DEEP ECHOING CHANGES OF THE SOUL

Gabrielle looked down slightly before meeting her lover's light blue eyes. "I'm afraid to face Quetzalcoatl, he's not like Tezcatlipoca he's much more dangerous and he's very vengeful." Xena eased up the other woman's hand kissing it. "You can do this as Itzli said you're the Blood Jaguar and he's right." Gabrielle lowered her gaze as she stepped away from the taller woman. "No you're wrong, I'm not that Blood Jaguar anymore, I could face Quetzalcoatl before because I had nothing to loose and I didn't care if I died." She eased up her hand. "I have so much more to loose this time around and I've already died once."

She shook her head as she turned to meet the other woman's concerned gaze. "I don't want to die again." Itzli breathed in deeply stepping forward. "You won't die again, you gave yourself willingly your trade with C'thulon is done." Gabrielle blinked as she looked at him. "I don't know that for sure and I can't put my faith in it." Xena walked forward putting her hands on the smaller woman's arms. "I don't want anything else to happen to you, I can't stand the thought of loosing you again." She leaned forward kissing the blonde hair before pulling away. "We can ask the fertility goddess for her help this time around, she'll understand."

Gabrielle shook her head as she turned away. "I will not ask for Xochiquetzal's help and I won't go to Huitzilopochtli again. I didn't like asking for his help the first time around, I only did it because she turned me away." Xena breathed in deeply gods this was going to be so difficult to explain. She'd just have to do her best. "The fertility goddess gave me her pendent." She watched as Gabrielle looked up slightly the surprise as clear as day in her face, she stroked the other woman's arm gently. "She felt truly guilty that you died and that she didn't help you. If it weren't for her Xochipilli and her partner Chantico, I wouldn't have gotten you back from Huitzilopochtli's city at all."

Gabrielle felt her gaze dart. "So Chantico found her after all this time?" Xena nodded as she eased up her hand running it through the blonde hair. "Yes Gabrielle she did." Gabrielle breathed in feeling her lovers hand move to her shoulder. She honestly wasn't so used to so much open attention from her lover let alone her showing it in front of others it was rare, it always had been. Yet something was telling in the pit of her stomach that something had changed, she wasn't really sure what it was. She just couldn't put her finger on it right now she just knew that it was there and she had no idea why. She didn't want to think about right now though she just wanted to enjoy this affection while it lasted before disappearing and everything returning to normal as it always did.

She had gotten so used to these fleeting moments that she had learnt that it was better to enjoy them while they lasted. That was just the way things were she could no more change them than she could pull down the stars from the sky. Sometimes she wished that she could have her angel's wings back so she could reach them. Like so many things it was beyond her reach and for all her trying and wanting she'd never have them. Xena breathed in she could see that her lover was in deep thought. Not that she blamed her, so much had happened and not all of it had been good and most of it the younger woman didn't remember.

She looked deeper in to those green eyes something told her that her lover was assuming that her open affection was no more than a passing phase. It was true that during the times they died before it had been while in other instances it had been occasional, but this time she didn't want that to happen. She'd always told her self that Gabrielle deserved better when it came to everything. Yet she never gave her better when it came to affection. She gave her it only in private and hardly ever in public. Even if she did so it was only because they'd augured or been under a lot of stress and needed time to relax.

She had told her self in Messene after the events of King Lycaon that she no longer cared what they did in front of others with her lover. Yet she hadn't gone full distance with her she'd only done it in part. She'd feared it just like telling fully how she'd felt until now, yet she had nothing to fear, only the fear of knowing that she would be a coward for not doing so. Gods she'd wasted so much time, time they could have been in each others arms in the other lifetime. So many cruel things had been said and so many chances had been lost, so many things that could have happened didn't. It was so easy to loose someone you loved, to have to stand there helplessly and watch them die and know that you are powerless to stop it.

She breathed in deeply as she turned back to other woman who was still in deep thought. Gabrielle believed that she was alone that was why she was rejecting help from the gods. It had nothing to do with the fertility goddess refusing to help her the first time around. It was just her manner of thinking which was that she was alone in everything she did. The saddest part of it all was that she knew just how that felt and she hadn't realized it, because she'd been the one pushing the younger woman away and forcing her in to this manner of thinking. You can only be pushed on to the sidelines so many times before you get in to the frame of mind that you belong there.

