Four Little Miss Nothings
Copyright WillowSuzzaGleeee
A/N: Do you love it yet? If not…I'm deeply sorry but you need to bloat your loathing into a review. I have yet to received one hateful review on this site. So…if that's any indications, I'm hoping you adore reading this story just as I adore writing it. And if that's the case, you're screeching at me to shut up already so you can read the amazingly epic character, Rikki Chadwick's POV of the chaotic world around her.
Rikki's POV:
I swiftly turned the hot sizzling water escape into frantically boiling bullets to the smooth floor and to my skin. They hit me like razors; shooting pain and punishment for the ill-fitting lies The wrath, curse, and gift of my orange tail sprouted from my legs. I had kept a secret from Cleo for too many moments. She hated me now. She had reason. I was a dying flower who only had a heartbroken ex-soul mate that I had dumped into the garbage with so much as a flick of a tear.
And I couldn't love him. It was too wrong. I didn't want to be the hated girl axed out of her best friends and only known to be seen with the bad boy that nobody knew was misunderstood. The water kept thrusting at me. Hitting me with that sickening force. And I closed my eyes as my tail wiggled upon me.
Everything was falling apart. No matter how much I tried to pretend I was okay. This never changed the fact that I had been raped just two nights ago. That I had kept a secret of a disturbing enemy from my best friend who I loved more than she could ever know. And now she hated me. Now I was telling myself even more lies that I didn't love who my foolish heart whispered was possibly my soul mate. And on top of it all, my other best friend was missing. Missing and Insanitized. Two fearing concepts that unlocked questions that I didn't really wanted to be answered.
So, that's why I let the shards of water-bullets plummet at me. That's why I was holding the knife so closely to my wrist; the thoughts of Cleo's mystery full moon madness closeting me. That why my tears were going to seep in with the blood of a broken mermaid. That's why I was about to slice the pain out.
But that's when he walked in.
. . .
If I had paid attention, I would have heard him nervously calling out my name in a worried attempt of fear for his true love.
But my thoughts were on the sadistic pain; and his arms floundered upon me and on the knife I was holding too quickly to be recorded in moments. He grabbed me and I almost saw a tear fall from his eyes. His voice was a clutter of misunderstood words. I wanted to tell him it was okay. That this had nothing to do with him. That he could be released. He didn't have to care anymore. Even if I still did.
"Rikki! What the fuck is going on!" I wanted to melt in the fear and hurt in his eyes. He thought he had made me better. He thought he was the unique key that made Rikki Chadwick happy. But his eyes were flickering the truth; he hadn't. But he had. He just…couldn't look at me with such hurt.
"I'm sorry, Zane… I…" He was turning the shower off. I could have swore that it wasn't just the water falling from his face; but tears. Wicked tears for a girl that would never love him. And who hated herself more than she hated the way he made her feel.
"I wasn't going to do it." I lied. But he could see that.
He sat down. His clothes were a disarray of wet cloth sagging down awkwardly to my more naturally wonder of a Sea's Queen; my top and tail.
"I thought…I thought you were better. Happy. I thought I had made you happy. What…What happened?" For a moment, I saw his disbelief. But it faded so quickly. I had to think I imagined it. He knew better than anyone what I felt when he looked in my eyes. Except the most important thing; I cared too much for him.
"Charlotte." I whispered. "Cleo found out about Charlotte."
It was the first time I realized he was the only one who knew. Well…had known. And a glance to the eyes, and I knew he understood. I had wrecked out everything to him; fucking Will, and the curse Charlotte had placed on me…Everything. It had just come out so naturally; leaking trust. But why him? And why, if he loved me, did he accept me giving my virtue and virginity away to Will. I knew he hated him. Was it possible he accepted all my ugly truths, because he loved me?
He was holding my hand profusely. He wouldn't let go if I didn't tell him not to. So I allowed him. "She hates me, Zane. She hates me so much. Just like you should." I clenched my eyes together in fear and tears.
