Chapter 4

I had decided today would be dedicated to work, since I had met Mike, four days ago, he was all my thoughts went on, and it was definitely no way to make a living.

I turned my computer on as well as the television happy to see The Ellen Show on, watching her show always made me laugh.

I sorted through my emails in importance to what I needed to do first.

I wondered what Mike was up to, my work was so senseless to me these days it didn't take much thinking about. He never did tell me what he does for a living, when I asked him he seamed to be almost ashamed. He was probably a hit man, or a spy sent by my mother have father to secretly drop their number off so I would ring them. Yes I made my parents suffer too, even thought it's partly their fault I am this way.

'God Bailey stop blaming the world for being an untrusting insecure little bitch.' I said to my self.

Suddenly I got an offer of a Video call from Mike, it made me smile, and naturally I accepted.

"Hey beautiful." He said cheerfully.

I rolled my eyes and smiled.

"Hey," I said softly.

"You look like you just woke up." he pointed out.

I looked at the image my webcam was portraying,

"You're right I look like shit." I laughed rubbing my eyes. "I actually woke up about two hours ago." I told him, realising Ellen wasn't on anymore.

"You don't look like shit." He sighed. "What have you been doing?"

"Working." I smiled

"Hey you want to meet me at Jimmy's?" he paused. "I need to talk to you about something."

"Can't you just tell me here?" I begged.

"I want it more personal then a webcam." He scoffed.

I found it hard to breathe. I had two choices, I could go meet him at Jimmy's less then a five minute walk away or I could give him my address.

This sucked so bad!

"I have not been out of my house in the day time in three years" I explained.

"So, you'll get a little sunburnt…" he laughed.

I smiled slightly.

"I wont let any thing happen to you." He promised.

I could do this, it was a five minute walk to the bar, I had done it a thousand times at night, if I walked a lot faster I would get there a lot faster.

"Please?" he begged.

My eyes snapped to the screen, I had absolutely no idea what to do. Maybe this was his big plan, to corner me in to making a decision I would regret later.

I took a deep breath and looked at him.

Maybe it was just possible that Mike wasn't a bad guy. Maybe I was the one I couldn't trust, could I be my own worst enemy?

"I'll be inside Jimmy's in twenty minutes." I said logging off not giving him a chance to say any thing else.

What did I just do!

I sat for a moment catching my breath, maybe this would be good? Maybe it would save me from my self. I felt my hands starting to shake. I needed something to distract me.

I could think of mike, but if I think of Mike I'll think about seeing him in twenty minutes so then I will think about leave my house. I needed something to look forward to, like a long island ice tea, my drink of choice that I only drink at one bar in the city.

As I got dressed and put my massive black jacket on with faux fur around the hood, and found my sun glasses that I brought on eBay simply because they looked good, and would look good on my shelf, honestly never thinking I would ever use them, as I put them on all I thought about was that long island ice tea, the brownish colour the tall glass, the ice, the lemon wedge, twirling my straw as I always did as I joked with Jimmy.

Before I knew it I was at the door.

"Deep breaths, deep deep breaths." I reminded myself.

I opened the door, there was no way in hell I could do this, I slammed the door shut and leaned up against it.

"I have to do this," I whispered to my self.

I slowly turned around and opened the door again and took one step out side.

Across the road some one saw me, as I looked up I saw eyes looking down on my and the suns rays.

I found my self back inside on the floor behind my closed door. I know I made the wrong decision. I went through my pocket looking for my cell phone as I found it I went to Mike's number. My new options were call or text. I could not tell him I was never going to have anything to do with him ever again via a text message, and the thought of calling him made me sick to my stomach.

I thought of the people out side, the man across the road walking by.

I felt something push inside of me something that made me realise that I couldn't stand the fact that if I stayed here right now the judgemental untrustworthy ones out side would win. I didn't deserve that and either did Mike.

'Their not going to win." I whispered to my self.

I pushed my self up off the ground and opened the door as I took a deep breath I took a step out side and closed the door. One more step, another and another, I could feel this sun coning in on me. Like a leech who is sick of the same thing every day he jumps on to a human who enters the forest, the sun was doing the same to me.

Out of all the city's I've been to in this country I had to choose to live in New York. The busiest city in the world, there were so many eyes, humans with no souls. I didn't like them.

I was so close to Jimmy's I could almost smell the sleezey builders that went there every night to get away from their mind controlling husbands, but I was still a little under a block away.

The sun and chatter and light were hurting my head, I put my hands either side of my temples to try and ease the pain, right as I closed my eyes I felt a pair of arms go around my waste. My eye jerked open and I stoped walking.

"Hey." Mike said kissing my forehead.

I forced a smiled.

"I thought you weren't going to come." I said softly.

I took a moment for his words to compute in my brain it felt like I was waiting for ever to actually hear them.

I looked past him at a bunch of girls down by the corner who were giggling.

"I had a bit of trouble." I said souring my face at my embaressing admission.

"Come on, we'll go inside." He said kissing my forehead again putting his arm around my waste at pulling me up the block.

What I seen when got to the door made me want to screen. There was a sign on the door.

'closed due to personal reason, normal opening hours tomorrow.'

I felt the whole world close in around me.

I walked out of the door way and leant up against the window. I felt like I wanted to die.

I felt my self moving and then arms went around me.

"You'll be ok." He soothed.

I pulled back and took a deep breath, pushing my self off the wall I ran my fingers through my hair.

I made the wrong choice, I chose the wrong thing now I'm out here stuck, I had no idea what I was supposed to do.

I looked at Mike.

"I'm sorry I have to go home." I said pushing my hands in my pockets.

"Oh." He sighed as I walked past him.

As I walked I looked behind me, he was staying where he was. I felt like a total cow.

"You can come." I said nodding my head in the general direction of my house. Needless to say he quickly caught up.