Time Traveling Pedophile
After the battle of Hogwarts there was a brief time of peace. Harry had settled with his girlfriend, Ginny, and was on his way to having a family.
That was, until Voldemort returned. This time he didn't announce his return, and he didn't even tell his followers; he just went and killed every order member he could in their sleep.
By the end of the purge, the only surviving members of a resistance were Harry and Hermione. Convenient. Harry also discovered that Ginny had him under a love potion. Also Convenient.
Everyone they ever knew and loved died.
Harry and Hermione fought for years in a guerrilla style war. Hit and run. Kill as many as possible and run away whenever they hit even the slightest bit of resistance.
Dumbledore was wrong about one of the horcruxes, no surprise, Dumbledore was wrong about a lot of things. Nagini wasn't a horcrux, just a loyal familiar. Albus, the fool he was, had one sitting in his office for half a century: The Sorting Hat.
It took them two years to find that one out. Little good it did, Voldemort decided that seven wasn't a good enough number, and divided his soul into thirteen pieces.
The Dark Lord was too powerful to defeat, not even Harry Potter could stand against him.
It was three decades into the war, and entire generations of wizards were taught at Hogwarts to be Death Eaters. Tom Riddle's forces now numbered in the thousands.
It wasn't a war anymore, they lost, and they knew it.
It was a daring plan, but it was all they had left. Seriously, not even a nuclear weapon could end the war. Seriously. Just drop a nuke on Azkaban island (which is the location of the new ministry).
With the brightest mind of their generation, the most powerful wizard of their generation, and a crafty old portrait (which they still couldn't trust all that much), they came up with something so crazy and so stupid that it just had work. Really.
Time travel.
If you can't beat him here, then why not do it before he gained power? Nothing wrong with that at all.
A time turner wouldn't work; they only work an hour at a time; decades were needed.
Hermione with the help of Dumbledore's portrait spent five years designing a ritual. It included a potion, a spell with an incantation lasting over half an hour (a spell that took years of arthimancy to design), and most disturbing of all: a human sacrifice.
Not just any human sacrifice, but the sacrifice of the caster's one true love. They tried years to work around it, but in the end it was decided that Hermione, Harry's one true love, would die in order to facilitate Harry's trip to the past.
It's not like time travel at this scale has never been tried or anything. A couple of witches and wizards in desperation cook up something in five years that likely thousands of people in the past have tried and failed to do. Hermione is just that smart you see.
Harry would take with him all fifty plus years of knowledge, and all of his magic and control, but he would be in his young body. He would be forced to live through the hell of his existence once again. He would wake up one morning in his cupboard and live his life again.
He knew exactly what needed to be done. He couldn't change big things, or else he would disturb the timeline. The timeline must be followed. Only small things could be changed. Don't screw with the timeline! Timeline! Timeline! Yes, that word is annoying isn't it?
He needed to live in his damned relative's house to keep the blood wards powered. Quirrel must die. Ginny will need to keep the diary, and the chamber must open as before. Sirius, the poor soul, must stay in that hell. Harry, must take part in the tournament, and that damned re-birthing ritual must take place.
Harry needed the dark lord's body to be rebuilt using his blood. Without it, there was no way to remove the horcrux. Harry needed to stay alive; only he could destroy Tom after all. Prophecies are infallible you know. Especially ones made by half rate seer's who just happen to make them during job interviews…
Nothing must change in order for Voldemort to fall.
He ignored the fact that in doing so, he was playing God with the lives of many, many people. He ignored the fact that he was manipulating people even more than Dumbledore could ever dream to have. He somehow began to believe in Dumbledore's view of 'the greater good'.
Dumbledore (even though they are using his help to create the ritual) is just so manipulative! Evil! Evil Dumbledore! Manipulative! Manipulative! Yes, that word is annoying too isn't it?
Harry gave his lover a long kiss, the last she would ever get.
"Harry... I love you, forever and ever." she cried.
"I love you too, forever and ever." He cried, so cliché.
He then pushed her into the ritual circle and began to chant...
He awoke in an unfamiliar place. It was dark and smelt terrible. Like moldy crotch, and shoe polish.
Where am I? Disregarding the fact that just moments earlier he did a ritual to jump back in time, he somehow forgot all about that...
He fumbled in the dark for his glasses. Where are they?
