THE TIME WE FORGET AND THE TIME WE REMEMBER
Floating on a blissful sea with nothing but the endless darkness and the stars of your dreams to guide you onwards, it's so beautiful only I can feel it ending as some thing cold moves against my skin slowly causing these dreams to vanish. Gabrielle groaned inwardly feeling the last of her dream fade away. She could feel gentle fingers moving towards her side and the wet cloth as it wiped one of her arms. She opened her eyes only to close them again due to the light which was far too sharp. She blinked realizing that the light was moving she blinked again watching as everything came back in focus all at once.
She could see hand moving towards the scar on her waist where Akemi had stabbed her. She knew it was Xochipilli's the gauntlets design was all too obvious, she didn't think as she grabbed his hand stopping it in mid motion. "Don't heal that…I need it to remind me, why I came here." Xochipilli turned sharply he saw Xena do the same thing instantly. Xochipilli smiled easing his hand away as she loosened her grip. "Why is that?" Gabrielle lowered her hand. "To do the right thing." Xochipilli shook his head. "So I don't suppose you want me to fix your back tooth ether then?" Gabrielle opened her eyes fully meeting his gaze. "No I'd like to keep it, because it was a gift from you."
Xochipilli looked at her for a long moment only to feel a wide smile form. "It is nice that you like my gifts rumour has it that you never liked Aztec gold that much." Gabrielle shifted slightly feeling her muscles tense as she tried to sit up only to find that she feeling stiff. "No that was in reference to Quetzalcoatl." Xochipilli laughed slightly. "Ah I see well that makes sense, any gold of his would be cursed just for good measure." Xena moved closer watching as her lover turned to her. "How are you feeling?" Gabrielle breathed in easing up her hand only for the taller woman to take it. "I'm okay." Xena moved closer putting a hand under the younger woman.
She carefully eased her up in to a sitting position making sure that the younger woman was leaning against her. "Does anything hurt?" Gabrielle breathed in she couldn't feel any pain at all, her body felt surprising light. She moved slightly looking at her hand which had been healed up. "No nothing hurts, I feel great." Xena shifted forward putting a hand on the other woman's shoulder. "You look a lot better." Gabrielle gave her a smile as she looked at her arms and legs all the bruises and cuts were gone. A part of her was glad about that, after the fight with Akemi she had been caked in blood, sweat and everything had just hurt like Tartarus.
She turned back meeting her lovers light blue gaze. "Thanks." She turned looking to Xochipilli who slowly stood up. "Thank you for healing me again." Xochipilli smiled as he stepped back. "Always a pleasure, I'll allow you some time to yourselves. I got Itzli to take your sister to get some food she seemed like she needed it, I'll get him to bring her back to you." Xena looked up as he stepped back. "Xochipilli?" Xochipilli turned looking at her. "Yes?" Xena breathed in deeply. "I just want to say thank you…for everything." Xochipilli nodded as he stepped back further. "You are both very welcome." Xena watched as he moved through the curtain gods she was so glad that this was all over.
She didn't think as she wrapped her arms around her lover's waist pulling her closer. "You had me worried for a while." Gabrielle breathed in putting her hand on her lovers. "How long was I out?" Xena shifting slightly, so she was closer to her ear. "About two hours it took a long time for Xochipilli to heal you he wanted to fix everything including anything he couldn't see." Gabrielle moved her hand up to her shoulder. "Everything?" Xena moved kissing the side of his face. "Well not everything, I told him to leave the scar on your shoulder and the one on your upper thigh. I felt that you should decide whether or not you wanted them to be healed and I know that some of your scars have meaning to you.
Gabrielle eased her hand up running it gently through the long dark hair watching as the light blue eyes met her own. "Some do." Xena breathed in deeply pulling the younger woman even closer. "I was worried about you sweetheart." Gabrielle felt her smile widen. "You don't have to worry about me I can take care of myself you know." Xena eased up her hand running it through the blonde hair. "I know you can but nothing is ever going to stop me worrying about you." She leaned forward kissing the other woman's lips very gently before pulling away. "I love you Gabrielle." Gabrielle leaned forward meeting her lover's lips enjoying the gentle sensations as it overwhelmed her.
