Hello and happy holidays to all great readers and reviewers! Tis the holiday season and that of course can only mean one thing. This is Christmas Tells ALL! Here it's the Christmas season every day but to the rest of the world this sacred season comes only once a year so I guess I need to make an apology for not being able to post during the season. But we can make it up to you!
Bernard: And how to you propose we do that?
By having a new host for the next five chapters! You can vote for any cast member of the Santa Clause and they will be your joyous(and not so joyous) host for the next chapter! You can vote for the host in your reviews but you can't vote for Jack.
Jack: WHA?
You already hosted Jack and it wouldn't be fair to all the other great hosts out there. So now that you know the rules, just vote. And remember, ANYONE that was in the movies can be a host so get creative. Now, on to the reviews! Our first comes from Aquette Calvin who asks: frankie... wow, not the prettiest name scott... sorry. and for the author. my name is pronounced aww-Queh-et i dont know thats the best way i can describe it. but whatever way your prefer to pronounce it, that is fine, ive heard it many my next question is for curtis and bernard: how come you guys are so tall?and i have a question for everyone including all legendary figures and elves that are important (judy, abby, Quinten :D): if you could have any super power what would it be and why?and finally a quick dare: i dare carol and laura to switch lives for a week. carol lives at teh millers house and laura lives at the pole. no they dont have to do all the things the other does. and to keep it clean lets have carol and laura both sleep in guest rooms. but just to try it out living in the others world. ok thanks!
Hey that's a great name! So pretty! Better than Frankie…
Carol: I told you so.
Santa: Hey now that is NOT nice picking on the fat guy.
Get over it. Okay Bernard and Curtis why ARE you guys so huge?
Bernard: My father is half human and I gained his height in my trait.
Curtis: I just drink a lot of milk.
Wow and here I thought that the magic of being first and second elves made you guys genetically more advanced.
Bernard: Not everything is that spectacular.
Curtis: Nope.
Well you guys are boring. Okay it's now time for our next question to all including Judy, Abby, and Quentin. She was very specific about you guys.
Quentin, Abby, and Judy: Aw thanks!
Okay so if you guys could have super powers, what would they be? Santa start us off.
Santa: I would have the ability to fly.
But don't you already?
Santa: No the reindeer do. I've always been so jealous of them.
Reindeer: Hahaha
Santa: Grr.
Carol: I would have the ability to sing.
But Carol, that isn't a super power.
Carol: Um, have you HEARD my singing? Being able to sing would definitely be super.
Jack: I would give myself the ability to be super strong. Why? So I can crush my foes instead of just freeze them.
Bernard: I would have super speed so I can get everything done in the day and take a break for once.
Curtis: I would have the ability to be all knowing at everything.
Bernard: What? No comment about already being all knowing?
Curtis: Well being all knowing, I knew you'd hurt me if I said that.
Bernard: (Flicks Curtis in the ear)
Charlie: I would give myself the ability to talk to animals because I've always wanted to know what a capybara thinks about.
Neil: I would give myself super strength like Jack because I've always wanted to know what it's like to be super strong.
MN: I would have the ability to be super stretchy so I could do gymnastics. That happens to be a secret passion of mine.
Cupid: I would have the ability to melt people with my eyes. You know, if looks could kill. Ha ha …yeah.
EB: Aw Cupid took mine. I guess I'd just have the skill of martial arts on my side. You know, sort of like Batman. No powers but all the skill and fame.
Sandman: I would turn invisible so no one would catch me taking a nap.
Father Time: I'm already magical but I guess I could use the power of youth.
Power of youth?
Father Time: Please just move on.
TF: I would give myself the power to read minds so I could know what you all REALLY think of my new names. I know you like the Molinator.
MN: Uh…
Quentin: I would have the power to levitate objects on my side? Why? Because I want to make things move without getting up to get them.
Abby: I would have the ability to make the world smile. I love to see people smile.
Judy: Like Curtis, I would want to be all knowing so I could be more help around the workplace.
Abby: You already are Judy!
Judy: Oh thank you!
Okay I think that's everyone. Now on to the dare. Carol, Laura, It's time to switch it up for a whole week.
Carol: Oh boy
Laura: This is bad.
Okay see you in a week you two.
One week later…
Hello everyone it has been officially one week since we last saw Carol and Laura(if you can believe that). Let's look at the highlights of their week hm?
