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Chapter 12
His dad was snoring loudly in his chair, a beer can in his hand, as we tiptoed past him and up the stairs. Unfortunately, we didn't manage to avoid his mom.
I hadn't seen her before, but was expecting a middle-aged woman, maybe a little overweight, blonde and washed out. But she was the complete opposite. In fact, she looked a lot like Austin. Only her hair was a really dark brown, almost black, and her eyes were blue. I was confused; his dad wasn't blonde, nor did he have blonde hair, and apparently neither did his mom. Other than that, though, they were almost exactly alike. Her features were just a little softer, and she had a different nose.
She was tall and skinny, like Austin, and her hair and clothes were impeccable. I struggled to believe that she was a drunk. Until she spoke, that is.
"Hey, Aaron. This your girrrlfriend?" she slurred. I winced when she got his name wrong, knowing that would hurt him deeply.
"It's Austin, mom, and yeah. This is Ally." I was a little surprised. We hadn't officially named ourselves a couple, but I guess we were. She smiled at me, her eyes glazed over and distant.
"Hi, Mrs Moon." I said softly, not meeting her eyes.
"Ooh, we have a shy one. Don't hurrrrt her too much, Aussie. Shee's a reeal beauty." She smiled. I couldn't help but smile at the compliment, and I noticed that underneath the slurring she had a Texan accent.
"I won't, mom. See you later." He said, kissing her on the cheek quickly and brushing past her. I followed him, turning around to watch her stumble towards the staircase. When we got to his room Austin slammed the door and said he was sorry.
"What for?" I asked him.
"Her. She's a little…" he struggled for an adjective, so I supplied one.
"Drunk?"
"Yeah. Drunk. She's a little drunk." He sighed, falling onto his bed.
"You look like her. In the face, I mean. Your hair and eyes are different though. And you look nothing like your dad." I said. He snorted.
"Good. I'm glad I don't look like that bastard. Anyway, that's no surprise. He's not my biological father. My mom had me when she was fifteen, you see. The guy was in his thirties and he buggered off after he slept with her. Never even found out she was pregnant. She was planning to give me up, when my dad came along. Three weeks before she had me, she was in a club with her friends and he offered to buy her a drink. She refused, gesturing to her stomach, and apparently he still hit on her. He was ten years older than her, but she knew he was the one. She kept me, and then four years later had another baby. My sister, Addison." He sighed, his voice hitching as he said her name.
"You never did tell me about her…" I said softly. He looked at me, and smiled.
"She was the most beautiful, amazing, smart and witty eight year old in the world. She was my best friend. We hung out all the time; jamming out to our favourite songs, taking the piss out of people who thought they could sing. She used to watch The X Factor with me. She always sang along with the contestants and applauded them, as if they could hear her. Whether they were amazing or complete crap, she clapped and hooted like they had already won. She's the reason I like music so much. She's also the reason I stopped taking it seriously. We always wanted to be a duo, get famous overnight. When she died…I couldn't do it anymore." He shrugged, tearing up. I hugged him, kissing him softly.
"I'm glad you told me that." I thanked him. He frowned.
"Aren't you going to ask how she died?" he asked, his breath catching on the last word. I shrugged.
"I trust that you'll tell me when you feel like it. I don't want to pry."
"She was staying at a friend's house, for a party. Mom was going to pick her up on the way home from work, but she had to stay late. Dad had had too much to drink, although he wasn't a drunk at this point. He just liked to have a drink on a Friday night. Mom almost never drank. Anyway, her friend's mom said it was fine, she would just have to squeeze four of them into the back seat. It was late and dark, so no-one would notice. Addison was on one side, right by the door, with her best friend next to her and then two more girls on the other end. There was another girl in the front seat. Anyway, she was going to drop Addison off first, and she pulled up on the sidewalk a couple doors down from our place, so she didn't; block any driveways. Addison was on the wrong side, so she had to get out onto the road. But she didn't even get a chance to get out. As she was undoing her seatbelt, some guy crashed into the side of them, crushing the door Addison was about to open. Her entire left side was crushed. She died almost instantly. Everyone else was fine, just scarred from seeing their friend die. She was the only one who even got hurt, Ally. Why did she have to die?" he asked, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into a tight embrace. Tears were spilling down his face, and he didn't seem to care. Even I was crying.
"I am so sorry, Austin. I had no idea." I whispered.
"She was only eight…I was twelve. We stayed for a while, but we couldn't stand the pity and the sad looks everyone gave us. So we moved to Miami. And I started at Miami High, only a week after I should have. And then, a week later, someone was talking about their sister being 'such a slut, dude', and I flipped. I threw the table and punched the guy. Then-"
"Then you told the teacher to fuck off, ran out and left the school. They suspended you, almost expelled you, but decided to give you a second chance. But you gained a reputation as the resident bad boy. And you didn't disappoint." I finished for him, realising he was too choked up to continue. He nodded.
"That was when they started drinking. They couldn't handle the stress of the school calling and me being in trouble and stuff. It's my fault they're like that, Ally." He whispered. I shook my head earnestly.