She pulled away very slowly. "I love you to." She felt the other woman pull her back in to a deep embrace she wrapped her hand around her lovers hand just enjoying the moment. It felt so long since she had felt so at peace the truth was that her battles in Mexica were finally over. She felt her smile fade apart from a few with weren't fights but things she had to put right. She moved her hand through the long dark hair again, she had come this far she would not leave until she had fixed them. Her eyes drifted upwards only to stop as she realized that her sister was standing in front of the curtain. She eased herself away from the taller woman suddenly feeling the uncertainty take over.
Lila breathed in deeply. "I...I can come back later they told me that you had woken up." Xena looked at her lover before turning back to meet Lila's gaze. "No its fine Lila you can come in." She moved back before putting a hand on Gabrielle's arm. "You both need to talk, I'll be right here I'm not going to go any where." Gabrielle watched as the taller woman stood up she slowly pulled herself to her feet watching as Lila came closer. She swallowed hard gods she had been dreading this day for so long and now it was finally here. She had no idea where to start or where to begin or even if anything she could say would make up for all the pain she caused Lila.
Lila took in a deep breath realizing that she would have to be the first one to talk deep down in side she just wanted to put her arms around her sister and hug her but her other emotions were stopping her. She felt so angry and she wanted to take it out on her sister for all the pain that she had been put through. She breathed in speaking slowly. "You killed the twelve elite didn't you?" Gabrielle looked down sadly. "Yes I did." Lila narrowed her gaze. "They call you the Blood Jaguar because you made the gods here angry." Gabrielle looked up slightly her sister was going to shout at her she could sense it in her voice. "Yes."
Lila folded her arms. "I saw what you did they showed it to me, you hurt me and you took away my future!" Xena looked up sharply. "Your sister had a very good reason for changing your future." Gabrielle watched as Xena took a step forward she raised her hand stopping her before turning to her sister. "You know that I'm not your sister at least not the one from your time then don't you?" Lila breathed in painfully. "Yes I do." Gabrielle felt her gaze dart. "I didn't take away your future I did this to give a better future." Lila stepped forward. "No you did it because that bitch Akemi drove you in to madness and you wanted Xena back!" Gabrielle shook her head sadly. "No you don't understand there was more than that."
Lila folded her arms feeling her twist violently in her stomach. "I had a daughter and you took her away from me by changing time!" Gabrielle she lowered her gaze slowly to the floor. "I wanted your daughter to have a better life, in the future where I came from she didn't have that nether did Lector." Lila raised her hand. "That was never your choice to make Gabrielle!" Gabrielle looked up sharply. "If you know what I know you might reconsider that view point." Lila sighed aloud looking at Xena who was standing close by. "Well you didn't tell me about what you know. You also didn't tell me that the Aztec gods hated you and that they'd come after me to get to you."
Gabrielle looked up her sister had changed she could see it as clear as day, she was angry and willing to force the issue something which she'd never done before. "I never wanted this to happen to you Lila you didn't deserve to go through this." Lila breathed in again. "Well it's happened and nether of us can change that now can we!" Gabrielle stepped sideways. "No we can't." Lila watched her intensely. "After you got drunk and hurt my hand where did you go?" Gabrielle turned sharply. "What?" Lila met her uncertain gaze. "After you hurt my hand and I threw you out of the house where did you go?" Gabrielle stepped back. "You don't want to know that."
Lila stepped forward. "I do want to know that and you're going to tell me Gabrielle!" Gabrielle felt her gaze dart as she looked up fully speaking the next words in no more than a whisper. "I went to end my own life…because I thought it was better for everyone else." She ignored the shock in her sister's face. She turned only to see sad understanding in her lover's eyes she had really not wanted to relive this memory. It was the last of her pain and the worst of her suffering. It had been so many things in a way her best and her worst moment combined but she hadn't been ready to re tell it up till this point but now she knew she would have to. She looked down feeling her lover put her hand on her arm as the memory came flooding back in to her mind. She lowered her gaze looking at the golden flooring of the room "I thought it was best for everyone, I was hurting people harming them and I couldn't take it anymore. So I went to end it all."
