Chapter 14
* Here is the nice golden lemon I promised…hope you like it…this chapter is very lovey dovey…sad…and a little hot. *
I felt the chill first. Then I heard the little sound of lips touching flesh and I felt a soft hand move against my cheek. It was the back of a cool hand, the knuckles so gentle I barely felt it, like a feather's touch.
Still in the arms of sleep, I couldn't find any energy to open my eyes but I knew this touch.
"Edward…" I mumbled dreamily, smiling from ear to ear, "Sleep with me…lay down and close your eyes…"
I heard a heartbreaking sound come out of him, the breeze of it made a lock of my hair fall over one of my eyes.
"Wish I could.", he whispered…and then he let out a sorrowful gasp.
It sounded like he had covered his mouth and was trying to hold in the weeping noise that poured out of him, as if afraid to awaken me.
My eyes flew open like I was hit with a ton of bricks.
"EDWARD!", I was already sitting up, and I saw him sitting there at my side, like he was when I fell asleep hours and hours ago…but this was not THAT Edward. I knew…this was MY Edward, released temporarily from his cage.
"It's you!", I narrowed my eyes, watching closer. He was crying, but no water came from his angelic eyes. He was clearly in Hell, suffering, turned away so I couldn't see…wanting to spare me.
"Edward, are you alright?", I asked fast, as if we only had a few minutes together alone.
"I'm fine.", he lied, clearing his throat and running his hands through his hair violently, then he turned to me, his eyes downcast, on the blankets.
He was hiding his pain from me.
I realized what was hurting him…ME. He was here, and he knew I was naked under these covers, he knew everything about what Edward and I had done together…he saw every second of it…and he hated me.
"I'm so sorry.", I felt tears in my eyes, holding the sheet up around my neck.
"Sorry?", his eyes looked at me like I was insane.
"I wanted to wait for you…", I felt the tears falling, "I tried…but he -"
"Bella, I'm not angry with YOU!", his eyes grew wider at mine, "You could not stop him, he's a vampire, you're a human! I don't BLAME YOU!"
"I heard you crying…", I wiped my right eye.
"I'm crying because he hurt you!", he showed the hurt now, it blazed in his pupils like fire.
"I'm crying because I couldn't protect you!", he panted, his face twisting in torment.
He sobbed for a minute then his voice was hardly recognizable.
"I heard you…", he cried, "Calling for me…begging me to save you from that FUCKING HOLE ! I heard you saying you loved me…I heard you screaming when the sun went out…and left you alone in the dark…and the rain…"
I was sobbing now, too, and I threw my arms around his naked chest, his lower half under the comforter. I leaned my head on his perfect abs while he encircled his arms around me, rubbing my bare back, kissing my hair.
"Please forgive me, Bella.", he pleaded, speaking in breaths, "I failed you…so badly."
I whimpered and answered, "I told you, Edward, it's not your fault. But it makes me so happy that I know you heard me…and that you cared. I thought…no one did."
"All my strength wasn't enough.", he held me tight, breathing on my hair, "I gave EVERYTHING I had in me and still I couldn't get to you."
"It's okay…", I closed my eyes and clung onto him harder, kissing his heart, "It's okay…"
"No it's not.", he groaned, and tried to catch his breath.
"I'm alright.", I said in a tiny voice.
"And then…THIS!", he waved his hand over the bed we were in, noticing for the first time, as he looked down at himself, that he was naked.
His eyes went round as he gasped, pulling away for a second, grabbing the comforter and looking under it, at his body.
"GOD !", he shoved it back down over himself, and trembled in horror.
"Edward…", I tried to soothe him but he cut me off.
"Your first time…", he wept, shaking his head and locking his teeth together in shame, "OUR…first time…"
He sobbed again and I got close to him again, taking his face in both my hands and kissing his closed eyes, down his cheek.
"Please…please don't…", I cried, too, "Don't think about it, don't LOOK at it, please!"
Edward cried, unable to speak, unable to get all the images out of his brain…and his heart.
I wanted to ask Edward how he got away, how he came back to me…but I didn't want to stick the knife in his heart more than I already did. I figured it out on my own…the Edward I was with all day and night had been so sated, so satisfied and happy…perhaps he just felt in a generous mood…and let my Edward cuddle with me for awhile during my sleeping hours.
I don't think Bad Edward is a big fan of cuddling all night, especially with a half dead girl.
