Chapter 18
Hey everyone ! What's up ? Just a warning: my version of Edward changing Bella will be a tad different than the way Stephanie Meyers wrote it. To me, the changing of a human to vampire is a very sensual thing, and that's why I think SM watered it down a bit for her PG 13 audience. That was cool for her, but I have other ideas…thanks for your understanding.
Yea! Over 1000 reviews ! Thanks to all of you, you're the best ! This chapter will get a little…uhhh…intense. You're all brave and my favorite warrior chums…but you've been warned. You can handle it. Come on, let's dance ! LOL…
June 20th – Edward's Birthday.
Since the night Edward told me he wanted to change me, two weeks had passed. In that short amount of time, he had taken care of every arrangement. Legal things, he said, had to be dealt with. I wasn't sure what that was but I knew enough about Edward not to ask too many questions.
He told me we would be moving about a week after my change was complete. I asked where. And he just smiled and said, "It's a surprise."
I figured it would be somewhere far off and remote…away from any human. But my life had already become that. Even in school I had been an outsider, looking into life. Edward's job as a doctor could move anywhere, and he could certainly afford to take a few years off to babysit me.
He would be with me 24/7. My every move, my every moment would be happening under his eagle eye. It would be like in the beginning when I moved in here and submitted to him. Not trusted, always watched and analyzed. I felt like I would be starting all over again after all the work I had done to get to the top of this mountain. I didn't love that, but it didn't matter. Living with Edward for years and years as a newborn was not in my plan.
A big part of me thought that Edward had foreseen my plans and was already poised to pounce on me with his own back up strategy. Edward is not stupid and he's no fool. But he had a heart and I was banking on him following that and not his brain. I was prepared if it all didn't work. I think I am prepared.
I wondered what MY Edward was thinking these last two weeks. Surely he's not liking the idea of me changing into what he is. He never did like talking about it. I wish I could have just one chance to talk to him before…before it happens…as a human one last time, before my body dies.
I thought of a hundred different ways to ask for some Good Edward time…but none of them seemed to be smart. If this Edward thought, even for a second, that I still had an attachment to THAT Edward or Jacob or anything else…he would know this was not the time to change me. He would make me wait longer, until no hint of me wanting anyone else lingered. It would take me years to get another chance. And frankly, I don't think I can take more YEARS. I don't think I can take a few months even.
All day today I said my silent goodbyes to each person I had loved and lost as a human.
Charlie was first, then Renee, Alice…all the Cullens…Carlisle…even Rosalie got a turn. I saved Jake for last. I cried after each little "exchange".
Thankfully, Edward had given me today to reflect and walk in the sunshine, say goodbye to things. Things like the sweat under my arms and between my breasts as I walked, inhaling and exhaling the warm summery air, touching the wet grass with my bare feet. They didn't seem like extraordinary things…until the day you know you'll never feel them again. Until the day you lose it all.
I didn't say a damn thing aloud, even outside in the streets of town. I don't think Edward is just letting me roam around loose without him even keeping an eye or ear on me. The only time I spoke was at the café when I ordered one last salad. Something in me told me to order something special, like a big sundae or a super pizza with everything. But my usual salad felt more right. The freshness of the wet cold lettuce, the rich plumpness of the tomatoes, the wonderful crunch of the croutons…
I had never been a big lover of food. I ate when I was hungry and that was that…but now, I had to admit…I would miss eating.
I sat at the table where Charlie and I used to hang out, in those first days after I moved in with him, before he allowed me to cook his meals. I ignored the looks I was getting from everyone there. Even the waitress, who used to be so sweet to me, kind of kept her distance as I ordered. Rumors had gotten around in the last year, rumors that I was involved in Charlie's disappearance, that I started the fire at our house…all to land the glorious Edward Cullen and share his millions.
Normally I didn't go into town but once in awhile I'd have to and I got to experience what the Cullens used to go through at school. I was an outcast. It's okay, though…my plan doesn't involve staying in Forks.
I looked out the window behind me and remembered Mike Newton's ass in the reflection, wiggling and gyrating to get my attention. I almost giggled, thinking of Charlie's face when he noticed it. Little did they both know that by then…my heart belonged to another's ass.
If I had just ignored him…if I had not gone out with him…if I had taken Jessica Stanley's advice…
No. I can't go back and rewrite the past or second guess my actions. I had followed my heart, and it hasn't all been bad. I have known love…true love. My Edward…was so beautiful. We were beautiful together…what we had. First love is so strong…and dies so quickly. Like rosebuds…like us. But even now, I wouldn't wish it away. It was wonderful…the happiest time in my whole life. Some people would never know that place. But I was there. I was there…
When did it all go so wrong?
Or had it all been wrong from the start?
I savored every bite of my last salad and my sweet orange soda…and then I paid my check and headed back…saying goodbye to Forks…every little store got a private goodbye. I hadn't even been in some of these places the whole time I've lived here. So many things left unexplored. What a waste.
I didn't dare go to the reservation. But how I wanted to. Maybe it's better I didn't. I will only have good memories of that place.
Jake's grave. No way. I would be dead before I got halfway there.
I drove into the garage, my usual spot empty and waiting. Walking into the house from inside there, I put my purse down and kicked off my sneakers.
I had seen the Volvo when I arrived so I called out pleasantly.
"Edward?", I peeked into the living room, seeing no one, "You home ?"
"Yea, Baby!", he called back, "Up here."
Baby. He sounded happy. I climbed the stairs, wondering what he was up to. The sun was going down outside and the orange glow seemed to color every inch of the place.