(TV turns on and all goes dark)
Carol! Carol!
(Laura as Carol turns to elf. )
What's the problem here little elf?
I ACCIDENTALLY BAKED TINSEL IN THE COOKIE OVEN!
(Laura sees smoke in the distance)
AHHHHH!
…
Laura we should talk more.
(Carol sighs, acting as Laura)
About what Neil?
About your feelings Laura.
Gosh you sound like a housewife Neil.
WE NEVER TALK ANYMORE!
Get away from me!
…
Well wasn't this an informative exercise?
Okay so…next reviewer! Our next comes from….a mysterious reviewer.
Everyone: Ohhhhh ahhhhhh
Yes indeed. Okay so our super secret reviewer who's name does not wish to be revealed asks us: Bernard:who was the very first Santa?
Well sweetheart? Care to share?
Bernard: Only if you do NOT call me that!
Just playing hard to get.
Bernard: Grr… Okay our very first Santa was none other than jolly old Saint Nicholas. No really. His name was Nicholas. As a young child, Nicholas's rich parents died of illness and left him with a grand fortune with which he did not know what to spend it on. Wandering aimlessly through the woods one day, he stumbled upon a traveling elf who told him about the wonders of toy making back at his village, Overjoyed, Saint Nicholas followed the kind little man back to his village and saw how desperately the children elves needed nourishment and warm houses. Nicholas was told of the tragic tale that the elves only wanted to make children toys to play with but each elf that went off to find a village of children was attacked by wolves on their way there. And so, Saint Nicholas realized his calling and what to spend his grand fortune on. He invested in the elves villages, eventually moving them to the north pole for added protection and became a jolly representation to all who knew him. He brought toys to children and cheer to lives everywhere.
Jack: Wow that was truly a historical and magical-zzzzzzzzz
Abby: Well I for one found it very informative. You're very smart Bernard
Bernard: Wow um, thanks Abby. (blushes modestly)
Okaaaaay so on to our next wonderful reviewer. This one comes from the wonderful chrismas tree 62 who asks us: curtis why was the toy santa so creepy? neil do you still have your wenie whistle? bernard is there any food you hate? jack I dare you to sing frosty the snow man
Curtis: I really don't know why toy Santa was so creepy looking. I mean, I programmed him to look just like Santa but…I just don't know. Maybe a glitch?
Right. A glitch. Okay Neil, do you have your weenie whistle?
Neil: Of course I do! That will be my most treasured gift for always! Although the thrill of blowing the dang thing wore off in about 4 and a half seconds.
Bernard: Foods I hate? I absolutely despise green bean casserole. Yuck!
Yeah that's nasty. And what about you Jack? Are you gonna sing for us?(snickers)
Jack: I had better be getting paid for this! I am so humiliated! Frosty the Snowman, was a jolly, happy soul. With a corncob pipe and a button nose and two eyes made out of coal. Frosty the Snowman is a fairytale they say. He is made of snow but the children know how he came to life one day. YUCK!I hate that (bleep) song!
Well now. That is no excuse for such language!
Jack: Whatever. Where's my check?
Uh…hey it's time for the next request! Our next comes from Santa Clause Fan who asks us: Hey this question is for Benard,.. Sorry if it's already been asked but it's been on my mind. In the first Santa Clause you told Scott that if the other Santa fell of your roof and you put on the coat then your the big guy,.. but my question is, what if Scott had been a woman?
Bernard: Oh that's simple…..hmmmm…huh.
What?
Bernard: I don't know.
You don't know?
Everyone: (Dramatic gasp!)
Bernard: The history of Santa's have always been males. We just never had a woman become Santa. I suppose she would become the next Santa but…
Santa: Well that would be interesting.
Let's just hope you don't get your job stolen by a girl scout and we won't have to figure this out. Okay next question/ dare! Our next comes from the always great to have, Snowkissa who asks: Ok, first of all Jack: you're one to talk about hair tips, okey? I bet a certain someone spends HOURS making his hair as FROSTY as possible. Bernard just has natural awesome curly hair. I think I sense a bit of jealousy in the air! :P And second: I dare EVERYONE to make Christmas poems :) Love you all! Even Jack, because I like winter :))
Jack: Hey I am NOT jealous of that pointy-eared freak!
Bernard(chuckling): Typical denial. Poor sad Jack.
