Chapter 19

Oh, and by the way, Rob, I would so give you a threesome for your birthday, too. I bet Kristen wouldn't. (Wicked laugh)

Little side note about that: When my hub said give Edward a threesome…I was so tempted to have Bella open the door and see a big dude clad in leather waiting…LOL…God that would've been funny! For us, not Edward.

Okay, we left Bella in such a horrible place last chapter…and she's been suffering so loudly since then…I can hardly cook dinner because I can still hear her…let's go in and check on her, shall we? You don't have to tiptoe, she won't hear us…but don't get too close…Edward is very protective….

Chapter 19

"This is the second day, Bella…", Edward tried to smile at me as I arched up again, letting out a wail that made him wince, as if he could feel it himself.

I lashed out and grabbed his arm, wishing it would soften and pinch in my grip. But it was like clutching marble…too slick and hard to make any real hold on him.

I had not spoken for an eternity…it was proving way too hard. If I tried to form words, it would take all my breath away. Besides, Edward was talking enough for both of us.

He gave me a little smile and gently touched my hair while I roared…trying to gasp for breath.

"Your hair is getting darker.", he observed aloud, "It is SHINING…I love it…"

I clenched my eyes tight and flung my arm again, but he caught it, placing it firmly at my side so I wouldn't hurt myself more by striking against his stone body.

"It's starting to happen, Bella…", he informed softly, as if he were proud, "I can see the subtle little changes beginning already."

WHY oh WHY did we agree ahead of time that no drugs should be used on me during this? Was I NUTS ? I never knew pain could be like this…I thought I'd get used to it in time…but it just got worse and worse…and my body was getting weaker and more tired…but at least my hair seems to look pretty…thanks Edward!

I kept looking at the picture of Carlisle…he did this…and under a pile of potatoes, if I recall correctly. He made me want to be strong…he was…even with all his pain and thirst, he was powerful enough to care for humans. To the vampire world, I'm sure he was a laughing stock…but to me, he was a hero…150%.

I felt tears falling out of my eyes and I heard myself sobbing…this had started about 15 hours after I had tasted Edward's blood. At first, it was screaming non stop…then I started crying from the sheer endlessness of it all.

I can't do this…I'll never make it…I wish I'd just die already! I'm glad I can't talk for one reason…I'd be begging him to kill me and forget this whole eternal life thing.

"Oh, no, not again…please don't cry, Bella.", Edward looked helpless and afraid as he wiped my face down again with the cold water.

"You'll have trouble breathing again if you cry, you know that…", he reminded me, trying to calm me down.

Now I cried even more.

"Imagine there's no heaven….", Edward started to sing again, his voice so goddamn perfect it even put John Lennon to shame.

"It's easy if you try…", he sang like an angel…and I had to stop crying and screaming so I could hear him…I began to quiet myself a bit.

"No hell below us…", he continued, "Above us only sky…Imagine all the people…living for today….ahhhh haaaaa…."

And then I felt myself do it…I smiled !

God, I WAS really an infant now…quieting when I heard music…smiling at the funny little sounds Edward could make.

Edward gasped when he saw me give him that little moment…and he smiled back at me…and for one second…I didn't hurt.

Then my stomach felt as if it were melting and tearing to shreds at the same time…I screamed again…and Edward jumped back into his song, almost jerking physically as he sang, "Imagine there's no countries…."

Even in my torture, something in my head was working on something for the last few hours. Something curious. This was not MY Edward…completely…but it was him. When I called his name, he said, "I'm here." When he touched me…I could FEEL him. And just now, when he sang to me…I HEARD him. But it wasn't completely MY Edward either. MY Edward, if he were fully here, would be so heartbroken by me dieing…he would be expressing that. He would not have smiled at me just now.

Could they be together…somehow…temporarily, maybe…while I'm going through the transformation…this is something very important to both Edwards…neither of them would want to miss this or allow themselves to be locked away while I suffered this way. I went back in time, realizing that the day Edward split into TWO…was the night I was going to sleep with Jacob.

One Edward wanted to let me go and have a happy life, despite how it might be killing him inside. And the other…could not let that happen. He loved me so much and he would NOT let me go because of gentlemanly rules or human sentiment. That was the more honest Edward, the one filled with rage and hurt, betrayal.

Those two sides of Edward had always been in there…but at that moment they tore apart…and the more angry, the more dominant personality rose up, locking away the softer, gentler side of himself.