Dark soon.
I had gotten used to the darkness in the last year, but I was never truly comfortable in it. I wondered if that would change when I did…I hated being afraid of night. I used to love it.
When I got to the top of the stairs, Edward came out of our bedroom, closing the door behind himself. He smiled at me, as if he had a secret.
"You're not allowed in there yet.", he grinned mischievously, blocking my way, looking very sexy in a black button down shirt and matching slacks.
"Who died?", I asked with a smirk, looking him up and down.
He narrowed his eyes with a bigger smile. That was the smile I would get when I acted bratty and began our little role play.
"What would you prefer?", he held his hands at his sides, "Shocking banana yellow? Oooh, no wait ! I know…jailhouse orange!"
"Shut up.", I responded, "I guess black is fitting. I am…dieing tonight."
His face turned serious.
"Bella, if you're having any doubts…", he touched my arms gently, his eyes full of worry.
"No, I don't…", I tried to smile, "I…just…had a weird day."
"We could do this tomorrow…or the next day…", he touched my face, trying to read the problem in my eyes.
"I'm fine, Edward.", I took a breath, "I don't want to wait. Besides, it's your birthday. Don't you want your present?"
I was brighter now, making myself light and bubbly.
His eyes lit up a moment then he looked confused.
"Bella, you are my present.", he said, "I don't want anything else."
"Ahhh", I took his hands into mine, "Obviously spoken by a man who doesn't know what he's getting this year."
I walked down the stairs, holding his hands behind me as I went…he slowly followed me towards his surprise.
"What is it?", he asked, a little boy who couldn't wait.
"Something you've always wanted…", I hinted, taking him out the back door of the house into the yard beyond.
He was silent and then finally he said, "I have no clue at all."
I was leading him towards the concrete room and I peeked back at him for a second, watching his smile grow a bit.
"You are going to be so surprised…", I almost purred.
I stopped at the locked door and pulled the key out of my bra, showing it to him…then kissing it. I put it to his lips and he smiled wickedly, licking up the copper edge of it.
I giggled and opened the lock, yanking open the door as it squealed out loudly. It was dark inside to me but I heard Edward gasp. He could see in there with no problem at all.
I smiled and strolled into the dim room, reaching up and making two tries before finding the string that turned the light bulb on overhead. I got it, tugging.
There she was, in the stockade, a black silk blindfold over her eyes…a black ball gag locked into her mouth. Her body was nude, only a line of crimson hair between her legs and the black leather seven inch heels she wore. A long mane of reddish blonde hair hung around her perfect ivory face. She made no sound. She didn't even seem to be breathing.
Beside her was a matching stockade, empty and waiting.
I handed Edward the key and closed his fingers over it. Then I kissed his loose fist.
I approached the woman and gave her hair a sweet, soft stroke.
"Tanya?", was all he could breathe as he looked on, still in the doorway.
"Happy Birthday.", I smiled at him, taking off my t shirt, no bra beneath it as I added, "Happy threesome."
I know it wasn't exactly the way I'd want to spend my last night as a human. But it would keep Edward occupied, and it would keep my mind off of what I was about to leave behind. Edward always liked the idea of us playing with another woman. But I wouldn't think of bringing another human girl into this world.
Tanya, I hated and although he denied it, I knew this Edward desired, at least in part. She is what he wanted me to be – durable…unbreakable. And I'm sure that when Good Edward met her, he was somehow excited by her but at his young age of 17, his morals would not allow him to act on it. His arousal scared him and he shrank away from her. She was aggressive and very sensual and he was so naïve and inexperienced. He wasn't ready for her yet then. So he told himself he didn't like her.
This Edward would love to play with her. And he would love to punish her. She would take most of the abuse tonight and Edward would go easier on me since I would be in lots of pain later and for the next three days. And Tanya was no innocent victim in this either. She practically jumped at the idea when I found her number in Carlisle's office rolodex and called her. While I tried to beat around the bush about what I wanted to do…and almost chickened out…she almost screamed "YES!"
God I hate her.
Maybe if she is around after my change, I can beat her ass myself!
I'll bet Edward would LOVE watching that ! A bonus birthday gift.
I could feel Charlie in my head, screaming at me but I turned that off. I had to play my role tonight or I might just change my mind about this whole thing. If I am romanced and caressed tonight, I will not want to die. I will weaken.
I have to be slave Bella tonight, following orders. That way I won't have a chance or time to think and chicken out. I knew this idea, the threesome he had always wanted, would reel Edward in to participate. If it were just me…this would be a sweet night…a loving night. I didn't want that. I want to hate this Edward tonight…so I can remember…the bad things…and follow through with my original plan.
"Kiss her!", Edward growled as he fucked me from behind, my body a hot wet mess, my eyes trapped in a blindfold as my wrists strained in their leather cuffs behind my back.
"Kiss her!", he demanded again as his fist found my hair and guided my head towards Tanya's face.
I found cool lips on mine and relaxed, making myself think of something else. I pretended I was kissing Edward…MY Edward. The cold skin helped.
I let my tongue lick and roam while Tanya and I kissed each other passionately.
I heard Edward roar out as he watched us and I knew he was loving this.
"Oh fuck!", he panted, pumping a little faster, slamming his palm down over my ass cheek.
"MMMMM!", I cried out, my pain muffled by Tanya's eager mouth and tongue.
"Oh yea, scream Bella!", he struck the spot again and I obeyed, screaming out hard as I kept French kissing the invisible lips before me.
