Forty-seven, forty-eight, forty-nine... Susan thought, counting the decorative tiles that bordered the room. She was sitting in the elaborately decorated living room of Ms. Wyndham-Price, the hostess for the month's Charity League meeting. They were discussing ribbonless orphans in France or raising money for repairs to the library roof. They could have been discussing the tragic melting of popsicles at the beach for all Susan knew. She had not paid a second of attention since she had finished her scone and bland tea Ms. Wyndham-Price had served.

Sixty-three, sixty-four, sixty-five…

"Susan!" Charity hissed, elbowing Susan's arm.

"What?" Susan said, rather loudly from being startled out of her counting.

"Miss Pevensie?" Ms. Wyndham-Price asked, confused by Susan's outburst.

"Yes. I'm sorry. What were you saying?" Susan stammered, her cheeks turning pink as she realized the entire room was staring at her.

"I was just commenting on how wonderful Mrs. Stanton's idea was for raising funds for the shoeless orphans (Shoeless! Not ribbonless! Susan thought, mentally rolling her eyes at her mistake) in France," Ms. Wyndham-Price said, smiling at an older woman seated near the front of the room.

"Lovely," Susan murmured politely.

The meeting continued and Susan made an effort to appear to be paying attention, however difficult it was. It seemed an eternity later when Ms. Wyndham-Price announced the meeting was over, thanking the women for their attendance. As Susan stood to gather her things to leave, Charity grabbed her arm and asked, "What is with you lately? This is the third time you've dazed off this week!"

Sighing deeply in annoyance, Susan apologized, "I know, I know. I'm sorry. I've just not been sleeping well lately." Her excuse, which wasn't the exact reason for her dazing off, was true; over the past month her sleeping habits had gone from bad to worse. She tossed and turned throughout the night, unable to sleep some nights and waking frequently during others. Her dreams were vivid, haunting her nights, as scenes from her time in Narnia flickered in and out of her mind. Occasionally she would wake, crying over those dreams as a sense of longing overtook her. On those nights she would get up from her bed (which was her parents' old bed that she now slept in) and crawl into her sister's bed, feeling as though a gentle breeze blew her thoughts away. It was only then that she slept dreamlessly and finally at peace. It occurred to her on numerous occasions to always sleep in Lucy's bed, but on the nights that she attempted to do so, she found her emotions overwhelmed her and she became just as sleepless as ever.

"Susan, I know you're still dealing with the death of your family, but it's been almost a year. Don't you think it's time you started to move on?" Charity offered, her voice tinged with a false comfort.

Susan smiled tightly and said, "Perhaps you're right."

"Maybe you need a distraction!" Charity exclaimed. "Look at this!" She held up her left hand, a large diamond sparkling on her ring finger. Susan's eyes widened as she forced an excited smile for her friend.

"It's lovely," she said.

"Isn't it? Marcus does have wonderful taste, if I do say so myself! He did choose me, after all," Charity giggled as she twisted her hand so her ring could sparkle in the light.

Edmund walked into the Great Hall and saw his older sister standing next to the dais where their thrones sat, staring strangly at hers, a bolt of fabric forgotten in her hand. "Something wrong Su?" Edmund called. Susan jumped and turned, her hand lifting to her heart.

"You scared me, Edmund! What are you doing sneaking up on me like that?" she scolded. Edmund rolled his eyes as he approached his sister.

"I didn't sneak up on you. I actually walked rather loudly into the room. You were just too engrossed in your throne to notice anything," he explained sarcastically.

"Where's Georgiana? She was supposed to be here an hour ago," Susan asked, quickly changing the subject.

"She's still meeting with the Council for all I know. I haven't seen her since early this morning when she went into their chambers," Edmund said, a wistful look on his face.

"Well, can you go find her? This ceremony won't plan itself and Lucy's already off doing who knows what," Susan sighed.

"Sure, I will. But I wanted to talk to you about something first," Edmund said, grasping his sister's elbow and leading her to the steps of the dais. "Let's sit," he said as he sat on the top step. Cocking an eyebrow at her brother, Susan did the same. "You aren't okay with Caspian being engaged," Edmund stated matter-of-factly.

"Ed, I do not want to talk about that right now. I have enough going on without thinking of it," Susan said angrily as she started to rise.

