Well, I've actually finally updated this fic. I'm quite amazed by that you know. And I'm even more amazed that I found something to actually write about for more than one page. Wow, I'm getting good!

Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and I do not know when I'll be doing the next chapter; which may or may not be the last one, I'm not sure, but you'll have to wait and see (or bribe me, depending ;P).

Hope you enjoy people.

KaseyKC

Thirteen

"Guilt is the source of sorrow, 'tis the fiend, Th' avenging fiend, that follows us behind, With whips and stings" – Nicholas Rowe.

Sometimes life has this funny way of handing you a chance, an opportunity, with which you can do anything, anything at all. Depending on how much you're willing to sacrifice for this chance to work. It's kind of a sad form of irony I suppose since you live a life without trying to work as lightly as others, as you live a life which gives you unparalleled hardships which you survive, as you live a life which throws you into the strangest of predicaments and leaves you to get on with it.

As it is, how ironic is it of life to give you this singular opportunity to solve one of the biggest problems of the Stargate program; the ninth chevron problem, and then give you the result of the Lucian Alliance and their stolen goa'uld technology? As if that wasn't a problem, the fact that the only planet they'd found viable for the amount of power required turned out to be one that didn't agree with being attacked by a bunch of rambunctious nomads meant that their salvation was altered due to a single scientists obsession with his work, resulting in them ending up in an entirely new section of the universe far-far-far away from home. If that isn't irony then I don't know what is.

Guilt itself can be considered ironic, since some people only feel it after the fact; after they've gone against everyone's wishes and done the stupidest thing in existence and then thought to themselves 'oops, I probably shouldn't have done that'. That's ironic, because you know that you shouldn't have done it but you still did, because you thought you were all-powerful, all-knowing or whatever! That's the sad reality of guilt; it's irony. Simple.

-SGU-FB-SGU-FB-

Luck. What a strange thing. You can have good and bad luck, or something in between. It doesn't matter whether or not you believe in the existence of luck because you all think you're lucky if you survive something like a cave-in, a heart-attack, a car-crash, a near-death-experience, an attack on your inter-planetary base which happens to be on top of a ticking-time-bomb.

Luck depends on a person's perspective. Whilst some people might consider themselves lucky because they survived such an attack and subsequent explosion of an entire planet, others might think of themselves unlucky because they're stuck on a ship which is heading in the opposite direction to where they want to be.

In fact, many things depends on a person's perspective, the old religions and civilisations are morphed and transformed from the beautiful and enlightened things that they are into dark and heretic-like things all because of a shift in perspective. It is mankind's inherent ability to change his perspective; he doesn't like things to be one way for too long. I suppose it can stem from the instinctual belief that was held by the early caveman, if something stays the same for too long then it might not be a good thing; like famine isn't a good thing to have prolonged, or drought, or war, or a myriad of other things.

Paganism was once a unique religion, a way of living that existed around the time of Christ (and before and long after even) which was turned from being what it truly was; a way of life that was thankful to the earth (to mother nature, gaia, the divine goddess and so on) which thanks to the development of Christianity was melded with it, many of its belief's becoming part of Christianity (such as the holy day, the Sabbath, and the word 'Amen' stemming from the Egyptian 'Amun-Ra'; the Egyptian Sun-God). Essentially, Paganism was changed from something good and alright with people into something dark, evil and sinful purely by a shift in people's perspective.

So if a person thought about it, nothing is ever fair or unfair, true or untrue, right or wrong, because it is the perspective of a person that skews something, a word, an act, a thought, a belief. Nothing is ever the same forever because mankind likes change.

-SGU-FB-SGU-FB-

Rush was sat on one of the benches in the viewing room on Destiny, just looking at the unique photonic-display as Destiny continued on in FTL. It was quite a unique thing to witness, especially when he was alone and no-one was there to distract him from the beautiful sight. And his thoughts.