Jack: I swear if this wasn't a children's segment…I'd-
Bernard: You'd WHAT? Sing Frosty the Snowman again?
CALM DOWN! We have a show to finish up here and then you guys can go your separate ways! Can't we all make peace during the Christmas season?
Santa: I agree. Let's love and be joyous during the giving season. To be happy and loved is the greatest reason.
There you go Santa, starting us off! Everyone give a poem!
Carol: In winter's bite and snow's sharp cold, Christmas is a warmth a lifetime old.
Bernard: Working hard all year long, makes for a happiness that's pure and strong.
Curtis: To be an elf is grand and new, to see a child's wish come true.
Jack: Icy cold and bitter winds fills me with great thrills and grins.
Neil: The lights are aglow and the fire is warm, our Christmas is grand in our own home.
Charlie: The gift of giving this holiday time is a perfect way to end this rhyme.
Yay what a great dose of Christmas love and cheer! That should be great enough to make us all stop fighting now right?
Bernard: What do you say Jack? Let bygones be bygones?
Jack: Yeah right.
Sigh. Okay I tried. Let's just move on to our next reviewer. This one comes from Whooligan who sends us: Hello all! This story is awesome- As soon as I found it I sat down and read it all in a day. :) So I'd like to say that Bernard is amazing, and is obviously the best character here. Jack... Ugh. I feel the only reason people like him is his frosty hair-which is kinda cool- but Bernard has those amazing curls that you have to love. You know what, I change my previous statement. The elves are the coolest, with the exception of Curtis. Bernard is still the best, but all the elves rock. Anyway...So I actually do have some questions for the cast here. First off, Bernard: What happened to your awesome Brooklyn accent? You had it in the first movie, and I melted. But it vanished in the second! Don't worry, you were still awesome... But where'd it go?Second: Curtis, where the heck did you come from? The first movie had great elves, and Bernard didn't have to worry about strangling you. Then the second movie pops up and BAM! Your immediately sucking up to Santa, pissing Bernard off, trying to steal his job, and being overall annoying. And in the third movie- Bernard, you trusted CURTIS as head elf? I never thought you'd have such a lapse of logic. Heck, the whole movie I was worried you were tied up and thrown in a closet somewhere because Curtis had tried to overthrow you! You should've left Judy or Quinton in charge of you needed a break. But I digress... I had a challenge as well. Well, a few challenges. I've seen alot of tension between three characters mostly here- Bernard, Jack, and Curtis. Here's what I'd like to see: Bernard, I know you aren't a fighter but all that pent-up anger will have horrible effects later down the road. Therefore I think Jack should have his powers taken for a little duel between the three of them, so they can stop this little testosterone battle and calm down. Then, because I don't believe that'll be enough, I'd like the three of them to sit down with Neil and have a little therapy session. Oh, and since Jack will go ahead and ruin their peace next episode... I think that in the next episode after this dare Jack shouldn't be allowed to talk except to answer questions. And even then he can't have any smart comments... And everytime he disobeys that order Bernard gets to slap him. Sound good, Bernard?Oh, and I almost forgot! Bernard- Just curious, but do you happen to be good at math? ;)
Wow we've got a lot to go through here! Let's start with Bernard's question. What happened to your Brooklyn accent?
Bernard: I had a Brooklyn accent? Gosh where was I?
Santa: It's true you did. A very intimidating Brooklyn accent.
Bernard: Well…I guess I grew out of it? I'm sorry.
Curtis: What do you mean where did I come from? I am the second -in-command! I was DESTINED to be part of this! I-
Bernard: Just shut up and tell the reviewer how you ruined my life!
Curtis: Excuse me?
Santa: Curtis…
Curtis: Fine. I wasn't in the first movie because I was only 200 years old and considered a baby in elf years. I became 'number two', so to speak, when I graduated as valedictorian in elf school and had my genius recognized by the man in red. I am awesome.
Santa: The REAL reason I hired Curtis was to give Bernard some easy time so he wasn't one-hundred percent relied on. I guess that sort of backfired.
Curtis: Why does everyone hate me?
Bernard: As for leaving Curtis to do my job, let me just clear this up for everyone. I did NOT intend to allow Curtis to be the head elf. He was only to handle the small simple tasks I do everyday while the elves finished up their duties. Apparently, even that was too much for the little pea brain.
Curtis: I hate everyone.