"I could never, ever, hate you. We make mistakes, sure. We all know that. I know that. But, the thought that I should hate you! It's insanity speaking." My eyes flickered at the thought of him kissing me on the cheek. I wanted him to kiss me. No. I didn't. But… What did I want?
"That's just it. Insanity talks. Always. It does other things to. It causes life-threatening mistakes that screw up the victim it takes place inside. It also makes people ramble in odd circumstances that no one but the victim can even begin to understand." I coughed up. He held me tighter.
"Rikki, you wanna know the biggest mistake of my life? I can promise you; it's much worse than anything you can do."
"What?" My eyes glistened in tears of want for Zane.
"Letting this girl; this amazing, beautiful, clever, witty, sometimes rather fiery and feisty, girl. I let her slip through my fingers. I never realized how I was letting her down. I thought about only myself. And she ended up leaving. And I…I ended up a disaster. Both of us never knew I couldn't live without her. I let my soul mate go."
I looked at him feigning wonder. I knew this girl all too well.
"And what about her? This girl? How could she possibly live without you?" I bite my lip, fighting the smile of happiness found in the belief losing me was the biggest mistake of his life.
"She was so much stronger than I could ever be. She was so much more of everything wonderful and good than I am ever going to be. That's why I know the Rikki I love is in there. Waiting for someone to find her…So she can be strong again. So she can be the Rikki I fell in love with. The one that broke my heart."
"Appearances can be deceiving, Zane." I looked for just a moment into his eyes; causing shivers to hive up my spine. "She might not be all that strong. It could be all a mask, did you ever think of that?"
His arms found the side of my shoulder and I chose to go forth with his urging of cuddles, and I rested my head in just the perfect place on his chest. We couldn't keep doing this, I knew. But I also knew; now that I had it, I might never be able to live without it again.
. . .
"Zane…I want to get out of here. I want to get out of this Hotel. I want to go somewhere. Somewhere…not here." I whispered into his tan perky ear.
His attention was mussed out of his pleasant hopeful smiles; knowing the bathroom door was locked and we were cuddling each other like the oddballs in love we used to be and into careful attention. [I had steamed the room up so I was dry; as well as having an exotic odd theme to it].
"Can we?" My eyes went somber and I realized I was asking him. When did that happen? I ordered him. …But was that really right after maturing? But was it ever right to always plead and beg to a guy hoping they'll show the faith you want to see? No. Why was I thinking too hard about everything?
"Well, then we shall go where ever the beautiful girl of blonde curls and breathtaking blue eyes of beauty commands we go." I smiled at the Zane who only allowed his goofiness and corny side come out when he was with me. I was the magic key to an amazingly caring and thoughtful Zane; a person unlike any other impression of any other human being had ceased to have of him.
"Well, then…" I took his arm and we pranced out of the toasty dry room and into the Hotel's lovely suite. I stopped when I saw Lewis's wide frozen eyes as he sat on the leather couch. His face was glued to the door that led to his room. The one Cleo had stomped into. I wondered what she was doing. Crying? I bit my lip in guilt.
"Wait." I whispered to Zane. I sighed at Lewis, wondering if he knew and hated me just as much as Cleo did. But his eyes didn't meet me. They just stared out into space in that odd way. I saw Emma in the kitchen part, stuffing her mouth with sour gummy worms being put into an emotional-whack, with Will close by. Her face was red. She looked freaked out. I was shocked when I realized that according to a test; there was a Mini-Emma inside of her. I wondered which one of them I should gallop to and comfort. I wondered if Bella was in misery right this very moment.
I realized why they seemed to just be staring at us [but not at us]. I was holding my wrist in a scrunched knuckle that only allowed a stream of vision through; and showed them. Eyeing each other. Biting their lips in misery.
I clamped by fist again. This time I could hardly see the outline of Zane next to me, holding my hand.
"I'll just need a minute." I whispered once again to Zane; the passion I was feeling not wanting to wait.
