Paint a Lie

The water engulfed her, and big, round bubbles came out of her mouth. Her eyes stung as she tried to release herself from that madwomen's grasp. But she wouldn't move.

Seconds seemed like hours, and with each passing breath, she thought about her family and all the ones she loved. Above her, she saw a sick, twisted smile plastered on her murder's face.

Her head was shoved in even more, and she tried to kick. She threw her arms in the air, only to meet even more resistance. Black dots began circling her eyes and she knew she was going to die.

She was finally going to die.

She saw a small light.

And then she knew no more.

"NOO!" I screamed. I sat straight up, gasping for air. It was dark out, but I was only aware of my erratic breathing and the silent tears falling down my cheeks. I was bathed in cold sweat, and a bitter wave surrounded me. I shivered, and lay back down in my bed.

I tried to calm my breathing and the irregular heartbeat coming from my chest. My hands brought up the blanket I threw when I was in my fit of fury, and it still didn't stop the shivering. I turned my head to the side and saw that it was 4:13 in the morning. This was ridiculous.

I hoped that nobody heard my screaming, and especially not Noelle. It was getting out of hand. Just when I thought they were going to get nicer, they got worse. Even praying to God didn't help; I wasn't normally a religious person, but I thought I should give it a try. Let's just say it wasn't working so well.

Scared that I was going to wake up screaming, I went to sleep at twelve, spacing out my homework time to make it seem like I was seriously pulling an all night-er. It had worked because I was able to fool everyone, but I couldn't resist anymore, and I had fallen asleep. Sleeping was becoming my worst enemy.

What was going on? I had never been like this. Even with the stalking- any stalking, really- I never had nightmares. I managed to stay strong, and I managed to convince everyone that I was alright. What happened now? How did I become so weak?

Since my mind and body wasn't letting me sleep, I decided to head outside. As I threw on a pair of sweats, I wondered if going outside was going to be a regular thing. Insomnia didn't always seem like the best thing.

Well, it never is.

I snuck out of Pemberly, avoiding all the creaks on the steps and the pitter-patter of my feet. Silently, I opened the door, only to be greeted with a still, cold air and some frost all over the campus. I hugged my coat even more, trying to keep the warmness inside my body.

It was freezing. The sky was a deep, yet light blue color and the stars were still visible. They glittered in the sky, as if they had nothing to do. They had no worries except just…sitting there and not going against the laws of inertia.

I stopped in the middle of the campus, debating whether or not I should go back or walk around. I really didn't want to walk outside, and I didn't want to go back. I turned my head to the side and saw none other than Mitchell Hall.

Perfect.

My feet started to drag me, and I got there in record time. I stopped in front of the door, realizing there was no way I could get in. God, I was so stupid. Of course you needed a key. You just can't waltz your way in!

Click. With a jolt, I realized the door was actually open. I was surprised. Did they leave it open on purpose? Or maybe they didn't fix their security system, which was a very bad thing.

Regardless, I went in, not wanting to waste my perfect opportunity. Stealthy, I walked down the hallway and suddenly recalling the moments I had in the Art Cemetery. The times I was with Josh, the time I met Blake Pearson, the incident with Cheyenne…

I hadn't noticed that I actually opened the door and it was unlocked. Not only that, I hadn't noticed Josh Hollis was laying down on the couch, right in front of me. Crap, crap, crap.

My heart started to beat faster and my feet were frozen. Instantly, he got up and turned around, looking at me in a peculiar way. His unruly curls were all over his face, and he looked tired. For a second, I thought about running when he said:

"Hey, Reed."

I gulped. Josh got up, but he made sure the distance between us was far and wide. I was still standing by the door, and all I had to do was turn around and leave. But I couldn't.

"Hey," I managed to say. I started to get all hot for no apparent reason. Josh stared at me for another moment before he smiled. His perfect blue eyes tinkled and for a second, I forgot how to breathe.

"Sit down," he said while he gestured to the couch.