Well that's great Curtis!
Curtis: No it's not.
I mean it is because you guys get to fight about your hatred.
Jack: YES!Bernard: No.
And Jack you can't comment.
Jack: But-
Nope. Not at all.
Bernard: I'm liking this now.
I know you don't fight much but this will make you feel better. Now let's get ready to RUMBLE!(Bernard, Curtis, and Jack have a snowball fight to the death)
Just kidding. No one dies. But I think they've calmed down now.
Bernard: Y-yeah.
Curtis: (Gasping) I think I coughed up my lung!
Jack: …
Neil: And now it's time for therapy!
Bernard: Again? Why does everyone think I need therapy?
I'm not answering that.
Curtis: Neither am I. I've decided to try and be nicer.
Bernard: Me too.
That's great but you're still doing it.
Bernard: Aw come on!
Neil: Jack why are you so mean to Bernard? And I don't want any sarcasm.
Jack: He annoys me. Along with everyone else on this stupid planet being all happy. It's disgusting.
Neil: Okay. And Curtis, why are you so intent on stealing Bernard's job?
Curtis: It isn't just Bernard that's the problem here! I just want to be recognized. It could have been any elf who was the head elf and I would still be jealous. I just want people to appreciate me like they do to Bernard.
Neil: I see…and Bernard? Why are you so hard on Curtis and mean to Jack?
Bernard: I'm hard on Curtis because he's a goofball and he's always trying to steal my career. It's the only truly wonderful thing I have and I don't want anybody jeopardizing it. As for Jack, well he's a jerk and I don't tolerate rude people.
Jack: (opens mouth to retort but quickly closes it)
Neil: Okay I've come to the conclusion that Jack's problem is that he is bitter and hates happiness because he lacks his own, Curtis is unappreciated in his career, and Bernard is miserable and loves his job because it is the only thing that gives him fullfillment.
Bernard: Oh thanks
Neil: No problem. Here's my bill. (Hands Bernard bill)
Bernard: What? This is ridiculous!
Neil: This is therapy. It isn't free. Good day everyone.
Wow I'm glad we have this all figured out. Everyone happy now.
Bernard: I'd be happier if I didn't have to sell my house to pay for this bill.
Oh well too bad.
Bernard: At least I get to slap Jack if he acts out. Yay!
Jack: (gives Bernard a deathly look)
Bernard: Oh and by the way, I will say that I'm pretty good at math. I'm not the next Einstein but I can add 2 plus 2.
WOW I wish I could do that! Smarty… okay our next question comes from SuperbirdStreetRacer who asks us: Hey! This is an awesome show! I've watched every episode! I have a big dare! I dare everyone to sing Come on Christmas by Matthew West, and I dare Bernard to sing the lead. =D (btw, Jack, you have to sing too.)
Oh I'm excited for this! Hit it Bernard!
Bernard: It's almost Christmas time, everybody and I can't wait. I left the lights up all year 'round. I just couldn't bear the thought of takin' 'em down. I've been singing "Jingle Bell Rock" since July. All the neighbors look at me like I'm crazy but I got a feeling that I just can't shake . You see it's lasted three hundred sixty four days. And now I'm too excited, I can't sleep a wink and I stare at the snow outside my window just thinkin'
Everyone(Including Jack): Come on, Christmas. I don't kn ow why you're taking so long, Christmas. Well, I've been waiting all year for you to get hee and I can't take another second, can't you hear me beggin'? Hurry up, Santa Claus Here's my number just in case your reindeer get lost. I sure wouldn't mind, if you're early this time. So, come on, come on, come on, Christmas…
Jack: Come on Christmas!
WOW yeah! Go Jack!
Jack: Shut up.
Bernard: (slaps Jack across the face)
Jack: You stupid-
Bernard: (slaps Jack again)
Jack: OUCH!Bernard: (Slaps Jack yet again)
Senseless violence. Kinda funny huh? Haha! Don't worry Jack, you'll be fine. You don't need to put ice on your face cause well…you ARE ice.