When I went to the comforts of Lewis's new mate, Drake's room; I found a notepad. And a highly skilled blue ink pen. And I wrote what my mouth could never produce. I had never been much of a writer, but my soul took it away.
I don't know who I should address first; because doing so would seem as if I care more about either one of your breakdowns and secrets you have built within your lives more. I love you all equally. I love four people in all. But not all of these souls are you.
So, let's begin.
Emma. I guess I believed by writing to you first after not being able to speak to you for two years would be easiest. But it's not. I don't know if what's happened to us; to you has been the result of simple growing up, or something more. The fact is I don't know who you are anymore. And believe me, I don't believe I should pretend I do. All I'm aware of is that you seemed stricken with fear. We all have fears. Fears of the unknown, usually. But yours seems to be the outcome of losing who you used to be. It happens to all of us. But, when you look in the mirror, can you honestly say you like the person you've become? I'm not cruel enough to list a lie of yours here. I'm better than that. I know what it's like…to constantly try to cover up the bruises left by a secret scar no one knew you had. Emma, when I come back…when I see you again…in no matter how long that time is. I will always love you. Our mistakes make us who we are today. And, if I'm right, I will help you in all ways possible. You'll always be like a sister.
These get difficult as I go deeper and deeper into my inner-feelings. This one contains the most wrong-doings on my part. Cleo. You were always the sweet, cherished, beautiful, naïve one. The one that we all knew would break our hearts if we let you down. And I've done just that. To you more than anyone. I know admitting the things I've done won't help. But if you'll please; allow me. It's good for the soul. Two years ago, or so; I found myself heartbroken. Perhaps, Lewis treats you like the princess you are, too much, for you to understand what this feels like. But I was in the hole of my heart; the bitter, scared, curious hole of dark. But there was a light chanting my name; telling me I was still wonderfully amazing. The light was Will. But now, looking back on this incident. He wasn't my light. But I used him anyway. In lack of better words, you know the rest. And she had seen; Charlotte, I mean. It might seem selfish, but I had been trying to protect Bella. Bella and Will, even. And later on, you. Charlotte forced me to do troubling tasks for her. She wanted…wants some type of revenge. But together, we won't let her have it. Together, along with Emma, and a possible connection to Bella; we'll drive her away. That's what sisters do. We ban together and fight and protect for what is ours. Especially mermaid sisters. I'm just asking, if you'll allow me to still claim a name as one of your best friends; a troubled one. But one who will do anything for you. I love you and care about you more than you will ever know. Don't you understand that? I wanted to protect the ones I love from the lies I had been shamed upon.
I…don't exactly know how to speak to you, anymore. Bella, that is. I know who I think you are. But to be honest, the things I've been told about the moments after you saw Lewis; I can't say it doesn't make me question everything. But, that doesn't change the past memories. I know, that some of the challenges and experiences we've undertook, or at least I hope, were too real to be fake. Maybe this is just my heart flooding out it's hurting and hopes and dreams while in a state of vulnerability. But, Bella, can't you come back? No matter what you've done…we're here for you. I know I am. And…please Bella, come home. Not the house you live in, or the frazzled Mako, or into Will's arms, but with us. The people that love you and care. Isn't that all that matters? Love. We love you heaps. …It's possible nothing can change that.
And now to others that aren't regarding what I have come to known as the Mako Sisters; four souls deeply involved in such chaotic magic; sometimes so pure, sometimes so dark. I have to address…the following: Will. Perhaps, it should be known I have no intentions of Zane ever reading what is involved in this page. I love him too much.
…Will. This is the worst. It is because even with the standing fact that we are/were the odd type of friends you see in horror movies in which they must confess their love before their heads get chopped off; I have no feelings that you'll take me through anything. Because you aren't my sister [obviously]. What use would it be to say that I don't love you? You know that. I know that. You don't love me. I don't love you. It will never be as if I'm the center of this terrifying torturous love square; a breaker of unbreakable hearts. But in ways, maybe it is possible that night happened for a reason. For regrets. We needed it to realize that we are not anything more than a relationship that was once friends; but now broken. I care. That is all. I care.