I knew from before I was blindfolded that Tanya was on her knees in front of me, her hands bound behind her back as well, her ankles chained to the floor. She could break out at anytime…if she wanted to. But she played along.
"Enough!", he decided, yanking my hair up, bringing my head back up so I was leaning back into him while he kept pounding me.
"Finish her Tanya.", he ordered the girl at her knees below us.
"Ohhhh noooo….", I whimpered…not being heard as Edward gently held me by the neck, licking and kissing the flesh near my jugular.
I felt Tanya's mouth and tongue back on my sensitive clit, working her magic there. I was fucking amazed by her! I was never licked so well, in so many delicious places by any man before…she really knew what she was doing.
"Master…uuhhhhhh…", I cried out, the pleasure all becoming so intense that it almost hurt.
"Shut up slut…", he covered my mouth tightly with his hand, "Just take it. Enjoy it."
Between his cock and Tanya's tongue lapping everywhere it could reach, I was a quivering little pet trapped in their merciless little web. And I couldn't deny how fucking hot this all was. Who would have guessed?
I could feel her teeth gently grazing my inner thighs…not daring to really bite…but the sensations…I could hear her moaning low in her chest as she sucked hard suddenly, inhaling my wet clit and vibrating her tongue all over it as her saliva soaked it with hot wet abandon.
"OH FUCKING CHRIST!", I screeched out, even through Edward's hand while he thrust upward into me.
"I think she likes you, Tanya.", Edward chuckled as he kept fucking.
I had no idea where or who I was anymore. And that was exactly what I wanted. To forget myself. To lose that Bella.
Tanya kept sucking, not letting me escape. She bit down a little firmly and I cried out, more afraid than hurt.
Edward froze and tensed, snarling at the vampire girl at my feet.
"DON'T HURT HER TANYA!", he sounded so lethal and ferocious that it scared even me.
She released me and said with a quiet voice, "I'm sorry Sir. I didn't mean to."
She was not permitted to call him Master. That was for me alone. A slave serving a man who is not her Master calls him Sir. Tanya didn't care. She was just glad to be a favor at Edward's party.
"Bitch.", he regarded her and went back to fucking me, as if nothing had happened. My voice squealed out, trapped under Edward's steel hand.
"Continue bitch.", he commanded Tanya.
And they went back to their jobs, making me howl out like a wild animal while they picked right up where they'd left off.
"After I come…", he spoke jaggedly into my ear while my moans of pleasure sang under his palm, "I'll let you girls suck my cock. I'll bet you're better."
I didn't know about that. Tanya has over 100 years experience over me.
I just pictured us, fighting over Edward's magnificent white cock while he stood there stroking our hair with each hand, contentedly watching us battle for the position while our hands were clasped behind us. I'd have to be fast to get a turn. Or maybe Tanya would go easy on me and let me in once in awhile. Maybe he'd tell her to share.
The night was filled with many new experiences and by the end of it, I felt like someone else, someone completely alien to me and everyone I had known, even MY Edward. I was a wicked little slave, a human who had held her own against two vampires and was still standing afterwards. I felt hard and strong. This is perfect. This is what I need. Weak Bella is no more. I will be something new. Something powerful and unyielding.
Tanya was left in the dark room, alone and unwanted. She was hanging upside down by her ankles, fully sated and happy as Edward tossed me over his shoulder and took me home.
She said nothing as we went. But I could read a thank you in her eyes as I looked at her from over my Master's shoulder. I even smiled back.
Edward had not been very kind to Tanya, but she liked everything he did to her. He made sure to make me feel superior in the games, even if I clearly wasn't the better slave. I couldn't fault Edward for much during our night together, and even Tanya had not made me feel inferior or had acted in a jealous way. She just obeyed what she was told and did it well. I never thought I'd plan or have a threesome…but since I did…I decided it wasn't bad at all.
I almost worried about Tanya being left like this. Was it nice? I knew she'd be okay health wise. She's a vampire. She wouldn't be hurt or hungry in there. And she would probably leave on her own in awhile. But still I thought it wasn't very polite. Maybe Edward knew better. He could read her mind and knew she was alright with it.
"She's a big girl.", Edward said as if he read my thoughts, "She's in heaven right now. She's not mad at all. You can relax."
"Yes Master.", I responded, glad to hear that.
"She's so loving you right now.", he said, "She never thought she'd ever even see me naked, let alone do all the things she did with me tonight. I mean…us. You have a new best friend."
I know he was trying to make me happy, saying that. But my heart broke. I don't want a new best friend. I want my Alice.
Good, I told myself, focus on that. Keep your mind on why you're doing this.
Edward and I took a lovely hot shower together and he was taking such nice care of me.
"I think somebody liked his gift.", I smirked sexily up at him. I wasn't sure how long we were playing, but it had to have been HOURS. My muscles stung a bit, but they were surprisingly relaxed. Maybe I had gotten used to all this rough erotic stuff.
"Somebody LOVED his gift!", he corrected, his eyes almost aglow, "I still can't believe you did this for me…you didn't have to. How do YOU feel ?"
"I feel great.", I said honestly, "And I'm ready."
He stared down at me with a serious face as the showerheads ran over both of us, one on each side of the shower so we didn't have to fight over the one stream of water.
"I'm ready too.", he said back, no hesitation there.
"Close your eyes.", he kept his hands over my eyes as he led me into the bedroom later, "And no peeking, I'll get so mad, I swear."
He chuckled and I smiled.
"I'm not peeking.", I said as he stopped me gently, taking his hands away.