"I have never made love.", I said, an edge to my voice as I remembered Bad Edward telling me that we weren't making love, just fucking.
Edward looked at me, confused.
"I can only make love with you.", I said to him, honestly. I could have made love with Jake, but he was gone now, out of my reach.
"And I WILL only make love with YOU.", I told him, meaning it with all my heart.
"What happened today…that was just body parts smacking into each other.", I said, looking away for an awkward moment.
Please, God, please don't let Bad Edward hear me saying any of this. I pictured him coming after me with a running chainsaw.
"But with YOU…", I felt a tear run down my face, "With you…my first love…my true love…with you it will be pure…and romantic…and everything."
Bad Edward had said I was his everything, after all the things we had done in the last 24 hours. But I didn't feel that way in return. He hadn't given me my dream, my first time…not the way THIS Edward could. He had taken my virginity…but he had not taken my heart. That would always belong to THIS Edward.
Edward's face killed me, so much heartache etched in that artistic white canvas.
He shook his head, sadly, "We aren't going to have a happy ending, Bella."
I cried and held his hands. "I know."
He cried and sniffed, taking deep breaths. We just held each other for a long time, and he rocked me a little, comforting me.
"I thought our love would make everything right.", he whispered, "It was so beautiful…"
"It IS…so beautiful.", I corrected, blubbering right along with him.
"I love you Bella.", he said, feeling it in his bones.
"I love you, too, Edward.", I sniffed, touching his hair, making his lips come down to mine.
We kissed and it felt so right. It was paradise. I was 17 again…if only for a moment.
I was innocent. And so was he. We had never hurt each other. We had never been apart.
I wanted him, only him. I wanted to make love, here in his bed, like it should have been long ago. Before Jacob. Before Charlie. Before Renee.
I leaned myself onto him and his upper half slowly reclined back until he was laid on the bed.
I shoved the sheets off my body and revealed my nude chest, his eyes stared, bewildered, at me.
Leaning down without a word, I placed a deep, soft kiss on the spot where his still heart lay. Then I kissed again, a half inch lower…slow…soft…gentle…my small fingernails tracing little lines over his pecks.
Bad Edward had touched me every second we spent together today…but I don't think I got to touch him once. It felt magical. He shivered under my fingertips…as if no one else had ever caressed him before.
"Bella…no….we can't…", he breathed, sounding scared…and he should…he is a virgin. In a way, so am I.
"I haven't seen you for so long…", I looked at his face, "I miss you so much. What if I never get to see you again?"
"I know…but…"
"I would wait…until you're ready…", I explained, "But…"
"I could be locked up for a long time after this.", he finished my sentence, a little smirk there.
"Is there something I can do?", I asked, "Some secret you know about that I can do… something to make him let you go? Even if it's once in awhile…"
"No.", he grinned, playing with my hair, "He hates me. He would kill me if it were possible. I'm afraid that…I'm the equivalent of a lifer in prison…no chance for parole."
I cried, knowing that already, deep down. Now that Bad Edward had me, Good Edward would no doubt become a kitten locked in a box with no holes.
"It's my fault.", I looked down, burying my face in his chest, "If it wasn't for me and Jacob…"
I clamped my hand over my mouth at saying his name.
"No, Bella.", Edward took my hands away, "You love Jacob. I know that. You had the courage to follow your heart, and I admire that, even if it didn't give me what I wanted. Say his name, remember him and don't forget that love you two had. Remember how wonderful that was. It will keep you strong while I'm gone. You won't be alone…with HIM."
I was crying again…still. This Edward…MY Edward was so good and so amazing…so…
"You are SO…beautiful.", I breathed.
"It's the venom.", he said, "I told you…being a vampire gives you the face, the body…the voice…that's not really ME."
"No…", I shook my head, "I'm not talking about your face or your body…I'm talking about YOU."
"Bella…", he smiled at me…touched…"It feels so good to talk to you again…to touch you…to feel you laying on me…"
"Please, Edward…", I whimpered, not too proud to beg, kissing him with all the passion I had, my fists in his hair.
"Make love to me.", I begged, "After today, I NEED you to…I want to be more than just a SLAVE! Please!"
He thought about it for a few moments.
"I don't know how long we have together.", he warned, "If he took me away…during it…"
"I don't care if we have 30 seconds together, I want them!" I stared him down, meaning business.
"Can I pretend we're married?", he gave me the crooked smile…and I cried more.
