Once Upon A Time
Dagian didn't remember much of the next three days.
She spent most of it in a dreamless sleep but when she did dream it was always the same. Her husband was human again, and everything was like it used to be only for her husband to somehow be ripped away from her while she reached for thin air and cried and screamed that she was so sorry and she loved him.
And then she'd either slip back into a dreamless sleep or the nightmare would start again.
Sometimes she woke to hear whispering around her but she couldn't make out what they were saying. Perhaps it was her husband and son, perhaps it was the delusions that she was suffering from but they did nothing to help the nightmares.
And then on the third day, the fever broke.
Dagian stirred when she felt a breeze lift her hair and she opened her eyes to find herself in the main cabin…
…in Rumpelstiltskin's bed…
She sat up startled and looked around in fear. Rumpelstiltskin sat at the wheel and watched her with interest and amusement, "You fell ill."
Dagian pressed her hands against her eyes and tried to remember, "Bae?"
"He's outside. He hardly left your side the entire time," the accusation was perfectly clear. She left behind a son that would sit by her side in an instant, "I think you won some favor with him when you were screaming apologies in your sleep. His reluctance to have you back is almost diminished now."
Some of her memory came back "I know, I-I remember a little of it."
He smiled wryly, "Do you remember nearly taking my arm off every time I tried to heal you?"
She shook her head, "There's a lot that I can't remember in the past three days."
"Well," he muttered, "I suggest you get your priorities in order when it comes to talking care of yourself. He lost his mother once. I can't force food down your throat and I can't force you to sleep but please darling I ask you to better take care of yourself for the sake of our son. He doesn't trust me and he just found out that you were actually alive and so I thought that since I saved your life then maybe I could get some use out of you."
"I don't know why you think Bae would trust the mother that left him," she said and drew the covers closer
"He'll trust you," Rumpelstiltskin said, "He's got no one else."
"He should," Dagian muttered.
"He should," Rumpelstiltskin agreed, "But the reputations of you and me as well as him being so small and not as strong as some of the other boys during a time of war robbed him of that."
"Perhaps if Dauis hadn't forced me into labor as early as I was then he would've been stronger."
The wheel stopped and Rumpelstiltskin stared at her, "What did you just say?"
She swallowed at the malice in his voice, she thought he'd known. She thought that being...whatever it was that he was would give him knowledge about some of the things that had happened.
"Dagian," he said a little more harshly, "What are you talking about?"
Her lip quivered and she could feel the blood draining from her face, "The night I went into labor, Dauis grabbed me and called Bae the son of a coward and that Bae would never live down his father's sins and neither would I."
"And why didn't you ever tell me about this?"
"Because I was afraid that you'd blamed yourself for things that weren't even your fault already."
He watched her eyes as if he was trying to find a lie.
"And Dauis is responsible?" he finally asked.
"Yes."
His face darkened even more than what it already was and he stood and strode out of the room.
"What are you going to do?" she demanded and scrambled out of the bed.
"Stay in bed dearie, you're still too weak."
"No, what-"
The front door closed behind him and she tried it to find that it was locked.
While she waited for Rumpelstiltskin to return, Dagian changed out of her outfit and back into the deep purple robes that she wore over her nightgown for warmth when the night was too cold for her thin nightgown.
It started snowing by the time she'd let her hair down and took her place at the window seat.
She didn't know how long she sat there, but it wasn't long before the door flew open and her son rushed into the room, "You have to talk to him."
She stood; her son's face was both a mixture of fear and pain and she knew immediately before she asked, "What has he done?"
"He's got Dauis on the street."
Dagian stood and rushed past her son to find a crowd gathered out of curiosity and fear. In the middle of the circle, Rumpelstiltskin stood over a cowering Dauis. The seething rage on his face was evident.
Dagian scanned the faces in the crowd. Not many adults she recognized. She wondered if they knew how much of the village and its people that Dauis had sacrificed to remain a recruiter.
Dagian pushed her son behind her and stepped forward, "Rumpelstiltskin what are you doing?"
