Chapter Five
Maura jumped at the sound of her doorbell. Thanks to Moore's escape, what was usually a rather normal domestic interruption now caused the quickening of her pulse and a nervous lurch of her stomach. She slowly pulled herself up from the kitchen table, leaving a scattering of printed maps and notes behind. Certainly researching Moore's fracking site for the last hour hadn't helped her nerves. Her heart didn't slow until she spied Tommy's familiar face outside her front door.
"Tommy," she said with a surprised smile. "What are you doing here?"
He held up a brown paper bag almost transparent with grease. "I brought you lunch," he said with a wide grin as he stepped inside. "You know you got cops out there watching you?"
"Yes," Maura replied with a nod, catching a glimpse of the unmarked car as Tommy closed the door. "They're just keeping an eye on things for a few days. Just as a precaution."
"Well, they certainly aren't friendly," he complained, shrugging as he straightened his t-shirt.
Maura gave him a sympathetic turn of her head, but took some comfort in the knowledge that the cops keeping watch outside her home were doing their job, even if it did mean giving Tommy a hard time. "What's in the bag?" she asked, hoping to change the subject to something lighter. With Tommy, the feat wasn't too difficult; he was a wiz at chess, but less so in the fine art of conversation.
"Cheese steaks," he said proudly, setting the bag on the clean counter and prompting Maura to hastily pick it back up and set it on a nearby cutting board.
"Grease," she explained politely, running a hand over the small wet spot the bag left behind. "Thank you, though," she said. "It looks - " she paused as Tommy heaved an exceptionally heavy sandwich out of its wrapping and set it on a plate. "It looks lovely."
"These are the best phillys in Boston," he said, licking his thumb. "Jane, Frankie, and I used to beg for these babies when we were kids."
"I can imagine," Maura said, warily eyeing her second sandwich in less than twenty-four hours.
"Jane here?" he asked casually.
"No, she stopped by work for a little while..." She trailed off, her explanation forgotten as she watched Tommy plop another sandwich on a plate, its innards spilling out of it. She glanced wearily down at the new dress she was wearing. "Do you mind passing me a knife and fork?" she asked.
He grinned at her, and nodded. "Of course. Wouldn't want anything to get on that dress. You look remarkable for someone who spent a night in the woods."
She offered him a demure smile, but nothing further, hoping that her last decline of his advances back in her office would suffice. Tommy, however, was nothing if not persistent. "You know, Tommy, I appreciate how kind you are, but I think I should clear - "
They both balked at the sound of a key in the lock and Tommy was immediately on his feet, wiping his hands on his jeans as he made his way to the door with an authority that only a Rizzoli could command. Maura breathed a sigh of relief as Jane popped her head in, pushing the door shut with her foot.
"Well hello," the brunette said, smiling saccharinely at Tommy. She held up a large paper bag emblazoned with the logo of Maura's favorite French restaurant, which, incidentally, had no grease marks marring its surface. "I brought over a quick lunch." She moved towards the kitchen island, already noticing the pleased twitch of Maura's mouth.
"I already got lunch," Tommy said, gesturing toward the sandwiches.
"Ah," Jane said, running her eyes longingly over the plates, but kept her tone lackadaisical. "How quaint." She glanced inside her own bag, which held a plethora of dishes, none of which she felt fully qualified to describe, but she hadn't rehearsed the names for twenty minutes not to give it a try. "I just picked up a couple of dishes of Coq Au Vin and Assiette du Fromache."
Maura's eyebrows perked; she hadn't expected Jane to remember her favorite dish, much less be able to pronounce it.
"Put it in the refrigerator," Tommy said. "We're perfectly happy with our phillys." As if to emphasize his point, he took a large bite of his own.
Jane clunked three small containers out on the counter, cringing only slightly as she caught site of what was inside of one of them. "Mmm, look at this," she said. "Coq Au Vin and... she lifted the container, staring confusedly into it. "Something else tasty." She leaned over and took a large bite of something covered in a dark brown sauce.
Tommy smirked at her, taking another bite of his sandwich. "Go right ahead," he said gloatingly. "I'll just be over here enjoying a juicy, cooked-to-perfection steak."
"That's fine," Jane said, dipping a fork into a slab of meat and scooping it into her mouth, hunching over so as to catch any drippings. "Mmm," she said with an exaggerated lick of her finger. "This is amazing."