She eased up her hand putting it gently on her lover's face running her thumb gently down her cheek as she leaned forward watching as the green eyes drifted up to meet her own. "You don't have to do this on your own Gabrielle, there I people here who want to help you. I want to help you and I'll stand by your side no matter what you do." She leaned forward meeting the other woman's lips in a gentle kiss enjoying the sensation, before pulling away. "Don't think that your alone Gabrielle, you aren't." Gabrielle looked down slightly feeling her breath catch as her heart started to pound against her rib cage. She breathed in trying to steady her breathing. "I…I just don't know what to do, or where to start."

She tried to stop her tears as she felt her eyes dart. "I mean it should be so easy shouldn't it? I walk in there I take my sister back, because it's that easy for me the Blood Jaguar to do that, I just walk in and kill everyone because it's what I do." She stopped looking down in confusion, she was rambling. She hadn't done that in years and right now she had no idea why she was doing it. She looked up feeling completely out of her depth she knew that Xena was going to tell her to be quite just as she always had when she'd rambled on in her younger days. Xena blinked in shock she could already see the surprise on Itzli's face. She eased up her other hand putting it on her lover's face a part of her felt over such joy to hear Gabrielle do that again. She eased up her thumb wiping away a tear as it fell she leaned forward kissing the blonde hair again. "Its okay Gabrielle, you just show us the way and we'll work through what needs to be done."

"Ah you both look so much better."

Xena turned sharply meeting Xochiquetzal's violet gaze she stepped sideways easing Gabrielle in front of her while keeping both her hands on her shoulders. She eyed her lover for a long moment before turning to the goddess. "Yes we are both feeling much better, thank you for bringing us both back here." She moved turned catching sight of the pendent which was back around the goddess's neck. "Your pendent was very useful." She turned seeing the surprise in Gabrielle's face. Xochiquetzal sat herself down on her throne adjusting the chain slightly. "My brother told me that you used it to get in to the city and no one thought any different."

She put her hands together before looking up. "I'm glad that you were able to use it to succeed." Xena turned to Itzli. "It would be unfair to say that it was all my own doing I would not have succeeded with out Itzli. I don't believe I would have succeeded ether without all the information and help you, your bother and your partner gave to me before I left." Xochiquetzal sat up slightly meeting Gabrielle's gaze she looked down slightly trying to think off to put her next word as she sat up slightly trying to get comfortable. "I owe you an apology Gabrielle I did you a great injustice. You begged for my help and refused to give it to you and that in essence cost you very life."

Gabrielle stepped forward seeing the pain the violet eyes. "I changed the world my life was the price I was willingly to pay." Xochiquetzal looked up slightly. "That may be true but I doubt you were willing to give up your soul so it could be placed in Huitzilopochtli's hands." Gabrielle breathed in deeply. "I was willing to do anything so that my lover wouldn't die." Xochiquetzal blinked as she leaned forward she could sense it already in Gabrielle's thoughts she didn't remember all that had befallen her. It was as clear as day. She breathed in deeply it was not her place to let any part of what had happened out, that was for Xena to do when she thought the time was right.

She sat back down shaking her head sadly. "I feel that, that price was far too high." Gabrielle looked up slightly. "No price is too high if it's for someone you love." Xochiquetzal turned eyeing the ring on her finger before turning back. "I can not fault yours words, I failed to see that you were not the Blood Jaguar I knew." She breathed in deeply. "The old Blood Jaguar had in essence died and the true Blood Jaguar had torn though her old body. I just didn't see this because you both looked very similar. If I'd given it the time I would have seen what the real Blood Jaguar was truly like and that she came here to do the right thing."