8
Gabrielle could feel the pouring rain hammering down all around her soaking her to the bone. It was the ice cold rains of the first winter showers she had no idea how long she'd been walking only that in her minds eye she had to carry on moving no matter what. Even though she had no idea where she was and didn't care where she was going. She'd walked ever since she'd left Aphrodite's temple and now all she could feel was the pain which was clutching at her heart and soul once more. She could feel the tears running down her face though in the rain it made it hard to see to an onlooker, unless they looked deeply in to her eyes. She didn't want them to see though she had kept her head down as she watched people on the long road pass her by.
She knew the truth in her heart she didn't want to go on anymore she didn't want to get to the point that Xena had where she'd needed Ares ether. No she hated the bastard and she didn't want to be his puppet. She had been here once before after she had poisoned her daughter she could remember her tears clearly as she had stood looking out at the ocean from the cliff top. She could remember grabbing her pan flute and throwing it in the sea in a fit of anger and rage. She had wanted that the churning waves to smash it apart. The instrument had reminded her of a better time which had been lost to her. She had stopped playing it long before that as the pain had taken over.
She could remember everything as clearly as crystal she'd wanted to throw herself in to that sea along with it. The thing that had stopped her had been the thought of returning to the Amazons. In Mexica when she'd tried to throw herself off a water fall the Aztec sun god had stopped her, he had offering her happiness which had sent her emotions in to disarray once more and stopped her actions. A part of her had thought that coming home would give her back her happiness but it hadn't. That was the truth though wasn't it? She wasn't meant to be happy because when ever she was happy someone else destroyed it for her, or she destroyed it with her own actions. She had hurt her sister with her, drunk violent actions and lost her last remaining friend Aphrodite who had done no more than try to help her.
The goddess was right her lover was not coming back and it was obvious to her now that she never would. She had waited just under a month for it to happen but it wasn't going to happen, C'thulon was not going to change time. It had all been a twisted joke and she had gotten caught up in it because she had been so wrapped up in her own rage and sadness. The other painful truth was that she was far too proud to kill herself she needed someone to do it for her. She wanted the warrior's death that had denied her so many times now. She looked up slightly there was only one way to get what she graved only one way to grasp her one desire and that was to give up in battle, something which she'd never done or never wanted to do before now.
She had reason to go on living every day she had been dying in side so why prolong the agony and despair? When it could all go away by the tip of the sword. She wanted to see her lover again even though a part of her hated her for leaving her this way. The part that loved her just wanted to see her even more. She carried moving hearing the wet mud shift under her boots, which were now covered in it. She carried on walking realizing something else she wouldn't have to wait long for what she wanted. There were enough muggers and killers on the long roads all who would want a piece of her hide, since they couldn't kill Xena she was the next best thing. They had all wanted the title as the warrior who had killed Xena, now they wanted the title of the man or woman who had killer her lover. She'd avoided taking back roads like the one she was walking on now for so long but now it didn't matter she was going to get her wish. She knew it wouldn't take long for someone to see her who wanted her dead.
"Stop right there!"
Gabrielle stopped still feeling a sad smile form much sooner than she'd thought, but then she'd been walking this road so long that it was bound to happen. She turned slowly there were three men all dressed up in heavy hoplite armour they weren't soldiers though. The personal touches on the armour gave away the fact that they were mercenaries. The leader's voice came again. "Your Gabrielle, aren't you, the lover of the Warrior Princess." Some one obviously really wanted her head she turned slowly on her heels meeting the leader's cold gaze. Her voice hit the air in an unemotional tone. "Yes I am, what's it to you?" The leader breathed in deeply. "Oh it's everything to me you remember a man called Bazyli!?"
Gabrielle looked down slightly. "No should I?" The leader ground his teeth together, as he spoke. "You should you killed him three weeks ago!" Gabrielle looked up sharply as the image of a young man who had tried to attack her in her sleep came crashing back. It had been such a quick kill her daggers blade had found his throat in an instant. A part of her had panicked she'd believed that he was about to sexually assault her and she couldn't stand the thought of going through that again. There had been blood everywhere and she had been half awake before she'd even realised what she'd done. In her panic over her own actions she'd packed everything and fled back to Potidaea not bothering to look back.
