Thanks for all the feedback guys, another chapter for you! Keep reviewing, much love! xx
Ive realised I have a bit of a obsession with the Jay/Charlie buddy thing..
Ruth.
New years eve.
Indescribable. All those different feelings in one night.
5 hours earlier.
"Right babe, your grabbing your coat, and coming with me with no arguments" Jay said, with his cheeky grin and wink, and I knew he had something planned..I didn't like surprises…maybe this would be different
"Whatever you say" I said, pulling on my coat warily, and he excitedly took my hand and we bounced off. Correction, he bounced off…it was like walking a dog, and the dog was dragging you along. Not that Jay is a dog of any sort—whatever, I will leave that line so I don't cause any further offence.
We walked towards the car park, and I was wondering where we were going
"Err, Jay,hate to alert you- bus stops this way" I said, with my usual sugar coated sarcasm
"Err, Ruth, hate to alert you- my cars this way" Jay said, and my eyes widened slightly
"that's right, I have a car now" Jay said, pressing something on the key and looking quite frustrated that the car he was sat in front of didn't respond
"Ah, wrong car" Jay said, looking mortified and embarrassed, and led me towards a black mini.
"Oh, smooth" I said, and Jay laughed, and opened one of the doors
"For you my lady" he said, grin fixed on, he shut the door gently, and got in the other side himself.
"Are you..ready?" Jay had asked,
"Im sure I should be" I said, and Jay gave a light chuckle
He drove me to a small remote park, he was quite a sensible driver considering this was Jay…he wasn't too fast, he indicated a lot more then he needed too, and didn't overtake learners..I had to let out a smirk when he said "he didn't want to overtake learners because it had scared him when he was one"
He parked the car, and got something out of the boot, and he grabbed one hand and took me along to the back of the park
"Where are we going?" I asked, a little suspiciously
"Trust me ninja girl " he said, and I smiled again, in spite of myself.
He eventually lead me along to a small shed, which had lights in it
"Jay.." I said, as I reached it..but he put a finger to my lips
"I used to hang out here all the time when I was younger..and I had always said, when I care I share, I care about you, so im sharing my hideout with you" Jay said, sounding quite soppy and cute
"thank you" I said truthfully, and stepped inside. It truly was now mine and his..he had pasted pictures of me and him there, he had 2010 signs pasted around them. He had pictures of me, pictures of him, and he had a radio in there aswell.
"Do you want to move in?" I blurted out…I couldn't quite believe I had said that..Jay had been pestering me about moving in for a while..something about not wanting to live with his nan because all of his sisters were there and it was a "crowded girly house" but I had always maintained the answer no…but upon watching him with that patient, his joker persona completely faded, I found myself realising, maybe it would be nice if I let myself go, let myself be happy
"are you serious?" jay asked,
"yeah" I said, with a smile, and he picked me up and whirled me around in a tight hug, he looked so happy, on top of the world.
At half past 11, Jay drove me to the hospital car park
"Back again?" I asked him, surprised
"this is where the party is" he said, with a coy wink, and I saw all the members of staff standing in a certain area, their glasses of champagne raised. Obviously nobody had hired the hall that Noel had been reminding them about..
"we should bring in the new year with everyones support" he said, smiling, and I grinned with him.
And then..
"Jay I need to tell you something" I had said,a minute before midnight, I cracked. I admit it was awful timing but I couldn't carry on living a lie, and this would benefit him in the long run, so he knew it wasn't his fault
"Cant it wait babe?" he asked, and suddenly party poppers started going..It was now or never
"I aborted our baby..I didn't miscarry it" I said, and the big ben chimed in 2010..Everyone was jumping up and down, clapping me on the back, clapping Jay on the back, but all I wanted to see was his reaction to what I had just told him, but the crowd were so pushed together. I saw Jay, his eyes wide with shock, looking at me while Adam quickly fitted in a hug with him. His eyes suddenly glazed over, and he knew he needed to make an action
"Jay?" I said quietly, as he stalked past me
"Give me some time yeah?" he said, not sounding angry, bitter, or anything else..just hurt
"Jay.." I started again
"Why couldn't you tell me?" he pleaded with me
"I-I-.." I faltered..I didn't know. Using Sarah Evans as a excuse would be a pathetic way of doing things, and it would sound so much like she influenced me. Maybe she did in a way…but I had spent too long pinning things on other people, I was the one who swallowed the pill, not Jay, not Sarah. Nobody had pushed me to say anything.
"I should of knew. Why didn't you tell me earlier..when we were back together..breaking up?" Jay asked, and his voice cracked
"I couldn't face loosing you again or hurting you" I said, a tear glistening in my eye itself
"I have blamed myself for that for so long..thought it was because of the argument, the way I was" Jay said, darkly, sounding more bitter, more raw emotion.
"I need to sit down" he said, his voice only a mere shadow of what it was 10 minutes ago
"Jay let me come with you" I said, looking at his eyes
"I need to be alone" Jay said coldly, reminding me of a person I once knew. Me.
Tess came up behind me
"Is everything ok?" She asked me, after a "happy new year" hug
"he knows" I said in a monotone, and sunk against the wall behind me
"He knows." I repeated, and Tess sighed
"How did he take it?" she asked, in a matter of fact tone
"Hes upset" I said, tears starting to cascade down my face..i put my head down, nobody could see me so lost, so defeated.
"Give him some time" Tess said smartly, as if I didn't know that.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her leave..I saw her whisper something into a smiling Charlies ear, and his look quickly changed to one of concern as he and Tess both re-entered the hospital again, im presuming that Charlie has gone to look for Jay with Tess' guidance.
"Find him?" I said, sharply as Tess came out of the building 10 minutes later
"Yeah, in the on call room on the bottom floor" Tess said, with a small smile
"happy new year" tess said again, before walking off.
I kicked the ground harshly with one foot
"but it isn't, is it, it never is" I said bitterly, and put my hood up. I didn't care if I had to wait there all night, camp out in the rain, the snow, any unbeatable weather condition. I was waiting for Jay and I would until he came out of the hospital, with or without Charlie in tow. For once, it was my turn to fight for him, I don't know if we have broken up, but my feelings need to be known.
But for now, Jays got a confidant, and I have nobody, apart from the people who give me funny looks as they leave the E.D. I never knew people were so judgemental about a young woman collapsing in sobs against a wall, looking terrified and broken. It was normal in this place. It was because it was me. The usual irrepressible bitchy doctor Winters, had finally had a taste of her own medicine.