You may be wondering, as you have stumbled upon this, after me taking an absence with Zane, if I've become like Bella. I haven't. It isn't that I'm running away from…Okay, so what if I am? I am running away from my lies, just as it's been probable Bella has. But I intend to come back. Soon. But I want the messes of the fifth year of our mermaidness to be cleaned up first. I promise all of you, I will come back. And when I do, I'll try my hardest to prove I'm worthy of your amazing hearts and souls.
That is all I have to say. Other than, don't expect me to act like a total emotional sass when I come back…
[Don't make me say "Sincerely" like this is a real letter, Em],
Rikki
And with that, Zane and I left into the early evening air of an unexplored Las Vegas. But not one, I was willing to play in.
. . .
How I, Rikki Chadwick had found myself standing face to face with such large letters constructing of H O L L Y W O O D , was unbelievable. A part of me wanted to smile at the thought. Zane and I, being in one of the most famous sights of America. Yet it all was too simple.
I sat down on the dirty ground planted on the slope of the mountain. And I smiled at the sight of Los Angeles lying at my feet. Zane and I had dumped all our belongings once I had told him I didn't want to come back to the Hotel, due to the eerie vibes, and the mistake laid in it.
He accepted this with a glance. And now we found ourselves here.
"Thank you, Zane. For everything…that I never got to thank you for." I looked at him with a glint of a smile. He returned it.
"…Yeah." His eyes were far off into the view. I bite my lip. It wasn't usual for Zane to not pay attention to the exact everything that was thrown out of my mouth.
"What's on your mind?" I asked quietly. Did he think I was insanely crazy for just leaving like we had? If so, why hadn't he said earlier? Was I crazy?
"Rikki, I'm tired. Do you want to know the truth? I'm tired of all these secretive touches, and lost smiles, and mind fucks! Can't-"
I tapped his shoulder. "Mind fucks?" My lip almost quivered in a smile. "You think we're mind fucking?" This caused a jolt of a smile.
He grinned at me. "Not exactly…fucking. But, the deep love-making stuff…" He was blushing frantically.
"In our heads?" I questioned.
"Yeah…" I eyed him.
"So…what were you saying?" I felt my gut squeeze as I knew where Zane was going with this. Our undeniable love.
"Rikki! I don't know if you still love me or if you ever did, but you feel something for me that isn't just the hate you pretended to unleash after you saw Sophie kiss me…But we're over that, aren't we? You know I love you, and I'm tired of you just smiling in that damn cute mysterious way! I want you to tell me the truth. Tell me that you care. Tell me that there's still a part of you that loves me!"
I stiffened. I glanced back at the view. It was now hard for me to breathe. His eyes pierced thoughts at me, with impatience demeaning out of them.
"Zane…I…Do we have to talk about this?" My eyes swayed with the water of hopelessness of my soul.
"Yes, Rikki! We do. We do because there's never going to be a time when you tell me just what the fuck is going on inside that clever yet hopelessly frightening mind of yours." His eyes burned impatience. He had been waiting for this moment for years, and now he demand I give it to him. It was the only one thing he had ever asked of me; the truth.
"I…" My voice cracked. "Zane, don't yell at me. Okay? I know you deserve answers, but please! Please, don't yell at me." He went silent for a trill.
"I'll tell you the truth. Cause this is what you ask for." My breath went short. "The truth is…I care. I care way too much. But I can't say that I love you, because….because, all my life I've never known what love is. If this, what we have, is love…it's too….scary. I don't want to be attached to someone, and especially not you! You'll hurt me. Everyone will. Because no matter how strong you think I am, I'm too fragile to be touched! I take everything and think about it's ultimate meaning. Everything hurts me. Especially you."
I had ended up screaming my heart, lungs, and brain out all right there. Suddenly a mess of rain shattered upon us. My formation flopped to the ground in an orange tail. Zane was trying to shield me from the sudden crashing rain. I cried.