As he observed the scientifically and visually astounding sight he thought about what T.J had mentioned to him earlier in the week, not long after she had cut the cake on her birthday.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Rush," T.J muttered as she carefully drew Rush away from anyone within hearing distance. She looked at him and he raised his eyebrows in a silent question to her, "I think you need to know something."

"Well I know a great many things T.J, so anything you can add to my knowledge would be useful," he tried to joke, his insides tightening slightly as his mind started to wonder what is was she wanted to tell him. He hoped it wasn't anything bad; or not as bad as usual.

She sighed and shook her head slightly, "It's about Eli."

Her words caught his attention entirely and his insides froze, his breath stopped and his hear faltered for the longest of moments he'd ever felt in his entire forty-or so years of existence, "tell me," he whispered almost as though he didn't dare speak any louder than a revered whisper.

"After you got caught under that inflatable thing in the infirmary a few weeks ago, when you were sedated Eli stayed with you for a little while and was talking to you about something," T.J whispered as she recalled what Eli had been saying to his unconscious father, "I shouldn't have been listening and it's a breach of his privacy but I think you have a right to know this."

He tilted his head slightly and motioned for her to continue. She took a deep breath to steady her nerves as she organised what she wanted to tell him in her mind, "essentially, he was talking about how he felt guilty for not realising you were hurt, he thinks that he's not worthy to be your son and that he's got a second chance at having a father in his life again, and that he's screwing it up because he can't do anything right. I think he has abandonment issues from when the father he'd known for the early years of his life left him and his mom, he seems to blame himself for that. And now he's afraid that he'll do something that'll get you hurt and that you might abandon him too."

Rush was silent, as silent as he could ever have had been in his life. He was silent for so long that T.J was starting to worry about him. But, when he spoke he didn't sound angry, he didn't sound worried, he didn't sound like he was full of guilt even though he felt all of that, he sounded calm and collected and determined, "thank you for telling me this T.J, I guess I've got a lot to talk about with him haven't I? But back to your birthday, we're here to celebrate and I can't do anything about Eli right now apart from dragging him out of here and having a long talk with him. But we set this party up and I don't want to pull him away from it just yet."

T.J nodded and wiped a single tear that had dislodged itself from her eye-lash, 'I'm crying?' she thought as Rush sighed and smiled at her, "It'll be alright T.J, there's no reason to cry."

She nodded and again and they both moved off back into the fray, but Rush kept a close eye on Eli throughout the entire party and made sure that no-one did anything not of his liking towards his son.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

That had been only three days ago and, thanks to a rather annoying problem with the water filtration tanks, Rush hadn't had a chance to discuss anything with Eli without anyone over-hearing him. But now that he was in the viewing room of Destiny he was able to have some time where he could sit down and talk to his son; though he recognised the fact that maybe talking in one of their quarters or even the lab was better because it would be more private, he wanted to be somewhere where it was wide, open and spectacular.

He had called Eli over the private channel on the comm. that he wore at the moment about twenty minutes ago, essentially ordering his own son to get to the viewing room as quickly as his legs could carry him. Since he knew that when Eli was tired, as he was now, he would take an extra five minutes to get from the mess hall, where he had been when Rush had called him, to the viewing room, Rush had an ample amount of time to gaze at the photonic-magic occurring right outside the windows around him. Magnificent is what it truly was.

When he heard the sound of footsteps along the metallic floor of the corridor he drew himself out of his trance and focused back on what he was planning to do. As he listened to the change in the footsteps which signalled that Eli had crossed the threshold into the viewing room he said, "Close the door please Eli."

Eli, stopping in his tracks, looked at Rush curiously for a moment before closing the door with a mental thought before continuing over to sit down next to Rush on the bench, "so, what did you want to talk about?"

Rush looked at his son for a long moment before answering quietly, "you."