"Okay…you can open them now.", he said as I did.
I saw the bed covers pulled down neatly, and a hundred little candles everywhere, along with roses in every color all over the room, including some red pedals sprinkled all over the bed where I'd be laying soon. Soft opera music was playing.
But all that wasn't what I noticed. There were pictures, all over the walls around the bed. Huge pictures, blown up copies of some that were mine….others not.
I saw a picture of Charlie, one of my old ones, he was in a little boat with his fishing pole in his hand, wearing his old man fishing hat, his "lucky hat"…a little tiny fish on his line, and he displayed it like it was a whale, so cute with the smile he was making. I had taken that picture.
Then there was my Mom beside him, Renee. A picture of her holding me as a baby was there, and she looked so young and happy. That was in Charlie's photo albums. I thought those were lost in the fire.
"I didn't want it dark in here for you.", Edward spoke of the candles as I kept focusing on all the pictures.
At the moment, I was staring at a gorgeous picture of Alice, at the prom, dancing with a very handsome Jasper. They were both smiling at us.
I took that picture too. It was also one of mine. All I could think of was, 'now I know he burnt my house down. He took pictures out of the house before the fire got them.'
It's weird, when you think you know someone did something, and then, years later, you have PROOF…your stomach just falls out. What's worse is, I can't say a damn thing about it. And he knew it too. Was this another test…a final one before my change to see if I really was his submissive little girl, obedient and void of all argument? This is a tough test. I struggled inside…trying to pass this last hurdle.
He held me from behind and kissed my cheek, laying his chin on my shoulder.
"I wasn't sure if you'd like it or not.", he referred to the pictures, "I just…didn't want you to go through all this alone…without them. When I went through it, I kept wishing I could have my parents…I just WANTED them. I called and called but…I was alone. Carlisle was there but it wasn't the same. I wanted you surrounded by your life…so no matter where you turn, when and if you open your eyes…you will see someone you love. Was I wrong? I can take them away."
I had tears in my eyes…the idea was such a beautiful one. When I blinked, the tears fell over my cheeks. I couldn't tell if this was a loving gesture or a cruel one. Edward is so skilled at his game. Even I don't know what I feel.
My voice was weak as I said, "No, don't take them away. This is perfect. Thank you Edward."
I kept looking around, everywhere a new picture smiling at me.
Carlisle was to my right…dressed in his doctor scrubs and smiling, standing next to a bed where a little girl laid, her head bald, her face beaming. Carlisle had his arm around her and I put my hand over my mouth, knowing this was another patient he had probably saved.
Esme was next to him, and this picture was a funny one. Esme was handing Edward a lunch bag with his name written on it. He had a baseball cap on and was dressed much younger, looking like a mature 14 year old. Rosalie was next to him, waiting for her lunch bag, her hair in a ponytail, making her appear innocent and youthful. They were rolling their eyes at being forced to be in such a lame picture. The words "First Day at Forks High" were written along the bottom. Carlisle must have taken this one. This must have been so long ago, before I was even born.
I almost sobbed out loud. It was MY Edward…in this picture.
I was wearing my bathrobe and had planned to take it off when I laid down…but now I wasn't sure if I could be naked with all these eyes on me.
I found no pictures of Jacob…and wasn't very surprised. I wish there had been one, though. It would have been a nice move on Edward's part.
Or it could have been cruel…to have Jacob watching me turning into a vampire, helpless to stop it. Edward might have gotten some kind of victory out of that…showing Jake that he had won me…and that I was HIS alone.
There were lots of other pictures of Charlie and Renee, and the Cullens…but I forced myself to look somewhere else…the bed…yes, the bed…
I went to it and laid down, moving the pillows. Edward helped, wanting me to be as comfortable as possible.
I laid myself down on my back and saw Edward kneeling at my side, on the bed with me.
His chest was bare and he wore a pair of gray pants now, heeding my earlier remarks about the black.
"Hello.", I said nervously, smiling up at him while he looked at me, a mask of seriousness on his face.
"Hello.", he let himself grin, "You are so beautiful, Bella. And I love you so much…"
He stroked my face and I melted a little.
"I love you too Edward.", I answered, little tears in the corners of my eyes.
I loosened my robe belt, letting my body peek out as the silk fell off and pooled around my body.
Edward's eyes seemed to adore me as they moved slowly over my every curve.
"Kiss me?", I shivered…and he came down slowly, kissing me with so much love…gentle lips…cool but soft…no tongue. He nuzzled his nose against mine as he came in for another small kiss right after the big one.
"I know this is right.", he whispered, touching my hair, "Do you?"
"Yes.", I said, "I'm not afraid."
He looked proud of me then.
"It will hurt…", he reminded, "We discussed that. But you've become a tough little girl in the last year, haven't you?"
"Yes Master.", I said, just as proudly, reminding him who trained me to endure the pain and find the way through it.
"Such a good girl.", he moved his finger over my lips, "I don't deserve you…you're way too good for me you know."
I smirked. "Yes, I know."
He laughed and I did too.
"Brat.", he muttered pleasantly.
I stuck my tongue out at him and we laughed again.
"I rest my case.", he said as he kissed me again, this time more passionately, as if he were saying goodbye.
Maybe he was.
Goodbye, my Edward…don't watch this…close your eyes…don't fight. Let it happen. I love you so much. I am doing this for you…you and all the others…and for myself. This has to happen. Please understand.
Finally, he stopped…and held me for a long time. I held onto him, too, stroking his hair.
Then, he spoke, whispering in my ear.
