In response to any obligatory "OMG this chapter was shorter than the rest" review (which I happen to get every single chapter -- seriously, we almost bet money on when we'll get the one for that chapter!) -- this one is actually longer. Too long to fit the mould, although only by a couple hundred words. That happens a few times in the last chapters.
I'm tired and feeling unwell, so my edits may have been a bit sloppy this time around. Sorry.
Draco paced his room. He couldn't sit still and he couldn't tolerate others trying to talk to him right now. Especially not Blaise. Blaise was such a nuisance, always meddling, thinking he knew what was going on. He didn't know anything; he just assumed that Hermione could be persuaded. He thought all girls could be persuaded.
No. Draco couldn't stand another pep talk right now. He just needed to see her.
Except, he was even sort of doubting that decision. When Hermione had run into him and blushed and looked at him with those big brown eyes, it had seemed like the best idea in the world to let it all out. When she'd refused to skive off with him, it had seemed like a worse idea, but he'd still convinced himself that it was had to be done today. After she'd finally agreed to meet with him tonight, however, she'd visibly panicked and he was left thinking that maybe it was still too soon. He was running out of time, though. If they left school before he worked up the courage to talk to her, it would be too late. It would be impossible to get close enough to her to bring her around to his way of thinking.
But she knew what conversation was coming and she didn't want it, that much had been obvious.
The thought was discouraging, but he needed to just push on. He couldn't just sit around and do nothing forever. She needed to know how he felt. He was becoming almost too adept at hiding his true feelings and it was counter-productive. She still didn't even seem to realize how hard it had been for him to allow her to leave after the last time they'd slept together.
He needed to not come on too strongly, though. The intensity of his emotions scared even himself and would be sure to send Hermione running if he let them loose.
It just had to be tonight. It had to. Today he'd finally got a grudging acceptance from his mother that she'd be willing to consider the possibility of him perhaps being temporarily somewhat involved with a Muggleborn.
It didn't get any better than that from her, Draco could tell, and he needed as much time as possible to soften Hermione and bring her around to his way of thinking. With NEWTs and everything, having just under a month would probably just barely be enough—and this was provided she was even receptive to his advances. If it worked out, he would have to bring his mother fully around later.
There was a knock at his door and Draco groaned. Not now.
Reluctantly, he went to open it.
It was Theo, hardly looking up from some pieces of parchment. "Been some changes to your rounds tonight; Tara Stanwood will be coming instead of...." He shuffled the parchment around a bit and frowned. "Whoever. Too many damn names since we included detentionees. Be nice to her."
Fuck! Rounds. He had them. From sometime before nine to way after. He had to cancel with Hermione.
What was he thinking? He couldn't cancel with Hermione! What kind of message would that send? And the way she had bolted… she wasn't very likely to give him another shot any time soon.
"I can't do them," Draco blurted out.
"Too late," Theo coldly said without looking up. "I'm not about to find a last-minute replacement for you." He turned to leave.
"Wait!" Draco reached out and grabbed Theo's sleeve. "Just this once. I'll owe you. I'll do five other rounds."
"No."
Draco opened his mouth to beg, but then changed his mind and shrugged. "I'm not going. That's non-negotiable. I am, however, willing to negotiate how to make up for that." He crossed his arms over his chest and pasted on a haughty smirk.
"I'll report you."
"Fine."
Theo finally looked up, narrowing his eyes. "It'll lower your chances with Hermione. She won't like you leaving everyone hanging like this."
"By then it won't matter." Draco sincerely doubted that his chances depended on whether he did tonight's rounds.
Theo looked pensive for a moment. "It's not just about avoiding Stanwood because she drives you insane with her incessant yammering?"
Draco almost grinned. It could have been. Stanwood was really annoying. Hermione tended to try to pair Draco up with Stanwood whenever she was cross with him. Which was basically always. Draco was pretty much alone in being unamused by that. Some nights he'd almost swear that he temporarily lost his hearing on one ear. Stanwood was that bad. "No, I'm… having a talk with Hermione. About… about things. I hope."
