Author's Note: Trilingual bonus for big Star Trek and El Goonish Shive fans

"Chris was not too pleased with my result with the last team," the Taunter said, "Unfortunately, one of their members was too much of a smartass for my own good. Is anyone on this team a smartass?"

"Duncan is!" Courtney shouted.

"Well, Duncan," the Taunter whispered, "I don't think you strike me as too much of a threat. After all, you only go to juvenile detention because you have a cry for help."

"Wh-what do you mean, a cry for help? I don't need any help!" Duncan said, faux-confidently.

"Oh, well, it's just that you've been so helpless all these years. I bet you get hit at home," the Taunter said.

"I'll have you know that I love my parents!" Duncan blurted. He immediately covered his mouth with his hands.

"Hey, everyone!" the Taunter shouted, "Duncan loves his parents."

All the girls except Eva said, "Aww…" in unison.

Duncan, blushing, and doing a sliding face-palm, left mumbling what sounded like obscene words.

"What was that?" Courtney asked disapprovingly.

"Nothing," Duncan lied.

"Hey, Courtney," the Taunter said.

"What, Taunter?" Courtney said, "I know your tricks. I won't fall for anything."

"You're stupid, you know?" the Taunter said.

"I'm not stupid!" Courtney shouted, offended, "I'm a certified CIT."

"It doesn't matter how certified you are, you're still stupid." The Taunter said, showing his tricky eyes, knowing that he was going to win this, "Too stupid to realize that you're madly in love with Duncan!"

"I'm not in love with Duncan!" Courtney said.

"Oh, really?" the Taunter said, "I don't believe you. I mean it's obvious you two are a married couple."

"That's not even true!" Courtney yelled, beginning to hesitate now, "Why would anyone be in love with someone so rude and dangerous and dreamy… I meant not! Not dreamy! Even a little bit! I have to go…"

"You really shouldn't be this mean," Bridgette said.

"I'm mean, Bridgette?" the Taunter asked, "Why, because I want to eat this bunny I found on the ground?"

"Drop the bunny!" DJ shouted.

"Don't mind if I do?" the Taunter yelled, chucking the bunny out the window, along with Bridgette's surfboard which he snapped in half. Bridgette and DJ both looked crushed, and began to cry, and hold each other to make the pain go away.

"Like, why so mean?" Geoff asked the Taunter. "Maybe you should come to my party, and that will help you be nicer!"

"Party?" the Taunter said, "I'd rather not… oh, wait, if I don't go, maybe no one will go. After all, you don't have any friends."

"But just last year they all came," Geoff exclaimed.

"But that was a dream," the Taunter said. Geoff was confused enough to believe him. He put his head in his hands and sat down looking dejected.

"You can't possibly say anything mean about me," Harold said, crossing his arms, closing his eyes, and putting his nose high in the air.

"You do not know kung-fu. And that language you thought was Klingon was Uryuomoco this whole time!" the Taunter responded.

"What!" Harold asked, "No way, you're way off your rocker!"

"That's right," the Taunter said, "You've been talking in Uryuomoco at Star Trek conventions!"

"No, you idiot, that was Comic-Con!" Harold said, "At the Star Trek conventions, meh, yu'n kloggi calo yug quuc Klingon; yuQvetlh taH Uryuomoco."

"I don't know what you said, and neither do any girls!" the Taunter yelled at Harold, who ended up looking dejected.

"Well, I'm ready for my blow," Tyler said.

"You blow," the Taunter simply stated.

"HEY!" Tyler shouted and attempted to strangle the Taunter. However the adult ran away from him quickly and caught up with Katie and Sadie.

"Oh, hi Katie. How is my favorite person?" the Taunter asked.

"What, aren't you going to insult me?" Katie asked, blushing.

"Why would I insult someone as beautiful as you?" he asked.

Katie squealed and then began to giggle. Sadie looked at her accusingly. "KATIE!" Sadie shouted, "I thought we were supposed to stick together to the end!"

"We will, just with the Taunter as our third wheel," Katie said optimistically.

"Oh, nonononono…" the Taunter said, "The offer of friendship is only for you, Katie. Not for Sadie."

"No. Way!" Katie said, "That's so unfair."

"Beautiful people like us don't need ugly people like her to slow us down. I mean, look, she weighs like one hundred K and is baring her midriff."

Sadie began to cry, and then Katie got extremely mad and smacked the Taunter in the face. "It's okay, Sadie, he's just trying to be mean," Katie said, trying to comfort her friend.

"Ah," the Taunter said, "Only one left." He looked eagerly at Eva. Ezekiel jumped in his face.

"You forgot to do me, eh!" he shouted. The Taunter dropped Ezekiel to the floor, and Ezekiel grabbed onto the Taunter's ankle. "You forgot to do me!" The Taunter tried to shake Ezekiel off of him, and ended up flinging him into Tyler's groin.

"Ow!" Tyler shouted.

"As I was saying… only one left…" the Taunter said, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

"You really are a delicate lady," he directed at Eva. "If you want to keep your girlish figure, drop the dumbbell."

"Don't mind if I do," Eva said, and dropped her barbell onto the Taunter's foot, causing him to cry out in pain. "Now," she said, lifting him by the scruff of the neck, "What did you say?"

"I just said that you were… you know… big and strong, and not weak and girly at all…" the Taunter said, now terrified. Eva spat in his face, and dropped him to the ground.

"That's what I thought you said," she responded, and started to walk away, but on the way, she came to an epiphany, "Hey, wait a minute, did you just call me a man!"

"No, no, no," the Taunter said, "I never said you weren't a girl… I said you weren't girly."

"So being a girl is a bad thing?" Eva asked. Everyone then knew it was a bad idea to make sexist comments around Eva—except Ezekiel, who had been knocked out by the impact on Tyler.

"No, that's not what I meant at all… I have to go!" the Taunter screamed and then ran away as fast as humanly possible. Unfortunately, he ran right into Chris.

"So," Chris said, with an obvious hint of annoyance in his voice, "Better track record, this time, I hope."

"Oh, don't worry, I got… most of them."

"Most of them? That was last time!" Chris yelled, "Don't tell me you missed one again!"

"I'm sorry, but that Eva is intimidating," the Taunter said.

"True," Chris responded, arms crossed, "But you're supposed to be the expert at this."

"How can you expect me to be an expert—no, more than that, perfect? I'm an intern! You're not even paying me!" the Taunter added. "Forget you, McLean; I'm on to bigger and better things."

Chris gulped audibly, and then said, "This. Cannot. Be Good."

Eva nearly ran over Chris trying to catch up to the Taunter, but luckily (or maybe not), he dodged it just in time.

"Stupid Chris," the Taunter said, "Maybe if I show him how hard it is to taunt those two, he'll reconsider his expectations, or even pay me!"