"You remember all I told you…", he checked again, "…about what I'll be doing?"
Edward had told me every detail of the change process. Like the doctor he is, he made sure I was fully aware. He told me as best he could what I would be feeling every step of the way…I didn't feel scared because I was well informed. That was important to me, I had told Edward to hold nothing back…to tell me it all. And I hope he has.
The reason I chose to be naked during this is because Edward said once the venom begins to burn, even clothes can feel itchy and restricting, and hurt your skin like little needles. I decided weeks ago, the less pain, the better.
Also, I thought it would make me more like slave Bella, if I were naked, like our sexual games. I might be stronger during all this.
My eyes closed for a moment as I gave a little nod. He placed a soft kiss on each of my eyelids, treating me like a priceless treasure, one he was about to hand over to someone else.
"I'm not going to enjoy this, you know.", he whispered, his voice heavy with emotion.
I felt something inside me hurting and wasn't sure what it was.
"I…", he said and took a deep breath…"I…loved you…the first second I saw you, Bella Swan. You were clumsy and nervous and shy…and human. But I never saw you as the weak one…you are everything I wish I could be. And while I envied you…I adored you. It's very hard for me…saying goodbye to the human I love…more than myself…more than anything."
I felt a sob in my throat as I clung to him, not daring to look up into his eyes.
"I will miss her…", he admitted in a ragged whisper, as if he were crying, "My sweet little lamb…"
I just wept, not making much noise.
"But at the same time…", his voice raised a tiny bit as it danced hotly into my ear, "This is a happy day. You will be like a butterfly, breaking out of her cocoon, a new creature…more beautiful and alive than before. And then…we will begin our forever…together…and we will never end."
"A…lioness?", I choked out, shivering against his bare chest.
He chuckled and I felt it vibrate where my cheek laid on his frozen heart.
"Yes, my love.", he answered, a joyous sound in the magical atmosphere all around us.
"I love you Edward Cullen.", I said…and it didn't feel wrong…or like a lie. It was the truth.
"I love you Bella Swan.", he reflected back at me like a mirror, very sure and strong.
"Now.", I said, that one little word having so much power. I didn't have to say it again. This was it. It was time. NOW.
Edward let out a hard breath and stroked my cheek, looking down at my tear stained face one last time. He smiled, his eyes sparkling as he drank me in…the last time he'd see this little human face.
"Goodbye…", he whispered, a heartbroken breath.
"See you soon…", I stared back into his eyes…steeling myself not to back out now.
He gave a small nod, his sad smile still there.
Then he slowly leaned in…and I kept my eyes open…forcing myself to be brave and observe every second of this…I would not die a frightened little girl, a victim. I would die a woman…strong…aware…courageous. A lioness. Not a lamb.
I clung onto Edward's arms as his mouth opened. I felt his tongue lick up my jugular vein and that was a turn on. I felt his mouth kiss the flesh there…making this as pleasant for me as he could before the bite. I felt my eyes rolling back into my head as the arousal sunk into my veins…and maybe that was a vampire power taking hold of me…to seduce the victim so she would not fight very hard before the end…to make things easy and quiet for the vampire.
We had decided long ago that he would drain me from the neck. It was a cliché, Edward had said, but the jugular was the best way to go. It was sensual…and quick…
After a couple more kisses, he didn't torture me any further by making me wait. Before I realized it, his teeth were deep in my flesh…locked into the muscle…and I could feel my hot life's blood coursing…passing from my body…into his.
"UUHHHHH!", I let out a sharp cry but I didn't want to scream. I felt the pain of my skin pierced…I felt the pain of my neck muscles straining and maybe tearing as Edward's mouth clamped shut around the gushing vein he had opened.
Without a word, I felt Edward give a long, soft stroke over my forehead and down the length of my hair…a silent way of soothing me, telling me to hang on…that it would be alright. Part of me wanted to believe it was my Edward then.
I held in my anguished cries and felt my fingers tightening…finding his hair and clutching at the back of his head while he swallowed, a thick liquidy sound.
I gasped and stared up…not believing what I was seeing.
There is a picture on the ceiling…he really did think of everything.
It was a large picture of Edward at the lake in our meadow…and me sitting right across from him, my leg in that god awful cast after James had broken my leg. We were smiling at each other…with so much love in both our eyes. It was sunny…and Alice had been with us that day…a little private picnic in the summertime for vampires and their friends only. She took our picture and had broken us out of our "transe" as she called it when she teased us.
My Edward…and me. When all the world was perfect.
I heard my breathing, coming out in loud gasps now…my eyes kept staring at my face above me…and his…and my ears kept listening to him as he swallowed my blood…the deep erotic sounds he made as he tasted the nectar of his singer. I think I felt his erection bulging from inside his pants as his body pressed against mine. He didn't lean his weight on me, but he straddled my waist and was on his knees on the bed, holding my torso and head up in his arms, cradling it securely as my hair fell down loosely like a black waterfall behind me.
I wondered how many swallows of me it took before I was completely drained. I hadn't counted them…but each one made my body quiver like a near orgasm. This was already a very sexual experience for me and this was just the first plateau, the draining process.
And now I was noticing a few other things going on in my body as he groaned out loud, swallowing me again. Tiny little fireworks explosions seemed to be sparkling all over me…up and down my arms…down my legs…into my toes…then upwards again…
Also, my neck wasn't hurting all that much like before either. It felt numb. And actually…I felt my entire body starting to go numb…like the way my mouth feels after getting Novocain at the dentist. Edward had told me about this too. My body was starting to react to the loss of my blood. He said I would feel very cold, too…but I hadn't felt that yet.