She sighed aloud. "Most of all I would have listened when you said that I was still seeing your shadow, I know now that my anger and sadness blinded me to a lot of things." Gabrielle moved forward looking at her. "You had lost the one you love I don't blame you for your actions." She looked down slightly. "I know just what it's like." Xena looked up watching as Xochipilli appeared close to his sister's throne sending a shower of feathers outwards. He gave them a warm smile as he adjusted his white jaguar skin. "Ah I see your both awake I was worried about you both for a second. After all that's happened I wasn't sure if you were going to wake up."

He stepped forward. "Here you are though both looking well." He moved towards Gabrielle watching as she looked up. "How are you doing?" Gabrielle looked at him for a long moment. "I'm fine, just glad to be back." Xochipilli raised his hand putting it on hers. "Have you had any headaches or painful flashes in your mind, any images you don't understand?" Gabrielle turned looking at the little dog who was now sitting near the large table. "I'm not sure, I've had no headaches like that but I did see an image of myself holding that dog." She shook her head. "It made no sense to me, I had it in my hands and I was cleaning blood of its fur. I just don't remember anything else."

She looked at the dog again. "Xena said that he was given to me by Huitzilopochtli, but I don't even remember that." Xochipilli moved forward putting a hand gently on her face. "I'm sure it will all come back to you in time." He moved his hand away as he stepped back. "Next time you need help you should ask for mine and not Huitzilopochtli's." Gabrielle felt her eyes dart. "I'm sorry but I would never ask a god of love to commit an act of war." Xochipilli felt his smile widen. "Then you should ask me as a friend and not as the god of love." He looked up meeting Xena's gaze he smiled as he kept out of her thoughts gently speaking to her mind. "She's doing well."

Xena blinked hearing his voice she looked down realizing that he was trying to keep quite for Gabrielle's sake. She looked down speaking back to him in her mind. "Yes but she doesn't remember anything, you have to tell me the truth is she going to be okay?" Xochipilli raised an eyebrow speaking to her mind once more. "She will be okay, but she may suffer as her memories return." He adjusted his jaguar skin again. "These memories may return very suddenly and they may be triggered by no more than looking at someone or touching them, it's a common side thing which happens when people are returned from the dead." He looked at his hand. "Her personality may be permanently changed by this event and she may show different behaviours."

He looked up slightly speaking again to her mind. "Worst case she could transform in to one of the forms of her counterparts though she'll be herself in mind, but it will be very much a one off. At best her eyes may glow with her souls light but all of this will pass as her soul heals which will take a couple of months." He smiled slightly. "I'm sure though that you can work through this all with her, you are her lover and you know what is best for her." He turned to Gabrielle who hadn't noticed anything as he spoke aloud once more. "As your friend I will help you when ever you need Gabrielle." Gabrielle looked down slightly. "You're very kind."

Xena moved her hands on to her lover's arms rubbing gently as she leaned over to her ear. "You see you don't have to do this alone all these people want to help you. Let us help you that way we can get Lila back." Xochipilli leaned against his sister's throne. "Is that your sister's name Lila?" Gabrielle looked up meeting his gaze. "Yes that's her name." Xochipilli eased up his hand. "Is she a warrior like you?" Gabrielle looked her leather gauntlet adjusting it slightly. "No she's a bread maker like my mother and father." She looked down slightly. "I come from a family of bread makers I'm not a warrior by birthright."

Xena carried on rubbed her lover's arms as she stood up. "I'm not a warrior by birthright ether my mother owns a tavern." Itzli looked up in confusion. "I know what a bread maker is but what is a tavern?" Xena smiled inwardly. "It's a warm cosy place were people can stay in a room which they pay for and have drinks and food at the bar." Itzli stopped still he turned just in time to see a flash of golden sun light shower around him as Huitzilopochtli appeared. Huitzilopochtli stood still for a moment as all eyes fell up on him. He raised his hands as he looked at the others. "My apologies for interrupting you all..." He stepped forward he turned catching sight of Gabrielle who looked up sharply.