Rumpelstiltskin circled the man and kicked him in the direction of Dagian, "Oh Dauis apologized to me profusely when I was dragging him out of his cabin but I don't think he really understands the reason I drug him out of bed in the first place wasn't to punish him for anything he did to me."
Dagian's hand went to the black wool that surrounded covered her throat as she remembered the men on the highway, and the punishment Rumpelstiltskin had deemed appropriate for them hurting her.
"I'm not sure if you remember this Dauis, but a little over 14 years ago you nearly caused my family to lose my son when my wife went into premature labor because you put your hands on her."
"Please," he begged Rumpelstiltskin, "Please don't. I'm sorry."
"Oh you don't need to tell me that," he gestured to Dagian, "You need to talk to her."
"Rumpelstiltskin," Dagian shook her head, "Don't. Not in front of Bae."
He talked as if she hadn't spoken, "However it does give me great relief to know that it wasn't my fault Bae was born that night given that I also happened to tell her of my cowardice the same night. Do you know I used to blame myself?"
Dauis looked up at Dagian, "Please don't let him kill me. Please Dagian…it was an accident, it was fourteen years ago"
"Did you even see battle Dauis?" he demanded, clearly enjoying the man's discomfort, "Or were you able to manipulate everything to stay out of it completely? You spent your whole life beating down others so that you could make yourself feel like a man. I'm sorry but I don't feel any sympathy for a man that put his hands on my pregnant wife because you judged me to be a coward. And yet when you no longer have the upper hand you're sitting here begging for your life. You want to know the mark of a real man then put him in a situation where he has no power."
"This isn't going to accomplish anything," Dagian whispered, "Let him go."
"No." he placed his foot on the man's neck and shoved him down, "He had no family. He had no one to come home to and yet despite his build and his ability to fight he gets the easiest task in the entire war. "
"He was a recruiter!" Dagian shouter, "He ripped families apart. If you'd done that then I would've left you sooner than I did."
Hurt and anger swept across his face and for a second she was worried that he'd press down and crush the man's neck right there, "You should be angry at what he nearly cost us. You should want him dead."
"I do want him dead," Dagian hissed, "I know that children born early barely ever survive when they're from poor families like we were. Nothing would make me happier than to watch you kill him right here. But wanting it and doing it are two different things and if we execute him then how are we better? You have power now that's far greater than him. He's weaker than you are now. He's in the same position you were 14 years ago. He knows you're going to be watching his every move to make sure that he doesn't use his power for his own gains again. He'll be living the rest of his life in fear. You told me death is too quick for people like us. That applies to him too."
Rumpelstiltskin looked like he considered what she was saying and then turned to Dauis, "Apologize to them."
"I don't want him to apologize to me," Dagian said trying to find a way for her him to survive, "An apology is just words. Just him spending the rest of his life knowing we're watching him is enough."
Dagian drew in a small relieved breath when he pulled him up, "You're very lucky my wife pleads well."
"Thank you," Dauis breathed, "Thank you."
"You're very lucky that my wife has some of her humanity left."
"I'm so sorry," Dauis whispered, "I didn't mean for her to almost lose your son. I just wanted to get you to understand what you'd done."
Rumpelstiltskin wrinkled his nose in disgust, "However, I don't."
He grabbed the man's head and twisted it savagely.
A terrified scream escaped Dagian's lips and she pulled her son's eyes away from the savage scene. Rumpelstiltskin looked to her with an expression in his eyes that both tried to justify the actions he just took and asked for her approval.
She averted her gaze to show she didn't give it.
Rumpelstiltskin started towards the house, leaving the body there in the middle of the street. She kept her gaze focused on the body so she didn't have to look at him and made sure Bae wasn't looking at either. The boy had already seen enough death for his age.
"He's been dealt with," was all he said and walked into the house.
Present Day
"I almost bought us a boat today."
Dawn looked at her husband as they walked down the street together towards the house, "And what would we do with a boat?"