I knew the Edward at the threesome was ALL mean Edward, if I could really call him that. But wait…that Edward had been really sweet to me while we played. I mean, it was still a threesome, but…he was never cruel or vicious with me. Tanya got all the heat. I even remember him backhanding her across the face every time I screamed during our whipping. We hung there by our wrists, back to back, our ankles bound together, asses pressed against each other's. He whipped our breasts, first Tanya, then me, then Tanya…then me…

He told us not to scream. Tanya was silent…but a few times I had to let out a scream. When I would, he would backhand and punish Tanya for it, not me. He gave no reason or explanation for it, that's just what he did. Once, I think on purpose, Tanya let out a scream, thinking I would get punished for it. But he whipped her twice between the legs for that. And then he stroked me and whispered sweetly to me, asking me if I was alright.

Then he turned us around, nose to nose, facing each other, making us kiss while he went to work on our backs and ass cheeks. I think Tanya took a liking to me during that part especially….she kept letting her mouth wander down my neck…and all over my breasts. Edward loved that. And he rewarded ME for it, kissing my back and giving me a little vibrator action. Tanya screamed now and then, and for her punishment he ordered me to bite on her nipples. I did that carefully, but as hard as I could, and she reacted…but I don't think it truly hurt her.

Are they coming together? Little by little…or are they just together when it's really important? Or does bad Edward choose to let good Edward join with him when I need them both? Just now, when Edward had sang to me…my body reacted. The pain stopped. That HAS to be MY Edward.

I wish I could talk…I could even blame my questions on the haze of pain I was locked into. But every time I attempted speech, I paid for it by not being able to breathe seconds later. I had felt that a few times…it was not fun. I didn't want that again.

I was clutching onto Edward's hands hours later…it was night again but the candles were still lit up all around us. Edward had not moved away from me for more than a half second since the change began, and that was only to get me water, or to get something that might help me out more.

Crying kept happening but it didn't last for very long. Edward's singing voice was magical, and it always calmed me.

He wiped the cold wet cloth under my eye, taking the tears away, singing, "Michelle…my belle…"

I had to admit, I loved it when he sang the French words to this song. The Beatles is a group we both shared an affection for so he had done nearly their entire catalog. I liked it all….it was better than him talking all the time.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRR!", I growled, gasping right away…taking a bunch of broken breaths, swallowing and groaning out loud again.

"Sont des mots qui vont très bien ensemble, Très bien ensemble.", he sang as I tried to hold in my cries…loving the way it all just rolled off his tongue…God, he's so sexy! Even dieing doesn't hide that fact.

I grabbed his hand harder as he watched me, his eyes soft and caring as he put the cloth into the bowl at my side, taking a new ice cube out of a glass there.

"More ice for you, baby…", he stopped singing and began to move the icy wet pebble to my tight lips, "Breathe…swallow…good girl…"

SCREW THE ICE – GIVE ME MORPHINE!

"AAAAAAAAAA!", I howled out instead of saying that. At the moment, I felt like my pelvic bones were splintering into dust…and that dust was on fire, boiling my blood!

"Come on…time to cool you down again…", he announced, gently picking me up into his arms.

OH YES! Time for a nice icy bath! Edward had tried this a couple times before and it was heavenly! He warned me we couldn't do it often, though, or my body could go into a deep shock. Yea, like it wasn't already.

He carried me to the bathroom as I panted for air and inside I was bouncing up and down.

"Easy, girl.", he cooed, gently easing us into the tubful of cold water and ice cubes. He would get in with me, letting me lay in his arms so I wouldn't fall under the water. It didn't seem to bother him at all. This was the one place I got to relax during this whole ordeal. The last couple times I had almost recovered enough to speak…but not quite.

I would really try this time.

"Uuuuuhhhhh", I moaned like I was full of desire…and the burning sensations began to lessen. There was still other pain…but it was manageable.

He smiled at me and leaned my hair into the water behind me, his fingers moving it back so it would be free from my face.

"That's my girl.", he purred, seeing the peace rise up in my eyes.

He gently tipped my chin up and placed a tender kiss upon my lips while my eyes gazed up at his angel face, a dumb animal in love.

I let out a jagged breath, and weakly brought my shaky hand up to his lips…wanting to touch them so badly.

"You're doing so well.", he encouraged me, taking my hand and finishing its journey, kissing my fingers with a new passion, then searing one huge kiss right into my palm.

"I love you so much.", he said, his voice deep and low, sounding pained…he held my hand in his now and held them against his chest.

I forced myself to try…and a couple of razor edged gasps stumbled out of my throat.

"I…..-", I actually got one word out ! I was so proud I smiled and quivered so hard the water rippled…Edward watched me with fascination…admiring my strength.

"lll-lllll-", I was messing this word up…I growled in frustration.

"Try again.", he said, trying to help me to not give up.