"What did I do? I tried everything to make you happy." He screeched at me, ignoring the horrendous whipping of rainwater.
"Happiness hurts! Because I know how easily it could be taken away. You can't promise me that you'll never get tired of me, that you'll never get angry and hurt me, that you'll never break my heart…It's impossible. Love is impossible. Ours is no exception." My voice was hoarse now. The crying stopped but my wreaking of feelings was strong as ever.
"Rikki…Can't we try? There's no guarantees. There never is. But I know that us together, and happy, and in love, even with a bitter end…is so much better than being alone forever wondering what-ifs…. Please, Rikki?" I looked down at the sagging grass beneath the strange exotic rain to the dry lands of California. It was pouring down wickedness.
"I…" So much of me longed to say yes. To let him swallow me in his arms. Be beheaded with a gazillion of his sweetest kisses. And smile into his chest knowing that he would love me forever more. What was stopping me?
Nothing…
I tried my hardest to waddle my tail to him. But I suppose he saw the way my lips were forming, and beat me to it. He grabbed my cold shoulders and held me into him and kissed me. Passionately. Wildly. The type of crazy ones when you know this is the high of being in love. That you would just want to stay in this one moment before everything goes to crap.
But when I opened my eyes. It wasn't raining anymore. The burden of the storm, and the burden of my heart were gone. We could finally be in the peace that wasn't peace at all. The lovely spinning of two wilds souls admittance that we knew what that crazy thing called love could actually be.
. . .
The moment was ruined. Our eyes searching the plain of wild, glancing the stokes of pure love, when the beep shattered all that we knew.
My phone.
My tail was no longer soaked, or existing. All that was left was my cold pale slender legs, attired in my polka stockings, and purple and golden streaked skirt. On top of this was a white hoodie turned plaid at the sleeves with a twist of red. Inside the pocket held the message that would change my life.
. . .
CHARLOTTE:
The storm might be over where you are. But it's just getting started in the little Hell-Tel you just left. And trust me, when I say this, the torture is about to begin. Run along if you want your friends dead. Get face to face with the devil, if you believe you can save them.
. . .
We ran. Off the slope of the Hollywood sign, scrambled into the Limo, and raced back to the Hotel. But we were too late. That was what my heart kept thundering upon my head.
Smoke whisked out of the room that Lewis had first claimed his. We raced there in hysteria, fearing for the truth. But no one was there. None of the friends of my dear beloved. They were gone. And my heart rate was reaching the force of misery.
I cried at Zane to go to the staff and call the fire trucks and fighters. His eyes went through flashes of worry, then agreement. I watched the last image I had lasting as he rushed down the hallway and down the stairs, begging for help. He had believed I was right behind him. We didn't know where all of them were. Not one.
I was left alone in the burning room.
It was then I felt sharp nails grab hold of my neck. And I saw her crooked wrong face. Her ambers eyes twitching so furiously. I didn't expect to see the other. Bella, her eyes green and wide, watching Charlotte strangle me. She still gave the aura of an innocent angel. Then the disturbed guys who raped me came from hidden. Their smiles and Charlotte's; all so twisted and wrong. But Bella standing in the middle as an angelic siren; one of fear.
I felt something pierce my wrists. I tried to move them up to burn the face of the wicked witch, Charlotte. But they wouldn't curl into a fist of fury; cursing fire and lightning and the insanity of hot everywhere it dared point. So, I resorted to screaming. I screamed for Bella. I screamed for Zane. I screamed for anyone that could hear me. But I guess, no one was listening.
That was the last thought I could enter, before Charlotte pulled me from the hallway and away from all hopes of living in a sanitary world; a world where sisters never lied to each other.
A/N: I realize I enjoy writing Rikki's chapters extremely much. But that might be because I'm still in awe of the first couple I ever adored: Zikki. But…if you've read the above; things might not be all fairy-tales and cream for the two twisted soul mates. Because one bitch, and another lost soul, have decided to fuck everything up. You, Missy/Mister, have an awful lot to review about.