Tommy pursed his lips before taking another large bite of his sandwich, now almost halfway through with it in his quest to best his sister at her own game. Jane caught up with him, slipping another forkful of buttery carrots into her mouth and wiping her chin with her sleeve.
They continued their slow gastronomic duel as Maura watched, open-mouthed, her forehead crinkling in distress at the increasingly messy contest in front of her. Although she had seen firsthand what could happen to a clan of Rizzolis when eating together, she had never witnessed anything quite this primal.
Jane glanced down at Maura, blinded by a competitiveness and jealousy that could only be brought out by a sibling. "Maura, which would you prefer?" she asked.
"No pressure," Tommy echoed, but as the two of them stared darkly at each other and then at her, Maura couldn't help but exhale nervously.
"They're both very thoughtful," she began, but paused as she looked at both of the expectant faces staring down at her. "If you'll excuse me, I think I need to use the restroom." She rose slowly, unsure if her exit had even been noticed by Jane or Tommy, but she was more than ready to let the two of them sort out whatever sibling issues they were having on their own.
Jane waited until Maura was out of sight before dropping her spoon back into the takeout container, smattering a few drops of brown sauce onto the counter. "What the hell are you doing over here?" she asked him.
"What's your big idea?" he asked. "Why are you trying to trump my lunch?" He waved toward the French bag. "With stuff you don't even eat."
"Because I'm the caretaker," Jane emphasized. "And it's my job to care... take... of lunch."
Tommy rolled his eyes. "If that's true, then why did you rush off to work this morning? That part of your caretaker duties, too?"
Until Moore was caught, she did consider it part of her duty towards Maura, but she didn't want to go into it, not after the lack of progress they'd made in tracking him down. "I just think you need to lay off," she said. "Maura's not interested. And she doesn't need some meat neck chasing her around."
Tommy laughed. "I'm not trying anything," he said. "I think she's made it clear that she's not interested in anything right now." He shrugged. "Doesn't mean I can't keep trying to be her friend."
She smacked him on the back of the head, without reason, but simply because she could. "I know what 'trying to be her friend' means," she said with a sneer. "She's my friend, Tommy, for fuck's sake, just lay off."
"You're just mad because in high school Donna Stevens ended up hanging out with me more than she did with you," he said. "But did you see me get mad when Raymond O'Dell was trying to take you to prom? Nope."
She smacked him again. "No, you didn't get mad because you're a horrible brother," she said. "I didn't want him coming anywhere near me and you didn't stop him at all." She shook her head, frustrated at the path down memory lane they had forged. "That's not the point. The point is that I don't want you trying anything with Maura."
"I don't get it," he said with a shake of his head and a perplexed grin that almost made Jane want to reach up and smack him a third time. "I'm just having a little fun. What's the problem? Maura and I are both adults." He turned his attention back to his sandwich. "You act like you're in love with her or something." He paused mid-bite, looking up at her with a sudden, dawning awareness. "Oh shit."
Jane rolled her eyes, but it was her brief hesitation, that quick moment of panic as Tommy looked at her that gave her away.
"Shit, you're in love with her," he repeated, putting down his sandwich and staring at her.
"I am not," Jane insisted, keeping her eyes from him.
"Wait, is Maura bisexual?" he asked thoughtfully. "That's kind of cool."
Jane pursed her lips at him. "Why don't you ask her if you're so curious?"
"Sounds like you're the one that needs to ask her," he said. "Not me." His face became stoic, his eyes darkening with seriousness as he wiped his hands on a napkin. "Look, Janey, I'm not trying to pry or anything, but if you're attracted to Maura, you gotta tell me."
"And why is that?" Jane asked, annoyed.
"Because then we're talking about a different code of conduct," he answered officially. "You don't go after the same girl that your brother... or sister... is interested in. Those are the rules."
"Is there no rule that just says, 'Listen to your sister when she asks you not to sleep with her friends'?"
He shook his head earnestly. "Nah, there's no rule for that." Jane rolled her eyes, but Tommy wasn't done, and he looked up at her again, his eyes narrowing in thought. "What makes you think she feels the same way about you?" he asked. The question was sincere, and Jane could tell it wasn't meant as a dig, but it dislodged something in her chest.