"Lllll-lllllll", I never knew how hard this word was to say…God!

"Llllloooovvvveeee…", I forced it out at last…and took a few breaths afterwards…needing to.

Edward smiled at me, as if I were the finest creature in all the universe.

"Yyyyy…", I finally attempted the last hurdle…the last word…Y's are hard too.

"Yyyyy….oooouuuuu.", I gasped, choking a little as the word ripped out of me.

I was going to try and say his name but he flung his arms around me and covered me with kisses…and in the tub, it didn't hurt now.

"Oh God, Bella, I love you…I love you!", he wept as he kissed me, "Please don't hate me for this, please…"

Now THIS is MY Edward! But it is also the other Edward too. I knew it. They are together….both with me. Like they had agreed to combine so I can have both of them…and I realized…I do love them both…need them both…hurt them both.

I managed to shake my head a little at him, weakly telling him I didn't hate him. I think he understood.

My eyes began to get a little heavy as his lips kissed me five more times. I think I was able to kiss back while I was in the ice water.

"It's killing me to watch you…die…like this…", he inhaled a sharp breath, "Why can't it be painless? It's not fair. You don't deserve it."

One more kiss and he looked me deep in the eyes.

"I have to take you out now.", he informed, saying my bath was over.

I wanted to complain. It was so nice in here…but he didn't want to chance it getting any worse for me than it already was.

I let out a sad little whimper and his eyes held that same feeling.

"I know, Bella.", he looked sorrowful, "But I don't want you dieing before the venom is finished doing its job. I'm sorry, angel."

And he lifted me out of the water, the cascade of cold wetness spilling from my hair and body as we quickly went back to my shrine…and I caught a glimpse of Charlie as we passed the wall.

Edward laid me on my side, rubbing my back vigorously as I closed my eyes, waiting for the burn to begin again. It wouldn't be long.

I clung to a pillow, digging my nails into it, afraid to imagine how it would feel when the ice water warmed and the burn would…

"OOOOHHHHHHHH OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!", I raged out loud, my body spasming hard as Edward rubbed my muscles even harder now.

"Scream, baby.", he allowed, "It's okay, let it out. I'm here."

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!", I shrieked, the burn was everywhere…my body kicked and thrashed around again like it did when I first felt it.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!", I heard myself cry as Edward tried to hold me in the center of the bed, afraid I would fall off the edge.

Like I would hurt myself falling off the bed! HA ! But I gathered that, even though the venom was spreading, my body was extra fragile now, as it died…and if I hit my head or went into shock or anything like that…I could die before the venom was complete in turning me into a vampire. That would certainly suck, to go through all this pain only to die now anyway. I would be pissed off.

"Breathe, Bella, breathe!", he shouted, his eyes terrified as he looked down at me.

Oh yea. I had been holding my breath…I wondered what color I was turning.

I let the breath out and gasped for air. Something was wrong! I was breathing thick liquid…and I couldn't get a breath!

"Bella!", he put his hand to my heart as I choked, unable to rid myself of the fluid inside my chest. I was drowning in it…fast.

He examined my chest, rolling me to my side and feeling my back, touching where the lungs were located.

"Okay…got it.", he said, "Fluid in your lungs, baby. Too much in the cold water, I knew it!"

Before I knew it, I felt something being placed in my mouth, and then slide down the back of my throat.

"Hang on baby, I'm coming.", he assured as I choked harder, feeling his hand holding my body down and in place.

I saw him put the other end of the tube into his own mouth and begin to suck on it, like a straw. I didn't realize it until I felt something rumbling in my own chest…but he was sucking the fluid out of my lungs.

I began to see a murky white substance in the clear tube straw he was inhaling on and he took a huge mouthful of it, turning and spitting it out to the floor, then quickly returning to the tube and sucking more out.

Little by little, I could take small breaths again, and it was a lot lighter in my chest when I inhaled.

A few minutes later, he stopped sucking the straw tube and gently worked the other end out of my throat. I was so relieved to be rid of it…I had tears in my eyes as he stroked my cheek.

"Stop trying to get away from me, little girl.", he warned, a small grin on his lips, "I'm not letting you go."

"UUUHHHH!", I wailed, wishing I could properly thank him.

"No more ice water baths, I'm afraid.", he announced, looking as if he were more angry at himself for that mistake, adding, "I'm sorry, Bella. I meant no harm. I just wanted to ease your pain…"

I nodded, letting him know I understood and that I forgave him. My voice was gasping again, swallowing freely at the oxygen around me.

I held onto his hands again, clinging for dear life. Then I found myself sitting up a bit, laying my face to his chest, wrapping my quivering arms around his beautiful frame.

