The Taunter went up to Eva, and said, "Eva… I need your help."

"Why would I help you?" Eva asked, "You insulted me."

"I know, I know, but… well, Chris has been giving me a hard time about losing to you.

"I've never lost, and I plan to keep it that way," Eva said.

"That's great, that's great. See, I'm going to pit you against Chris in a taunting fight," the Taunter said, "You will be the defense."

"Defense?" Eva said, "You mean you don't think I can give a blow?"

"Well, this is a taunting fight after all. Emotional blows are the most important ones," the Taunter said. "Physical guard is part of the defense."

"Oh, so who are we going to have on offense?" Eva asked curiously.

"No."

"Come on," the Taunter said. "Haven't you ever wanted to get Chris?"

"Well, yeah, but, I've never wanted to team up with you…" Noah continued.

"Please?" the Taunter said. "In all my years of taunting, the only person I couldn't out-taunt was you. And you didn't even need to use force like Eva."

"I still don't see why I should help you," Noah said.

"Because you are me, okay?" the Taunter asked.

"I don't follow," Noah said, monotonously. "Here you are, begging on your hands and knees for me to help you, and I'm refusing. How does that make me… you… oh…" He sighed emphatically. "Fine, I concede."

"You won't regret this," the Taunter said, "Group hug!"

Noah and Eva said in unison, "No."

"Chris?" the Taunter said, while the host had his back turned.

"Hmm?" Chris asked. "What was that? I thought I heard a quitting intern."

"No, Chris," the Taunter said, "I didn't quit. I still have a contract with Total Drama Island. What I said was that I was moving on to bigger and better things… namely, these two."

Noah and Eva approached from the shadows.

"Hello, Chris," Eva said. "Your Taunter has turned traitor."

"No, no, no," Chris laughed—not the innocuous-sounding maniacal laughter he usually had, but a nervous chuckle, and he began to sweat. "He would never turn traitor."

"Chris," the Taunter said, "These are the two kids I could not break. Noah, the Iron Will, and Eva, the Iron Fist… who will henceforth be known only as the Iron Will, and the Iron Fist, because their names are none of your concern."

"Oh," Noah said, not sounding at all like he had just figured out something, "It's a rank thing."

"And they will have a taunting fight with you… with the Iron Will on offense and the Iron Fist on defense," the Taunter proclaimed.

"Wait, no fair!" Chris exclaimed, "That's two against one! I hire, Chef Hatchet as my defense."

"Oh, it's going down, baby," Chef Hatchet said.

"If by it, you mean you guys, I couldn't agree more!" Eva retorted.

"I will referee the fight," the Taunter said, "Just so you know we don't cheat, Chris, I'll even let you get the first blow in."

"So, Noah, you're really stupid."

"You can't seriously be recycling the same dumb insults the Taunter hurled at me earlier… honestly…" Noah responded, "If you had any originality at all you wouldn't have even needed him in the first place."

"Who are you calling unoriginal? I have a TV show!" Chris shouted.

"Yeah, a reality TV show. Tell me when you're the head writer on Psych or House," Noah proclaimed.

"Oh, so you think fiction is more important than reality?" Chris asked, "Because I think you might be in your own little world…"

"I never said it was more important… I said it was more impressive to write fiction than host reality television, which is honestly, less realistic than this novel that I'm reading."

Chef Hatchet snickered, and said, "He got you that time."

"Chef…" Chris whined, "You're supposed to defend me."

"I guess that means we get a point!" Eva shouted.

"Well, you sure do have a big head," Chris said. "I mean, what's it all for, anyway?"

"Obviously, I need a large frontal lobe, otherwise I would just be babbling animalistic nonsense like you," Noah said.

"B-b-b-but…" Chris began.

"I rest my case," Noah said.

Chef Hatchet began to laugh again. Chris punched him in the arm. "Chef, what are you doing? You're supposed to defend me."

"Well I don't see Eva… I mean 'the Iron Fist' doing a lot of defending…" Chef Hatchet said, shrugging, and Chris turned to see that Eva had practically fallen asleep.

Chris asked, "Why are you falling asleep?"

"The Iron Will doesn't need me," Eva responded, "He can handle you on his own."

"No, Iron Fist, you're not supposed to be on offense," the Taunter said.

"He walked right into that one," Eva said and shrugged, "You don't have to count it." Then she fell asleep completely.

"This isn't over, Noah!"

"You mean Iron Will!" the Taunter exclaimed.

"What. Ever!" Chris screamed.

"You're right. How can it be over until I talk about how vain you are? Let me tell you this, Chris, I've seen plenty of television personas in my time, and of them, you are definitely, definitely, not the most handsome. In fact, you're probably in at best 120th place."

Chris's eyes got wide, and he frowned. For a moment, it looked like Chris was about to break. Then he got angry, and started trying to strangle Noah.

"Eva… wake… up…" Noah struggled to say, "Need… hlack…"

"It's the Iron Fist!" the Taunter shouted.

"WHAT. EVER!" Chris shouted.

Eva's eyes opened with a shock. "Who woke me up! Who woke me up?" she yelled, and then she noticed what Chris was doing.

She elbowed him directly in the gut, right below where he was holding Noah, which caused him to stumble backwards and drop "the Iron Will" on his back.

He gasped for breath, repeatedly, and then struggled out, "Violence… because… you… could… never… beat… my… words."

"No, seriously, if you ever call me ugly again," Chris shouted, and began to fiercely hold his hands out. Noah blocked his throat with his arms.

Suddenly, time was called. "Okay, guys, final standings: three to nothing, Iron Will."

"Uh, yeah, could you call me 'Noah', please?" Noah asked.

"Only if you want to call me Marshall," the Taunter responded.

"Marshall…" Noah said, "What a respectable name. And you seriously hid it with Taunter?"

"You can stop taunting me now," Marshall said, feeling quite outdone even after his rival had become his ally.

"Well, I guess it's over," Chris said, "I lost. There's nothing left I can do."

"Sure there is," Chef Hatchet responded, "Remember, he's only here as long as we keep him here…"

"You're right!" Chris shouted, as he walked up to Marshall.

"So, Taunter," Chris said, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to let go of you. I mean, I loved how you could get under the campers' skin… but was not so thrilled about how you got under my skin."

"You'll regret this," Marshall said, "I'm the best damn thing that ever happened to you."

"I know," Chris said, "You were. You taught me a valuable lesson. An ego is an important thing to shield. However, right now, I need to go convince Noah and Eva that they aren't allowed to disobey me just because I lost."

"Yeah, I'm sure these two will make it to the bitter end of this competition," Marshall said.

"You're probably right," Chris responded.

Author's notes: Hooray for dramatic irony.