A/N: First of all, a massive apology to Liyorah, wolverinacullen and any lurkers who may read but don't review. I know I promised you guys four chapters, but I didn't realise how long my edit was going to take me. I will post chapter seven tomorrow and, also, chapter eight as my huge apology to all of you. I am so sorry.
Chapter Six
~ He stands there, then walks away
My God, if I could only say
I'm holding every breath for you ~
I'd Lie by Taylor Swift
I hated hospitals. I had entered one only once in my life, aside from being born, of course, after I had a nasty reaction to a mumps immunization when I was very young. The sterilized smell of the place and the doctors in white coats who poked and prodded me again and again and again with strange instruments had terrified me and, when I'd come out of the hospital, I'd vowed I was never setting foot in one again.
But, for James, I would do anything.
I walked down the corridors, ignoring the nurses and doctors who rushed by on their way to attend to certain patients. I got to ICU, where James was, and walked up to the desk.
"Can I help you?" the duty nurse asked me. She looked about twenty seven with caramel coloured hair tied back in a pony tail and wearing a name badge that read 'Esme'.
Esme: the wife of Dr. Cullen and the mother of dickhead extraordinaire. I'd forgotten that she was a nurse, so she would know who I was and, probably, who I wanted to see. But I told her anyway.
"Yes, I'm here to see James Witherdale," I said and she smiled sadly.
"I'm sorry, Victoria, we're only letting family in at this point. The poor boy's not well and too many visitors would be detrimental to his condition."
I could tell that Esme was genuinely sorry for having to refuse me entry, but this was James I was talking about. James who had held my hand when we walked in together on our first day of pre-school, James who had hit Emmett Cullen, Edward's older brother, for pulling my hair in second grade. James who had let me copy his biology assignment and then lied to Mr. Molina by saying that he had been the one to copy my work and had saved me from detention. James who laughed at my bad jokes, listened sympathetically to my rants about my teachers and would do anything for me! Well, it went both ways, I would do anything for him and come hell, high water or hospital security I was getting in to see my friend!
"Esme, as far as James and I are concerned, we are family, so if you would please..."
"Victoria, I know this must be distressing for you. But I really can't let you in to see..."
"Oh for God's sake, Esme!" the snap made both Esme and I jump as Renee Swan came strolling down the corridor. I'd seen Renee look several different ways; I'd seen her angry, worried, frustrated, happy, very upset and once I'd even seen her drunk! But never, in all my years of knowing her, I had never seen her look like this. Her hair was a mess, her eyes blood shot from crying and her face puffy and swollen from tear stains. Her chocolate eyes were filled with moisture, she was shaking badly and her hands were balled into fists. I had the sudden, irrational fear that she might hit me.
"James has been asking for Victoria since he woke up! I know you're just doing your job but, really, this is going too far!"
Esme cowered under Renee's wrath before Renee grabbed my arm and dragged me down the corridor and into ward two. Ward two was long and rectangular, with several empty beds in it, if I hadn't seen James in a bed at the end propped up by pillows, I might have been able to count how many patients the ward could hold. As it was, it took all my self control not to sprint down the ward and fling my arms around him. The sight of him alive, however, did bring happy tears to my eyes.
"Victoria," he croaked as Renee and I came nearer, "you're here. Here at last."
He sounded awful.
The moment I was at his bedside and Renee had released my arm, I grasped James' hand in my own and was startled to see how cold it was. He grinned, "Kind of like being the living dead, eh Vicki?" and then he coughed a deep, hacking cough.
"James..." I didn't know what to say. He looked so weak, so frail lying in the hospital bed with his cold hand gripped in mine. He grinned again, how could he still grin?
"That's my name," he said and then he coughed again, he sounded as if he had something in his lungs. James cleared his throat slightly before he said to his family, "I'd like a few moments with Victoria, alone."
"James, I hardly think that's..." began Charlie but Renee glared at him and they walked out of the ward. I saw Bella gave her brother a long, searching look before she too followed her parents out.
"James what, what happened to you?" I asked as soon as we were alone, sitting down next to my friend's bedside and James grinned morbidly at me.
"Crashed the car when I was driving back from your place," he said and I nearly had a heart attack on the spot!
"You had a car crash!"
James nodded and then coughed again before going on, "I was going a little bit too fast around a corner and lost control. I hit a tree and blacked out for a bit before coming round. When I did come to, I was disorientated and wandered off into the forest."
I should have done something, I thought, savagely berating myself. I should have driven him home myself!