He breathed in deeply trying to ignore his inner pain as he turned to Xena. "I'm glad to see that you are well." He moved towards Gabrielle giving her a warm smile. "I am also glad to see that you are well Blood Jaguar." He turned away ignoring her confusion as he met Xochiquetzal's gaze. "Where is Chantico?" Xochiquetzal leaned back. "Chantico is resting she had a very heavy lunch." Huitzilopochtli breathed in deeply. "I mean no disrespect but I need you to wake her up what I have to say is of the greatest importance." Xochiquetzal looked up slightly seeing the seriousness in his eyes. "Is this about the Greek war god?" Huitzilopochtli shook his head. "No it does not concern him in any manner."

Gabrielle stood still feeling the word seemed to slow down around her as she stared at Huitzilopochtli. She could feel the strangest sensation coming over her as if she knew the god, but it was in a way that made every nerve ending in her body fire all at once. It wasn't a good sensation as it felt so out of place at this moment. She felt her heart as it started to pound against her rib cage before she could stop it. She closed her eyes feeling the spike of sudden pain in her mind which she tried to ignore. All of a sudden she didn't feel so good she felt light-headed and nauseous. She breathed in deeply trying to take in the cool air only to find it difficult as the pain got worse.

She could hear Xena saying something but she couldn't hear it, she felt her feet slide as she lost her grip on the floor. She didn't have her boots on which meant that she had no grip. She felt the floor as she hit it hard on her knees she felt Xena's hand move around her waist as she leaned forward trying to take the pain as a memory came cascading in to her mind as she closed her eyes. He moved his hands slowly undoing the material ties that held her shirt together as he leaned forward kissing her again feeling her instantly respond. "Anything you want shall be yours…." Gabrielle breathed in feeling the heat all too suddenly as his legs locked her in to place and he eased one of her hands over her head. "Anything, My Lord?"

Her own voice sounded small even to her own ears she knew she was loosing the battle to concentrate. The feelings were so intense and so new and she wanted more. Almost like a spoilt child who wanted more than one bar of chocolate, she couldn't help herself. She needed to remember! She had to remember it all and this was the only thing she could think off. She wasn't even sure if it was right, all she knew was that her feelings were guiding her and she couldn't stop them. She felt her kisses becoming more wanting and needing. He moved his hand through her hair as he put his full weight on top of her as he opened her shirt fully. "Anything and everything you desire Gabrielle…."

She felt her heart begin to beat faster as his began to kiss a trail down her neck. The beautifies in her stomach seemed to swarm all at once as he open her shirt fully moving his hands slowly over her breasts as he kissed her lips again. Every time he touched her skin every nerve ending in her body seemed to fire off all at once and she wanted more. Gabrielle felt the intense pain in her chest as well as feel the blood rushing in her ears as everything around her became silent. She had seen these images in her dream. She felt like she couldn't breath it was as if the air just wasn't getting in to her lungs! Gods it wasn't a dream it had all been real! The man in her dream was Huitzilopochtli and she'd slept with him, she didn't know if she wanted to scream or cry. She opened her eyes everything was going out of focus and she wasn't sure if she was going to pass out. She just couldn't breath! She heard the agonizing roar as the sound came back to her ears and Xena's gentle voice as it hit the air directly behind her.

"Breath Gabrielle you have to breath."

Her lover's voice was gentle yet she couldn't control her breathing Xena's voice came again breaking through her turmoil. "Breath in Gabrielle you have to breath in deeply." She closed her eyes trying to breathe in deeply and slowly, she felt Xena's hand as it moved through her hair. "That's it sweetheart, breath in slowly and deeply." Gabrielle took another deep breath finally feeling her breathing as it started to return to normal. She put both hands on her face, leaning forward. She still wanted to be sick but she was feeling too weak to do so. She wanted this to be a dream but it wasn't a dream she could remember it all with crystal clarity.

She could remember his kisses and the feelings she'd felt at the time she could even remember the smell and the look of his bedchamber. She didn't even know why she had slept with him only that she had. She breathed in deeply again trying to stop herself from panicking. Had anyone known about this no they couldn't have or they would have told her, wouldn't they? Did Xena know? Oh gods she knew how this would look, it would look like she had cheated on her. Gods she had cheated on the only woman she loved. She tried to get up only to fall back down as a dizzy spell hit her causing her to fall back on to her knees. She to get out of here, it felt like the walls were closing in around her!

End of part 92

Silvermoonlight