Author's Note: The first few chapters will be in Bella's point of view, but it wont always be that way. This story will eventually progress to include Paul's.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Chapter 1: Welcome Back
BPOV
The flight to Forks was the longest four hours of my life; luckily I only had one layover in Chicago and had some time to think about what lie ahead. While sitting in the airport I tried to figure out what I would say when I saw Jacob. In reality, I was clinging to the slight possibility that he might not show up, but in the pit of my stomach I knew he'd be there. There was no way he would disrespect Billy or any of the people on the reservation by not showing up. As I sat there in the crowded airport, I kept flashing back to that day when I left Forks. The anger and hurt in Jacobs eyes was something I'd never forget, it was as if we were virtual strangers and no longer the best of friends.
Suddenly without warning I felt my heart begin to pound louder and louder. My chest felt as if a ton of bricks were pressing down on my lungs. I knew this feeling all too well; it was my wounded heart trying telling me to stop thinking about the past, it was too much for me to handle. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths silently willing myself to calm down. Slowly my breathing returned to normal and my heart began to slow down. I wasn't even in Forks yet and I was already falling apart. After what seemed like an eternity, my flight was ready to board and I took my seat, trying to relax and remember why I was putting myself through this torture by going to Forks. I argued with myself that it was the right thing to do, not only honor Billy's memory, but for Charlie as well. I still felt guilt over leaving him so suddenly. I felt as if I had abandoned him with the way I left so suddenly. He was there for me when I was practically a zombie, and now it was my turn to be there for him.
When I saw Charlie at the airport awaiting my arrival, I couldn't help but feel guilty all over again that I was worrying about my drama the whole time I was heading to Forks on that stuffy plane. His grief was written all over his face, it was almost painful to look at. I gave him a quick hug and we headed to the car in silence. Charlie was never really a talker and I tried to respect that by not attempting any awkward conversation.
The house still looked the same as the day I left, not that I expected there to be a noticeable change. The lawn needed a good mowing, but I wasn't about to volunteer myself for that job. With my luck I'd end up losing a foot in the process. I went up to my room to unpack my things and maybe catch up on some sleep.
Walking up the stairs I felt myself pause at the door of my room, it took me a few minutes before I could actually force myself to open the door. I'm not sure what I was afraid of, but everything was the same, the bed undone, my clothes scattered on the floor, I don't think Charlie had even stepped foot in my room since the day I left. I sat on my bed and tried not to think about him, the one who had stolen my heart and proceeded to break it into a million pieces. I refused to even say his name out loud; I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of hurting me anymore.
Charlie's soft knock on my door brought me back to reality. The door wasn't locked, so I quietly told him to come in.
"Listen Bells, I know you and Jacob have some issues to sort through, but could you maybe give him a break? He could really use a friend right now. Don't you miss him?" he asked.
I groaned inwardly. I really didn't want to get into this right now. "Dad, I know you mean well, but it isn't that simple. I can't just snap my fingers and make everything right between Jacob and I again. I just got back and Billy's funeral is hardly the time or place for Jacob and I to hash out our differences."
"You're right," He sighed. "I just don't know what to do. He took off again and his sisters are still having trouble with him. If that boy doesn't show up to that funeral I have half a mind to put him over my knee." Charlie was mad, and I had no doubt that Jacob would be in for a shocker if Charlie got his hands on him if he didn't get his act together.
"Dad, I know he'll be there. He'd never do that to Billy or his sisters, just have a little faith and stop worrying." I said as I stood up and patted his shoulder. I could tell he still had his doubts, but there really is nothing he can do.
"Maybe you're right," he sighed, "I just wish there was more I could do." He let out a big breath and awkwardly stood there for a few seconds before he wished me a goodnight and left me in peace. I could hear his heavy footfalls on the stairs as he made his way into the living room no doubt to watch TV.
Thinking back on what Charlie said, I was once again saddened that he would never understand.
There was just so much that Charlie didn't know about me, as sad as that may seem. I've just never been one to volunteer information, especially personal things. Charlie and I are alike in that way; we're both private people. But regardless, Charlie loves me and has always had my best interests at heart, like any father would. All he ever wanted was for me to be happy. I know it hurt Charlie to see me shutting down and slowly withering away to nothing; suffering in agony day in and day out. I think in a lot of ways Charlie felt like a failure. He did everything in his power to help pull me from the darkness I was drowning in, but his efforts were futile. Then Jacob came into the picture and was able to do the one thing he couldn't. He was able to help me in ways that Charlie never could, which is why he is so fond of Jacob. I know Charlie had high hopes that I would suddenly snap out of my apathy and allow myself to be happy with Jacob, but it wasn't that simple, not that anything in my life is ever that simple.
Sometimes I think Charlie only sees what he wants to see when it comes to my friendship with Jacob. All Charlie was able to focus on was the fact that Jacob was helping me. What he failed to notice was that it was a temporary fix. No matter how grateful I was for Jacob's efforts, I knew deep down that it would never be enough. I couldn't force myself to settle and pretend to be happy and give Jacob something that just wasn't there, would never be there. It wouldn't be fair to either of us if I allowed things to progress that way.
