This Chapter has minimal changes, mainly a few sentence changes, and restructures. Nothing taken away.
Author notes..... thanks for all the reviews and story alerts! this is great!!
disclaimer:::: as always i do not own anything twilight.... well i do own a copy of the movie... hehe
BPOV
Four months. I have made it four months since he left. The pain is still here. There is a hole in it that even Jacob hasn't been able to heal. But at least I am smiling again at times. I am learning to live again thanks to Jacob.
It had been two months since Sam Uley had found me on the forest floor. I had been walking through life in a fog. I was going through my day to day aspects, work, school, home, for Charlie. I didn't want him to know how much I was hurting. I don't remember much about those two months, just the screaming from my dreams, and the constant pain.
It was the night Charlie invited Billy and Jacob over for dinner and to watch the game. I came home from Newton's in my stupor. I don't even remember the drive home. But when I walked in the house I could hear voices. Charlie, Billy, and Jacob were in the living room getting ready for the game. I went to my room to put my things away and then came back down to the kitchen to fix dinner.
I can't remember if Charlie had told me beforehand that they were coming or not. I hadn't prepared for it though. I was looking through the cabinets finding the fixings for spaghetti when Jacob walked in the kitchen.
"Would you like some help Bella?" He was so quiet that I jumped at what he said.
I turned around and looked up. He had grown so much since the last time I saw him. He was looking at me with sadness in his eyes, but his smile lit up the room. It left me speechless, so I just nodded that he could help.
He helped me get the spaghetti fixed, all the while talking to me about his life down in La Push. I worked quietly beside him just listening. Soon with all his stories he had me laughing, laughing? I was so shocked that I actually stopped midlaugh and just looked at him.
I remember that night so clearly. I think of it as my waking up. There are some days that the pain is so bad it almost drags me back into the fog. But then I go see Jacob and the pain eases, if only a miniscule bit. He has become my best friend in the past couple of months, and is helping me as much as he can.
So why am I sitting here at the end of Their drive then. I am supposed to be heading out to Jacobs. But before my mind had caught up I had driven myself to the entrance to this drive, like something was pulling me here. I could tell from the looks of it that They were long gone. The drive was so overgrown, that it was hard to make out, and the trees looked like they were trying to topple into it blocking the drive for good.
But something was pulling me here, I am going to pay for this later I know, but I have to get rid of this feeling.
I put the truck back into drive, and turned up the path. I am glad that I am not claustrophobic, because the further up the drive that I got, the more the trees closed, and it gave me the feeling of a jungle with the vines hitting the truck windows. The drive seemed to take forever, I was beginning to think I would never reach the end when it opened up and I saw the house for the first time in months.
I slammed down on the brakes, I couldn't go any further. Seeing the house like this was worse than I could have imagined. The meadow around the house was grown up, like the forest had not wanted to wait to claim back its land. The house had the vines growing up it and it brought back the empty feeling I had been able to suppress somewhat with Jacob's help.
No one was here. They had abandoned the house like they had abandoned me. So why did I still feel the pull to go to the house? I couldn't explain it, but I again let my body take over as I got out of the truck, leaving the engine running.
I walked slowly towards the house through the waves of green, the pain getting worse with each step. I made my way to the bottom step of the porch, and couldn't go any further. The pain shooting out of me in waves left me gasping for breath. In one swift move I had destroyed all progress I had made towards healing. They were gone, They aren't coming back… HE is not coming back. The pain was about to take me under, I knew I had to get back to my truck before I fell over.
I went to turn and heard something that had to be my imagination. The door opened? I slowly faced the house again and saw a pair of golden eyes and knew I was losing it.
As I started to fall to the ground letting the pain take over I heard him quietly say "Hi Bella."
(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)
I was slowly coming to. I couldn't remember what happened, or how I got into my bed. Trying to remember, I suddenly sensed another presence. I tensed and felt something behind me. That is when I remembered, the pull to come here, driving up the path, coming to the porch steps, and then those eyes, those golden eyes. I am not at home in my bed. I am on the couch at the Cullen's.
As I was blacking out from the pain, I remember him picking me up carefully and carrying me to the couch. He set me down gently and I felt something cold brush across my forehead (lips, fingers, I wasn't sure). But when he brushed whatever it was across my forehead, I felt an electric jolt throughout my entire body and then went completely out.
How long has it been? I knew I needed to open my eyes, but I couldn't. If I did it would make this whole fucked up experience real and in that the pain as well. I have to get out of here, I can't take this.
I opened my eyes to see Jasper, wait Jasper? Now I know I have lost it. I was blacking out when I saw him, but I had thought….. Well I had thought I saw HIM. But remembering the few pieces that I did, I was wrong, it was Jasper. But why is he here? Was everyone else here? But, no they couldn't be, he wouldn't be here with my by himself if they were. They had never allowed him to be alone with my by himself. Especially HIM, Jaspers control wasn't good enough they said.
But I am not afraid of him, just this pain. I realized that through all my thoughts I had been locked on his golden eyes. They were calling to me, telling me everything was ok, he wasn't here to hurt me. I knew this, I could feel this, but at the same time my heart was breaking again. I had thought for that brief fleeting moment that HE had come back for me. But it wasn't HIM.
I knew I had to get out of this house before I broke down again. I started to get up and Jasper rose with me.
"Bella…"
"I can't Jasper, I just can't right now. I am sorry." With that I turned and ran out of the house to my truck. Turning it around as quickly as I could and leaving.
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