Theo raised an eyebrow. "She should know your schedule."
"Must have slipped her mind."
"Or she doesn't actually want this talk…."
That too closely echoed Draco's fears. "Thanks. But I'm still not doing the rounds."
"Don't worry," Theo said, looking back down at his parchments. "I'll do them."
Draco couldn't help but stare at Theo. "You will?" Why the hell would he do that?
"Yes. But you will owe me and if I don't like what I hear about this 'talk' of yours, I'll take my payment from your hide."
"That sounds fair enough."
Theo bared his teeth. "And I'll do a better job of it than Potter did," he said, before he left.
Everyone seemed to be making that threat lately. It really wasn't that amusing.
Draco reminded himself that he needed to get back at Potter. Soon.
Hermione dragged her feet to the meeting with Draco. She really didn't want to have it. She didn't know what he was up to, didn't know what he wanted from her, didn't know anything. That was fine, really; she didn't want to find out! She just wanted to be left alone with her schoolwork and her friends and… and not have to do this.
She arrived to an empty office and looked at the clock. Five to nine. Damn it! Even with all the feet-dragging, she was punctual. Early, even. Now, wouldn't it be fun if he didn't show at all?
She shuffled over to a plush armchair and sat down. Well, nothing to do but wait. She had committed to being here at nine for a conversation and nobody could ridicule her for being here on those premises. Maybe if she were still waiting for him in two hours they could, but she wouldn't be. She'd leave long before that. She'd give him half an hour. If he wasn't here by then, that would speak volumes in and of itself, wouldn't it?
She settled to stare at the clock. Four minutes to nine… one minute past nine… three minutes past nine… maybe she should just go now? He was late. Wasn't that enough?
The door opened and she scrambled to her feet.
"Good, you're here," he said. Was that relief? Or triumph? Ugh. She wished she could trust him.
"I said I would be," she coolly said. "I, on the other hand, wasn't sure about whether you'd come here or actually do your rounds instead."
He scowled at her as he came in and closed the door behind himself. "You could have reminded me I had those."
"You could have traded them for all I know. And I'm not your mother—figure out your own schedule!"
He raised his eyebrows at her, looking a bit surprised. Ok, she might have been a bit aggressive. Offense was the best defense and all that. He hadn't deserved it, but she refused to apologize. He'd done so much worse so many times. So, instead, she raised her chin and squared her shoulders.
He leaned against the door and looked at her thoughtfully. "Theo tried to pair me with Tara Stanwood," he said. "You both really enjoy tormenting me, don't you?"
Hermione couldn't help the smile that formed before she could squash it. Oh, damn. But it was funny how chagrined one overly friendly Hufflepuff witch could make Draco Malfoy. "I don't know what you mean," she said, knowing that her innocent face didn't pass the test.
He was looking down at his feet, his lips quirking a bit with involuntary humor and Hermione suddenly decided that the task of sitting back down required all of her attention. She couldn't look at him when he seemed so… normal. It made her remember things that were best left forgotten. And forget things that were best remembered.
Like the fact that he could be cruel. Very, very cruel.
"I'm glad to amuse," he was murmuring.
She hated the way he murmured. It gave her this warm, rather churning feeling deep in the pit of her stomach. She wished it wouldn't. "That's new," she said. "You're usually terribly upset if anyone is amused at your expense. Anyone else is fair game." Especially me.
"Well, that should tell you something, shouldn't it?" He looked straight at her now.
"Oh, that's the kind of conversation you had in mind?" she asked, feeling her aggressive defenses slip back into place and hating that they did. "I know there have been some changes. I'm glad. I hope you'll be less of a bigoted prat than your… your ancestors."
"My father, you mean." He said this coolly. Precisely. Matter-of-factly.
"I was hoping to not get that personal," she muttered, looking away.
"What's not personal about this?" he argued.
She was unable to back down, though. Always unable to back down around him. She clenched her jaw.
He glared at her. "Why are you doing this?"
"Doing what? Telling you how I see things?" This was almost unbearable. She wanted out of there.
