I'm on holiday. Have been for almost 2 weeks and have another week to go. Am only even posting this chapter because someone I REALLY LIKE was desperately bored. ;P
There is no real nice way to say this, so I won't bother mincing words. Whenever I post, my muse dies for a while. I don't think I have to get into why. NOT posting for a few weeks has gotten me further in writing than I got for months where I pushed myself to update more regularly. Betas and friends tell me to completely STOP posting until I finish writing the fic so that it won't matter anymore, and I am considering it. I won't do so without further notice, though, but don't expect the pace of my posting to pick up just yet.
Also, Kupo is almost crawling.
It was Friday the thirteenth of March. Hermione wasn't really superstitious, but she had decided to hide out in her office all day just the same. After what she'd let Malfoy do the night before, she really didn't need to tempt fate.
She honestly didn't know what she'd been thinking to allow him to kiss her like that.
Or, rather, she did. The gentle kissing had made her uncomfortable, so she had encouraged a more physical approach. It hadn't gotten out of hand exactly, but it had been very obvious that he wouldn't stop unless she told him to.
And she almost hadn't.
It wasn't even that she had let it go that far—she'd still had all of her clothes on at least—but she'd been this close to just 'forgetting' to push him away. That would have been the height of uselessness. Yes, sleeping with him felt good. No, it didn't have to mean anything.
But then where would it all end?
She didn't want her friends to find out. It would be too hard to explain to Ron why she found it a good idea to have repeated casual sexual encounters with Draco Malfoy. Besides, if you kept sleeping with the same highly unsuitable partner, you were bound to end up with some kind of emotional mess.
"I didn't think you would be here today." Theo's voice interrupted Hermione's train of thoughts. It was a good interruption, though, because that train was definitely headed for a crash.
She still cringed inwardly, however. She hadn't gotten used to being around him yet and she would have hid somewhere else—although certainly not in the library—if she had known he would come here tonight. "Likewise," she muttered.
"That a problem?" he calmly asked, walking over to his desk.
Maybe Hermione was imagining things, but the unflappable Theodore Nott's whole posture seemed rigid, as if he was forcing himself to do as he normally would.
"No, not at all," she replied, glancing uncertainly at him. "In fact, I could use your help with—"
"I'm busy."
"Oh." Hermione frowned. Theo didn't usually just cut her off like that.
"Leave it on my desk and I'll look at it later."
"No… that's all right. I'll just… go with what I have."
They both fell quiet and he was practically ignoring her even though she was openly staring at him. Why suddenly this? They'd been almost back to ok after the break-up and now… this. She was just about to ask him that when he cut her off again.
"I don't want to talk about it. It can't be changed. Sating your curiosity won't do anything for me."
"Oh." Hermione felt rather stupid for not having anything else to say. "Um, sorry?"
Theo glanced at her and then sighed, his shoulders sagging a little. "Yeah. I know."
Really? Because Hermione sure didn't.
"Do you know how come we're even going to Hogsmeade tomorrow?" she tried diverting. "I asked Professor McGonagall and she just looked shifty and gave me a speech on an attempt at normalcy. Isn't it too dangerous to go even with Aurors looking after us after… after last time."
She couldn't keep back a small shudder. Last time, a polyjuiced Lucius Malfoy had spotted her wearing the bracelet and had knocked her out while trying to get Draco to come with him. Good times! She'd rather not try that again.
Even if they had tightened security and the Aurors were now going to be in pairs keeping an eye on each other, Hermione saw no reason that Death Eaters couldn't make it back into Hogsmeade or possibly even the school. They had the means. They were smart. They were cunning. They were evil.
She was a little bit scared.
Theo must have sensed her uneasiness, which, granted, wouldn't take a lot of perceptiveness, because he said, "Relax. Nothing will happen."
Hermione frowned. That was oddly dismissive of her fears. "You can't know that."
"No, I can't," he said. "But the Dark Lord isn't stupid. This is a trap."
She wrinkled her nose, trying to see Theo's logic. "Hogsmeade weekend is a trap?"
"Yes. It's a desperate and morally dubious attempt to draw some of the Dark Lord's followers out using all of us—especially Potter, Malfoy and Dumbledore himself, I suppose—as bait. The Dark Lord will almost certainly ignore it in an attempt to make Dumbledore even more desperate. I think even Dumbledore must know that." Theo frowned. "Maybe that's why he's taking the risk. Could be that he's setting up another trap that the Dark Lord will then more easily fall into."
"Could you perhaps please stop calling him the Dark Lord?" Hermione muttered.
Theo actually looked embarrassed. "Oh. Yeah. Of course. Habit."
Hermione decided to let the way to address Voldemort go. It probably just was habit, considering who he usually hung around with. Malfoy, especially, had been very enthusiastic in his worship of the wizard that would rid them all of the impure and inferior.
Remembering Malfoy's earlier agendas was like a punch to the gut. She quickly decided to push it to the back of her mind. It didn't matter. Even if it should matter—which it shouldn't, because there was no reason for it to matter—it wasn't an issue anymore. At least not as far as she could tell.
