"What do you want me to say?" Claude asked after a pregnant pause. Hannah just scoffed and took her place on the couch next to Claude.
"I guess I just thought that you were really serious about moving on," she said, crossing her arms.
"I am," Claude said defensively. "Alois and I…" He sighed. Nothing he said would make up for the fact that he'd just made out with Alois. "When he walked in here, I-"
"-When you told me that you cared about Alois' feelings, I knew you weren't lying," Hannah said, cutting in rather gracefully.
"I still do care about his feelings!" Claude cried. "That has to be part of my problem! I mean, I care so much about his feelings that our relationship just picked up right where we left off! Maybe that means that we didn't give things full closure, I dunno. I just… I'm sorry."
"Well," Hannah sighed. "For the first time in about a year, he did look actually happy. I just think that maybe you should worry less about Alois' feelings and more about your own. Yesterday you were completely sure you wanted no romantic involvement with him. And today, well…"
"I know, you're right," Claude sighed again. He wasn't entirely sure worrying about his own feelings would help his situation any. His feelings had the tendency to change in a split second. One minute, he was hating Alois- who had the nerve to show up to his apartment on a whim- and the very next he was feeling guilty for his hatred and doing something he promised himself wouldn't happen.
Not to mention the fact that he felt like he had cheated on Sebastian. Which was completely ridiculous. He knew Sebastian could care less who Claude spent his time sucking face with. However, Sebastian's indifference to the situation didn't change the fact that Claude felt incredibly guilty and undeserving. If he wanted Sebastian so badly, messing around with other people wasn't exactly helping his situation.
He didn't want Alois, yet, he couldn't control himself. Perhaps there were still feelings he had for Alois that he hadn't addressed. He didn't want to; he wanted to leave the past in the past. He wanted the "ex" in "ex-lover" to be a constant, not a variable. Ignoring his feelings, however, wasn't going to do anyone much good.
He almost wished he could just confess to Hannah everything that was running through his head right now. Perhaps his jumbled thoughts would manage to adequately explain what was happening to him. And even if he didn't understand what was happening to him, maybe Hannah would. Besides, it would be nice to share his secret with someone else. He opened his mouth to say something, but quickly closed it. The nagging voice in the back of his brain had returned. It wasn't time. Not yet. Claude wasn't really sure when would be the right time, and why the right time wasn't now, but he figured he should just shut up and follow his gut.
"This whole emotional confusion thing," Claude moaned, "This is what it feels like to be a girl, isn't it?" Hannah laughed.
"Oh, darling, you have no idea," she said, grinning broadly.
Claude sighed, happy to drop the conversation. He hadn't meant for things to end up the way that they did. It just, sort of… happened.
"Anyway, how are you feeling?" Hannah asked, tactfully changing the subject.
"I'm alright," Claude shrugged. Hannah studied his face, flicking her silver braid behind her shoulder.
"Can you keep a secret?" She asked, after a moment.
"About what?" Claude asked, feeling uncomfortable under Hannah's steely gaze.
"Just answer the damn question," She sighed in feigned exasperation.
"Yeah, I can keep a secret," Claude replied. He'd been keeping secrets since he was a prepubescent boy. There was nothing that Hannah could throw at him that he would have a hard time keeping a secret, especially considering his current condition. But, of course, Hannah couldn't know about that secret. Not yet, anyway.
"Okay, so Sebastian recruited me to help plan your birthday," She gushed. "And most of it is supposed to be a surprise, but I seriously need your help."
"So you want me to help you and then act surprised," Claude summarized, giving a short laugh.
"Yeah, basically," Hannah said. "I already talked Sebastian out of several party ideas, for which you should be thanking me."
"Oh, God," Claude groaned, laughing again. "I know I sort of agreed to let him plan my birthday, but now that I think about it, it really was a horrible idea wasn't it?"
"You're telling me," Hannah agreed, joining in with the laughter. "Do you remember your birthday last year that Sebastian remembered at the last second? He wanted to repeat that."
"Well, thank God you're here," Claude said, patting her head sarcastically.
"So basically, he put me in charge of all the crap he didn't want to do," Hannah continued, smacking Claude's hand away with a grin. "Which mostly entails decorating."
"…Decorating?" Claude asked, raising an eyebrow. Hannah nodded. "So get some balloons and crepe paper, stick 'em in random places, and call it good," Claude shrugged. "I have a sinking feeling I'm going to have to clean it all up anyway."
"So I have your permission to do minimal decorating?" Hannah asked, her eyes lighting up.
"Yes, please," Claude laughed. "I'm not really sure why I need decorations in the first place. I'm not turning five."
"You're the best," she said, quickly kissing his cheek. "Just do me a favor and make sure you compliment the shitty decorations in front of Sebastian so he doesn't get pissed at me."
"I'm sure he'll think they look great," Claude reassured her. "Trust me. He thinks the apartment looks great even if it hasn't been cleaned in weeks."
"You'd be surprised," Hannah laughed. "He's taking this whole birthday thing really seriously. I mean, he does owe it to you, but let's be honest- planning things isn't really Sebastian's forte."
"I promise I will compliment your decorations and pretend to be very very pleased," Claude said, smiling and placing his hand over his heart. "You have my word."
"And, just a word of warning," Hannah added after a moment, "I know I told you I've talked Sebastian out of a lot of things, but there are some points he won't budge on. And on top of that, there are things he's planning he won't tell me about."
"He probably thinks you'll spill the beans," Claude said. "I guess he's right."
"Funny," she smirked. "Just don't be too hard on him, okay?" Hannah asked. "He just wants to make you happy."
"I'll be happy with whatever happens as long as he doesn't get arrested for public indecency again," Claude laughed. "You have to promise me that won't happen this year."
"No guarantees," Hannah said in mock concern. She stood. "You promise you won't let Sebastian know I said anything?"
"You hardly gave anything away," Claude laughed. "There's nothing to tell Sebastian."
"Oh, good," She smiled. "There was also another reason I came to pay you a visit. You're a boy," She said, pulling Claude off of the couch.
"Oh, very observant of you," He replied sarcastically, allowing himself to be pulled from his comfortable perch on the couch.
"That means you're starving," she said, ignoring him. "Let's grab something to eat," She said leading him to the front door. "I kinda owe you anyway. And don't tell me otherwise, I know you're hungry."
"Well, if you insist," Claude replied, allowing himself to be led out to Hannah's car.
His mind wasn't really on eating lunch, however. He was mostly thinking of what Sebastian had planned for him. Hannah said he was taking it all seriously, and though Claude didn't like to get his hopes up, he briefly entertained the idea of having a boyfriend by the end of it all. But, then again, Sebastian wasn't exactly overly romantic with women, so Claude didn't see why he'd be treated any differently. With that thought, he didn't necessarily come crashing back to reality, but was reminded of its existence. He didn't really have any reason to complain. Sebastian was the best friend he could ask for, he finally remembered Claude's birthday of his own volition, and took it upon himself to see that Claude had the best celebration he could ask for. What more could he possibly want?
Ironically, Claude had a ready answer to that question.