"Su, wait!" Edmund said forcefully, placing his hand on Susan's shoulder to prevent her from standing. Susan glared at her brother but remained seated, waiting for him to continue. "This isn't like last time, you know. With Rabadash. Caspian didn't do this to hurt you and feels pretty lousy that he did. The whole trip back he was ridiculously impossible to deal with. Caspian's a good man who, to be quite honest, got tired of waiting," Edmund said, hesitantly saying his last sentence.

"So now this is my fault?" Susan cried, jumping up.

"I didn't say that," Edmund began.

"I did what everyone told me to do! I kept my feelings from him! I maintained the dignity that came with being a Queen of Narnia!" Susan exclaimed.

"I know, I know. Calm down Susan. I didn't mean this was your fault," Edmund said soothingly as he stood up. "Caspian mentioned several times during the voyage that he thought your feelings for him had changed. Even Lucy and I have noticed that you haven't been the same around him lately. You stopped looking at him with those doe eyes a long time ago and have started acting more like yourself around him. Caspian's like Peter, a man of action. I think he just got tired of waiting for you to figure out your feelings and I think that if you had felt strongly enough about him, you would have told him by now."

"Oh, Edmund," Susan wailed as she threw her arms around her brother. "Why do I have such terrible luck with love?" Edmund chuckled slightly at his sister's dramatic question and patted her back comfortingly.

"Because you pick such idiots to fall in love with," he laughed, Susan pulling back and joining in with his laughter.

"Well, fortunately for you, you don't. So go find Georgiana before she meets the son of a star and falls madly in love with him," Susan joked, wiping her tears from her face. Edmund made a sour face at his sister and turned to leave, shaking his head slightly. "Oh, and tell her to hurry up and come help me! This is her party after all!" Susan called after him, receiving a wave from Edmund as he shut the Great Hall's door behind him.

Later that afternoon Susan sat in a small coffee shop, a cup of coffee sitting in front of her, forgotten, as she waited for Robert to meet her. She and Robert had become fast friends over the past several months since that Christmas at the cemetery, much to her friends' dismay. They viewed him as a bad influence on Susan, taking her away from the more important aspects of their lives such as shopping and hair appointments. Susan merely rolled her eyes at them; with her parents now gone and no extra money available, Susan had given up on the luxuries she had once enjoyed. She barely shopped now for anything other than groceries and basic necessities and she had learned to live without getting her hair styled once a week as her friends did. Her small trust fund, set up by her late grandparents, kept her comfortable while her parents' life insurance had paid off the house and other bills.

Her weekly coffee shop visits with Robert were one of the only luxuries she still allowed herself and looked forward to them more than any of the lavish parties she attended each month. Susan, not wanting to cause any more problems than necessary, kept her time with Robert a secret from her other friends. The two had discussed the issue once, Robert shrugging with indifference when Susan told him her friends disapproved of their friendship.

"It really makes no difference to me what those people think. They tossed my family out of their circle faster than you could blink after my father lost his money. They'll never understand that it was possibly the biggest blessing in disguise and that my family has been happier being poor, if that's what we are, than we ever were when we were wealthy," he had explained. Susan had felt slightly ashamed of her secret friendship with Robert, but had brushed it off when she reminded herself that without her circle of friends, she might truly be alone now.

Robert walked into the coffee shop and Susan lifted her hand to wave at him. He gave a slight wave back and walked to the table where she sat, sliding into the curved booth.

"Fancy meeting you here," he teased, smiling at her. Susan laughed lightly at his greeting, the same one he gave her every week when they met. A waitress came to the table and they ordered their usual two cups of coffee (one to replace Susan's cup, which had grown cold) and a large slice of red velvet cake to share, which Robert kindly let Susan eat the most of, never commenting on the fact that she usually only saved him a bite or two.

When the waitress walked away, Robert turned to Susan and asked, "What do you have planned for this evening?"

Susan shrugged and said, "I'm supposed to help Charity look at napkins for her wedding." Susan was Charity's maid of honor, or, as Susan liked to call it, "personal wedding slave." The Clayworths had insisted that Charity have a long engagement, claiming she was not old enough to get married. The true reason, however, was that they felt her fiancé Marcus was only marrying her for the money she would one day inherit and had hoped making the two wait would prevent the marriage from ever occurring. But no one had the heart to tell Charity this, Susan least of all.