He stalked towards her and Hermione was sorry she'd chosen to sit back down. She was at a disadvantage, but jumping up would let him know that she was unnerved. Damn.
Trying to pretend she was unaffected, she said, "I do hope the change is permanent, though."
He stopped and stared at her and then it was as if he deflated. "Of course you do. It's the kind of person you are, isn't it?"
"What do you mean?"
He looked away. "Must be hard to be that perfect."
"I never said I was perfect."
"It was strongly implied," he bitterly shot back.
She shook her head. "I've done a lot of things I regret."
"Like sleeping with me?" The question was very quiet and vulnerable. She could easily say yes, and if she did, she felt that he would probably go away and release her from this extremely uncomfortable conversation.
But that would be cruel and untrue. She found it hard to say no, though, so she simply looked away, refusing to answer.
"Come on, Granger," he harshly prodded. "Don't spare my feelings now. Just get it off your chest. I'm sure you've been itching to tell me."
"Did you want to meet me here to fight?" she asked instead of answering.
He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "As hard as it may be to believe… no. Quite the opposite."
She frowned. The opposite…? Her eyes widened. "Oh!"
"No, not 'oh'," he growled, looking very tired. "Definitely not 'oh'."
"Oh." Hermione blushed, feeling a little silly. "I… didn't really think so," she muttered.
"Then what did you think?" he asked. "Really, honestly, what did you think I wanted when I asked you to come here?"
"I don't know."
"You must have thought something."
She shrugged. "The way you seem to be moving on with your life… I'd guess… forgiveness?"
"Forgiveness?" He stared at her.
"Only, by your reaction it looks like it never crossed your mind." She looked away, embarrassed to have thought he might have regretted his past behavior.
"No, I just thought…" He looked genuinely confused. "I thought I'd made up for it as best as I could and certainly didn't think that me pulling you aside and apologizing would make any difference by now. Or maybe I've made some new terrible offense that I'm unaware of?"
Hermione shook her head. He was misunderstanding her. Again. "No, I didn't mean in any literal sense. More like it would be some token gesture that would make you able to move on with your life without ever again having to bother thinking about the times you tormented me."
He plonked down in the armchair next to hers and sighed, looking tired again. "If it all were only that easy…."
"But it is." Hermione drew in a deep breath. Now was the time to show that she didn't always have to be defensive around him. She knew what he needed to hear from her. "You were a different person back then. You've grown. I don't think you could find it in yourself to be that cruel to anyone again. I'm not holding any of it against you anymore."
"Truly?" He sounded highly skeptical.
"Truly."
He watched her for a minute before saying, "I don't believe you."
Hermione gaped. "What?" she sputtered. "You can't just say you don't believe me!"
"But I don't."
So much for trying to be nice. "Fine. Then don't." She crossed her arms and scowled.
"If you didn't hold it against me any longer," he said as if he hadn't noticed her pouting, "your whole demeanor should change. You shouldn't be so wary and on edge around me. Look at you! You're sitting on the edge of your seat, you flinch whenever I make a sudden movement, and you glance at the door every ten seconds!"
"That's not—"
"It's because you're still afraid of me and you know it. What's worse is that I know it too and I'm sick of it, but what am I supposed to do about it?"
"You could try not yelling at me!"
"I'm not yelling at you! I'm… frustrated…." He covered his face with his hands. "I'm sorry," he then muttered. "Didn't mean to yell."
"And I'm not afraid of you," she felt obliged to point out.
He snorted and let his hands drop. "Yeah. You are."
"No! I'm… nervous… because…." Her voice faded out and she made a 'you know' gesture.
"Because what?" he asked, ignoring the gesture. Annoying git.
"Because I never know what you want."
"Because you expect the worst."
"No!"
"Yes."
"You're impossible."
"So are you."
Hermione scowled. "Because you confuse me!"
"Yeah, and you're not confusing at all!" Draco laughed in a way that was more sad than funny.
"But I'm not the one who—who—"
"Who what?"
"Who asked me to meet him here!"
"Oh, that was clever. Quite the comeback." He rolled his eyes.