I nodded, trying to find my voice. "Yes."
"I am honored to be your wife, Mr. Masen.", I said, my hands slowly moving up and down the sides of his chest, feeling all the chiseled muscles.
And, very unlike Edward Cullen, he smiled, biting his lip, deciding, and he actually said, "Cool."
I laughed. "Cool?", I asked as he smiled, showing teeth, "I didn't know that word was in your vocabulary, Mr. Webster."
"Oh, shut up and kiss your husband.", he said, watching as I crawled up a bit and took his lips in mine.
He trembled, feeling my hands on his body, so unlike the man I spent my day with earlier. He was nervous…unsure…timid…and I loved it!
As we kissed, I felt him touching my back, moving my hair down my spine as he lifted his comforter from his body, silently inviting me inside it with him.
I crawled in, laying myself down on top of him as he pulled the comforter up over both our heads, and we actually giggled like a couple of kids.
And we began to make love…the first time…for both of us.
We were covered with sweat, hours later, Edward and I struggling to breathe as we hungrily kissed each other. We didn't want to stop kissing as his body moved against mine…it was no savage pummeling…very slow strokes…each one making him gasp and quiver as I rose my hips up, meeting his thrusts with my own, clenching my muscles inside me so tight…holding onto him as he let out a ragged breath, his eyes losing themselves in mine.
He took my bottom lip into his mouth and sucked ever so carefully, licking…opening his mouth and kissing me full on the lips, his tongue gently looking around for mine. Not intruding, not pounding down the door with fury. A gentleman seeking his lady.
His hands touched my breasts like they were the only breasts in the universe. And they kindly explored…reveling in the feel…the slope…the shape…the taste…he took his time, not knowing how much time we would be given. He was not rushed. He thoroughly made love to me, not watching the clock.
I made circles with my hands over his round, bubble ass cheeks. I felt muscle, even here! I was learning with every touch what Edward liked, what he LOVED, and what didn't do anything at all for him. I felt like the couple hours with this Edward taught me so much more than I learned all day and night with the OTHER Edward.
He moaned out loud as I squeezed the butt cheeks. Ah, he likes that ! I smiled up at him as he moved up and then took a long, steady stroke all the way back inside me again.
"I love your fine ass.", I heard myself groaning in total honesty.
He kissed me again, harder.
"I worship YOUR fine ass.", he topped me with that sentiment, a guilty little grin on his lips.
"I can't get to it now, though.", he kissed me softly.
"Well, that won't do, will it?", I asked and his eyes looked nervous for a second.
I laughed and rolled us, giving him a little shove as I stared down at his frightened face now.
I laughed more, seeing him looking so scared with me on top, my legs straddling him.
"Don't look so scared.", I put my fingers to his lips and he kissed them, totally devoted.
"I AM scared…", he said, "I've seen you drive."
He laughed and so did I. This time with him is so…no word was enough to describe it.
I put my hand over his chuckling mouth and his pelvis moved up, reminding me we were still one…that we always would be.
"Ugghhhhh", I opened my mouth, smiling at his expression while he watched me enjoy it.
"Drive me, Bella…", he closed his gorgeous eyes, sucking my fingers into his mouth, being careful with his teeth.
"Edddwwwwarrrddddd…", I purred, moving myself up….then down….shuddering from the glorious feel of his thick, long shaft stretching me…completing me.
Suddenly, it was all too slow for me. I wanted to bounce harder and faster…so I did.
In about one minute, I had Edward screaming my name. I clung onto the iron designs in the headboard across from my head, using it for leverage so I could ride him, hard and wet. I thought maybe he wouldn't like this, but I was so wrong.
I almost laughed at Edward's voice. It was so high pitched when he screamed in the throws of passion.
"BELLA!", he screeched, holding the iron bars with both hands, holding on for dear life, "OHHH FUCK BELLA !"
"What a great idea!", I huffed as I bounced, grinding and squeezing my muscles with each jump.
And that made Edward hyperventilate.
The bed rocked and squeaked each time I came down around him, and I loved impaling myself onto his strong cock over and over. It was driving me into a fit…a haze of bliss and orgasm.
"Oh GOD BELLA !", Edward's eyes became two huge windows into his soul…and I knew it wouldn't be long before he felt that haze too. He had held onto his virtue for 108 years. I knew, when he came, I might just explode from the impact of it.
"Is it happening?", I kept working myself at the same speed.