"Well, tell her to pick out her own napkins. I'm taking you out tonight. You look like you could use a little fun in your life," Robert said, grinning at Susan. She returned his smile and shook her head.

"I can't possibly do that. Charity would have my head on a silver platter!" she laughed.

Robert snorted, saying, "I'll protect you from her. You're coming with me, end of discussion."

Susan laughed again and said, "Okay, okay. Where are we going then?"

"A friend of mine is playing at a club tonight. I promised I would come watch him and thought you might enjoy going out," Robert explained.

"That sounds nice. Much nicer than picking out napkins," Susan said, rolling her eyes over the thought of spending hours deciding between ivory and cream napkins. Funny, Susan thought, inwardly sighing. I used to love doing that before.

When the waitress returned with their coffees and cake, Susan delved in, taking a large bite of the cake. Robert chuckled quietly as he watched her eat, nudging the plate nearer towards her.

"Sorry," Susan mumbled, covering her full mouth with her hand.

"Quite okay," Robert said as he forked a small piece of the cake. The two continued to eat and talk for a good while, enjoying the happy world their tall-backed booth created. It wasn't until a group of ladies sat in the booth behind them that their happy world was disturbed.

"They sound like a gaggle of hens," Robert whispered jokingly, commenting on the ladies' loud conversation.

"Hens don't travel in gaggles," Susan whispered back knowingly, correcting his mistake.

"Well, since we're being factual, I don't believe hens travel, since they can't fly," Robert replied softly, a clever smile on his face. Susan was about to retort when she heard her name spoken by one of the ladies.

"Did you see that Susan Pevensie today at the meeting? Why I don't believe she paid an ounce of attention the entire time!" the first lady said. Susan's eyes grew wide in merriment as she smiled at Robert, who was shaking with silent laughter.

"I know! She's turned into a real Dolly Daydream lately. Today isn't the first time I've seen her staring off. It's as if she's in a completely other world!" a second lady agreed.

If they only knew how I sometimes was, Susan thought, inwardly smiling.

"Well you know what I think her problem is," the first lady said, her voice dropping low. Susan strained her ear towards the back of the booth to hear them better.

"Susan, maybe we should get going," Robert suggested, nervous about what viciousness the women in the other booth might say about Susan. His warning came too late, however, as Susan's eyes narrowed as she listened to the woman.

"She's been acting strangely since her family died. Of course, I understand her dilemma and feel sorry for the poor dear. But she doesn't seem to be moving on with her life. I think if she sold that old house of hers and found a husband, she would return to the Susan Pevensie we all knew from before."

"Susan, let's go," Robert said, sliding out of the booth and offering his hand to her. Susan sighed and threw her napkin on the table as she slid out of the booth as well, taking his hand as she stood. "I'll go pay the bill. Why don't you wait outside for me?" Robert suggested, squeezing her hand comfortingly. Susan nodded and walked to the door of the restaurant, her body shaking from the anger she felt towards the ladies in the booth.

How dare they? As though a husband would fix everything! her mind screamed in frustration. And what Susan do they want? The shallow girl who treated her family so horribly? Who pretended to be someone she wasn't? That girl doesn't exist anymore! Susan's fists clenched tightly as she thought this, turning to look in the coffee shop's window. She could see Robert standing at the counter paying for their coffee and cake. Her fists loosened as she thought, Or does she?

Susan leaned against the side of the building as she attempted to get her emotions under control. Robert came out of the coffee shop moments later, his face full of concern.

"Maybe they're right. Maybe I do need to begin moving on," Susan said, her voice void of emotion.

"Susan," Robert began slowly. "I don't think you need to take the gossiping of some silly old women seriously. You need to do what you feel is right, not what they think is best for you."

"But I don't know what's right! I've never decided what was best for me. How am I supposed to know?" Susan said slightly hysterical.

"Your Majesty, it has come to our attention that you have come to harbor certain feelings for his Majesty, King Caspian," the Lord Regent said. Susan sat in her throne in front of the gathered Council, who had asked to meet with her. Her siblings were elsewhere, not being told about this meeting. And of course Caspian had not been invited. He probably got off easy, Susan thought angrily.