"No, it's not. It's their fault. They're the parents in this relationship, Austin. They should have been strong, been there for you." I said.
"But they were already dealing with the Addison mess." He sobbed, his head on my shoulder, me rubbing his back comfortingly. Oh how the tables have turned.
"Yeah, but they still should have been strong for you. Addison wasn't their only child, and they had to know exactly what you were going through, because they were going through it too." I said softly. I expected him to argue again, but he was crying too much. Heck, even I was crying. I was crying for the eight-year-old girl with an amazing life, who had it all ripped from her before she even hit double figures. I cried for the loving family torn apart by an unnecessary and preventable death. But mostly I cried for Austin. I loved him, and I finally understood what he felt like when he saw me cry. I felt like I just had to stop him crying, had to help make the pain go away. I had to do for him what he did for me last night, and every time I have cried in his arms.
Eventually we fell asleep curled up together on the bed. I dreamt of him. I saw him with his parents, unrecognisable in his dad's case, and a little girl who I assumed to be Addison. They were smiling and laughing. Then it flashed to a scene of Austin and Addison in a bedroom, watching something on a laptop, both singing and dancing along. Then it flashed to a different scene altogether, one of Austin's parents holding each other and crying, Austin sat separate, head in his hands, looking lost. But there were no tears in his eyes.
I gasped as I woke up. Austin looked at me. He'd been playing with my hair while I slept; I couldn't help but find that oddly comforting.
"Are you okay Ally?" he asked.
"Was last night the first time you've cried over Addison?" I asked him. He looked away biting his lip as he nodded. I hugged him.
"Yeah. Well, the first time I have cried properly." He admitted, his voice soft. I sighed.
"You shouldn't have held it in like that, Austin."
"I had to be strong."
"Yeah, but like you said, you've been driving yourself insane." I told him. He sighed, pulling out of the hug and looking at me.
"I know. I guess I just…the longer I held it in, the easier it became. I never realised that I was losing it until last night. I think…you might have saved me, Ally." He whispered. I smiled.
"Good. I'm happy to return the favour."
Then we kissed, and I realised that no matter what, this was where I wanted to be. Austin and I had healed each other, saved each other.
…
"Austiiin!" we broke apart a while later at the sound of his mother's voice from the doorway to his bedroom. We hadn't been doing anything more than making out, fully clothed, but as we sprang apart it still felt like she had caught us doing something intimate.
"Mom! What are you doing?" he groaned at her. I sat up, playing with a thread from my skirt nervously.
"I waaanted to assssk you if you drank myyy vodka…" she slurred, stumbling into the room. He sighed.
"No, mom, you drank it. You're just so out of it that you don't remember what you drink anymore." He muttered, and she rolled her eyes and scoffed.
"You'rrrre just jealous. We all know that if youuu didn't haaave schooool you would be juuust like meee." She said, pointing a shaky finger at him. I saw the pain in his eyes as he shook his head in denial.
"No, mom, I wouldn't. Go away." He said harshly. She just shook her head condescendingly and walked out. I shot him an apologetic glance.
"Wow." I sighed. He looked at me for a second, and then laughed, shaking his head.
"I think we both need to get away from our families for a while." He sighed. I smiled, nodding.
"Well, what's left of them." I agreed, staring into space wistfully. He looked at me, smiling.
"You know, maybe we could…" he said. I laughed.
"Oh yeah? Where would we go? How would we get there? Where would we stay?" I asked him. He rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me down so I was lying on top of him, facing the ceiling.
"Don't ruin this with all your smart ass questions. Just think; we could. We could just drive off somewhere and stay away for a while." He said, and I could tell he actually wanted to.
"I'd love to, Austin, but what about school?" I asked him.
"Do you really care about school right now?" he asked, eyebrows raised. Now, a few months ago, the answer to this would have been yes, no question. But now…I found that the thought of graduating high school and going to college, and university, seemed like something someone else should be thinking about. I had never really wanted to, but only recently had I realised how much I didn't want to.
"I guess…no, I don't. I mean, I've always felt like I had to do my best, get into a good college. But, somehow, I don't see myself going to college. I've never given real thought to what I want to do…but now I know I don't want to stay in school." I decided. I breathed a sigh of relief; I had finally made a big decision in my life. A decision to not go to college.
"Wow, Ally. I wasn't expecting you to say that…I was only joking when I asked you that. I thought school was everything to you?" he questioned me.
"It always was. I always used to feel like I had to be great in school, to make up for not having a mom and for being a social outcast. If I was clever, at least I had something going for me. That and I was always in competition with you." I shrugged. He laughed.
"You considered me your competition?" he asked, disbelieving. I frowned.
"Of course. You've always been better than me without even trying. That was one of the main reasons I hated you." I said. He chuckled.
"I always felt in competition with you."