"Why can't she be into me?" she asked, her face flushing with heat that burgeoned more from confusion than anger. "Not every girl's fantasy is Tommy Rizzoli, convicted felon." She hung her head as soon as the words penetrated the air, but still caught the brief flash of hurt in her brother's eyes. "Sorry, Tommy, that wasn't cool," she said with what she knew was a weak apology.
"No, it wasn't," he said, his jaw hardening, but after a moment it wavered. "Must mean you got it pretty damn bad."
He raised his eyes as Maura ambled back into the room and settling back into her chair, oblivious to the confession that had just transpired. She gave a pained smile as she appraised the table. "Ah," she said haltingly. "All the food is still here."
Tommy stood, tossing his napkin next to his plate. "You know what," he began, smiling briefly at Maura. "I'm going to head out."
Jane looked up at him, surprised. "What?"
Maura looked even more confused as she eyed the quarter of sandwich that Tommy had abandoned on his plate. "You didn't finish," she said.
"It's all right," he replied. "The plan was just to drop off lunch for the two of you, anyway. Jane, there's a third sandwich in the bag for you." He pressed his lips as he looked at her, and she hoped her eyes communicated the apology she couldn't verbally give him. He nodded toward her, then Maura, as he made his way toward the door, giving them both a slight wave as he exited. "Oh, Ma's back," he called. "Just giving you fair warning. I moved most of her stuff this morning."
Maura looked up at Jane as the door closed behind Tommy. "What just happened?" she asked.
"I don't know," Jane answered honestly, unsure of what had moved her brother to be so suddenly gracious. She moved to clean up some of the mess they had made, but Maura's hand caught hers with a smile.
"I think I'll have some," she said, pointing shyly to the French dishes. "It's my favorite."
"I know," Jane returned with a grin. She motioned toward the dining room table, which was scattered with maps and a couple of large books. "What's all that?" she asked. "You look like you're planning a voyage to the new world."
"Or at least Western Massachusetts," Maura replied, taking a bite of her preferred cuisine and giving a pleasurable moan of approval. "That," she explained, gesturing proudly toward the table, "is a series of topographical maps of each of western Massachusetts. I pulled out the ones that include property that Sensei Matta owns."
Jane walked over to the table and pulled one of the maps closer to her, inspecting it. "Right, we know where some of these are," she said. "Korsak and Frost have been researching it. But none of these places are aligned with any of the disposal sites you mentioned earlier. At least not the government-sanctioned ones."
"I assumed so," Maura replied, swiveling slightly in her chair and motioning for Jane to walk the map over to her. "But see this one?" she asked, pointing a neatly clipped nail along a meandering line west of Boston. "This is all shale underneath this ridge. It's the perfect condition for extracting natural gas with a horizontal method, which is what Moore practiced. And I checked with a Massachusetts environmental nonprofit and micro earthquakes have increased in this area over the past year."
"You think there's a chance Moore would have fled there?" Jane asked. "That's pretty obvious."
"Exactly," Maura said with an approving nod. "Which is why, looking at the map, there's another park rather off the grid. It's been ignored for years due to federal budget cuts and the maintenance has been minimal. But, it's the same ridge, just further down."
"Which means the same type of rock," Jane finished, nodding. "If Moore wanted to mitigate his losses and clean up his trail, he'd start here." She set the map down, putting her hands together with in a quick burst of adrenaline. "All right. I'll send this over to Korsak. Tomorrow we take another road trip."
Maura looked up at her, correcting her with a raised finger. "Tomorrow Frost and Korsak take a road trip," she said. "You're staying right here in Boston."
Jane frowned, but the worry in Maura's eyes made her keep her mouth shut, at least for the time being. Chances are Frost and Korsak wouldn't let her anywhere near the site, but that didn't mean she didn't want to slap handcuffs on Moore herself if they were lucky enough to find him. Or simply just slap him. Judging by the adamant purse of Maura's mouth, though, she'd be more likely to hear about Moore's arrest via phone.
"Ah," she said, remembering her other errand and fishing through a smaller bag on the counter. She handed over a new phone to Maura. "This is for you," she said. "Important numbers are already programmed, but it's up to you to add your nerd buddies. But I did download the Gray's Anatomy app for you."
Maura smiled, flipping it on. "You did?" she asked. "That's so sweet." Her head bent downwards for a moment in concentrated enthusiasm, her food abandoned, and Jane turned her attention to the blonde's leg.