She lowered her gaze. "I remember your younger brother he tried to attack me in my sleep." The leader snarled as he pulled his sword free from it scabbard. "You stupid bitch he wasn't attacking you he was afraid! He was deaf and he couldn't speak. My sister was looking after him she lost sight of him No doubt he became afraid and when he's afraid he goes to find anyone he can he help him!" His free hand slowly formed a fist. "You killed him! All he was trying to do was wake you up! The only reason I found out that it was you, was because someone told me they saw you running away covered in blood and then they found his dead body!" He raised his hand. "I can't believe that you're the Warrior Princess's lover, since she never went around killing innocent young men!"
He narrowed his gaze moving closer to the small woman whose clothes looked like they had seen better days. "You're nothing but a cold blooded murderer!" He eyed her for a long moment seeing no emotion in her eyes. "You don't even care do you? What's wrong have you killed that many people since your lover died that they all look the same to you?!" Gabrielle breathed in deeply they did all look the same the faces with no names, only the eyes remained which invaded her dreams at night. She could remember this young mans eyes clearly they had, had so much terror in them as she'd pushed her weapon in further. How fitting it was that one of these faces would bring about the death she deserved.
The man was more right than he could ever imagine she didn't care who she killed, she was a cold blooded murder. She didn't deserve to see the breaking light of dawn. She deserved only to die a warrior's death, she moved her hand down easing her dagger free in a slow methodical motion she wanted to put on at least some kind of show. The leader's eyes narrowed further. "The Warrior Princess would be very disappointed in you, she was bad tempered in her reformed hay day but she was no where near as bad as you are." He paused choosing his next words carefully. "You're an animal you killed my brother who was innocent and I'm going to put you in your grave for it!"
He raised his double edged sword higher. "Not out of glory but to see you die in the way that you deserve!" Gabrielle laughed but it was cold mocking laugh even to her ears. "Have you ever been to Mexica?" The leader eyed her for a long moment. "No I have not." Gabrielle felt a cold smile form. "Shame because you have no idea what makes a real animal." She knew that she was antagonizing him but what did it matter? She sneered slightly. "You can't even comprehend it because you're so disgustingly noble. Maybe after you and your friends have killed me you'll find out what it's like to be me." The leader stroked his thick beard. "You misunderstand they are not here to help me, they are here to be my witness's to your death, no more, no less."
He moved his feet in to position. "I might be a mercenary but I will kill you in a warriors manner with witness's who will not interfere." Gabrielle stood still for a moment before twirling her dagger which in truth she had no real intention of using. She just needed to say one more thing which would come across that the situation didn't matter to her. "Ask your self do you really want to ride this chariot?" She felt an evil grin form which she hoped would be enough to make him loose his temper. "I killed your brother so I will kill you possibly in the same way." She twirled her dagger again going through the motions. The leader's teeth grinded his teeth together as he spoke. "My name is Pirithous! Remember it when you go to Tartarus!"
Gabrielle breathed watching as he came towards her she could see the hatred and rage in his eyes as his sword shifted in to position. He was not a warrior to waste his time, but then mercenaries never were. The blow was going to be a killer one, she breathed in pulling arms apart exposing her lower stomach. She stepped forward only feeling her whole body relax, as she half closed her eyes, it was all finally going to end. She would see her lovers face again on the other side. She watched feeling a trance take over as the blade tip came towards her stomach. She breathed in longing for the painful bliss which would end her misery and pain.
She closed her eyes only to feel nothing no pain she felt her eyes snap open she found herself looking in to the frozen form of the man in front of her. He was completely still yet his hair was moving as if it the man was still moving but at a slower pace in time. She looked down at the tip of his blade which was pressing against her skin. She blinked in confusion realizing that she couldn't move a muscle but unlike him she could move her eyes. She looked up seeing the share hatred in his frozen gaze only to look beyond it as the world behind him began to shimmer. Multicoloured light blasted outwards all at once she felt her eyes dart in panic.