He nodded fast, looking so lost and confused as to what to do next.
"Good.", I smiled down at him, hoping to relax him, "I want your cum…I want it all inside me…"
I knew I was talking like a bad girl. It was Edward's innocence that brought it out of me. But I was glad to find that it turned Edward on…he came right after I said that.
"Yes!", I clung to him as he jerked and cried out. Our faces were pressed together, hungrily French kissing as his juices coursed through my body…through my very veins as far as I was concerned.
Forever, we stayed this way, dieing together and then slowly coming back to life…as if we had just woken up for the first time in our lives….like new creations, starting anew, with a fresh, clean slate.
"My wife is so sexy.", he sighed at last, a huge smile growing as he peeked up at me.
"My husband is so HOT!", I topped him this time.
Then his face turned to sadness again…
"It was worth waiting for…", he said with a very quiet voice, his hand cupping my cheek.
"YOU…are worth waiting for.", he added.
I felt so heartbroken suddenly, when just a second ago I was flying.
"So are you.", was all I could say, tears welling up in my eyes.
"Please don't cry.", he looked mad at himself for doing this, "Oh, Bella, I'm sorry. Don't cry, not now."
"I can't help it."
"It's not a good thing.", he said, "Having a girl cry right after you've made love to her."
He was trying to be cute…and he was succeeding.
"I know what.", he tried to cheer me up, "I'll tell you some knock knock jokes."
He looked so hopeful and adorable that I laughed while I cried.
"Shut up, you.", I wiped my eyes.
"Knock knock.", Edward kept trying, always willing to do anything to make me happy, even now.
"Go away.", I giggled.
"HEY", he tickled my sides and repeated, "Knock KNOCK, BELLA! I KNOW you're in there! Come answer your door!"
"Okay, who's there?", I asked.
"Isabella.", he smiled.
"Pretty gruff voice for a girl, but okay…", we both laughed, and I said, "Isabella who?"
And in a cute little Italian accent, Edward said, "Isabella broken? I had to KNOCK!"
We laughed at the sheer stupidity of it and I felt so safe…so loved and so comfortable…not a hint of fear anywhere in me.
"Cornball Cullen.", I rolled my eyes at him.
We eventually cleaned up and put pajamas on. I wore a soft cotton t shirt and shorts while Edward did about the same, white t shirt and long flannel pajama pants.
I chuckled as he came to bed.
We held each other, fitting together so perfectly, laying down in the cozy blankets.
It was almost dawn but Edward still left the light on, knowing without me having to say a word.
"I don't want to fall asleep.", I said, afraid to miss a minute with him.
"But you have to sleep.", he said, not surprised I was arguing, "You are completely exhausted."
"But what if I wake up and you're gone?", I asked as his fingers wove into mine, holding my hand as I snuggled into his side.
"We've had three hours together.", he said, sounding very glum and trying to hide it, "I'm surprised we got that much. I feel like an escaped convict, waiting for the warden to find me."
He said it jokingly, of course, but I knew he meant that.
"I hate this.", I clung onto him, like I could keep him here if I held tight enough.
"I lose everybody.", I cried as Edward held me closer, "Charlie…Renee…Jacob…YOU! I don't want you to go. I want to be with you forever."
"I want that, too.", he said, gently, kissing my fingertips, "But we don't always get what we want."
I cried, willing myself to stay awake, even though I was dieing to sleep.
"I don't suppose you want to discuss killing me again, do you?", he asked, in all seriousness.
"Not tonight.", I said, still unable to even contemplate that.
"Even after that knock knock joke?", he asked, making me smile again.
"I could never hurt you, Edward.", I inhaled his scent, "Not on purpose, anyway."
"Bella…", he growled, not liking when I blamed myself for everything.
"You really think I could live after I chain you up, pour gas on you, and toss a match at you? You don't think much of me, do you?" I was not saying it with anger, just sadness.
"I do know you.", he said patiently, "But I don't know any other way. You can't kill HIM…and I can't kill myself. I can't even get to Italy to the Volturi, he wakes up and stops me every time I try it."
"I could always call them to deliver.", I said, wryly, "What's the number, 1-800-VOLTURI?"
And this made Edward laugh. He looked like a kid, carefree, and young.
He quieted down after a minute and then the room was silent again. We were both trying to think of a way out of this, both of us coming up empty.
Then, with an edge to his voice, Edward said, "I hate him touching you. I hate him LOOKING at you."