"So, you were out in the woods all night? Alone!" I was horrified. Anything could have happened to him while he was out there! Anything!
James chuckled and then made a face as he coughed again. I failed to find anything funny in the situation.
"I'm a big boy, Victoria," he told me. "I'm not scared of the dark, you know"
"You would have been freezing!" I persisted and he nodded, "That's why I'm in hospital, hypothermia."
I took a breath and let it out, I felt that James was being very flippant about all this. I'd spent a whole night and half a day worrying about him, only to come and see him in the hospital and see that he was acting...
Perfectly ordinary.
I suddenly felt like laughing at myself. I was an idiot. I would have been the last person James would have been thinking about while he was lost, cold and alone in the woods all night. He was hardly going to have had a magical epiphany in which he suddenly realised that I loved him while he'd been out there freezing to death.
"Sorry," I apologized and James shook his head. "I was just so worried about you," I continued, "for all I knew you were dead, James! Dead! You left my house so upset and..."
James' hand tightened around mine and he interrupted, "Victoria, that's the reason I wanted to see you in here alone. I wanted to talk to you about what I said yesterday."
James took a deep breath, paused and then said, "Do you remember, when we were eight, that time Bella and I just vanished for about a week?"
I nodded, remembering the five days of hell I'd endured at school without him and he went on, "Well, we were down in Florida, staying with Grandma Dwyer. You see, mum used to have, well, something of a drinking problem and, one night, when she was really drunk, she said to Bella, 'You know what, Isabella, I think you're going to be a real slut when you grow up, just like your mother', and then mum full on attacked her! Dad intervened and called Grandma Dwyer in Florida and she was on a plane to get us that night. We went to Florida for the week while dad had mum charged with assault and all that shit. Grandma Dwyer was absolutely horrified that her daughter had attacked her own children and, when dad came to get us to take us back to Forks, she was reluctant to let us go. She still doesn't talk to mum, you know. Anyway, we came back up to Forks with dad and testified that mum had attacked us and she was sentenced to three months jail for assault. For the first month she was inside it was, well, it was like heaven!"
James face took on an odd glow and I felt a little uncomfortable. I couldn't imagine it being like heaven if my mother was in jail for three months, but, then again, I didn't live in the Swan household.
"There was no fighting, no anger, nothing! Dad took me and Bella to the movies, to the park, we played baseball, got ice-cream... It sound trivial, V, but you have no idea how much it meant to me to be able to go somewhere and not have to worry about my parents fighting. It was just..." James paused then and I realised that the sad part was coming.
"After the first month or so, it dawned on me what had really happened, that my mum had actually tried to hurt my sister and said that Bella was going to be a slut when she got older. I'd always looked out for Bella but, this time, the one thing that was really hurting her wasn't some idiot at school pulling her hair or being called ugly by Rosalie Hale. It was out own mother and I couldn't protect her from that..."
James stopped and his eyes filled with tears and he swallowed a few times and, impulsively, before I could stop myself, I threw my arms around him.
Right then and there, with my lips close to his ear I nearly said it, I nearly whispered 'I love you, James Charles Swan'. Then he pulled back and the moment was lost.
"Whoa, Victoria," he said, his hands up in the air as if in surrender, his face wearing a half incredulous, half embarrassed expression. "No chick-flick moments, alright?"
"Yeah," I said, feeling myself blush. "Yeah, right, um, sorry, James."
He shrugged, "No lasting damage done" and then coughed again before saying, "I just felt I owed you an explanation for why I took off so suddenly yesterday, you needed to know that it wasn't your fault."
I nodded and James yawned and I said "Thanks, I'll, I'll go and let you sleep now, OK?"
James nodded, suppressing another yawn, "Sounds good, V. Hey, will you come and see me tomorrow?"
"Of course." I forced a smile and James smiled sleepily back at me before closing his eyes.
As I left I didn't even say goodbye to the Swans, pushing roughly past them and damning them to the depths of hell and beyond for causing all this misery in James' life. I got to my car and, once I was safely enclosed in the warm, leathery interior, I broke down in sobs over my steering wheel. Why, why did I not tell James I loved him? What was holding me back?
I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my contacts until I reached Laurent and pressed the 'Call' button. He picked up on the second ring.
"How'd it go at the hospital?" he asked and I managed to stifle a sob before saying, "Will you meet me at the oval? I need to talk to you."
A/N: I can't say I'm sorry enough times, but, if you're not too angry with me, a review would still be nice. Just so I know you're still enjoying this story.