Then all his memories came flooding back to him. Somehow putting on glasses makes you remember time travel it seems.
Harry was instantly ecstatic.
Their all alive! Sirius! Remeus! Well, I won't be meeting them for a while but still! Their alive!!!
And Hermione! My love. I promise you, I will not let you be alone like before, I will be your boyfriend! Nope, not creepy.
Harry readied himself for the train.
As he waited on the platform, he heard a loud voice talking about muggles and Hogwarts and magic and stuff. Harry finally realized that his friendship with Ron was set up! Oh noes!
Well that bastard Ron wouldn't be our friend this time! Using the word 'our' because in his mind Hermione and he were already together. Not creepy at all. Nope.
Harry was discounting the fact that aside some petty jealousy, Ron was a decent friend in his past life.
Sitting in his compartment, he waited for the love of his life to come and be his. Not Creepy. nope.
He used a 'keep redheaded people away' spell to keep Ron away. He's awesome like that.
As she walked in looking for a lost frog, Harry's heart leapt. His love! His soul-mate! He could hardly stop himself from going over to her and kissing her and wrapping his arms around her. Not that a mentally fifty year old man wanting to kiss a eleven year old girl isn't beyond creepy and disturbing or anything…
At the sorting feast he had a long discussion with the hat. The horcruxy hat.
The hat has some secrecy thing that makes it so Dumbledore can't question it, because that totally makes sense.
After arguing for a really long time he finally got placed in Gryffindor.
Hat wanted Slytherin because Harry was sneaky and cunning and all that jazz. Also the fact that Harry was a creepy pedophile probably made the hat want the 'evil house'. Not that any good people come from that house. Severus, even though he was proved to be a good guy, was still evil! Snarky! Greasy! Greasy! Yes, that word is annoying too.
But Harry wouldn't budge. He wanted Gryffindor. It finally comes down to Harry revealing that somehow he is the heir of Gryffindor. It must have skipped a generation or something.
He, having sway with the hat, also decides to force the hat into putting Luna into Gryffindor, and Ron into Slytherin.
Ron, being an all-around decent bloke is rather surprised by this. He is also given a small penis, but that is neither here nor there.
Harry tries to befriend his love, but in doing so seriously creeps her out. She gets an 'old pedophile' vibe from him. Something about how he stares at her nonstop whenever they share a room.
He decides that the only way that he can get together with her is if he saves her life from the troll again.
The troll, sent by Quirrel, goes and meets her in the bathroom once again. Ron (who coincidentally decided to be mean to her on the same day as last time even though he is in slytherin and in different classes) was at fault for making her cry once again.
Harry 'bravely rescues' his love from the troll once again.
Finally earning her respect and somehow, her complete love and devotion Harry kisses her. She kisses back too. Gross, and so disturbing that if this were to be a story, most people would want to leave now.
The next morning in the great hall Harry and Hermione kiss in front of everyone (Eww..,). They all clap except for Ron who angrily stomps out of the hall. He wants her despite the fact that he is prepubescent and also made her cry the past day.
The staff start talking about who won the pool – Hagrid -- despite the disturbing display of two eleven year olds snogging. They don't know that Harry is older than some of them. Perhaps they would be disturbed with that? Maybe not.
Harry spends most of his free time snogging with his girlfriend (Eww…), or hanging out with his new best friend Neville. Ron sucks.
Everyone in the common room is completely okay with a couple of first years snogging in front of them. Completely normal.
Time passes quickly over the years.
At the end of the year he saves the stone and decides to keep it for himself. Never uses it though.
Second year, he lets everyone get petrified. It's for the greater good you know.
Over the course of the year he and Hermione fall deeper into 'love'. They don't just kiss anymore, they do things that are completely inappropriate for their ages. Not sex though.
Harry saves Ginny and destroys the Horcrux. He didn't save Ginny 'cause he likes her or her family or anything, the bitch gave him a love potion in his last life! …or something. She can die for all he cares, all he needs is the Diary. He lets her live tho, cause killing her would be bad.
Harry gets a special award all by himself. Ron can go fuck himself.
Harry and Hermione sleep together every night now. Not naked, and no sex! Eww!
Third year, Harry meets Sirius, but lets him stay a fugitive because he needs wormtail to go back to his master.
Must preserve the timeline.
Yup, still annoying.