"For the shop," He said and eyed the cotton candy she was carrying, "Are you sure you need to be eating that?"
"Don't be a mother hen," she muttered and picked a piece of the cotton candy off the cone, "I was on my feet all day working because Miner's Day means a big sale at the bakery and I need some energy and fresh cotton candy is going to give that to me. Besides, we only have fresh cotton candy twice a year in this town and I'm not wasting a night of it."
"You're contributing to the nuns," he spat angrily.
"I doubt my two dollars will end up making a difference," she replied and looked at him, "So what kept you from buying the boat."
"The money would've gone to the nuns," he told her like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
She looked at him, "Why do you hate them so much?"
"It's complicated, dear," he said and she could see some anger and grief in his eyes, "Let's just leave it at that."
"As you wish," she muttered in disappointment. Maybe one day he'd actually tell her about his past. It seemed highly unlikely though; he was far too private for that.
"Are you alright?" he asked as they walked up the stairs.
She rolled her eyes, he seemed to have gotten overprotective overnight and it was irritating. She understood why he was like this, especially since they'd been trying for years. It would probably break him if something happened and she lost it…God knows what it'd do to her.
He opened the door and let her in first, as soon as he walked in behind her, the lights went off.
"Um…," Dagian looked around, "Okay?"
Her husband opened the door and stuck his head out, "Lights are out everywhere. "
She smiled to herself as her husband blindly grabbed for her shoulders in the dark and moved her against the wall, "Don't move until I find a flashlight, you might fall over something."
Dawn was sure her mother fussed over her less than he did.
The room was pitch black and it seemed to close in on her as soon as the sound of his cane disappeared and she clenched the table behind her where her husband kept his gun. The cool steel didn't do much to ease her fears, she was a decent shot when he took her out in the woods to shoot it but she wasn't sure how good she'd do if there was someone in the house. It was hard for her to feel safe now that she knew their house was easily broken into.
Finally the sound of her husband's cane alerted her to the fact that he'd found a flashlight that actually worked, "Darling we need to check the batteries on these more."
She shrugged, "I'm lucky to remember to change the batteries on the smoke detector."
The light dimmed slightly and Dawn realized that they wouldn't really have that much time to make it upstairs.
"So, what do you want to do?" she asked him as they walked up the stairs. She didn't understand why he had a house with so many stairs if he had a limp. She supposed it was one of those things that made him…him.
She sat on the bed and took off her shoes. She didn't think swollen ankles were supposed to come until later in a pregnancy and not at the four month period but she supposed everyone's body was different.
Her husband sat next to her with a tired sigh and rubbed his bad leg, "It's far too early to go to sleep."
"And what are you suggesting, Mr. Gold?" she teased with a raised eyebrow.
He rested his hand on the side of her face and kissed her gently, she returned the gesture and he pulled back and studied her face.
"Our child will be a heartbreaker if she looks like you," he said with a wide smile
She blushed; he was just teasing her, "Oh whatever."
"I mean it," he kissed her face and wrapped his arms around her, "I think you're beautiful."
"Not many think so."
"Not many think I'm handsome either but you disagree."
She frowned, he gave himself so little credit, he was actually a handsome man when he wasn't being creepy or mysterious…or maybe the 'mysterious' part was what added that appeal.
She kissed him again and sighed, "It's not going to be very fun if I can't see you."
"Well," he kissed her and she let herself get pushed back on the bed as the last life of the flashlight dimmed out and she felt his breath against her hear, "We'll make do."
Dawn opened her eyes to find herself laying on what felt like the flattest mattress that she had the 'pleasure' of every laying on in a room that she did not recognize.
Or rather it wasn't a room, from the dim lighting, she could see that it was some kind of hut and the only things covering her were a cloth blanket and a heavy woolen one on top of that.
She hated feeling so exposed under normal conditions but for some reason this didn't bother her. She felt…safe and comfortable here. Like this was where she belonged and nothing could make her change her mind.