"My angel…", he sounded deep in emotion, holding me gently in return, stroking my hair with both hands, "I know your strength…I've seen it…I know you have the courage to get through this. And when you do, the whole world will belong to you. Anything you want…anything at all…is all yours. I promise."

It felt like a century later when Edward told me, "This is the last day, Bella. You're almost free."

Free? I wouldn't call it that. I'm almost dead, I'm almost a vampire, I'm almost finished but free? With this Edward I could never really be free. And neither could he. I realized that inside Edward was this same pain I was going through now. And he couldn't escape it either. I had done this. I can't blame Edward for a sickness in him that I created. I played with fire, I played with the monster inside him…and I released it. I had to pay for that. I intended to.

The pain never seemed to lessen with time, unfortunately, and I never got used to it…and I screamed out again, clinging onto his hands again.

Edward returned to his previous story and I tried to listen as I gasped for air.

"Cupid fell in love with a human named Psyche.", he softly put a finger to my nose, "And his mother, Aphrodite, Goddess of Love, had a big problem with that. See, Psyche was so beautiful, even more lovely than the Goddess herself. And Aphrodite was very vain. Not wanting a more beautiful goddess with her on Mount Olympus, Aphrodite did all she could to stop their marriage."

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!", I tried to quiet my screams, liking this story and wanting to hear it. At the moment, my entire body was roasting and it felt like my bones were about to pierce through my muscle and flesh…and I couldn't do anything about it.

Edward swallowed, still not used to my howls of pain, even after all this time, and he continued, I think in part, to try and keep himself as sane as possible.

"Your bones are rebuilding themselves, Bella.", he seemed to read my mind, "I know what it feels like. They will not tear you apart, I swear. Your flesh is becoming stronger as well. You will be alright. Just hang on, Bella. Hang onto ME."

And I did.

Edward told me more of the story, telling me about the impossible tasks Aphrodite gave to Psyche so she could prove her worth to marry Cupid.

"She did well in the first three tasks but failed the last.", Edward said, stroking my hair as his other hand held mine.

"Stealing Persephone's beauty cream from the Underworld.", he revealed, "Going to the Underworld is a very dangerous challenge, even for the bravest of mortals. But Psyche didn't bat an eyelash at that request. What was too much for Psyche was the temptation of being even MORE beautiful. For if this cream would improve Aphrodite's perfect looks, what would it do for an imperfect human?"

I had just finished my scream and Edward waited until I was finished to continue. He kissed my knuckles while I took some desperate mouthfuls of air.

"So Psyche opened the cream…", he continued softly, "And on doing that, she fell into a deathlike sleep. This was Aphrodite's plan all along. Psyche was tricked. Cupid was so broken hearted, he could no longer spread love around the world. He stayed by his sleeping love's side, swearing never to leave her."

A deathlike sleep. God that sounds wonderful. I got the part about Cupid not leaving Psyche's side. Edward is my Cupid, an angel god lover.

"So, eventually, Zeus stepped in and awakened Psyche.", Edward smiled, revealing the happy ending, "Cupid brought her to Olympus and they were married."

Sounds like Snow White. Disney ripped off the greek myths? Hmmm…

"And they had a baby girl named Pleasure.", he finished, "And Aphrodite doted on this princess with so much love that she was forgiven for all her meddling. And they all lived happily ever after."

He smirked at me and I wished I could roll my eyes at his little ending. It was cute though. I would've laughed at that if my body wasn't being ripped apart from the inside out. I wished things could have been different. I imagined Edward telling our own little daughter this story. He'd have made a wonderful father.

Pleasure…God, where are you little girl? I need you here NOW! ASAP!

"You will have pleasure again, Bella.", he promised, kissing my fingers with utmost caution, "Pleasure without limits…I know that part will make you happy. You hate limits."

That's true.

I looked around, wanting to see Alice. I found her…and it helped as I screeched out again.

"She's here.", Edward informed me with a very quiet voice, "They all are, you know. You haven't lost them."

I choked and gasped, getting some much needed oxygen.

JUST TELL ME! I wanted to scream at him, TELL ME WHERE THEY ARE…WHAT YOU DID TO THEM…JUST FUCKING TELL ME ALREADY!

"Have you heard enough stories?", he asked as if I were six years old, "Or would you like me to sing to you again?"

GOD HOW MUCH LONGER? I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!

I started to cry again.

"Oh no…", he winced, hating it when I turned on the water, "Bella…no…"

"When Alice first saw you in her visions…", he said, "She told me I would fall in love with you."

This made me stop crying…so I just panted instead.