"Edward, don't…"
"He's a fucking psycho, Bella.", he sneered, "I would do anything to make sure he never hurts you again. Even if it means my own death."
"I'm not hurt.", I said, lying to myself and him, "He's been…nice to me…lately."
Edward sat up, looking at me as I followed.
"Bella, five days ago he left you in a GRAVE!", Edward reminded.
"You DON'T have to tell me THAT, I was THERE !", I shouted, enraged.
"SO WAS I !", he shouted back, just as hurt as I was.
"I'm sorry.", Edward calmed himself, not wanting to hurt me more. He held me in his arms, "I'm not yelling at YOU, I'm yelling at HIM !"
"I know.", I accepted that, not mad at him at all.
"I know how hard it is…", he said, "I mean, I think I know. Being alone with him everyday…your life is in his hands all the time…and at his whim, you could be hurt…or worse…"
I was glad he didn't say raped. But I knew he was thinking that.
"I know that you're being smart, behaving for him so he won't have any reason to hurt you.", he read me like a book, "And I am glad you're trying to play it smart. But it's HIM. You could do everything right for ten years and it won't stop him from snapping and hurting you just because he knows he can."
"He's smart, too.", Edward informed, scowling, "He steals my feelings and thoughts…and he recites them to you, like he means them. I think that's one of the hardest parts for me, watching him say he loves you, when he makes you smile…I hate him. I hate BEING HIM."
I just cried, unable to speak.
"And now that he's…", Edward paused, sounding weak again, "Fed on you again…his hold on you is even tighter. You can't run away from him. He can beckon you. He can make you come to him anytime he wants you. Even if you don't want to come. It's the same as…a leash around your neck. That was no game. That was him putting shackles on you. It's not your fault. You didn't know."
I cried, feeling more hopeless. I was glad that this Edward was helping me, telling me all this. This was a far cry from what he used to be. Afraid. Paranoid. Hearing voices. I had to believe that those few times I had Good Edward with me, I had brought him back from some of the insanity he was going through. I couldn't save all of him, but I was still glad that this Edward was alive and well…mostly…even if he's not free…YET.
Sure, he was still suicidal but I understood why.
"But you drank my blood in the ballet studio.", I was confused, "Why would he need to drink me again?"
"That was ME.", Edward informed, "In the studio. THAT Edward…never tasted you…never claimed you."
"There is no way out for us.", I realized, tired of thinking up escape plans.
"I won't accept that.", he said flat out, "For YOU…I will find a way out. I swear."
But I knew no one could promise that to me.
The sun was coming up outside and I saw rainbows and sparkles dancing around the room, bouncing off Edward's skin.
"Oh jeez!", he huffed, throwing the covers over himself completely.
I giggled, going under with him, "Where are YOU going, Glitter ?"
"I don't want to be a vampire today.", he complained, almost whining, "Can't I be a human with you ?"
"If you want to, it's cool with me.", I laid at his side, looking at his face while we hid from the world.
"Thanks.", he gave a little smile, closing his eyes.
"This is us, humans going to sleep now.", he announced, his way of telling me it was time for me to get some rest.
I wanted to sleep but I wanted him more.
I started to cry again and Edward's bright yellow eyes opened, like a cat's…concerned for me.
"I love you Edward.", I sobbed, saying goodbye…just in case this was the last time I got to see him.
"Don't do that, Bella.", he shook his head, "We will be together again. If I have to tear the world to SHREDS, I'll get back to you again. I won't abandon you…not until you're free of him."
"No more crying.", he kissed me, tasting my salty tears, "Please sleep now. Do it for me?"
I nodded, hating it that I was so damn wiped out.
He held me and in minutes, I was asleep…clinging onto the one love I had left. I couldn't think about anything for another second, I was that bone tired. (no pun intended). I prayed that we could have more time…I hoped us hiding under the covers meant we were hidden from all the world, safe.
But I knew better.
No matter what Edward says, nothing lasts forever. Nothing is eternal. And that both broke my heart…and gave me hope that someday I could be free of the monster that held me on his chain leash. Where he was leading me, I was afraid to think on it. But I knew it was nowhere I wanted to be.
Maybe later, when I woke up, I would be fresher and more coherent. Maybe I would find the answer. This was my only prayer now.
*See next chapter soon ! Hope u liked the lovely fluff ! Don't get used to it! LOL*
Love, Winnd