The bed moved and she saw her husband turn over, she couldn't see much in the dark but the outline of his face and reflection in his deep brown eyes but somehow she just knew it was him.
"Are you alright?" he asked, concern was in his voice.
Feelings swelled in her chest that she couldn't describe when she looked at him. She didn't question why he smelled of dirt and sweat or why there were hints of a beard when he absolutely refused to let it grow that long but she accepted it.
She didn't have control of her voice when she nodded and rested her hand on the side of his face, "I'm fine."
"I didn't hurt you?"
The ring on her left hand felt heavy, like it was new and she wasn't used to it yet. Something told her that they were just married tonight but she didn't quite understand it….
"No," she said, ignoring the ache in her body, "You didn't."
The bond she felt was so strong she almost felt his relieved smile.
"I love you," he whispered and kissed her shoulder.
She smiled and rested her forehead on his. Somewhere in the back of her mind, something screamed at her that something was off because they weren't supposed to love each other, which was the agreement. However the suffocating feeling in her chest that spread down to her stomach whenever she looked at him and she couldn't help but say it back.
"I love you too."
He wrapped his arms around her and she buried her face in his shoulder.
And then found herself reaching for air.
In confusion and panic, she lifted her head off of her pillow and found herself in the bed in her the house.
Crushing disappointment filled her as she realized that it was just a dream and she settled back on the pillow.
"Are you alright?"
She turned to see her husband was reading by the lamplight, but he'd taken his eyes off the page to stare at her inquisitively.
Well at least the electricity was back on…
"I don't know," she pulled herself to a sitting position; "I had this weird dream."
His eyes slowly drifted over her face, then to her stomach, and then back to her eyes, "I thought you didn't dream."
"I don't know," she rested her hand on her stomach and ran her other hand through her hair, "Maybe it's because of the baby or something?"
"And what did you dream about?"
"Um…we were in this hut, and we'd just gotten married and we were in the bed together and…," she smiled at the memory, "I don't know, the feelings were just so intense…and we told each other that we loved each other and I know how you feel about that forbidden "L" word, but you said it first."
His mouth set in a grim line for just a second before he set the book on the nightstand, "Will you tell me about it?"
She furrowed her eyebrows and looked at him puzzled, "Why?"
"Well darling, it's the first dream you've had since I can remember, I'd like to hear it."
She shrugged it off and pulled the blanket around her shoulders and told him about the dream she had and everything she could remember. She only stopped when he asked her about the feelings she had and how she remembered him.
AS she tried to describe the feelings she'd had in the dream, his eyes held an expression that grew more and more pained and finally he sighed when she was done.
"There are many days when I wish we could feel that for each other," he told her honestly.
She lowered her head and ran her hand over her stomach. She had had plans in the dream, plans of giving him plenty of sons and daughters to fill the house but it would've been impossible to keep them all alive. However it had been fun to imagine it for her…dream self.
"I'm not unhappy with what we have now," she promised him, "You underestimate what you've given me."
He laughed more to himself than to her and he shook his head, "No. No I haven't."
He kissed her and she tried to use the gesture to see what emotion he was feeling but it seemed like a mix of hurt and grief and compassion and…almost a gentleness that she only saw during very rare times that he showed her and no one else.
She felt tears fall down her face, she wished she could make him understand that she was happy but he never seemed to believe her. He never understood why anyone just couldn't be happy with him even though she'd stated numerous times that she was.
Her eyes started to droop and so her husband pulled back the comforter and helped her lie down. His hand rested on her stomach for a brief second and she placed her hand over his, trapping it there.
He looked at her regretfully, "I wish I could give you what you felt in that dream."
She looked away, "I didn't mean to hurt you by telling you about it."
"It's not your fault," he said and his eyes grew distant, "I'm hardened now, broken-"
"Everyone's broken," Dawn muttered and pulled the comforter over her shoulders.
He lay next to her and rested his mouth on her hair, "I do love you."
She smiled. This was certainly a first. A smart reply nearly came out of her mouth but she decided against it, "I love you too."