Hermione's hackles rose a little bit. "It wasn't supposed to be a clever comeback! You asked me to meet you here and I still don't know why!"
"Oh. That." Suddenly Draco looked more than a little bit embarrassed.
"What is it you want, then?" she quietly asked.
"I don't know."
Hermione crinkled her nose in part confusion and part annoyance. "What do you mean 'you don't know'?"
"I mean that I don't know!"
"You must have had a reason!"
"I did. I'm just not sure it's a very good reason anymore!" Draco was looking very harassed for someone who had been asked a very simple question.
"Well, if it was good enough to make me come here, it's good enough to tell me, so spit it out!"
"I… you're right… no! Damn it, I can't do it like this!" Draco jumped up and began pacing. "This isn't how I wanted it."
"How?"
"With all the bickering and such."
"Then stop it!"
He stopped his pacing and looked at her for a long moment. "Tell me something, Hermione," he finally softly said. "Do you even like me at all?"
Draco's heart was thundering so loudly that he could barely hear what Hermione said, which was probably just the same. He'd probably used the wrong tactics to procrastinate, but she tended to forget that she was 'nervous' around him whenever she got annoyed with him.
"I… I don't know how to respond to that," she said.
"How about the truth?" Yes, asking for the truth was smart. Especially considering how that truth would probably crush him.
She looked away. "Whether I do or not, I have no real reason to like you! None at all! You've verbally abused me for years and as soon as you got the chance, you physically abused me for weeks. I can do my best to forgive it, but forgetting it is much harder. Even when I begged for it, you had no mercy, none whatsoever—you felt my pain and humiliation and you didn't care! Not one whit!"
He flinched at the too true accusations. So much for being past it. "I cared…" he softly insisted.
"Well, you didn't show it very well. In fact, it wasn't until the magic affected you that I saw a change and then it was as if you were obsessed with me!"
"To be fair, I was always a little obsessed…" he said, unable to keep a self-deprecating smile from forming.
"This is not funny!" She jumped to her feet and glared at him. "Don't you dare laugh at me!"
He straightened, giving him the advantage of height, although her anger still made her formidable. "You slept with me after all this happened. You must have been attracted to me."
"You don't want me to comment on that."
"Yes, I do!"
Her eyes narrowed. "Yes, I was physically attracted to you. And I saw your obsession and in a vulnerable moment I wanted to know what it would be like to have someone be that intense about me."
That was all he'd been good for? Some ego-soothing? Truth certainly did hurt, but Draco was determined not to show it. He'd known his chances were slim at best. "So you used me."
"And you used me!"
He didn't comment on that statement. She believed it to be true and she wouldn't believe him if he denied it.
"What about the second time, then? You already knew what it would be like, so why bother?"
Hermione hesitated. "Yes…" she muttered, frowning as if she didn't quite understand it herself. "I guess I liked it?" She shrugged. "But it ended up being different anyway."
"Different, how?"
She turned her gaze on him and the wounded look in them was like a punch to his gut. Something was buried here. Something that had hurt her. If nothing else, he could do his best to soothe that hurt because nothing about last time should make her feel that way. It had been perfect. She had been perfect.
"Different how?" he quietly asked again.
Hermione's eyes lowered as in defeat and she opened her mouth to speak, but just then, the door slammed open, diverting her attention and Draco had to clench his jaw not to let out the string of curses going through his mind.
"Theo!" Hermione exclaimed in surprise and… relief?
"Damn it, Theo!" Draco growled.
Theo's lips twisted sardonically. "Sorry," he muttered. "My drama beats your drama." He straightened and moved his handkerchief-wrapped hand that had been pressed to his left side to reveal a rather large red stain.
Hermione gasped and immediately ran to Theo's side.
"You just had to outdo me, didn't you?" Draco grumbled.
Next chapter...
Draco pursed his lips at Theo's words of choice to describe the pain. "Always so eloquent."
"Give me a break," Theo growled. "I was just stabbed by a fifth-year Hufflepuff girl."
Draco couldn't help but laugh. Put like that… he was glad it hadn't been him. Living that kind of stigma down would be impossible.