"Ohhhhhh…..", I let the sound out of me…it sounded soft and aroused…and very tired…I was glad it didn't sound weak or afraid. I didn't want to sound that way now.
I heard Edward respond to my noise with a low purr, sounding like a very satisfied lion. I have always loved when he made this sound. It was so savage and animal…and even humans are that…deep down…stripped of all our manners and civilities…we are all animals.
I heard him gulp another mouthful of my heavy blood as my naked breasts were pressed flatter into his marble pecks.
My legs felt tingly, like they were asleep. I tried moving them…but nothing happened. It was happening…I was losing my bodily functions like he had said.
I felt so helpless, like a weak kitten in his arms as the rest of my body began to feel like a heavy weight….no response as my brain commanded it. I couldn't wiggle my fingers…I couldn't sit up more or lay back more…even my head became a loopy, dangling ball on the end of my neck. I felt Edward's hand move under it, supporting my head like one would hold a newborn baby…I was glad he had been through this before, and had perfect recall. He understood everything I was feeling…and did his best to make it easier, as much as he could.
I'm sure not every vampire took such care for their victims during this process. For that, I had to be thankful. And I accepted that "Bad" Edward wasn't all bad. Yes, he had done unspeakable things. Yes, he is sick and needs to be helped. But there is someone in there…someone that cares…someone that…loves me.
I was as strong as a wet piece of tissue paper when I felt Edward slowly open his teeth and release the pinched abused muscles he had been clutching onto so fiercely. I let out a little hiss as the wound burned a bit. He saw that and licked the flesh – one long excruciatingly hot lick upwards from the bottom.
That felt better and I let out a very weak breath, my arms slipping off Edwards' arms and falling like dead fish at my sides, against the bed under me.
"Shhh…", he stared at my face with utmost care as my eyes floated around…then somehow forced their way up into his.
"Don't be afraid Bella.", his voice was hot fire, melted lava…and he looked somehow enhanced to me…even more beautiful and angelic….his colors richer and deeper. Had my blood done that to him?
He gently laid me down on my back, against the silky full pillows below.
I felt wetness on my neck….a very warm line started to grow…downward…crawling down like a big drop of honey would have.
Was that the very last of my blood? Edward had said that he had to leave me a tiny bit of blood in my system so I would stay alive before the next step. If he drained me completely, I would be dead now. And he could not save me.
"Ohhh…", he leaned down like a drug addict who almost forgot the last snort of cocaine…and he lapped up that drop with such reverence, like a priest drank the last sip of wine in the chalice on Sunday.
"God…soooo goood…", he moaned a deep throated praise in my ear as I laid there, a mannequin with moving eyes and failing breaths.
His attention returned to me now that he had gotten all the wine he could drink from me…and he repeated, "Don't be afraid. Your body is almost empty now."
I was starting to feel cold now…my body shivering violently as I fought to breathe.
My eyes began to dizzy and Edward looked blurry to me now.
"You will feel paralyzed…", he moved his fingers over my forehead, then around my cheekbone, "And cold…that is normal."
My teeth almost chattered and he looked over my body, a small examination.
"The shaking is normal.", he assured as he watched it happening, "Don't fight it. Everything is perfectly alright, Bella. You're doing GREAT."
Yea, I shiver like a professional. Good. What is he waiting for ? Get on with it already before I DIE !
I inhaled and heard a death rattle sound…I remembered my grandmother's last gasps of breath…it was terrible! It sounded so painful…I never forgot it. Now I was doing it.
My eyes darted around until they found blurry Edward again…hovering over me.
"Bella…", his voice was so lost…and so sad…"Should I just…let you go?"
I wanted to speak, to yell! But I couldn't. I was frozen…and I couldn't breathe! I was losing my sight…oh God, I'd be in the dark!
"I've hurt you so much.", he almost wept above me as his fingers moved over my face, "I don't want to hurt you anymore…I should just let you fly to heaven where you'll be with all of them again…forever. I love you so much…I want to do the right thing for you…for once!"
I heard him sobbing as I tried to think of ANYTHING I could do to give him a signal, to let him know I didn't want to die. All I could do now was blink, furiously…and gag for air.
LOOK INTO MY EYES EDWARD! LOOK INTO MY EYES DAMMIT!
I was sure I didn't have lots of time left before I would slip into death's hands…
He looked into my eyes and I heard him ask, "What should I do, Bella?"
"Do you want me to let you go?", he asked.
I don't know what I did to answer him, but seconds later, as if he could hear me, he gave in and said, "Alright, Bella. I'll do what you want."
I didn't know what he was going to do…or what answer he thought I gave…but then I saw him put his finger to his bottom lip and slice a thick gash there.
He brought my head to his and kissed me, open mouthed, letting his dark seductive tasting blood flow from his mouth to mine.
"Drink me, baby.", he mumbled as he kissed me harder, his tongue slicking mine with his juices. I still couldn't move at all but the taste was beyond anything I'd ever eaten before. It was all flavors and none at all…it was sweet but left sugar far behind. It was sex and lust…and innocence…and purity…all mixed in together….it was Edward and I…our essences together for all time, one blood. One soul. One love.
It began to roll down the back of my throat while my voice gasped out harder, wishing it would fill me already…course through me faster.
"Here my sweetheart.", he said, moving his finger over the side of his neck and cutting without any care for himself. He brought my weak head up to his red neck and my open mouth suctioned itself to his stone skin, not letting any of it get away from me.
