Chapter 11
Lost
The rest of the evening was a dream. A nightmare.
One that even Hadriana couldn't inspire.
The cold chill of magic and death was the same in that dark foundry as it had been all those years ago. The battles were furious and desperate, and somewhere between relief that it wasn't Hadriana, and horror at their task, Fenris had lost the Hawke he'd known.
There'd been nothing in her movements that he knew; nothing in those wild screams that was familiar. The only thing he could do was stay close to her side and make sure to compensate for what he knew Hawke couldn't do in her moment of frenzied fear. Spirits rose to greet them in every room as they followed a trail of blood and escalating terror.
There were corpses.
There were portraits.
There were strewn papers and blood.
But worst of all for Fenris was a little letter on the table in the middle of the mad man's study. A small folded note with a fresh wax seal on it. An insignia Fenris had seen too many times in Tevinter on a magister's writing desk while he'd stood silently by.
And suddenly the weight of that moment had become all too real.
When Leandra died in her daughter's arms, Fenris was sure he watched a little of Hawke die too.
Avaline had the decency to give Hawke a moment in her grief before alerting her guardsmen of the incident. It wasn't long after that the cold basement was crawling with armored men, all horrified at the crimes carried out in the heart of their own city.
The order to remove the fallen rang out in that cold room like a hammer in the dead of night, final and hollow. And none of them had argued.
They'd followed the templars and guardsmen as they took the bodies to the gallows; a quiet procession in the cold darkness, silently escorting the combined corpse of several sisters, of several lovers, and several mothers.
Hawke never cried.
The tortured elf had thought he'd seen all the evil that magic could be but her blank eyes set a cold in Fenris's heart that even Danarius had never managed to inspire. And he grew deathly afraid that the Hawke they'd all known had just been left in a dirty basement that was now a tomb.
.oo:OO:oo.
Hawke wasn't seen for days after the incident.
She'd made an appearance at a mass funeral, several families gathered to give respects to fallen loved ones, but besides that she hadn't left her now empty mansion.
Fenris had watched her from afar as she'd made her way back to her dark and closed home. He'd hovered about the place fretfully for days, refusing to go back into hiding. Refusing to leave Hawke, even though he hadn't actually gone to her.
No one had gone to her. Not for lack of trying, but every knock at the door was met with silence, every house call made was answered with the same sad shake of old Bodhan's grief torn face.
Aveline said she needed time.
Varric said she needed time.
Isabella said she needed to get laid.
But Fenris was beginning to think none of them understood.
He knew he didn't. He'd never faced this kind of grief – he couldn't remember his mother, and he'd never cared enough for anyone to be affected by actual loss.
But one memory haunted him as he watched the dark shuddered windows and locked doors day after day. And by the end of the week it convinced him to silently try a window one night, slipping into the shadowed foyer that had once been lit by a warm fire. And it followed him as he silently climbed the stairs to the upper level; chased the shiver that gripped his spine as he walked by Leandra's rooms.
It was the memory of a small human woman trapped in dark tunnels who'd just lost her sister, and a dirt streaked face covered in silent tears.
And though he didn't know if it would work, he thought that perhaps he could give something it seemed the others could not.
.oo:OO:oo.
Hawke sat on her bed staring at the low fire. It was the only thing she bothered to tend to these past days. She was too afraid of seeing her mother's stitched face in the shadows.
It was a surprise to hear the door to her bedchamber open with too loud a creek, echoing in the silent room. But she didn't care enough to stand, didn't care enough to be alarmed. And when a tall elf who hadn't spoken to her in weeks stepped through, she didn't care enough to ask why.
She couldn't bring herself to care about much of anything lately.
Her family – her entire family – was gone now.
And she found that without them, nothing really mattered.
But when she felt the bed dip from the weight of an elf that never sat too close to people her breath caught.
When the feather light touch of bare weathered fingers ghosted across the back of her hand she felt her heart beat for the first time in what felt like ages. Wide eyed she turned to the elf.
Lips set in a grim line, calloused unarmored fingers softly holding her own, bare skin on bare skin for the first time, Fenris's green eyes gazed sadly out at her from behind a curtain of white hair.
Her family – her entire family - was gone, and she was utterly alone.
But only as alone as Fenris had been his entire life.
Her stricken face cracked, and she turned back to the low fire as hot tears finally burned their way down pale cheeks, soft fingers clutching calloused ones that held on with all the desperation of understanding.
...
AN:
hello everyone! i'm sorry i've been gone for so long! and sorry that i started this back up with such a depressing chapter!
If you'll remember I had had another in it's place, but this one needed to fit into the story somehow because it will be important. I wanted it to go here, so there has been some major revamping. I'm sorry it's so short after so long not updating, but it had to be written, and since this is a major quest in the game, I didn't want to bore you with meaningless retelling.
I wrote this to very sad music, so if it's not as sad as i thought blame your lack of tragic atmosphere!
From now on the story will continue as it should, and you can expect fairly regular updates.
I appreciate how dedicated readers are to this story. apparently some reviewers really missed it, and I am beyond thrilled that you like it so much.
special shout outs to MaryGolden, Roseaia, and iRavenHearti who sent me special pms letting me know i was missed. thanks for your support guys!