"Hey, your bandage is slipping a little," she noticed, bending down to get a closer look at Maura's foot.
"Oh, there are high-resolution images!" Maura exclaimed, excitement rocking her shoulders.
Jane glanced up at her, pleased, and also a bit mystified by the finer points of what delighted her friend. "Maur, you want me to change this?" she asked, pointing back to the white gauze.
"Ah, yes, I was about to change it when Tommy came over," Maura replied, setting the phone down. "New dress, new dressing." She smiled at her joke, prompting a reluctant smile from Jane as well, which pleased her. "Everything's on the table over there."
Jane retrieved the handful of supplies, mentally inventorying them and making sure that she recalled Nurse Rhonda's directions. "Here," she offered, depositing the small pile of new gauze, tape, and ointment and pulling Maura's leg up to rest on the chair next to her. "Let me."
"No, it's okay," Maura said, stretching over her. "I can do it."
Jane reached over, grasping her hands. "Would you please just let me take care of you?" she asked, a slight plea behind her frustration, but she smiled in order to soften her words. "For once," she continued lightly.
Maura leaned back after a short pause, submitting and offering her leg fully. As her fingers undid the bandage, Jane braced herself for the grotesque reminder of her botched surgery. Dealing with such gruesomeness on a de-co was much different than seeing it on a live, breathing person, much less one for whom she cared so deeply. She twitched at the red, puffed skin around the incisions, a thin line of black stitches running down them. "Damn, I did a number on you," she said, her fingers hovering over the split skin. "Acrylic glass probably scars more than a scalpel, huh?"
"I'd rather have two scars than one leg," Maura replied pleasantly, leaning over and inspecting them with a clinical eye. "It looks good," she said. "We'll keep it dry for now, just a bandage and then - "
"I know," Jane cut in, looking up at her. "Do you remember Nurse Rhonda?"
Maura smiled and leaned back in her chair, allowing Jane to do the rest of her work unencumbered. When she was finished, the brunette's fingers trailed over her ankle, over the top ridges of her foot. "You have such tiny toes," she observed.
Maura cocked her head. "Well, in comparison to yours."
Jane raised an eyebrow at her. "Remind me to teach you how to accept a compliment," she said, but her hidden smirk belied her amusement.
"I wasn't sure if tiny toes were a compliment," Maura responded earnestly. "In the Cro-Magnonensis era, it was considered a privilege to have very large feet; in the Song dynasty, small feet were coveted. But toes, I am less certain about."
Jane simply stared at her, at times both amused and frightened by the blonde's thought processes. "I would just take it as a compliment," she summarized.
"Well then, thank you," Maura replied politely with a winning shake of her shoulders. Jane grinned at her, for a beat too long, and Maura's eyes suddenly shifted into curiosity.
"What?" she asked.
The question was at most a casual check-in, but it made Jane's smile suddenly disappear. Everyone around her was slowly discovering her feelings for Maura. Everyone, of course, but the person that needed to know. "I need to tell you something," she said uneasily.
"As long as it's another compliment," Maura answered with a smile, but it slowly faded as Jane stared back at her.
"We're friends, first," Jane said hastily. "Whatever I say, I don't want to mess that up."
Maura seemed startled by the sudden turn of the conversation and she pitched forward slightly, the lines around her mouth now deepening into a frown. "You're scaring me, Jane, what is it?"
"You think I'm generally a rational, sane person?"
Maura cocked her head. "Generally or right now?"
Jane shook her head, trying a different tact. "Doesn't matter." She took a deep breath. "How long have we been friends?"
"Three years, four months, and six days," Maura replied effortlessly.
Jane balked at the response, not suspecting such accuracy, but knew she shouldn't have been too surprised. "Right," she agreed, her own measurement of their friendship much less accurate.
"That's counting from that first lunch we had," Maura clarified. "If you count that day in the cafe when you were in vice, then I've technically known you for three years, six months, and seventeen days."
Maura's brain was threatening to overpower Jane's attempted heart to heart, and she raised a hand to interrupt her, but instead smiled as the blonde's words caught up with her. "You remember that first lunch?" she asked.
"Of course," Maura replied with a grin. "Your first day in homicide. I didn't get asked out to lunch very often."
"Appetite doesn't really surge in the morgue, no," Jane replied. "What was it you were craving that day?"