"I…", he almost laughed then straightened again, "I was angry at her. I told her she was crazy. I would never love a human. I would never love anyone…that way. The truth was…I was afraid. I had given up on the idea that true love could happen for me. The more we went through the decades, the more alien humans seemed to me. I never dreamed I'd find one perfect for me, especially in the year 2008! It's so weird. If I stayed human, I'd have never known real love…with you…with anyone. I don't know why God placed you so far away from me but somehow I found you anyway. Or…you found ME. I don't regret being a vampire anymore…because of you. I used to hate it…and hate myself…what I was…but now I see the bigger picture. God gave me a way to reach you, Bella. And I don't know if he can hear me or wants to…but I thank God. I thank God for you and your love…your willingness to go through all this for me…for us. Maybe God can't hate me all that much if he's willing to give me a goddess like YOU, Bella Swan. And you were a goddess three days ago, before my bite ever touched you."

Great, now I'm crying more! But in the middle of all this, these were happy tears.

I put my shaking fingers to his lips and he kissed them reverently, like I was a true goddess to his mere mortal.

I mouthed the words I LOVE YOU and I think he made out what I wished I could say.

"You have to hold on tight now.", he said, "The last day is the hardest. Many humans slip and let themselves die, as the pain is just too much to bear anymore. But I want you to fight, Bella Swan. Use that strength I know you have. Hold on for US. You won't be sorry you did."

Then a long moment passed and he buried his face in his hands, and when he spoke he sounded like he was breaking down.

"I can't live without you again, I just can't…", he sobbed, sounding ashamed and so weak at the same time, "I lost you once…twice, really…I won't live without you, Bella, please! Please don't go…don't leave me alone…"

I never saw Edward so fragile before…pleading…it scared me.

That's when I decided I was going to stop crying and get angry…get tough! I would hold on, fight back…anything so my Edward would not be alone in this world without me again…and by saying MY Edward…I was talking about both of them…I wouldn't call the sick Edward bad or mean again. He needed a cure…I would make sure he got one.

I clung onto his hands with mine, speaking to him with my actions. When he looked at me, his eyes looked wet and sparkling. I stared up at him with fierce determination…I gave a brave nod.

This made him smile at me.

Hours went by the same as they did before, slowly and agonizingly. Edward did his best to keep my mind with him through the pain.

Then, out of nowhere, I heard him gasp. I looked at him, confused.

"Bella…", he tightened his grip on my hands, not enough to do any damage, though.

"Bella, hang on…", he stared at my face as I felt my breathing hitch…and the next breath came out in one long, slow drag….that horrid rattling accompanying it.

My eyes bulged out and I felt them do it…I frantically gazed up at Edward, my god protector.

"It's starting to happen, Bella…", he swallowed, looking more anxious, "Try to relax and breathe as best you can. Don't be afraid. I'm with you…I won't leave you."

Oh God. This is it. I'm finally dieing. These would be my last few breaths. Tears came to my eyes as I realized all that it meant…my human life…officially over.

I will never breathe again…never sweat again…never sleep again…never blush again…never cry again.

But I had my past with the word never. I had already learned the meaning of that word when Charlie vanished…and Renee and Phil…and the Cullens…and Jake…I would never see them again. And that's why I had to do this. Not just for me and them…but for Edward too. I had to make things right, in the one way I could. I just prayed they could all understand…and forgive me….be with me.

They say your last moments define you…and decide what you will be in your next life. I tried to be brave…and strong…and quiet…and remember every moment of love I had experienced during this little stay.

I thought of each one of them as my heartbeats began to slow.

Charlie. Dad. Daddy….

Mom…Mommy…..

I was a baby again…scared…wanting my Mommy to pick me up and make everything alright.

"Don't be afraid.", he whispered above me, "I've got you. I've got you. It'll only be a second…between your death…and your new life. But I've got you, Bella."

Just one second. And I knew…to Edward, this one little second would be the most terrifying second of his existence…and mine. This would be a place where Edward could not reach me. A little valley between human and immortal that I could very easily get stuck in…or choose to stay in…forever…without him. This one little moment could separate us for all time. We both knew it. And this little space for us was as humongous as the universe.

And for me to join him, I had to step through there. He didn't look very pleased about that.

I felt tears escaping from my eyes but the screaming was over…I tried to take another breath and again, it was a crawling, sickly sound…Edward looked scared to death, watching me.

"It's alright…", he whispered, more to himself than me, "It's alright…"

I tried to believe that. I clutched onto his voice…his words…

I would be alright. WE would be alright. Please God…just answer that prayer.

