Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Jethro walked quickly into the empty autopsy room. It was always so cold down here, but this time it felt positively arctic. He shivered and looked around in the semi darkness, looking for Ducky. He spotted him out of the corner of his eye, beckoning him over.

"Why have you called me down, Duck? We have no active cases."

"Actually Jethro, we do. There is one that remains unfinished." The Doctors eyes reflected a sorrow so great, that Gibbs had to look away first for once.

"What do you mean? I already submitted all our case reports to the Director." Ducky gave him a disgusted look and corrected him.

"To Vance."

"If there is something important, you should tell me now." He was getting angry now. What was Ducky doing?

Ducky merely outstretched an arm and pointed towards the empty autopsy tables. Jethro turned to see what he was pointing at and jumped back in shock. A black body bag was laid out on one of the tables. Gibbs looked around the room, wondering how Palmer had got in and out with it so quietly, and then disappeared without his noticing. He shook his head and began to slowly walk towards it, wondering what the eccentric doctor could be showing him. He mustn't have even begun the autopsy if the body was still zipped up.

"You haven't even done the autopsy, Duck." He turned back to the doctor in time to see him drop his head in shame.

"I couldn't, Jethro." Thoroughly confused, Gibbs turned back to the bag.

He got close enough to read the name tag and turned it over in his fingers. Jennifer Shepard. Jethro recoiled from the bag, his heart beating wildly and his mind rejecting the possibility that what he was seeing was real. It couldn't be true, but the body bag was laying there, Jenny inside, waiting for him to open it, waiting for him to say goodbye. He found his feet had walked him closer to the body all of their own accord, and he reluctantly reached out a hand to the zip, slowly pulling it around the head. He couldn't peel back the flap though, no matter how hard he tried. He glanced up at Ducky, and realised he was holding a small tube of blood in his hands and Jethro watched, mesmerised, as he cursed at it and threw it on the ground in front of him. As the glass smashed and the blood spilled over the floor, there was an ear shattering scream and the body in the bag sat up, Jenny's bloody hands reaching out for Gibbs.

Jethro violently woke up from his nightmare; face down on his couch with a splitting headache. It felt like a little sadist was stabbing the back of his eyes with a needle whilst jumping up and down in lead boots. Every ragged breath he drew brought a mouthful of dust with it from the age-old furniture, and as a result of his bad dream he felt like he had run a marathon and couldn't catch his breath. He wheezed as a coughing fit hit him, some of the dust leaving his lungs in the phlegm that was brought up in his mouth. Disgusted, he made his way up the stairs as quickly as he could, walking into the kitchen to spit it in the sink and then wash it away. He leaned against the sink when he was finished, closing his eyes tightly, trying to remember what it was that he had wanted to do yesterday, whilst trying to erase the dream from his mind. It had something to do with Ducky, and he knew that because his nightmare had reminded him that he'd wanted to go see him, but the elusive memory of why wouldn't come any closer.

He sighed in temporary defeat and then made his way up to the bathroom, to take care of his bladder and hygiene. He scrubbed his teeth twice after having a shower, not wanting the stale alcohol to be picked up on by any of his team. He dressed and made his way down the stairs and out of the house, driving quickly to the Star Bucks where his regular coffee order was waiting for him, and one for DiNozzo, and then he drove to the navy yard. As he walked towards the elevator, he saw a red-head just stepping in. It was like he had strayed in to another dream, her familiar high heels and fashion sense made his heart jump into his throat and he sprinted to the elevator, catching the doors just in time. His head pounded in time with his pulse as they slid back open to reveal a slightly astonished… stranger.

It felt like a wrecking ball had slammed in to his chest, leaving him winded. The lady asked him something but he couldn't hear her, the loss hitting him hard. He couldn't get on the car with her, it would be torture, but if he walked away it would be a bad reflection on him. The whole building would hear of it, and then Ducky would start asking questions about his emotional state. He tried to give her a smile and moved stiffly in to the elevator, hitting his floor and retreating into a corner. He closed his eyes tightly, his whole body tensing like a coiled spring as he tried to tell himself to breathe deeply, to calm down. To not let the imposter in front of him affect him. It didn't work.

Jenny was dead. She wasn't coming back, he should just accept it but he couldn't, somehow it just didn't seem possible. There was a part of him that simply refused to give her up for dead, that still believed she would walk into the room he was in and ask for a case report, or offer him a glass of Bourbon. Whenever someone said 'Director', his mind supplied the 'Shepard' that they should have said after, rather than 'Vance'.