"But you always did better than me…"
"Not academically. That was the one area I wasn't in competition with you. No offence, Ally. No, I mean everywhere else. You were never afraid of what people thought of you. I mean, you wanted to fit in, but you were always yourself. And you had nothing to be ashamed of." He shrugged. I laughed.
"Trish was my only friend in the world, Austin. And the reason I was always myself is because I know that even if I pretended to be someone else, people wouldn't like me." I shrugged. He scoffed.
"Ally, do you realise that you are one of the most popular unpopular people in the school?" he asked me. I looked at him, frowning in confusion.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Everyone knows who you are, Ally. And everyone likes you. All the guys think you're hot, but out of their league. And most of the girls are jealous of you. I say most, because Tilly Thomson and her crew seem to hate you for some unknown reason." He explained. I was shell-shocked.
"Are you serious?" I asked. He nodded.
"Deadly." He said, and I winced. He frowned, face-punching himself.
"Sorry, stupid word choice." He apologised. I smiled, shrugging.
"I'm okay. I mean, I know she was my mother and I loved her, but I can't change the fact that I only knew her for a couple months, and I can't let her death ruin my life. I have cried, and I will cry again, but I need to get on with life." He started playing with my hair and rubbing circles on my waist with his thumb.
"You're so amazing, Ally." He whispered huskily. I smiled, wriggling myself around so I could kiss him. His one hand gripped my hair, the other my waist, as he pulled our bodies tighter together. I groaned and bit his lip, and he rolled us over so he was on top, his legs either side of me. I moaned as he started kissing along my jawline and neck, then manoeuvred my head to whisper in his ear;
"You're pretty damn amazing yourself."
He grinned, kissing my lips again. I felt his hand move to my thigh, and slowly make its way up under my skirt. I shivered, momentarily panicking when I couldn't remember what panties I was wearing. Then I felt his fingers brush the fabric of my panties, and I didn't care anymore. I moved my own hands to the hem of his shirt and tried to pull it over his head. Unfortunately, it got stuck, and he had to sit up to pull it off. Then he lost his balance and tumbled off the bed, pulling me with him. I laughed as I landed on top of him, even more when he started wriggling in a vain attempt to detangle himself from his shirt. I got to my feet and helped him get up. He finally managed to get his shirt off, and looked disappointed to see me sat watching him.
"Did that ruin the mood?" he asked. I smiled and nodded apologetically.
"Sorry."
"Don't worry about it. Look, I know…I know you aren't a virgin. So, I guess sex might not be that big a deal for you. And same for me. But…I love you, Ally. And I want our first time together to be special. Which means not in my house, with my drunken parents ready to walk in any minute. I want to make it really special…and I don't want to rush it. I know there's been…tension since the first time you stayed here. But we've only admitted we're in love yesterday, and it's so soon after your mom died…I want it to feel right. So I want to wait. I know how much you regret having sex with Dallas, and I don't want you to regret your first time with me." He explained. I grinned, unable to contain my happiness.
"I love you so much right now, Austin fucking Moon." I whispered, pulling his head down to mine for another kiss. He smiled and pulled away.
"Don't tempt me, Ally fucking Dawson. I might not be able to restrain myself if you keep doing that…" he joked. I laughed.
"So I can't even kiss you now?" I asked, pouting.
"Well, yeah, but you have to stop being so sexy."
"I'm afraid I just can't help that; it's natural." I shrugged. He smiled.
"But seriously, Ally. I hate that I can't be your first. But I swear, I will be your last. And definitely your best." I said, looking her in the eye. I couldn't resist adding the little arrogant part; it wouldn't be me if I didn't.
"I hate that you can't be my first either. Just think of it this way; I'll remember my time with Dallas as painful and scary. With you it won't hurt; it'll be amazing. And I won't be scared."
"Why won't you be scared?"
"Partly because I know what to expect now. But mostly because I love you a whole lot more than I ever loved Dallas. In fact, I don't think I loved him at all. I think I just thought I loved him, because he was the first person who ever took an interest in me that way."
"Good. Well, I can promise you one thing…" he said, smiling suggestively.
"What?"
"It's going to be a whole lot better than it was with him." He said. I laughed.
"Well, you probably do have a lot more experience…" he frowned.
"Does that upset you?" he asked. I shrugged.
"Well, in an ideal world you wouldn't have been quite such a man-whore…but no, it doesn't, not really. As long as I'm your only girl from now on…" I said, smirking as I pushed him backwards. He stumbled and sat down on the bed, placing his hands on my waist as I straddled him and bent down to kiss him. His hands slid almost straight away under my shirt and up my back. I pulled away, eyebrows raised.
"So, you want to wait, and then you try to take my bra off?" I asked him. He blushed, smiling sheepishly.
"I wasn't exactly trying to take your bra off…" he protested. I rolled my eyes.
"Oh yeah? Then what were you trying to do?"
"This." He smirked evilly, grabbing the strap and puling it back. I gasped, trying to wriggle away, but I was too late and he let go. I jumped at the impact, making him double over with laughter. I glared at him for a second, before rolling my eyes and joining in with his laughter.
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