One more breath…even though it was dreadful and painful I was glad for each one. Who knew how many more I had left? Besides that, Edward looked as if he was hanging on by a thread. I wondered how much more he would be able to take.

Then…as I stared into his eyes…and he stared back into mine…I could not breathe again. My body arched up against my will and Edward let out a deep groan of torment. I felt my eyes flutter deeply, my sight going fast…I heard Edward let out a little scream.

Then I felt my body slump back down against the bed…and my eyes shut closed. I heard Edward sobbing above me…clinging onto my hands as his forehead rested against mine.

And for that one second…I felt peace. There was no pain at all…in fact, I felt wonderful. Rested, full of energy and life…and warm…I felt WARM! It wasn't a sunlight kind of warmth…it came from inside me…a glowing, loving embrace that not even a vampire god could perform. I had never gone to church much or read lots of the bible…but…I just knew…and I felt God. He loved me.

I couldn't hear a thing. The silence was not eerie or lonely, as it had been for me in life. It was lovely…like a song only I could hear and understand.

There was no Edward. There was no Bella.

And then…a light! A fiery, glowing light rose up from the dark silence and danced all around me…a billion little sparks…seemed to be speaking to me…all with so much love…whispers…none standing out more than another…but every message reached me…they all wanted me to go with them. To come home.

And I really wanted to.

But only one thing stopped me. In all the voices, there was one I could not hear.

Edward.

It broke my heart but I could not join them…not yet. I wasn't sure if I'd get another chance to see them all again but I found myself gently pulling away, floating backwards…I wanted to cry the further away from them I wandered…I felt alone and in the wrong place, being apart from the light…I felt scared and like a kid lost in the supermarket, thinking I'd never find my Mom again.

But I had to go back. I promised Edward I would not leave him here alone. I intended to keep that promise. There would be no paradise without him. There could be no heaven for me if I left him behind, after what I had done to him.

I opened my eyes and was staring at the ceiling…seeing myself and Edward in our meadow. I didn't breathe. I didn't need to. There was no pain…well, not like before. I did feel that sensation in my throat that Edward had warned me about. It felt like I had a block of sharp chalk in my larynx.

I just heard Edward gasp as he watched me jerking back to life. He spoke no words, probably wanting me to have peace while I adjusted to my new surroundings.

Well, not new surroundings. I was in the same place but now everything was different. The picture of Edward and I on the ceiling was moving…I mean, him and I, in the picture…we were smiling at each other and then Edward leaned towards me…and we kissed. The grass was blowing in the breeze around us. Wow! Cool ! I could even hear Alice's voice in the near distance.

"Oh God, you guys!", she teased, "Get a ROOM!"

We were laughing at that…

"Take your time, Bella…", Edward's real voice said, his voice sweet and gentle, "It's an amazing thing…seeing through vampire eyes for the first time."

The colors were what I first noticed. I had never seen them in such vivid tones…the blues…the reds! The fire from each candle Edward had lit for me appeared to dance like little pixies…they were laughing and doing backflips on their wicks.

All the pictures around me were smiling back at me, recognizing me and welcoming me. Even the ones of Charlie and Renee held no fear or sorrow in their eyes. Just love.

The fish on Charlie's pole flapped around, the water flicking off its gills as it struggled. Charlie's voice was far away, saying, "The biggest catch of the day! Sad, isn't it?"

I gave a little laugh and then Charlie turned to me and said, "You can keep it as a pet, if you want."

Then I finally looked at Edward…and let out a big startled sound.

He jumped back an inch, but still held onto my hands.

"It's me…", he assured as I let my eyes wander over the glowing angelic God beside me.

"I know I look different now.", he said, not wanting me to be uninformed at any turn, "Hope I'm not too ugly for you."

He smiled, because I had too.

I couldn't speak. I sat up with no effort at all and just stared….and he let me.

There are no words to describe what I saw when I gazed at Edward. His colors were so intense and deep…his hair…his EYES ! Inside those golden orbs I once knew…now I could see a million little designs…shapes…worlds going on in there…I could SEE both Edwards here…as plain as day…they were both here now…together. If only for a moment, they were with me. And they were gorgeous.

I spurted out words like an toddler.

"Your…eyes!", I gasped, trapped in their intense heaven, "Oh my God!"

He shuddered everywhere, as if filled with desire suddenly.

And he stared at me, just as powerless in my web as I was in his.

"Your VOICE!", he breathed, and I could actually SEE diamond tears being born from the ivory fields that held his pupil.

"The most beautiful sounds I've ever heard…", he searched my entire face…drinking me in as I did the same to him.

"Say something else…", he almost pleaded, his eyes on fire as he kept gazing at me.