She had no idea what was going on only that things around her started to change. The darkness turned to light and the trees began to grow back their leaves. The man in front of her disappeared in a ray of star light which blinded her for an instant. The other two warriors vanished as the fields of green grass opposite turned in to wheat fields and a farm house appeared in the far distance along with goats. The sky above turned to blue as the muddy road under her feet turned a dry summer dusty path which had flowers springing up all around it. She felt her fingers twitch painfully as the dagger in her hand disappeared. The next moments caused her to blink as the star light travelled up her fingers causing them to tingle, as it moved up her hand. She blinked watching in surprise as the long scar on her hand vanished, it travelled up her arm causing more scars to disappear, she blinked as it came up to her clothing running over them slowly.
All she could do was stare, as her brown leather bodice changed slowly become a green halter top with its light green shoulder area's which had been destroyed so long ago and had been a distant memory up till now. The light carried on moving now splitting in to four bands which one travelled down towards her other arm. While the other two moved downwards the last began to move up her chest towards her face. All were changing her clothing as well as making all her scars disappear, the old Amazon belt reappeared along with the brown skirt and the brown boots which tied at the sides. She blinked as out of the corner of eye watching as her hair grew much longer. She felt her eyes close as the starlight touched her face causing her head to spin.
She opened her eyes slowly only to hear the roar in her ear as the sound came back and her whole body suddenly became unfrozen causing her to step back on the dusty path which now had spring trees on ether side. She felt sick and dizzy and she couldn't stop herself from stumbling further back as she put a hand to her face. She looked up only to feel herself panic as a rider and his horse came crashing by narrowly missing her as he turned his horse at the last instant. She stood still watching as the man who looked like a solider turned to her as he came to a sharp stop. His booming voice hit the air hurting her already swimming mind. "Are you crazy? I could have killed you!"
Gabrielle looked at him swallowing her throat burned for a painful instant. She coughed finally finding her own voice which sounded strange to her as it was so light, the way it used to be. "I…I…was." The solider looked at her moving his horse closer his voice came again much gentler this time. "Are you okay? I didn't mean to scare you I didn't realize that you weren't well." Gabrielle put a hand on her face not well that was the understatement of the season. She looked at her clothing and her body trying to get her confused mind to catch up. Time had been changed she could feel it deep with in her soul she breathed in deeply feeling her lovers sudden pulse come back in to heart.
All she could do was breath in and feel the sudden moment of complete rapture which she'd been denied so long. Gods she'd missed this feeling so much a part of her wanted to cry while another part of her just wanted to scream at the heavens for being giving back this blissful feeling. She looked up at the man who looked confused. "I'm fine, I'm just fine." She looked down slightly at her hands she was young again, the time change had taken back so many painful years. She eased her hand feeling long hair again something which she had loved so much once and was now a part of her being which she wanted embrace again. She had no scars only those few that she'd gotten before this point. The warrior breathed in deeply. "I saw a golden horse with bags on and a staff sticking out of the saddle, it's making its way up here, is it yours?" Gabrielle blinked trying to recompose herself, it had to be Argo what a strange twist of fate Xena wasn't here but her lovers horse was. "Yes it's my horse."
The solider nodded as he turned his horse around. "I see well it all makes sense now you fell off your horse you should be more careful next time. I don't like the thought of running over a beautiful young woman like you again." He turned the horse winking before going to a full gallop. Gabrielle blinking okay that was something she'd very much forgotten about, the way people used to openly compliment her looks. She turned sharply as her thoughts going else where Xena was alive! Gods she could feel her, obviously her lover was out here somewhere in Greece she just needed to find her. Before she knew what she was even doing her feet had broken in to a run as she headed towards Argo not bothering to look back as the thought of seeing with her lover again encompassed her whole being.
8
Gabrielle looked down feeling the memory fade away. "I killed so many people and I have nothing to be proud off." She looked up meeting her sisters conflicted gaze. "I caused you suffering back then and I've caused you suffering now." She looked at her hand feeling the pain deep down in side. "I've spent every day wishing that I could take it all back and spare you the pain." She shook her head. "Please understand that I did what I did for a good reason." Lila breathed in putting a hand on her face gods this just got more and more depressing by the moment. She turned meeting her sister's uncertain gaze. "Why did you do it? Why did you change every thing?" She walked forward. "Tell me why you did it so I'll understand!"