'Oh God! What have I done?' Eli's eyebrows rose in surprise and his skin began to pale considerably leaving him looking sicker than he had in the infirmary not a month ago, "I don't understand..." 'yes I do, I've screwed up one time too many haven't I and you're rejecting me because I'm a disappointment and a failure and a total waste of-'

"You're my son and I'm proud to have you as a son, but you seem to have this notion in your head that I think you're a disappointment to me," Rush said softly as he correctly guessed what his son was thinking, "I have never been more proud of you than I was when you were working so hard these past few days and you saved the people on Destiny, not me, you. On your own, so I've never found you to be a disappointment Eli and I never will because I love you and you're my son," he smiled as he saw Eli's features morph into surprise mixed with shyness, 'how could he ever think I was disappointed with him? He's the best son a father could ask for!'

Rush, deciding to try and get to the other main point of this whole conversation continued, "Eli, I know you've been let down by other's in your life, your father-"

"He's not my father, you are," Eli vehemently argued immediately, 'that man isn't my father! He left me and my mom to suffer! You would never have done that... would you?'

'True son, but back then you thought he was your father,' Rush thought as he continued as though Eli hadn't interrupted, "your father left your mother and you felt like it was your fault, a perfectly understandable belief for a young lad of your age, but listen to me when I say, I will never leave you, not willingly, and I will do everything in my power and beyond to keep you as safe as I possibly can. And the reason why Eli is because you are my family. You believe that I'm your second chance to have a father, well Eli, you're my second chance to have a family; because it seems that the first time round we both lost."

Eli felt tears prick the edges of his eyes but he fought against letting them flow as he stared at Rush who also looked distinctly teary-eyed. He didn't know what to say, what could he say? 'Wow... he really loves me... and he's trying to reassure me that he won't leave... but that reassurance isn't going to dispel my fears right away is it?'

"I understand that you won't believe that right away and that you'll still keep your fears and your doubts, but I'm hoping Eli that, with time, those doubts and fears will go away because I'm going to be here for you as a father. I'm going to be here for you now because that's what you deserve," Rush said forcefully as he looked deep into his son's eyes and recognised the feelings of doubt and fear that he too felt about it all, 'how can I do this if I couldn't even look after and care for my wife? No! I can't think like that! Not if I want to help Eli, not if I want to be the father that he deserves!'

Eli shook his head and finally willed himself to speak, "No, no, I believe that what you're saying is true but it's hard for me to not doubt it, but I do believe you," he smiled at Rush, "I mean, you're my dad! How can I not believe you?" 'Rhetorical question! Do not answer!'

Smiling Rush nodded and answered, "How indeed?" as he raised an eyebrow in mock humour, 'with my sense of judgement it's pretty easy not to believe me on many things, but not on this. On this I can be believed because I'm telling the absolute truth!'

"Come on, let's go get something to eat dad, I'm hungry," Eli joked as he stood up and held out his hand to Rush who took the pro-offered limb and hauled himself upright.

"How can you be hungry? You came from the mess hall!" Rush exclaimed in mock surprise, as he and his son began moving in unison towards the door out of the viewing room.

"I'd only just arrived when you called me," Eli answered simply as he thought the door open at the exact same moment that Rush did, which caused the door to open. Then close. Then open again.

"What's with the door?" Rush muttered as he moved cautiously towards it, he looked at Eli who shrugged and smirked.

"Maybe we opened it at the same time and it got turned around?" he grinned before stepping through and looking at Rush with a smug grin, "what's wrong, you scared of a door?"

Rush glared at him and stepped through defiantly, "no, I'm just wary that's all! I don't want one of my limbs to be chopped off by an over-active door!"

Chuckling Eli began heading in the direction of the mess hall and Rush fell into step alongside him, still mumbling slightly about the door and how much damage it could do if it trapped his hand in it, and how he wouldn't be able to type anything with his injured hand if it did happen.

TBC...

Okay, I've updated at Edwina B. Karch's request since SGU isn't on tv until October. Hope you like it!

KaseyKC