I searched for something magical to say…but I came up empty. I laughed.

"I can't think of anything to say…", I giggled and he laughed right along with me.

He smiled so wide that I thought I'd cry from the sheer delight of it…if I could cry.

"See?", he stroked my cheek with the backs of his fingers, "You're still MY Bella."

"And you're my Edward.", I said, to both of them, meaning it completely.

"You came to me.", he said, sounding so relieved.

I knew what he was referring to. The second in between. The light…he never told me about that. But he knew. He had pulled away from it too. I wondered why.

"I told you.", I leaned my forehead to his lips and received a deep kiss there, "I will never leave you, Edward."

"I love you so much Bella Swan.", he took my face and kissed me, so hard….and it didn't hurt at all…it grabbed me and set me ablaze with lust.

"I want to marry you.", he informed, ravaging my mouth again, not giving me a chance to reply. I almost forgot I didn't need to breathe…

"We're closer than married.", I managed to say between his kisses, "We're ONE. I can feel that. Can you?"

"Yes.", he kissed me again, "But I still want to marry you."

"I just went through three days of Hell and died!", I cracked back, "I need a vacation first."

I felt tougher…stronger. Not just in my body but in my soul. I didn't feel inferior to Edward anymore. I felt like an equal…finally!

"Yes, you're right.", he agreed, kissing my bottom lip adoringly, "I'm sorry."

Hmm…Edward the agreeable. Who knew?

"Where would you like to go, my love?", he asked huskily, moving his mouth down to my neck.

OH CHRIST ! The sensations! These made my human reactions to Edward seem uninterested. I was filled with lust…was this how it was for everyone? How could Edward be so in control during our bedtime talks?

I let out a deep moan and he chuckled, taking a deep bite in the spot between my neck and shoulder.

"I think I'm already there!", I replied, clutching at his hair as he continued nibbling my neck.

"Mmmm", he tasted my vampire flesh admiringly, "Welcome Miss Swan, to your private room…"

And he bit down again, licking….

"But first…", he pulled away from me and went to the nightstand.

He held two glasses of dark wine, swirling them gracefully.

Handing me one, he sat back on the bed, nose to nose with me, lifted his sparkling glass and said, "A toast…to love…and forever."

I smiled back, 200% in agreement.

"To our love…", I whispered, "And our forever."

He smiled with sex all over his lips and his eyes clouded a bit, heavy with lust.

"Yes.", he said, and that one little word meant all the world to me.

I brought the glass to my lips but Edward gently stopped my hand first, his eyes concerned.

"Very gently, my love.", he warned, "It will take time to adjust to your strength. You must be gentle with things from now on."

I gave a little nod, understanding, and I slowly brought the glass to my lips, hardly touching them as I carefully tipped the glass up a bit.

Edward watched me with his mouth open slightly, as if watching a baby feed herself for the first time.

I wanted to prove myself capable and please him. The wine touched my tongue and I moaned out loud…it was thick and seductive…so delicious I wanted to drink ten more bottles of it.

Then as I watched Edward drink a sip of his…and close his eyes as it went down…he quivered, like it was very strong alcohol…like it was doing things to him.

"Is this blood?", I asked right out, where before I would have hesitated as a human.

"Yes.", he answered honestly, "We will keep living on animal blood if you wish…but for your first taste…I wanted it to be special for you."

My heart seemed to stop, if it hadn't already.

"Human blood?", I asked with a frown.

"Don't be afraid.", he touched my hand, "No one died for this. It's special…from long ago…I keep it tucked away for…special occasions."

It was very weird but I could taste things in it…I mean, the taste was incredible but I just knew things…about her.

"This was a girl's blood.", I informed, my voice and face serious.

Edward was serious too.

"Very good.", he gave a little smile, proud of me, "What else?"

I knew she was very young…and liked ponies. I was almost riding one…feeling her…as if I were her…happy and loved…with everything I ever wanted…my pony's name was Maddy. I could even SMELL her…

I put the glass down, shaking a little.

"I don't like this.", I heard myself say with my new deep musical voice.

"Shhhh….shhhh….", he held my face close to his, trying to comfort me, "It's alright, Bella. She never suffered a day in her life. Back in the forties, after I had left Carlisle and decided to try the animal diet again…I used blood from blood banks. Carlisle helped me, he understood. This little girl, Amanda, she died in her sleep…a brain tumor no one ever saw ahead of time. I tasted it…and knew it was special. She was pure innocence…not one bad day in all her life. That is very rare. I couldn't just chug it down like a beer. I only took one taste…that night I found it. And I felt it…felt her life…I felt…ALIVE. And I never touched it again since that night…until now. I just wanted you to feel that…I don't want you to feel…dead."