If that wasn't an indecipherable knot of thoughts, she didn't know what was.
"If this is all true, shouldn't Harry and Dra—Malfoy know about it?" she asked, trying to get back on track.
Theo gave Hermione a strange look she couldn't quite decipher before looking away and replying. "Maybe they were deemed to make better bait if they didn't know about it. Don't worry, though. I'm sure they'll be watched by half the Aurors there."
Now wasn't that a thought. Draco being watched by a dozen or more Aurors while buying those contraceptive potions for her.
She tried to figure out whether it would be better if he didn't know about it or funnier if he did.
Certainly, she wouldn't be the one to tell him anything.
Draco picked up a tiny sculpture of what seemed to be a very ambitious sexual act and studied it for a second. "Really classy," he muttered, before putting it back down.
The shopkeeper had perked up at the prospect of galleons and was coming forward. "If you cast a simple spell on it, it comes alive and—"
Draco held up his hand. "Not interested. I'll just have a couple of… those." He pointed at the cheap clear contraceptives in the potions display. It figured that this crap would be all a Weasley would have, really.
The shopkeeper glanced at the potions and then back at him. "You sure about that, young master? It will hardly put any witch in the mood to drink that. What about the blue one? It tastes almost minty. Or the pink? That one has the added effect of—"
"No, thank you," Draco interrupted again. He would love to have gotten some better ones for Hermione, but since she'd told him in no uncertain terms that this was just to restock, and that he was under no circumstance to buy anything that he intended for her to use because then she would hex off his bits… he'd better not. The potions wouldn't really be of much use to him without his bits, after all.
"Right." The shopkeeper looked rather disappointed as he no doubt decided that Draco was being cheap.
Draco hardly cared what the owner of some trashy shop in the middle of nowhere thought of him, so he just paid for his goods and turned to leave.
Unfortunately, that was when Blaise chose to enter with Tracey Davis trailing closely behind. Draco inwardly cringed, but outwardly he just smirked. "A bit of an odd place for a date, isn't it, Zabini?" he calmly asked.
Blaise looked genuinely surprised to see him there, but quickly recovered. "Well, didn't really have much chance to go before my date and, as you know, any good date requires this shop's services…."
Draco snorted. "Right. Forgot about that."
"So, Malfoy," Davis said in a low and sweet voice. "Buying yourself a new girlfriend now? I knew it was only a matter of time before you realized that was the only way for you to go."
Blaise had a coughing fit that sounded suspiciously like he was choking on laughter. Git.
In retaliation, Draco pasted on a friendly smile and said, "Remember, Tracey; it's the pink potion that makes it worth your while."
It had the desired effect. Blaise scowled at the implication that he couldn't do it for his girl without adding an aphrodisiac, while Tracey blushed and looked away, looking as though she might cry. Interesting response, really, but Draco really couldn't care less about how she was mixed up and why. He decided this was the cue for him to leave the store.
He hadn't gone far before he heard steps behind him. "Wait!"
Davis? Draco frowned and turned around. "What?"
"It was your idea," she said.
"I didn't tell you to sleep with him."
"I…" She sighed and threw up her hands. "Why not? It's not like it makes a difference."
"Stop being a whore charging me by the hour and just date him like a regular person! You know, without anyone paying you to do so!" Ok, so she wasn't exactly charging him by the hour but he was paying her as per their deal for her to 'give Blaise a chance'. It wasn't chances she was giving him, though, by the looks of things.
Tracey swallowed and looked away again. "I can't, Malfoy. You wouldn't understand."
He crossed his arms over his chest. "You're right about that. I don't understand why it's so much more attractive to whore yourself out. You could probably eventually get him to marry you and then hope his mother sees the business end of her own poisons and makes you unbelievably wealthy."
"He hurt me!" Tracey hissed. "I don't think you can even imagine what it's like to adore someone more than anything else and think that they at least like and want you too and then to walk in on them saying they have nothing but contempt for everything you are!"
"He didn't mean it. Get over it."
"No, that's just it! He meant it. He always meant it. He just didn't consider that it was also me he had that contempt for. We look an awful lot like the rest of you, especially in the dark. I know he's sorry he hurt me and he has feelings for me, but…."
"Congratulations! It's what you wanted!"
"I was stupid back then! He's not going to stay with me forever. Once he realizes that it's time to make heirs, he will remember that I'm inferior again. I always knew it wasn't forever, but I never counted on letting him hurt me more than once!"
Draco felt like his head would explode. "I'm not having this conversation. You should be having this conversation with him. But then again, that might fix things and who would want that, right?"
She shook her head. "I tried to explain things to him, but he wouldn't listen. Of course he doesn't think he'll do any of that now."
"Maybe he will, maybe he won't. If you can't trust him, stop leading him on, Davis."
Tracey looked almost shocked. "You know, you're right," she surprised him by saying. "But… I'm not sure I can handle…" Her voice faded away and she was looking quite pathetic. "This way I at least know not to get my hopes up and it'll end on its own."
Draco snorted. "Yeah, because it won't still hurt when it ends. Look, I don't care, really. Go cry on someone else's shoulder."