"I…uh, no it's ok. I was going to leave anyways… I'll just go." Immediately, I turned around when I heard a small voice say:

"No, please stay."

I faced him again, and Josh looked so small and vulnerable that I had to stay. He gave me a silent pleading look, as if he couldn't bear me to leave. I swallowed. Instead of saying anything, I slowly went over to the couch and sat down on the farthest corner. I was vaguely aware of his sweet scent, mixed in with some cologne and paint. Dammit!

Josh sat down next to me, but not that close. I didn't bother to even look at him. This was too much. This private enclosed place was not the best idea. I hadn't realized how elusive and how close the Art Cemetery was for us. Even though it looked like a cemetery on the outside, it held a lot more than just old paintings.

"So, you couldn't sleep huh?" asked Josh.

I gave a sharp breath. "Uh, yeah." Don't look at him, don't look at him, I chanted silently.

"Reed, can you look at me?"

Yes, as a matter of fact I can look at you. But do I want to? Nope, I thought darkly.

Josh sighed, and he buried his hands in his face. I took a peek and saw him looking very distressed. Instantly, my heart panged. Maybe I should look at him.

He changed his position where one of his legs was dangling over the couch and his whole body was facing me. I still refused to look at him.

"Reed, I…this…I-I'm sorry," he sputtered out.

My head snapped up and I finally looked at him. Anger came forth for no apparent reason. What was he sorry for? Was he sorry for the amount of misfortune I had? Was he sorry that he was breaking my heart nonstop? Did he pity me?

I gave a harsh laugh. "For what?" He didn't say anything, but instead kept looking at me. A certain amount of hurt covered his eyes. His mouth refused to open, and he looked kind of scared.

I finally turned and faced him. I had to do this, no matter what. I was not going to wait for Josh to say and do the right thing.

"Josh…I know you-you're with Ivy…and I'm not looking for anything. But…I can't help but think, you know, that you want to go back to the way everything was before all this," I made a large gesture with my hands, "happened."

"You promised me you were going to call me during winter break. And you lied. I'm not forcing you to be best friends with me, but really? You didn't have the guts to call me about Ivy's condition? It's just a phone call." My breathing hitched and I silently cursed myself for brining my emotions up front.

"It's the tiny promises, Josh. Those promises mean so much, and I feel like you…abused them. I know you love her. I know for a fact." I swallowed the tears that were threatening to fall. "And I'm not telling you to-to do that…to me. But I…it seems like you don't want me to move on. One day you say you're happy for me, and the next you act all mad!" I turned my head to the side, not wanting to look at him. I was jabbering, and whatever I said didn't make any sense.

"I'm confused. So I think what I'm trying to say is…don't give me false hope. Please don't make me any promises. And please don't lie to me. We've changed, Josh. There's no turning back." I exhaled and peered into his blue orbs.

All was silent for several minutes. We barely looked at each other, but a few times I saw Josh's mouth open then close, as if he was going to say something.

Finally, he spoke.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for treating you like crap, and I'm sorry for giving you false hope. I'm sorry for making promises I can't keep." He paused. "I'm not a strong person, Reed. I've just been running from the truth." Josh inched closer, and my heart started to pound. "You-I…"

He couldn't say it. Of course he couldn't. Was it because he was in love with Ivy?

I was right. We had changed. Saying that we loved each other and committing ourselves was a whole new different meaning now. Before, it meant being together as blissful as we could, but now it meant not hurting each other in the process. It meant not lying to ourselves.

"I…wish I could give you everything. But I can't. And for that, I'm sorry."

If there's one thing Josh is good at, it's doing what I asked. Not lying.


thanks for reviewing guys!

i was at home sick today, and i thought hey, why don't i at least write something :) i hate updating once a week, but school's gotten to me. sorry.

yeah i know, this is a filler and its probably not the best. but, you did get more reed/josh interaction. there will be more along the way, so don't worry! i kind of feel like i didn't do a good job of explaining, but as always, i want to hear what you think!

reviews please!