"Spaghetti."
"Right. After pulling out most of that de-co's intestines."
Maura laughed. "I couldn't help it; I had been craving it all week." She dipped her head for a moment, a flash of remembered insecurity coursing through her. "I don't think comments like that helped me get any lunch dates." Her eyes glazed over at the memory. Socializing with anyone, much less colleagues, had been difficult in her new position. She had heard detectives mumble "Queen of the Dead" whenever she walked through a crime scene. It hadn't bothered her much, but there was a small part of her, that same small part that had watched the girls of her equestrian team plan sleepovers and spring break trips, that wanted a slice of normal intimacy and connection. She shook herself out of her thoughts, peering at the woman who had quickly become that sought after piece of emotional connection. "But you came with me," she said, smiling.
"You were the strangest person I'd come across in a long time," Jane replied. "And I worked in vice." The sound of Maura's laughter was rewarding, reminding her of the first flashes of intrigue she'd had at that initial lunch. She had never been met with such unbridled honesty from anyone, and despite the blonde's somewhat insatiable fear of social contact, she had a studied love of humanity that struck something inside Jane. From that moment on, her life had changed.
The simple recollection was enough to loosen the words from her lips, and she felt them slide from her mouth before her brain could register them: "I love you."
Once they were out in the open, ready to be absorbed, she jumped to clarify them. "As a friend," she said quickly, words moving faster than her brain could compute them. "As a friend, but as more than a friend... ship should require... and - " She paused, taking a deep breath and attempting to right the crazy turn she'd taken. "I'm not saying any of this right," she said with a frustrated sigh.
Maura stared back at her with a pair of patient hazel eyes. "Correctly," she said automatically, unable to hold back the grammatical guidance, despite the inconvenience of the moment. "You're not saying any of this correctly." She shook her head, her hazel eyes clouding in embarrassment. "I'm sorry. Now is not the time for grammatical superiority - "
Acting on sheer will, Jane leaned forward, cutting her off and pressing her lips against Maura's. She was met with surprised reticence at first, but Maura's lips softened, slowly easing into the kiss. Their tongues tentatively teased one another, and Maura leaned slightly into her, allowing Jane to deepen her exploration.
Jane was suddenly too aware of her hands, which were posing a bit of a problem since she had no idea what to do with them. She settled for moving them up the length of Maura's arms, her fingers trailing the soft skin there before she took another step closer.
It was the sudden jerk of Maura's injured leg as Jane's hip brushed it that finally made her pull away, both of them slightly breathless and flushed from more than just the kiss. Despite the fact that Jane had made the first move, placing the risk squarely on her own shoulders, she waited, terrified, for Maura to speak.
"Jane," the blonde finally whispered, her fingers brushing across her lower lip. The uncertainty in her voice was enough to cause Jane's heart to plummet to her stomach.
"What's wrong?"
Maura's eyes were now alert with something more than lust or curiosity, and she paused, vetting her words. "Nothing is wrong," she replied quickly, but her hands stayed against Jane's shoulders as a barrier misaligned with her words.
"I'll take that as the truth," Jane said, bending lower to capture Maura's gaze, which she couldn't quite read. "Unless you tell me otherwise."
Maura could still taste the brunette on her tongue and could feel the remnants of the touch on her arms that had raised a series of goose bumps along her skin. She had studied Jane's lips before, imagining what it would be like to taste them, but had locked away that fantasy in the recesses of her subconscious. She depended on their friendship, more than anything, and guarded it closely, even from her own desires. Breaking that barrier had left her more frightened than any of the physical pain she'd had over the past two days. "Are we sure about this?" she asked.
The question was logical, but it didn't settle the pounding of Jane's pulse. "No," she replied, unable to offer nothing more than honesty. "I mean – yes," she corrected, shaking her head. All she knew, for certain, was that whatever had passed between them during that kiss, she wanted more of it.
Maura hung her head slightly, as if her thoughts weighed her down. "I just got you back," she softly, her eyes searching Jane's.
"I'd say you got a return on your investment," Jane said lightly, although her voice cracked with the effort.
Maura appeared daunted by her own reaction, as if unused to the feelings coursing through her. "You mean more to me than anyone," she managed. "I just don't want to do this out of some hurt, vulnerable place. Our friendship means too much to me. I need it too much to do anything to jeopardize it."
