know I'm sorry, I just don't want you to waste your self." He said looking away ending the subject there.
I wanted to pace the length of the restaurant and throw darts at something.
"Mike, I have to be honest with you and stop leading you on" I sighed.
He looked up in to my eyes. "Your not leading me on." He said one eyebrow cocked obviously confused.
"I am I'm sorry," I slid to the end of my seat. "I'll find my own way home." I started walking off.
Suddenly he grabbed my arm.
"What the hell I thought this was going great." He whined.
"It is, it was but I'm not going to have sex with you, I'm sorry I shouldn't have let it get this far." I said walking off out side the restaurant walking towards the pedestrian lights.
"Bailey, wait." I heard then Mike was right in front of me.
"I'm not trying to get in your pants." He admitted.
I looked him in the eyes.
"I mean I wouldn't mind because, damn, your hot, but that's not what I want." He said quickly.
"You're trying to impress me just so you can tag some ass while your in New York." I argued.
"If I wanted to get you in to bed that bad, do you think I would have brought you to a McDonalds restaurant?" he laughed.
He was right, I looked away then started walking deciding I would take the subway or a bus but he stopped dead in front of me.
"Bailey, I've had ass!" he informed rolling his at the amount. "and at first, when you walked in to that bar, maybe then that's what I wanted from you."
"I cant live up to that, not any more." I said trying to walk off but he put his hand on my shoulders willing me to stay.
"I don't want you to."
"Then what do you want from me." I said tears about to run down my face.
"I just want to be there for you." He said softly rubbing my face.
"Nothing like that is ever going to work, you travel I don't leave my house, I-" he put his finger on my lips.
"Let me prove it to you." He said soothing my cheek.
I looked down, I wanted to throw up, and I felt like the whole population of the state was watching me, judging me.
"Please." He begged.
I looked back in his eyes, warm, sincere, honest, safe… safe.
I felt a sense of relief and a sense of needing to get home and to lock the doors.
"Ok." I whispered.
He pulled my head on to his shoulder and wrapped his arms completely around me it was so warm and almost just almost comfortable.
I willed for my tears to dry up instead of showing how weak and wounded I was.
I pulled back and looked at the ground.
He rubbed his finger along the bottom of my face his touch was amazingly tender and made me want to die… in a good way.
I cupped my hand over his and looked him in the eyes pushing his hand to my cheek.
He put his other hand on my face I closed my eyes and felt his lips on mine. I wasn't sure at first but as I kissed him back I knew this kiss was perfect!