It was good now! The nectar GUSHED with fury and coated my tongue and teeth, moving down my throat and strangely not choking me or making me gag. It was smooth and hot, like summer air in liquid form.
I felt myself swallowing greedily, now knowing what Edward had been talking about when he told me about the desire for blood…the taste of it…it was a drug, like he said. One I was already hopelessly addicted to. Each swallow made me want ten more.
"Good girl…good girl…", he cooed, stroking me as he held me tightly to him, "That's right….it's sooo good, isn't it?"
All I could do to reply was swallow and swallow some more…I didn't even want to breathe…I just wanted more of him…I didn't want it to ever end.
"MMMMMM", I moaned out in bliss, hearing him chuckle in a deep voice.
He rocked me like a baby as I fed from him and in a way, I guess I was an infant, suckling on my maker…feeling a bond forming that made our love look like a weak joke. I was him. He was me.
My body didn't get any stronger, I still felt my arms hanging behind my body like limp rags, my head still wobbly, fully supported by the marble hand beneath it.
"Bella…", he whispered, sounding terrified, "It's going to start happening very soon. The pain…the venom…NO, keep drinking…that's good…keep going…I'll tell you when to stop. But I want to prepare you. It will be terrible…but I'm here with you…I won't leave you…you're NOT alone, Bella."
I was glad he was keeping me informed every step of the way. I felt more in control knowing everything. I was not looking forward to the three days of horrible agony…but with Edward here with me…I knew I could get through it.
"I love you…I love you…I love you…", he kept whispering to me, cradling me like his baby, hating what was approaching for me.
I answered each of his I love you's with a deep swallow, the only thing I could do. I never got full…I never thought I've had enough…I gulped it up…loving it…wanting more and more…
After a short time, I thought, Edward's breathing was becoming hard and shaky.
He put it off as long as he could….but then he finally said, "Alright Bella…stop now."
But I didn't…I couldn't.
I let out a pained whine as I kept swallowing.
"BELLA!", he growled, "I mean it! STOP! You're draining me Baby!"
I ignored him again. Funny, I didn't seem to care that Edward sounded weaker.
"I don't want to hurt you!", he whimpered, and then yanked on my hair with a sharp movement of his fist.
And just like that, I was cut off. The blood wasn't coming anymore and I was really pissed about it.
But, just as I was about to wish I could speak so I could say "FUCK YOU" to him, something happened to shut me right up.
FIRE! Only not just a normal burning fire…white hot molten lava…flowed through my veins…melting my muscles…shriveling up my bones….God, it was something no human could ever truly describe with enough detail to make one understand.
"Here it comes.", he whispered, knowing…never forgetting it from his own death.
He held my hands in his, and my body froze for a moment in shock as the damage began to register in my brain.
"I'm with you.", he winced, waiting…."Hold on."
Then….
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!", my scream tore up out of me, as if all my guts and intestines were coming up with it.
"I know, I know…", he sounded so helpless and afraid as my back arched up then started flopping me around like a fish out of water.
"Oh, Bella!", he cried, knowing there was nothing he could do for me now but watch.
"RRRRRRRRRRRRR! UUUUHHHHHH!", I was an insane thing now, mindless and on fire from the inside, without the mercy of death to end my suffering. I could hardly make out what Edward was saying or doing…but once in awhile, I heard his voice and could almost focus on what he was saying, and that I wasn't truly hurting alone.
"UUUUHHHHHHHHHH UUHHHHHHHHH!", I eloquently said next.
"Your body is dieing…", he reminded as I howled out again. We had discussed this too. The venom and vampire blood was killing my human body now…and this would take about three days, maybe more or less depending on me and my metabolism.
"I'm sorry it has to be so horrible…", he wept, "I wish there were more I could do…Bella…."
I felt my body fling to the left as I wailed again, not quieting or calming down in the least since my first six screams of insane fury.
"I know that it helped me…", he said softly, "When Carlisle would speak to me…even if you don't hear all I say…I know this helps. I know you will hear most of it. It will keep you sane. So try and focus on my voice…focus on my words…"
"UUUUUHHHHH UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH UUUGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!", I was a mute unable to form words…the torture inside me was just too great to speak at all.
"I know, baby, I know…", he carefully touched my hair, afraid to touch any of my skin in the least little way…it would tear me apart and he knew it.
"Try to breathe when you can…", he tried to help, "Don't run out of air, that happened to me a few times."
After a few more screams that were wordless, I shocked myself to hear me scream next.
"EDDDDWWWWWAARRRRRRRDDDD!", I roared, making the room shake all over.
He smiled that I was able to say his name in the clutches of this mind numbing nightmare…but then his face quickly turned to horror and sadness again.
"I'm here baby, I'm here.", he said louder than before, making sure I heard him this time.
He held onto my hands, careful not to grab too tightly.
"GODDDDDD!", I shrieked harder, "HHHHUUUURRRRRRTTTTSSSSSSS!"
"I know Bella…I know Baby…", he sounded like he wanted to scream himself, "I wish to GOD I could take it myself. I would!"
"I'd go through it all over again, only for you, sweetheart.", he leaned down to place a soft kiss on my forehead.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!", I screamed again, his lips felt like a red hot poker against my flesh when he did that just now.
"FUCK I'M SORRY BELLA!", he chastised himself as he apologized, "FUCK What's wrong with me? I'm sorry, I'm sorry…."