Xena stepped away from her lover meeting Lila's gaze the younger woman was so angry and that in its self was sad. She didn't know how to deal with the situation and anger was her only way of dealing with it. She knew she shouldn't interfere but in this situation she wanted to help Gabrielle as much as possible. "Lila you need to understand that Gabrielle changed time for a very good reason." Lila turned eyeing her. "I didn't ask for your opinion!" Gabrielle breathed in deeply gods this was awful she looked up seeing the shock as it spread across her lover's face. She took a slow step forward so she closer to her sister. "Please don't speak to Xena like that." Lila felt her teeth grind together. "You know that's your problem you always put Xena before your family!"
She didn't think as she shoved her older sister back harshly feeling the rage take over fully. "I had to wait to be rescued because you saved Xena and killed yourself in the process! Then some one resurrected you and then you went to find me!" Gabrielle looked up sharply. "It wasn't like that I was forced in to a position where I had to choose." Lila eyed her hearing the disgust in her own words as she spoke them. "Oh that makes me feel so much better." Gabrielle narrowed her gaze as something hit her. Her sister's anger was her only way off dealing with what she'd been through, and she was taking out her anger on her and Xena because she was hurting deep down inside.
Now was not the right time to tell her what had happened with Lector or Sarah as well as their parents in the alternate time, she wasn't ready for that yet. She had far too much to deal with emotionally. She and Xena could deal with what she'd said later right now her sister anger was all that mattered, she moved closer to her sister seeing the burning rage in her eyes. Her eyes slowly drifted up to meet her sisters. "I know what you're going through, I know just what it's like." Lila narrowed her gaze. "No you don't know what I'm going through!" Gabrielle took in a deep breath. "Yes I do, I know that you're afraid and deep down in side your hurting." Lila sneered slightly. "No I'm not!"
Gabrielle put a hand on her sister's shoulder only to feel the sharp pain as her sister slapped it hard forcing her to let go. She ignored the stinging pain as she lowered her voice to a gentle tone. "Yes you are, I know what its like please believe me. It's terrifying and you hate yourself for being afraid and not feeling strong enough to stop others from hurting you." Lila shoved her sister back again before she could get any closer. "So what if you know what its like! It doesn't change anything you know I hated you for the longest time for putting me through this!" Gabrielle lowered her gaze. "No more than I hate myself for causing you all this pain. You didn't deserve this and I'd do anything to make this right."
Lila looked up sharply seeing the concern and sorrow in her sisters eyes she ignored it. "You're not even my sister! You're from another place and time!" She breathed in regretting the words as they left her mouth, she could see the deep pain as it appeared in her sisters eyes. Gabrielle looked up trying to take the pain. "I may not be your sister but I don't love you any less." She eased out her hands. "I'll never stop loving you Lila you're my sister what ever time I'm from nothing will ever change that." Lila breathed in feeling the tears as they started to run down her face as the pain which she'd been holding back hit home. She wiped away her tears only to feel more come.
Gabrielle didn't think she slowly moved forward putting her arms around her younger sister who tried to push her away only to surrender as her crying became more intense. Gabrielle took in a deep breath feeling her sister's head lean against her shoulder. "I promise you, I won't let anything like this ever happen to you again Lila, you were never meant to be here this was my problem to resolve never yours." Lila breathed in painfully she couldn't change anything as much as she hated all that she had been put through. This was still her sister nothing would change that. "I'm sorry." Gabrielle held her tighter. "You have nothing to be sorry about Lila I did terrible things here in Mexica and others have suffered."
She eyed her lover for a moment. "Others who shouldn't have because I was alone and afraid and I was lashing out." She paused for a long moment as she ran her hand through her sister's hair. "I just want to take you home Lila, Lectors waiting for you and you deserve to be with him he loves you so much I saw it in his eyes." Lila breathed in deeply her sisters words were so genuine she could hear it in the tone. She held her sister tighter feeling more tears come she just wanted to go home. She wanted to see Lector and be away from this place so she could gather her thoughts again and try to go back to life she had, had before this had all started.
End of part 123
Silvermoonlight