Jane would have preferred if Maura punch her in the stomach. With her dainty jabs, it would have hurt much less than her insightful words had, no matter how true they probably were. "I see," was all she could offer, her small utterance complemented by a large swallow.
"I think we need to talk about this," Maura continued, her voice urgently low, as if she could sense Jane pulling away from her. "Before we rush into anything. I - I don't want us to be confused about things."
"Confused," Jane repeated.
"No, I just meant that we've both been through a lot lately." She cringed, glancing down at her hands. "Now I'm saying things incorrectly."
"No, it's okay," Jane said, attempting to keep her voice steady, but with her efforts it came out flat and monotone. "I misread things, that's all." She stood abruptly, her movements slightly jerky, as if her joints were tight. "I'm going to get some air for awhile," she said.
"Jane, wait," Maura said, reaching for her, but the brunette dodged her hand, pulling away and leaving the blonde to stare down at her hand as if it were a weapon. But it was her words that had done the damage, and she was suddenly afraid that she wouldn't be able to take them back.
"No worries, Maur," Jane offered with an afflicted smile that she was sure came off more like a frown. "It was just a mistake, that's all." The blonde seemed truly hurt by the turn of dialogue, but Jane was struggling just to keep standing upright, and she moved toward the door on shaky legs.
"Jane, please don't walk away right now," Maura pleaded, her eyes clearly pained. Jane, lost in her own haze of hurt, could only manage exactly that as she turned for the door. "Jane," Maura said again, this time her voice raw.
Jane turned back to her. "It's fine," she said, her voice thick. "I just need some time, okay? Just - " she inhaled sharply, surprised by the tightness in her chest." Leave me alone for now."
She heard Maura say her name once more, but the pressure was building in her throat, preventing her from speaking. In an effort to finally take a step forward in their friendship, she had ended up jumping off a ledge, and she felt as if she were free falling, waiting for the hard slap of reality to inevitably hit her. She shut the door behind her, the air cool against the slow tear that leaked down her cheek.
She walked blindly, wishing she at least had darkness to hide behind, but the sun was still high in the sky mocking her stupidity. "Stupid!" she yelled as she banged her fist into the brick wall of the guest house, taking some satisfaction in the light red scrape across her knuckles. Taking a seat on the small stoop, she dropped her head in her hands. Her first instinct was to leave and indulge in a long drive, or hit up the shooting range, or even head to the gym for a quick go with a punching bag, but she wasn't comfortable leaving Maura alone.
She fished through her pockets, fumbling for the key to the guest house and wished she could summon some unbridled sense of anger. Instead, she only felt sadness and loss, which were two emotions she was much less adept at handling.
At the counter, Maura sat, unmoving, her lower lip trembling as sudden silence engulfed her. In an effort to preserve something special, she was terrified that she had effectively ended it. She let out a grunt of frustration as she picked up the crutch leaning against the table, and with a suddenly burst of internal anger she threw it down, its wood echoing against the floor.
Glancing at her new phone, Maura began to pull up Jane's name, smiling sadly at the picture the brunette had already programmed in for herself. Each vacant ring instilled in her a distinct sense of loss and she slid the phone away from her as the voicemail greeted her. One thing she had learned from studying the finer ticks of Jane Rizzoli over the years was that she would talk only when she was ready.
Groaning, she hobbled towards the crutches she had carelessly tossed away, the weight on her foot just less than bearable. The pain felt good for the brief moment before she tucked the apparatus underneath her arms and slowly made her way to the kitchen counter. The thought of food now made her nauseous and as she stood on one foot tucking the containers back in the bag she was surprised by the quick, violent sob that shook her shoulders.
With one fell swoop, she knocked the leftovers, the plates, the napkins, and utensils into the trash, wishing that her own mistake could be so easily swept away.
The sound of a key twisting in a lock pulled Jane out of her slumber and in her half haze she wondered how she had ended up sprawled on the couch in Maura's guest house with an empty wine cooler beside her. Her confused reprieve didn't last long, unfortunately, and she was flooded with the memory of what lead her there: confession, risk, and ruin all in the space of a few moments. The wine cooler had been the only thing she could find in her mother's refrigerator, but at least it had put her to sleep.
"Jane?" Angela questioned as she walked inside, carrying a duffel bag on one shoulder and a purse large enough to qualify as a duffel bag on the other. "What are you doing here?"