He quickly walked away before she could share more things with him that he didn't want or care to know.
People were so stupid sometimes.
"You sure you don't want some fudge?" Ron half-heartedly asked Hermione.
"That stuff will give you cavities. Or make you fat," she pointed out.
Ron looked down his own lanky figure as they were leaving Honeydukes. "Um, right," he very diplomatically said. "I am actually feeling rather pudgy today." He nodded sagely to himself, but never stopped eating his sweets.
Hermione giggled before she could stop herself. "Well, we can't all be you. Besides, there's still the cavities."
"I brush and teeth are, as you know, easily fixed. You worry too much."
Hermione decided to change the subject since Ron was rather resistant to her health lectures. "Did Harry tell you why he wasn't joining us?"
Ron shrugged. "Yeah… he said he might join us at the Three Broomsticks later, but for now he's with Ginny, trying to work stuff out. I think he's done being a git. If he's not, she'll give him the slip and start dating someone else if I know my sister right."
"Oh. Hmh." Hermione didn't know what else to say. Didn't anybody know how to date successfully anymore? Maybe successful dating was a myth.
"Can I ask you a question?" Ron asked.
Uh-oh. "Sure." Hermione braced herself.
"How ugly do you think I am?"
She stopped in the middle of the street and stared at him. "What?"
He shrugged. "No need to put on a show. How bad is it?"
She blinked. Then she blinked again. And again. She knew she must look stupid, but of all the questions Ron could have asked her…. "I don't think you're ugly."
He snorted. "Right. Look, I know you love me—as a friend and all that—but I'm not looking for reassurance here."
Realization hit Hermione. "It's her, isn't it? She said something?"
He shrugged again. "So what if she did?"
"You can't go around changing yourself just because some witch calls you names, Ron."
He crossed his arms, looking defiant. "You did! Don't think I didn't notice what you did with your hair."
Hermione gaped. "I didn't do anything with my hair!"
"Yeah, you did. It looks softer now."
She blushed even though she didn't want to. She wasn't guilty, damn it! "That wasn't for anyone! Ginny convinced me at some point that washing it differently would make it easier to deal with. It's hardly a makeover!"
"Yeah, because a certain someone never made digs about your hair in the past."
"It's still the same!" Hermione huffed. Really! It was just one of those everyday things, hardly even worth mentioning. In fact, Ron was the only one that had noticed anything different at all.
That certain someone certainly hadn't noticed. And she didn't care if he did. So there.
"It's subtle, I'll give you that," Ron continued, "but I'll bet you anything that if given Veritaserum, you wouldn't be able to deny that you want him to find you attractive. Especially considering how upset you got when he said you weren't attractive. Wasn't that only about a month ago?"
Hermione cringed. Harry sure didn't like keeping things to himself. "You're taking things out of context. He said a lot more than that and I didn't change anything for him."
"Of course you didn't."
"Exactly! I didn't! Because I don't care and it would be wrong to do so even if I did care."
"Now you're just arguing."
"I'm not just—!" Hermione gritted her teeth. "It doesn't matter. The point is that if she can't accept you for who you are, then she's not worth the effort."
"That's not something for you to decide, Hermione. I decide how far I want to go," Ron quietly stated.
He was right, Hermione realized. But that didn't mean she agreed that he should go to those lengths. "Will it even matter to her?" she asked, fairly certain she knew the answer.
Ron hesitated. "No, I reckon it won't. But I have to do something."
"I don't understand your taste in girls anyway," Hermione muttered. "Why her?"
He shrugged looking almost bashful. "I just think there's more to her."
"She calls you names!"
"Yeah, I know. She thinks I'm ugly and stupid and a loser without any funds or future. The only thing I have going for me is my pure blood and that's nullified because I'm a blood traitor."
"And yet you fancy her." It was a dry statement rather than a question. Hermione really didn't understand.
Ron looked down at his sweets and then packed them away as if he'd lost his taste for them. "I don't expect you to understand. I certainly don't expect you to approve. But do you think you could ask that git about her? Give me some sort of hint as to what she wants in a bloke?" He made a face as if the request was painful to him. It probably was, considering he'd more or less just asked her to ask Draco Malfoy for help with his love life.
That he was willing to go to such lengths gave Hermione pause. "You're… you're really going to try to win her over? Actively?"
"Don't worry, Hermione. I'll probably fall flat on my face like I usually do but… like I said, I have to do something. I can't just sit by and watch another girl move past me, barely noticing my existence."
"What do you mean, 'another gi—'?"
"Save it, Hermione," Ron interrupted. "You know what I meant. No reason to have that discussion. But could you just please use your influence with Malfoy for some actual good?"
Hermione looked up. No, the sky hadn't turned green. Maybe Hell had frozen over.
Hermione turned back, her eyes wide with curiosity. "Wait, you wrote Pansy poetry?"
Draco didn't deign to answer but merely pursed his lips. "The real question is, will your buffoonish Weasley manage to do it well enough to catch her fancy?"
"No," Hermione said with a grin he really didn't like. "I do think the real question is whether you wrote her any."