"My feelings towards King Caspian, and any other person, are not the concern of this Council. If that is the sole purpose of this meeting, then I am afraid you are wasting your time gentlemen," Susan said heatedly as she rose to leave.

"If your Majesty would please hear us out," the Lord Regent said loudly, standing as well. Susan glared at him, hoping her face looked as fierce as her 16 year old self could manage, and sat, waiting for him to continue. "The Council feels, and I am certain your brothers High King Peter and King Edmund will agree, that you are too young to be courted and married. Especially to a king who has just recently been put into his throne," the Lord Regent stated.

"What are you proposing then, Lord Regent? That I get my brothers' approval for every detail of my life? That I call a full Council meeting to run by you any feelings I may have for another?" Susan spat angrily.

"It is the Council's wish, your Majesty, that you direct your energies, for the time being of course, on being Queen of Narnia. You were once known as Queen Susan the Gentle, Narnia's great beauty. Now that you have returned, we feel it necessary for you to reclaim your title and flourish once again. I am certain that while your tender age prevents you from understanding our wishes now, as time passes you will understand that this is the best course for not only you and your role as Queen, but for Narnia as well," the Lord Regent gently explained. Susan gripped the arms of her throne, her knuckles whitening under the strain, as she struggled to control her voice, fearing the furiousness she felt would show as she spoke.

"I hope," she began, her voice deadly calm. "That you are not suggesting, Lord Regent, that I do not understand my duty as Queen of Narnia. I know who I once was and I know who I now am. While I may be young again, it would do well for you to remember that I ruled for fifteen years and I am fully aware of the effects of my actions on Narnia. You tread on very dangerous ground, Lord Regent, by suggesting otherwise." Susan paused briefly, staring hard at the Council members before continuing. "I will comply with your advisements. Not, however, for the sake of any of you, my siblings, King Caspian or even myself. I do this for my people, for the Narnians, who now look to me as one of their rulers, their leaders." Sighing deeply, she added, "I have once before allowed my people to pay for my mistakes when it came to matters of the heart. I will not allow that to happen again."

Susan quickly glanced in the mirror, checking her appearance one last time, as she hurried to answer the door. Perfect, as always, Susan thought cheerfully. After her minor melt-down earlier at the coffee shop, she had come home and curled up in her bed for a long nap. Waking refreshed from a rare, dreamless sleep, she began to get excited about her plans with Robert. It had been so long since she had gone out just for fun, most of her current plans consisting of stuffy parties and social engagements.

Tonight is just what I need, she mentally decided, smoothing her simple, but stylish, blue dress as she opened the front door. Robert stood on the door step, dashingly handsome in a black tuxedo. Susan's eyes grew wide as she stared at him, her jaw dropping in surprise.

"Why are you dressed like that?" she cried.

"Because this is typically what you wear to the club I'm taking you to," Robert explained slowly, confused at Susan's greeting. Susan looked down at her dress, a mild panic setting in.

"Why didn't you tell me what type of club we were going to? I thought-" she started, but was cut off by Robert's laughter.

"You thought I would take you to some type of lower class place, didn't you?"

Susan blushed furiously as she stammered, "Well, you just- I didn't know," causing Robert to laugh harder.

"Well then, are you ready to go?" he asked when his laughter had stopped.

"I can't go like this! I won't even be let in!" Susan wailed.

"Well, go change into something else. I'm sure you have dozens of things that are appropriate. And you'll be with me," he added, winking. "No one would dare not let you in." Susan shot him a look that wiped his teasing grin from his face before turning and rushing upstairs.

Susan changed quickly, luck being on her side as she had a dress she had just gotten back from the cleaners hanging in her closet. Hurrying down the stairs she nearly ran into Robert, who was standing at the bottom waiting for her.

"Better now?" Robert teased.

"This is all your fault, you know," Susan said as she walked past him to pick up her purse off a small table by the door.

"Yes, I know. I'm always the one to blame," Robert sarcastically moaned, following close behind her as they walked out the door.

When they were in Robert's car and driving through the streets of downtown London, Robert asked, "So what did Charity say when you told her you had to cancel your plans with her?"

Susan let out a tiny sigh and answered, "She was upset, of course. I didn't expect anything less."