Jane looked up at her, wiping an angry hand across her eyes. "What are you doing here?"
"Tommy moved my things back for me. Why are you sitting on my couch?"
"Since when is it your couch?" Jane mumbled, but she got to her feet, brushing past her mother into the small kitchenette. Pouring herself a glass of water, she gazed out the window across the small walkway and into Maura's kitchen, the low light of dusk giving her a clear view. After a fretful nap and a few hours of perspective, she was afraid she had ruined one of the best things in her life.
"What's wrong?" Angela asked. "Why aren't you next door?"
Jane didn't look back at her, not wanting to share her red eyes. "I just needed some space."
"Is Maura over there?"
"No, Ma, she's out for a jog," Jane replied, her sarcasm the one thing not lost in her sadness. "Yes, she's over there."
"You two aren't arguing again, are you?" she said, her tone almost accusing.
"I don't want to talk about it."
Angela narrowed her eyes at her daughter in a way only a mother could, sizing her up. "You want me to make you a grilled cheese?"
Jane glanced up at her mother. "No," she said with a shake of her head. "No thanks, Ma. I'm just going to lie down for a little while." One heart to heart with her mother in one week was enough for her. She simply needed to be alone with her thoughts. She ignored her mother's gaze as she made her way toward the bedroom, plopping down on the bed with a groan.
Angela watched as her daughter slouched toward the bedroom, her shoulders drooping slightly backward and she cocked her head toward the window over her kitchen sink. If talking to Jane was out of the question, she would simply have to talk to Maura.
Setting her bags down, she peered into her cupboard, searching for something sweet to take over; Sid she wanted to get to the bottom of whatever was going on between her girls, she would need the added ammunition of comfort food. She settled in a package of chocolate chip cookies and tucked them under her arm. A sharp knock at the door startled her, but she was even more surprised to see Maura on her stoop, her crutches tucked daintily under her arms.
"Hi," the blonde said politely, cocking her head, as if making a formal visit. "Is Jane here?"
"Maura, what are you doing walking around?" Angela asked, her tone just one the verge of chastising.
"Is she here?" Maura asked again. "I really need to talk to her." The puffiness in her eyes mirrored the clouds Angela had seen under Jane's. Maura leaned harder on her crutch and she waved her quickly inside.
"I can't say whether she's here or not," Angela said loudly, but cocked her head towards the door at the far end of the room, jerking her thumb conspiratorially at it.
Maura nodded, giving her a small smile as she limped her way to the bedroom. Knocking lightly, she leaned her head against the door.
"Maura, I don't need a best friend right now, okay?" Jane called, her voice strained.
Maura chanced a look at Angela, somewhat embarrassed by their exchange, but the older woman gave her an encouraging nod. "Here," she said, handing Maura the pack of cookies. "She likes these."
"Ma, am I going to have to ask you to leave your own guesthouse?" Jane called through the closed door.
Angela frowned. "This poor woman is out here on crutches. You let her in, Jane Clemen - "
Before she could finish, the door lurched open, Jane scowling out at her mother before slumping wordlessly back into the bed. Maura took the invitation, closing the door behind her as she sat gingerly on the opposite side, an expansive quilt separating the space between them.
She could tell by Jane's frown that she wasn't going to speak first, so she broke the silence with a sigh. "I have cookies," she said, sliding the bag between them.
Jane eyed them for a beat before sliding it over and indulging in one, keeping her head low.
When she still didn't speak, Maura tried again. "I'm sorry," she said quietly.
"There's nothing to be sorry for," Jane exonerated, fingering a chocolate chip with her nail. "You were just being honest."
"Was I?" Maura asked uncertainly, slipping a cookie for herself.
Jane nodded sadly. "You're you. Of course you were being honest." She took a deep breath, offering what had run through her mind over the past few hours. "Look, Maura, I got things a little mixed up in my head. You're someone that I love more than anything, and you're incredibly special, and... I don't want to lose you as my person - my friend - that I always go to, so... I'm sorry I put you in that position." One hand fumbled nervously at the comforter and she popped the cookie into her mouth as an excuse to stop speaking. She was hurt, but it would be nothing compared to losing her friend entirely.
Maura watched the nervous display, knowing it all too well. "Do you remember that night your mother set you up with Lieutenant Grant?" she asked.