How complex this man is. Every time I think he's pure evil, he explains himself and I just want to hold him for six thousand years.

"I don't feel dead.", I whispered, taking his face into my hands and kissing him.

After a minute I heard Edward hiss and when I looked at him, he was wincing a bit, but still smiling.

I let him go and saw his cheeks both bared a crack in them, like broken marble.

I gasped and put my hands over my mouth.

"Oh God, I'm sorry!", I gasped, "Did I do that?"

The cracks healed up in seconds and Edward smiled gently down at me.

"Like I said," he chuckled, "You're going to have to learn to be gentle with things from now on. Especially me."

I smiled, glad he was alright.

"I know you said I'd be strong but…wow!", I panted, letting go of my guilt.

"Wow indeed.", he smirked, still holding his glass, "Don't think it hasn't worried me…you being strong enough to overpower ME for a change."

I felt something inside me start to cry but I ignored it for now.

I smiled, getting a delicious thought suddenly.

"Don't think I haven't fantasized about it…", I purred seductively, yanking gently on the back of his hair as his head drew back, and he cringed in a dark, sexual pain.

"Chaining YOU up…", I whispered into his perfect ear, "Having my way with your hot little body…whipping your naked white ass…while you scream into your leather gag…so helplessly…so beautifully…"

I released him and he was panting….staring up into my eyes as I knelt in front of him, my breasts staring right into his lips.

He looked speechless and I couldn't tell if he was angry or aroused.

"I would say….", I smiled down wickedly at his nervous face, "Count on it happening, love."

He let his face turn from fear to desire.

"When?", he asked, as if he couldn't wait. A child wanting his Christmas.

I had to make myself turn away and I retrieved my glass of wine.

Edward watched me do this as if I were giving birth to unicorns.

I brought the glass cautiously to my mouth and drank it all down, not pausing between gulps. It WAS the most amazing…almost orgasmic feeling…I WAS a little girl again…only not as myself. As her. I was graceful and beautiful…alive…riding on the wind, on Maddy's back…we seemed to be one as well…we leapt into the air…we almost had wings…we were on the way to heaven…together.

I could see Edward's reasoning, having some special blood here when I awoke. This sure was a lot more romantic than smelling a deer's ass outside while I sucked him dry. I still wasn't sure how I'd do hunting animals. I hated the stink of the zoo.

I placed my empty glass into Edward's other hand…and although he was stunned by me…he handed me his full glass like a dutiful, adoring servant…and I was his Queen. I took it with a loving smile…loving him.

"Tomorrow night.", I answered him, "At exactly this time…our one night anniversary."

He let out an excited, aroused breath.

"I look forward to it.", he looked dazzled by me for a change…and I liked that. I felt powerful…and sexy…worthy of having him drooling at my knees.

But at the same time, I didn't want to change completely and turn into this dark evil woman. I didn't want to become Victoria. I wanted to be me. A nice, good person that anyone could trust. A person Charlie and Renee would have been proud of. The person Edward fell in love with.

I knew how wonderful these vampire powers could seem, and how fast they would draw me into this world…but I wanted to keep strong enough to resist it. I didn't want to be seduced by all this. It would be too hard to give up. And I wouldn't give it up. A thousand years could pass and I'd be having too much fun to notice time flying by.

I looked at the picture of my mother holding me as an infant and I found myself again.

I smiled at Edward and kissed him again, not faking that. I do love Edward. Tomorrow would be like taking my child to the doctor for a shot. I didn't look forward to it, to seeing Edward hurt. But it was necessary. I hoped it would be his cure. Our cure. And then it will all be over. And we finally will be free.

Of course, if I'm wrong then we have an eternity to figure something else out.

I smiled at my Edward, placing the glass on his lips and tipping it softly as he swallowed, closing his eyes and trembling as the rare vintage did its work in his body.

"After this we hunt?", I asked pleasantly, loving to watch him drink and his throat swallow deeply.

He looked at me like a boy and silently gave me a slow nod, his lips red and wet as his tongue reached up to clean them, a single stroke.

"Mmmm now that looks good.", I smiled, leaning in and kissing his moist lips, feeling my tongue begin to explore the taste inside.

"Thanks for sharing.", he mumbled, smiling as I inhaled his lips again, wanting his body more than the blood.

End of Chapter 19

Hey guys, sorry I was gone for a couple days…ECLIPSE ! GOD Robert is fucking amazing! Thank you Lord, thank you! You do nice work!

See next chapter real soon! Love ya!

Winnd