Fourth year, Harry and Hermione are really, really close. Creepy close.
When Harry's name comes out of the goblet, he decides to be all awesome and win it.
Hermione helps him train, but the night before the first task she is totally worried and decides it's time to 'make love' which in actuality is more like 'statutory rape' or 'molesting a minor' or any other thing. Harry is a bad person and decides to do it. If this were a story, then the person reading this would like to know who to notify because this is totally gross and wrong. Not just creepy anymore, but wrong.
Harry takes her to the ball and it's all lovey-dovey and totally creepy.
The third task comes. Harry and Cedric are portkeyed to the graveyard. Harry saves Cedric's life and somehow the ritual still works. Escaping, Harry realizes that he has a witness now, so Fudge can't ignore Voldemort's return. Yay! Totally not planned!
Over the summer before fifth year, Harry decides that now that all the pieces are in place he can start the horcrux 'hunt'.
The diary is destroyed.
The locket was easy enough to destroy.
The cup was easy to get because Harry is awesome and got Sirius' name cleared. As head of house black, he claimed the LeStrange vaults and took the cup. Yep, that simple.
The ring was a bit difficult because there were traps, but it all worked out in the end.
When school started, Harry got the diadem from the room of requirement, and used Dobby to get the hat.
Poor first years didn't get sorted. Now there's house unity and all that crap.
Now Harry is ready to be 'killed' by Voldemort. He has secretly been training for as long as he has been back to kill Tom Fucking Riddle.
After a short search, Harry finds Voldemort and dies.
He does the whole 'train station' thing and comes back to life. Yay Harry.
Fighting Voldemort and all of his followers for the last time, Harry finally strikes down the evil bastard.
Harry is all happy and stuff and returns to Hogwarts to have 'normal' fifth, sixth, and seventh years.
After graduation Harry and Hermione have a giant wedding. Everyone is invited. Except Dumbledore, Snape, or the Weasleys. Ron sucks.
After the wedding they go to their suite to consummate the marriage, but before they have sex, Harry decides it's time to tell her the truth about everything.
He starts with his past life and works his way from there. Every manipulation, every wrong he ever did was told.
If he had looked up at any time from the story he might have seen the horrified look on her face. He might have then seen that look turn from horror to disgust and then finally turn to absolute rage.
When he stopped, she finally decided to let him have it.
"Do you fancy yourself God?!" She screamed, "What is wrong with you?!" She took a good look at him and continued, "Did you groom me to love you?! Fuck! You're like sixty! We've had sex!"
Harry tried to put a hand on her shoulder to calm her down.
"Get your hands off me you fucking pervert! Pedophile! What's wrong with you?! I was fifteen when we first had sex, you were what? Fifty?!" she waited to catch her breath, "Merlin! What about Ginny? You let her get possessed? Fuck! Sirius! You let him stay in Azkaban?!"
"It was for the greater good…"
"Fuck your greater good, and fuck you too!"
After that, she got up and ran off, slamming the door as she went.
That was not the response he expected. He didn't think she would take it that way.
…But then again, time traveling wizards are stupid.
AN: This is my take on the ridiculous 'time travel' Genre.
Initially, I had a blurb here about another author's story, but I feel that I don't need to bash him/her specifically when the genre itself is ripe with so many clichés and filled with such bad writing.
Not that I dislike all time-travel stories; most of my disdain for this genre comes from the fact that I actually like to read a well written time travel fic, and always inevitably find myself wading through all the crap to find something worthwhile.
Cheers
PS: Some people have taken from this chapter that I love snape, dumbledore, and ron.
I dont.
Even going just from what I've written in this fic you should know that I hate ron. I've killed him like 4 or 5 times.
I've had dumbles make some terrible mistakes. Dumbledore is clearly not a great person, but in fanon people have made dumbledore into this person that is just so unrealistically evil.
Snape i'm mostly okay with.
For some reason people have it in their heads that Snape asked Voldemort to spare Lily for a sex slave.
Uh uh people.
He was asking Voldemort to spare a childhood friend. He loved her, but he didn't ask for a sex slave. Sorry people.
He was also intricate in the plan to destroy Voldemort. Not evil.
They also use the 'he killed dumbledore!' excuse to make him look evil, but that doesn't work when you hate dumbledore too.
Cant have it both ways.