Jane glanced up at her, smiling faintly at the memory. "Yeah. I ended up at the morgue with you. And a bottle of wine."
"And cheese."
"And morgue cheese, yes."
Maura bit her lower lip, unsure of whether to continue. "When you left that night, I thought about kissing you. I sat there and ate the rest of that cheese." She shook her head. "A physical response to an emotional stressor," she explained with a wave of her hand.
Jane couldn't help but ignore the emotional binge, instead focusing on the first part of the blonde's confession, the one that made her heart beat faster. "You thought about me like that?" she asked.
"And a number of times after that," Maura admitted. "I have a curious mind," she said with a shrug of her shoulder, as if that alone explained the fantasies she'd harbored about her friend. "What happened today didn't make me feel strange, or catch me off guard. My sexual attraction to you doesn't frighten me."
Jane's head snapped up at the continued explanation, but rather than push her luck any further, she tacitly took comfort in it. At least she wasn't alone in her attraction.
Maura paused, tracing a pattern on the quilt. "What I can't seem to come to terms with is the rest of what I'm feeling."
"What's that?" Jane asked, suddenly unsure if she wanted to find out. "Is it nausea?"
Maura laughed. "No. I read once, about the physiological response to love. Not sex, but love. It's a constantly shifting series of hormones, from lust to attraction to attachment. And it's dynamic; it's this malleable thing that shifts with time and experience and perspective." She looked up, almost embarrassed by her diatribe. "It's an absolute miracle of the human brain."
"You feel that about us?" Jane asked, again afraid she was pushing too hard.
"Yes," Maura said simply.
She sighed, reaching over for Maura's hand. "Then don't you think it's worth giving this a shot?"
Maura's eyes brightened. "Like an experiment?"
Jane pursed her lips, but acquiesced with a nod. "Yes, by all means let's turn this into a Bill Nye-The Bachelor crossover."
"What's your hypothesis?" Maura asked.
Jane exhaled slowly, taking the final plunge off the ledge she had spent the past few years bolstering with untruths. "That I am completely in love with you," she replied, smiling bashfully. "In the most unfriendly of ways. How do you plan on testing that one out?"
Maura leaned over, tentatively, and grazed her lips lightly over Jane's, cupping her jaw with her hand. "Will you come back with me?"
"What, and pass up a chance to sleep with my mother?" Jane asked. "Not a chance."
Maura reached out, playfully grabbing her big toe and pulling. "Come on."
Jane tried to jerk her foot away. "Maura, you know I don't like people touching my feet," she warned.
"I'm not people," Maura answered with a giggle, pulling at it again. At times, she enjoyed knowing just how to get under Jane's skin.
"Maura, I know you're injured, but I will kick you off this bed if you keep touching my feet."
The blonde's chuckle turned into a honey-combed laugh as Jane jerked her foot again, jumping off the bed. "Why are you so immature!" she exclaimed. "All of the other cyborgs know how to behave."
"They're programmed incorrectly," Maura said, reaching for her crutches.
"Nuh-uh," Jane said, slipping on her shoes before walking around the bed and stopping directly in front of Maura, turning her back to her. She lowered herself, hunching forward. "Get on my back."
"Okay, now who's being immature?" Maura asked, but when Jane didn't move, she shook her head with a grin, wrapping her arms around her neck.
"Heave!" Jane called, straightening her legs.
"Am I too heavy?" Maura asked.
"Please, woman, I've lifted six-packs heavier than you."
Jane ambled out into the small living room, passing by Angela, who sat on the couch pretending to read a book, but was doing an unsatisfactory job, as it sat upside down in her lap. She glanced up, her mouth dropping in surprise as the two of them passed in front of her, smiles replacing the frowns they had each greeted her with earlier.
"Night, Ma," Jane called over her shoulder, offering no further explanation for their sudden turn of mood.
"Thank you, Angela," Maura echoed cordially with small wave of her crutch, using it to pull the door closed behind them.
Angela shook her head, pulling the bag of sweets closer to her. "One woman is complicated enough, but two?" She shrugged, righting her book and taking a thoughtful bite of her cookie.
I hope this lived up to expectations; let me know if it did or didn't. And now I need your input: should we keep this at a K rating or take it up to M? Choose your own adventure :)
Thank you all for your response thus far - I like that you like.