Time went on this way…over and over I screamed with the same intense agony as the first scream. Edward kept talking and trying to keep me strong. I would've walked away from me hours ago but Edward never failed me. He didn't leave. He didn't get sick of it. He was hurting too, and I could see it and hear it…but he was always with me, going through the flames with me, for the second time in his life.
I screamed nearly constantly while Edward talked softly, not ignoring my pain…but trying to give me something to grab onto in my mind…as my body roared out in unending torment.
Edward was moving a oval shaped piece of ice over my lips as I growled…the screams ceasing for a small moment as I felt the coldness…gripping that sensation like a life preserver.
Edward had been telling me stories for the last few hours, all about me and him and our lives. He was right, it did help, even though you couldn't tell that from the way I violently fought as I flung myself around, screaming like a person aflame.
Edward understood I had no control over that. But he gave me the gift of keeping my mind with him and our world…
"And I made sure that some ambrosia flowers were put in there.", he said gently as he worked the ice up and to the right along my bottom lip, "Ambrosia means love returned."
He was talking about my prom corsage now, and telling me the meaning of the flowers he made sure they included in there.
My response to him was, " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"
He swallowed, watching me sadly and made himself keep talking…keep the ice moving….now it was on my top lip.
"And also baby's breath…", he went on, almost as if he needed to for himself, to keep himself from going crazy, and his voice broke when he whispered, "They mean everlasting love…"
I tried to keep the next scream less violent….and I think it was.
"MMMMMMMMM", I clamped my lips together, throwing my head to the left and kicking out my legs from the force it took to hold my mouth closed.
"Breathe, Bella, breathe….", he reminded…his voice a tad stern, his arm gently keeping me on the bed, not falling off the edge.
"Don't clamp your mouth closed.", he guided, "Go ahead and scream. It's alright. Don't worry about ME. Make all the noise you want, baby."
So I let out another ear splitting roar.
"Good girl.", he praised, his eyes full of concern.
I gasped for air in between my cries now…and I was getting pretty good at it. Edward was so proud of me.
"Yes!", he smiled as I gulped the air, my arms trying to flail against Edward's chest on their own accord. He didn't take any offense to this.
"You're doing so great, Bella.", he informed, "I'm so fucking proud of you. You are so much tougher than I was."
And now it was time to scream again.
"RRRRRUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHH!"
"I think I was CRYING most of the way when I was changing.", he smirked, trying to make me feel better.
"EEDDDWARRDDDD!", I gasped and spoke at the same time, clutching at his body, "EEEDDDDWWWWWWWARRRDDDDDDDDD!"
"That is so great that you can speak now and then.", he smiled, taking my hands again, "Your brain is fully intact…that's amazing!"
I wish I could make myself say SHUT UP…but it was too difficult.
"Breathe…", he said again, going to the nightstand and wringing out the wet cloth in the bowl, and wiping off my face with the icewater as I choked and gagged for air.
"See, you said my name when you should've been breathing…now you're choking.", he informed, making me want to punch him.
"That feels better, I know.", he said to me as I whimpered, wishing I could thank him for being so good to me.
He moved the icy cloth down my neck and over the tops of my breasts, trying to ease the perspiration.
"Sweaty little girl…", he muttered to himself as I arched up again, gasping and feeling a new wave of pain coming.
This time I felt it in my lungs and it made sense that I was having trouble breathing as the venom began to attack this new organ.
"Uh oh…okay…", he saw it approaching and held my hand, wanting somehow to be there with me when it happened.
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!", I cried, "NNNOOOOOOOOOOO UUGGGHHHHH!"
Three days of this seemed to be impossible to imagine. I wasn't even half way through day one and I was losing my mind. Why three days anyway? Who made up that rule? Why couldn't it be like the movies where it took six seconds? Is this Hell? Is this evil taking over my body? I want my Edward…I had been calling his name and he still wasn't here. I heard myself praying that I'd get to see him again, soon, PLEASE!
I kept trying to focus and see him in the picture above me…willing him to come to me…but he didn't…or he couldn't.
I screeched out again, unaware if I had just gotten air or not seconds ago…and Edward smoothed the wet cold cloth back over my hair, moving it out of my wild eyes.
"You'll get through this, Bella, I promise you.", he said, a fierce sound in his voice as he gazed deeply into my eyes, "You will be past this before you know it…and you'll never hurt again. I swear…I'll spend eternity making this up to you."
I knew my every scream and gasp was a knife in his heart. I could see his pain just as he could see and hear mine. I clung onto his words, trying to hold onto something sane and calm inside of me.
And I continued to suffer…screaming out loud once more into the romantic candlelit world around me, getting a little peek at my Mom holding me as a baby before I clenched my eyes together, wanting a way to escape...praying for strength...hoping I could make it until the end...
End of Chapter 18
Hey people ! Three days to the movie ! I can't wait! Well, Bella is on her way to becoming one of the sparkly undead. What do you think of Edward and how he's taking care of her? I don't know what I would do if I were him…that's hard watching someone go through such agony and you can't help. It kinda reminded me of a woman in labor…only there you get a break in between labor pains. Poor Bella. Poor Edward…Poor me! I want to see the movie DAMMIT ! I HATE waiting! LOL
See the next chapter soon ! Hope you guys liked Bella's present to Edward…lol…that was my hubby's idea! I said, what's a great gift a girl can give her man? And he said, threesome! Just like that ! No hesitation! LOL yes, I'm with my soul mate! And the more I thought of it…the more I was like…DAMN…I'll do it!
So thanks Mr. Winnd…lol….here's to you babe! And your next birthday ! evil laugh
See u soon !
Winnd