"Did she say anything about where you were going?" Robert asked. Susan hesitated before answering. She hadn't exactly told Charity the true reason for cancelling her plans, making an excuse of being tired and needing a night to relax rather than tell her friend that she was going to a club with Robert St. James. Charity would have never understood and most likely would have gossiped to all of their friends about Susan's night out.

"You didn't tell her, did you?" Robert asked, his voice filled with disappointment.

"Robert," Susan began softly, her face apologetic as she turned to him.

"It's okay Susan. I know," Robert said, turning his eyes back to the road. They rode in silence the rest of the way, Susan staring out the passenger window at the darkened buildings that lined the street. There were still some in ruins from the bombings, although many had begun to be rebuilt. She looked up when the car stopped, asking, "Are we here?"

Robert nodded quietly as he turned off the engine and opened his door to get out. When he walked around to her side of the car and opened her door, she stepped out and peered up at him.

"Are we okay?" she asked hesitantly. Robert gave her a half smile and nodded.

"We're okay," he said, offering his arm to her. Susan shut her door and linked her hand through his arm.

"Ready?" Robert asked as they walked to the door of the brightly lit club.

"Let's go," Susan said, pushing the door open.


Hours later, when the show was over, the two walked out of the club, Robert struggling to hold on to a rather tipsy Susan who seemed to be everywhere all at once. Thinking a walk might help, Robert led her to a nearby park where she could move without fear of stepping off the curb and being hit by a car, an issue that had nearly occured twice.

"Wasn't that just wonderful?" Susan exclaimed as she spun in a circle around Robert when they had entered the park. He chuckled, attempting to grab her to keep her from falling.

"It was. I'm glad you had a good time," he said.

"Oh, I did! And I never realized just how lovely champagne tastes when I'm not drinking it at one of those dreadful parties!" she said as she wrapped her arms around one of Robert's.

"It is quite good, although pretty potent when you have six glasses. I told you to take it easy," he gently scolded, smiling at Susan's upturned face. She snorted and remained silent as she let go of Robert's arm and walked ahead of him. He shook his head and smiled, following close behind.

There was a small fountain in the middle of the park which Susan stopped in front of, seeming entranced by the glowing spray which was illuminated by the dim park lights. Robert stood next beside her, a flash coming from his hand. Susan looked down and saw he was holding a coin up.

"Want to make a wish?" he asked mischievously. Susan swayed slightly as she grabbed the coin, grinning at him. Turning back to the fountain, she closed her eyes. She felt the ground spin beneath her, unsure of whether from the champagne or the power of her wish. Tossing the coin towards the fountain, she heard the tiny 'plunk' of it as it hit the water. Seconds later, a second 'plunk' sounded and she opened her eyes quickly.

"Did you wish too?" she asked, glancing over at Robert.

He nodded and asked, "What did you wish for?"

Turning back to stare at the fountain, Susan softly replied, "The impossible."

They remained silent for several minutes before Susan asked, "What did you wish for? Anything good?"

Robert chuckled and said, "I wished for the impossible, too." Susan turned to stare up at him, meeting his smiling eyes. Robert inhaled deeply, saying, "I think I'm going to kiss you now."

"Okay," Susan replied. He leaned down and touched his lips to hers. A warm feeling filled Susan's stomach, the familiar tugging sensation coursing through her. She had felt a similar feeling when Rabadash had kissed her. And again years later from Caspian's kiss. But this kiss held something more for her than either of her previous ones had. The warm feeling spread throughout her body, catching every inch of it on fire. She had never felt this way in her life, in any of times she had lived it. When the feeling reached her head, it began to shoot off warnings, her mind screaming at her to stop the kiss. Robert is your friend! A friend no one approves of! she thought, fears whirling through her head.

"Wait!" Susan cried, pushing away from Robert.

"I'm sorry," he said immediately, worried he had pushed too far with her current state.

"No, please don't apologize," Susan said, holding up her hand. "We're friends."

"Of course," Robert said softly, understanding her reasons for stopping the kiss. "I think I might have had a little too much champagne too." Susan smiled, happy he wasn't angry with her stopping the kiss.

"Let's get you home. It's getting cold out here," Robert said, wrapping his arm around Susan's shoulder. The two walked back to where Robert's car was parked, laughing and talking about the show, pretending their kiss had never happened.