It also doesn't help that a portion of my life is one big secret. There was just so much about my life that I had to keep to myself. I hated lying, but I didn't have much of a choice. Charlie couldn't ever know the truth; not that he'd ever believe me either way, but the fact remains, there was just too much that I had to keep from him to ensure his safety, and if I'm being honest, his sanity as well. I didn't want to lie, so it was easier to pretend. I could fake my way through the fog that I was in during the day enough to appease Charlie, but it was all a ruse. With Jacob I didn't have to pretend. I never saw the pity in his eyes that I saw in everyone else when they looked at me. He just seemed to understood. But like Charlie, he didn't know the half of it. One of the good things about Jacob was he never pushed for information so I didn't feel like I was lying to him. I had been lying to Charlie since the moment I started dating. . . him. I couldn't very well tell Charlie all about the mythical world that I knowingly immersed myself in. I would surely be locked up in a mental institution somewhere had I uttered the word 'vampires'.
I shook myself out of my daze and tried my best to clean up my room and unpack all my things, but I was too tired and figured I could finish after a full nights sleep. The funeral was the day after tomorrow, and I still needed an outfit to wear, but my eyes were so heavy from exhaustion that I couldn't keep them open any longer. I slowly drifted off to sleep trying my best not to think about him or Jacob for at least eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.
I woke up early with every intention of cooking Charlie breakfast, but he wasn't home when I got downstairs. Lord knows he can't cook to save his life. How he managed to keep himself fed after I left is beyond me. Then again, I guess he managed well enough before I came to Forks the first time.
Since I couldn't cook for Charlie, I decided to bake some cookies that I could take with me to the reservation for Rachel and Rebecca. I didn't want to go to La Push, in fact, I wanted to avoid it at all costs, but sitting around the house alone with my thoughts was never a good idea. I had more important things to do with my time. There there was the matter of Jacob and his family hurting and mourning their loss. I had to get past my petty differences with him, at least for the sake of the funeral. I just really wanted to do something nice for the people who are practically family. I've never dealt with anything like this, but hopefully they would appreciate the cookies. It's the thought that counts right?
I haven't seen Rachel and Rebecca since we were kids. In fact, I barely remember them, but I can't imagine what they must be going through. They lost their mother at such a young age, and now their father. Not to mention Jacob's recent bout of trouble; I just can't fathom how stressful everything must be for them right now. I can't even imagine what it must feel like to lose a parent. I didn't want to think about death and dying anymore, so I busied myself in the kitchen baking cookies.
It didn't take long to get to the Black's. Even after everything that had taken place, I still felt a sense of home and comfort whenever I went there. Not so much Jacob's house as it is La Push in general. I can't explain it. I feel almost as if like I belong somehow. It was a nice feeling to have.
As I started to walk towards that red door that I had seen so many times before, I was somewhat comforted by the memories of the good times Jacob and I had. Fixing up the bikes, going out on our joy rides, and doing homework; a time of utter contentment and peace before everything got so messed up. I squared my shoulders and took a deep breath before I knocked on the door. It didn't take long for the door to open, and much to my relief, it wasn't by Jacob.
"Bella" it was Rachel, her eyes were red and swollen from crying, I almost felt like I would burst into tears right along with her. "What brings you here?" She asked. "you know the funeral isn't until tomorrow, right?"
"Yeah, I just thought I would come and see how you guys were holding up. I brought cookies," I somehow managed to crack a tentative smile, but I knew it had to look more like a grimace.
"That's really nice of you Bella. We're holding up as good as can be. Rebecca is asleep in the room, she's having a hard time between missing our dad, and being away from her husband." She motioned for me to come in and I walked in slowly, I was half expecting Jacob to pop out from the garage at any moment.
"She came alone?" I asked surprised. "I can imagine how hard that is." I said, trying not to sound as surprised as I really felt.
"Yeah, she had to, plane tickets are expensive these days. It's just the two of us; the rest of the family should be arriving tomorrow. As for Jacob, well he's indisposed at the moment, but I'm not worried; he'll be here soon. He's just a little moody these days."
Don't I know it I thought inwardly. The last time I saw him, he was so cold and down right mean. It wasn't so much what he said, but it was the way he went about telling me. He was so different than the Jacob I had come to rely on, and I couldn't handle it.
"Tell me about it," I responded dryly. "Charlie has been filling me in on his weird behavior. What's going on with him?" I asked, hoping that I wasn't overstepping my bounds.
I could see her begin to tense up, as if she didn't really want to respond, but was being polite by not ignoring my question. Maybe talking about Jacob hit a nerve with her too I thought. "Well. . .you know, he's at that age; teenage rebellion and all. It's just a phase, he'll grow out of it." She assured me, but I could tell she wasn't telling me the truth, but I knew it wasn't the time to push her for more information.
"I guess that could be it. Just seems a little funny that he'd take off for days, sometimes weeks at a time and no one on the reservation seems to be worried." I quickly grabbed one of the cookies to distract her. I tried my best to look as if I was just being concerned, and not overly intrusive like I wanted to be.
I guess it didn't work.
"Listen Bella, it was really nice of you to bring these cookies over, but I think you should go now. I have calls to make and some funeral preparations to finish up." I quickly stood up with her, but before I could respond, she was guiding be towards the door, but she unexpectedly stopped in her tracks. The door opened and I immediately knew why she had come to a standstill. It was Jacob, standing in the doorway, his fists clenched so tight his hands were turning bright red and they were shaking. He looked so different. He was staring at me so intently I thought he might burn a hole right through me. This was definitely not my Jacob. This was a complete stranger.
What happened to my best friend?
Author's Note: I don't want there to be any confusion, no this will not be a Bella and Jacob story, even though he will have a major part in this thing. I'm just laying the ground work so to speak. Certain things will take some time to get to where they're supposed to be, so please bear with me.