He heard the elevator ding and opened his eyes to see the woman getting off on the floor below his. Good. He needed a few minutes to himself. The second the elevator began moving again, he flicked the emergency stop. The lights went out, leaving only the emergency light illuminating the small box. He stood the tray of coffee on the floor, amazed that it had survived the sprint for the elevator, and then he leaned against the back of the lift and rubbed his eyes with his fists. He couldn't take this, it was too much. He saw her in every red-head, in every coffee shop, in every room of NCIS. He couldn't get her out of his head and truthfully, he didn't want to. He knew what he was supposed to do, it was the same thing the shrink had told him to do after Shannon and Kelly. He needed to come to peace with the fact that she was dead, that he couldn't save her and he needed to move on. Well he couldn't. He had loved Shannon with all his heart, but he was in love with Jenny, with all of his being. He had always figured it was a girl thing to believe in soul mates, but then he had met Jenny, and he just knew she was his. That was why it hurt so much to know she would have died anyway.

Gibbs' eyes shot open as he realised what he had just thought, what it was that he had wanted to see Ducky about; her illness. He flicked the emergency stop and the elevator came back to life, and he picked up the tray of coffee. He allowed it to go to the bullpen so he could drop off the coffee and let his team know he was in so they wouldn't send out a search party. The doors opened and he stepped out, making his way to his desk. He looked around and realised that his team wasn't in the bullpen. Their personal belongings were behind their desks but they were nowhere to be seen. He put the coffee he had bought for Tony on his desk and sat behind his own, waiting for them to reappear. He didn't need to wait long as they all plodded dejectedly out of Jenny's office, which Vance had stolen. Gibbs quickly put his desk phone speaker on and ducked out of their line of sight, taking his coffee with him and lifting his phone to his ear. His team didn't disappoint him as they began speaking about the meeting as soon as they got behind their desks.

"I cannot believe the nerve of that man! Who does he think he is?!"

"Our Director, Ziva."

"Really McGee? I did not know that meant we have to betray Gibbs' confidence. Jenny would never-" Tony's angry voice interrupted her.

"Jenny's dead, Ziva! Vance is our new Director so that means we do as he says. He wants to know if Gibbs is incapable of working or coming to work drunk, so if he is-" Irritated at his duplicity, Ziva interrupted him

"We what? Tattle on him to that-" Tony moved over to be face to face with Ziva so they didn't need to shout across the bullpen.

"No! We bring him coffee to hide the smell, and hide him in autopsy if he's ever drunk."

"What Vance doesn't know?" McGee suggested.

"Exactly." They all agreed and then Tony noticed the coffee on his desk. "Coffee; Gibbs is in."

Gibbs knew that Tony would know what he was doing. He had after all, begun doing the same thing when he had been away on his so called 'Margarita Safari'. He flicked his cell closed and walked towards the elevator, catching DiNozzo's eye and giving him a nod of thanks. Tony returned the gesture and sat down to work over the cold cases they had to work on when they had no active cases. Gibbs knew he wouldn't tell the others that their conversation had been overheard, he would just pride himself on the decision he had made. Jethro smiled to himself and stepped on the elevator to take him to autopsy. When he arrived he looked around the room and saw Ducky writing up a report on his computer.

"Duck, I need to talk to you." Ducky turned around and stood up. "Do you have a minute?"

"Of course Jethro. Speak." He leaned back against his desk and waited.

"I need to know something. What was killing Jenny?"

"Oh, Jethro…"

"Duck I need to understand why she went to that desert. It was certain death!"

"It was a degenerative disease. I don't know what exactly, she only asked for a confirmation of certain symptoms from a blood sample." Gibbs froze, his nightmare coming back and hitting him full force.

~*He glanced up at Ducky, and realised he was holding a small tube of blood in his hands and Jethro watched, mesmerised as he cursed at it and threw it on the ground in front of him.*~

"Jethro? Is something wrong?" Ducky's face was full of concern; he reached out a hand and steadied Gibbs as he nearly fell back in shock.

"I want to see the results of that test."

"Jethro, please don't do this to yourself."

"Duck, please? It's really important." Ducky sighed and then walked in to the back room and returned a few moments later with a piece of paper. He walked back to Gibbs and held out the paper. Jethro took it and looked over it. It made no sense to him however. Ducky moved around so he could see the paper too.

"These spikes show a large increase of Creatine Kinase and another few chemicals in her body. They prove that she had the disease that she thought she had."

"Actually, it shows that she's been taking tons of drugs to cause those symptoms." Both men jumped and spun around as Abby's voice sounded over their shoulders. She grinned at them, a look of pure innocence on her face. "Whoever that test belongs to probably doesn't know what way is up. Did we catch a case?"