Jack: (Glaring)
Anyways, on to our last for today! This one comes from Icewine Rose who asks us: Hillo everyone! I must say for people who didn't want to be parts of this at the beginning, you've all really gotten into it. I have a ton of questions bouncing around my head and making a huge mess of the organized chaos that is my ADHD brain. Here they are (P.S. These questions are for any who can answer.): 1. who was the worst Santa in your opinion and why? 2. In the movies, all the elves have said that they aren't kids, and true, compared to humans you're not. But are you children compared to other elves or are you stuck looking like children for years and years and years? This is a comment for Jack. In that review a while back from the girl who lives in Texas, you responded saying that you'd freeze Texas (where I live too) anyway. My comment: bring it on! True, it would create chaos on the streets, but if you had seen my high school class when it was barely flurrying (as in so small the video I got doesn't have any visible snow on the screen), you'd see that more people would be happy with the snow. Also, Texans are tough. We may be used to warmer weather, but we can deal with all kinds of c*** that life throws at us. There's a sign I find awesome that has two pistols on it and it says "We don't dial 911". Epic! This questions is for Bernard. In my fanfiction, there's an inside joke about the color of your shirt. I'd like to hear what you actually think the color of your shirt is. I have one dare that's so random. I'm a huge Les Miz fan, and the fact that it's back on tour and coming to Texas in January is 2nd only to Christmas! :D. Okay, enough backstory. My dare is to have everyone sing "One Day More", and Animanizanny can choose the roles as I'm too lazy to do so. (P.S. If you have no idea what Les Miserables is, it's a book by Victor Hugo and a Musical that is the best thing to hit the stage. Actually, it's technically an opera, but everyone calls it a musical. Go figure. Probably because it sounds more like a musical than fat ladies in viking costumes. If you haven't heard/seen it GO SEE IT NOW 'CAUSE IT'S THAT GOOD!) Also, Charlie, you should do drawings for a newspaper or something, cause the spray paint stuff you did was really good artwork, but it would have been better if it was on paper or on a wall with permission. Have you ever considereed doing editorial comics or something? Thanks for reading, even if you don't use my review. Bye!
Okay to start us off, who was the worst Santa?
Bernard: I'm gonna have to say the fourth…or was it the fifth? His name was Francis Lee, other wise known as Santa Claus.
Why was he worst?
Bernard: He used to drown himself in cocoa the day before Christmas eve and on two occasions he lost the naughty and nice list.
Santa: I've heard about him. For shame!
Next question.
Abby: The elves that work at the pole range from children to adult elves. They range from ages 700 to infinity. Elves don't die. About the question of looking like kids forever, when an elf reaches their 1800th birthday, they mature to look about the age of a teenager. You won't see many of them however because that is generally when elves find a spouse and open a business in Elfsburg. Not everyone though. So I guess that some are considered children but not what you would think of as a child. For example, a 2 year old for a human is a 200 year old in elf years.
Charlie: Wow. That's just…wow. How old are you Abby?
Abby: You never ask a girl that.
Okay next is a total burn on Jack.
Jack: (Raging in silent fury)
If Jack could speak he'd probably use a lot of verbal profanity to I'm kinda glad he can't haha. But way to go Texans!
Bernard: the color of my shirt? I'm pretty sure it's maroon but I heard somewhere that males tend to be color blind. I still think it's maroon or at the very least red.
Okay now on to the best thing ever! For all Les Miz fans, it's time for 'One Day More'.
Bernard: One day more, Another day, another destiny, This never ending road to Calvary; These men who seem to know my crime Will surely come a second time, One day more... Santa: I did not live until today, How can I live when we are parted? Bernard: One day more... Santa and Carol: Tomorrow you'll be worlds away, And yet with you, my world has started. Abby: One more day all on my own Santa & Carol: Will we ever meet again? Abby: One more day with him not caringSanta & Carol: I was born to be with you. Abby: What a life I might have known Santa and Carol: And I swear I will be true
Abby: But he never saw me there.
Curtis: One more day before the storm!
Santa: Do I follow where she goes?
Curtis: At the barricades of freedom
Santa: Shall I join my brothers there?
Curtis: When our ranks begin to form.
Santa: Do I stay? Do I dare?
Curtis: Will you take your place with me?
All: the time is now, the end is near.
That's all you're gonna get to see unless you want to look it up yourselves I'm afraid. Our next and last question for Charlie…
Charlie: Thanks! I'm really into art things and such. I'll consider being an editorial artist. I appreciate my fans!
Haha well that's all for now. I hope you can all forgive me for the terrible wait and I hope everyone had a very merry christmas and I hope you review and blah blah blah. Toodles!
