Chapter 42

Within a week and a half Mello was almost back to his old self. His fierce determination to heal and get back into the race for Kira was the main reason, that and he hated being tended to. After the first few days when he really needed it, he then began to feel a bit babied and he couldn't stand that. He was way beyond that after all he'd done; even if it was kind of nice having Matt cater to him after all the time they'd been apart. It also reminded him how much he really did love Matt, how much that side of him wanted to be out after being hidden for so long. Mafia assassins can't show love for anyone or anything. He looked over at Matt who was sitting on his bed deep into whatever game he was playing. What would Matt do if he knew Mello had been a killer, not that much different from Kira. He could feel the bile trying to rise as he compared himself to L's murderer again. He was different wasn't he? He didn't kill because he had some delusion of ridding mankind of evil and becoming a god, he never killed anyone innocent or anyone merely suspected of taking someone's handbag or who just became inconvenient or in his way. They were mafia killers, most more ruthless and hard than he'd ever been. Then the SPK members ran through his head and there was no way he could sugar coat those deaths. He'd had it done just to slow Near down, to let him know he indeed had the notebook and wasn't afraid to use it. He hated this turmoil inside of him, he had to do what he had to do in order to get to Kira and get to him first. This was all Matt's fault making that other side of him push to the front and make him question his methods. He was letting himself get soft and that couldn't happen, he'd come too far, done too much.

He didn't realize the turmoil he was feeling inside was showing on his face, twisting in anquish and remorse, and that Matt had noticed. He had gotten up and walked over to Mello, concerned that he was having a relapse of some sort, that the intense pain he had suffered through was coming back for some reason. Matt was at his side before he knew it, startling him out of his reverie.

"Mello are you okay? You need something?" Matt asked, concern in his voice which quickly changed to almost fear when he saw the violent look that suddenly crossed Mello's features when he looked at him. He was suddenly propelled backwards when Mello quickly sat up and pushed him away causing his game to fly out of his hands and crash to the floor.

"Leave me the fuck alone, I'm fine!" Mello roared at him as he tried to keep from falling. He stared at Mello incredulously, not understanding what he'd done wrong.

"What the hell, Mello? I didn't do anything!" he yelled back, anger tinged with hurt reflected in his blue eyes. Mello's glared at him, balling his hands into fists.

'I'm tired of you all over me like I'm an invalid, I don't need it! I don't want it!" Matt stared at him wondering what the hell had happened. Maybe he was having a bad reaction to one of the drugs. He went back over to him, reaching for the water on his bedside table. Maybe if he calmed down enough to drink something cool…

"Here, relax, its probably one of your meds screwing with you.." he leaned down handing Mello the glass.

"I said STOP IT!" Mello screamed at him, smacking the glass with the back of his hand making it fly out of Matt's grasp and slam into the wall, glass shattering everywhere. Matt's immediate reaction was to draw back and swing at Mello but he stopped mid swing as he saw that one eye glaring up at him.

"What is wrong with you?" he yelled instead.

'Nothing, I just want you to stop hovering over me! It's driving me crazy, I'm not the little boy who left Whammy's I can handle myself!" Matt's fury began to take over.

"I see. Now the big bad Mello can flex his manly muscles again he wants me to run off and wait for when he needs me again, is that it? Everything I've done for you means nothing to the Mafia guy who's taken over now that you feel better? Well guess what Mello this is me, you know. You can fool everyone else out there with that bullshit but I know you better than that. I know exactly what's wrong with you and it's not going to work on me. " He got right into Mello's face and continued shouting at him.

"Don't think you can push me away with this bravado act, I'm here and I'm not moving. You want to pretend to everyone out there you're a ruthless fucking little killer you go right ahead and do that. But here with me you're just Mello, a hot headed little jerk who loved L so much that he's willing to compromise what he really is to get the bastard who took him away before anyone else does!" Mello stared at Matt and then looked away.

"I am a killer, Matt, I really am." He whispered afraid to see Matt's reaction. Matt's finger moved his face back to him.

"You don't think I already know that? I figured that out a long time ago. I'd be a piss poor heir to L if I hadn't."

"But if you know…" Mello stammered.

"I don't approve and I don't like it, and I'll always try to stop you but I know you felt that was the only way you could get where you needed to be. "

"If it means anything I won't kill again, I've decided that a long time ago." Matt nodded and smiled.

"It means everything. It means MY Mello won out eventually. Now you knock this crap off before I do punch out your good eye." Mello reached up and grabbed the back of Matt's head and brought his face closer so he could attack his mouth with his, kissing him with all the emotion he could get into it.

Christine leaned against the wall by the open adjoining doors that led to the boys' room. She had heard everything from the broken glass on but had felt it was something they had to work out. She tried to put Mello's face on the killer he said he had been, but she couldn't do it. She had inkling when she realized what kind of gang he was in, but she had hoped. She sighed thinking how different everything was from what she and L had thought their futures would be. Not to think on it now, it was time to remove the bandages. She knocked on the door and walked in, finding the two of them still kissing.

"Alright guys, playtime is over." She said laughing and they both looked at her startled.

"Uh oh mom caught us." Matt said laughing and pulled away from Mello long enough to pick up his game. He was relieved to see it still worked.

"Lucky for you it's not broken, Mafia Man." He told him and Mello laughed. Christine walked over and sat next to Mello on the bed, pulling her scissors from her pocket. Mello eyed them and panicked, what if he was hideous? Scarred beyond recognition. He looked at Matt, his fear clearly showing. Matt grabbed his hand and smiled.

"It's gotta be an improvement," he grinned and then became serious. "It'll be fine Mello, no worries."

"Ofcourse it will." Christine agreed and began to slowly unwrap his face. She steeled herself to not make a sound or change her expression when it was finally removed.

Mello had closed his eyes and he opened them slowly as Christine turned off the light in the room. He immediately looked at Matt who stared back at him totally devoid of expression.

"Well? How bad is it?" he whispered. Matt grinned and whistled.

"Dude that's going to look so hot with the leather!" he exclaimed and laughed. Mello looked at Christine. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the mirror she brought with her.

"Here, take a look Mello. I thought it was going to be a lot worse." He took the mirror, took a deep breath and looked. At first he looked away, it covered his eye and down his cheek. It looked red and angry, but he could also see where it wasn't so red and that looked better.

"After a few days in the air the red will calm down and it will look better." Christine told him and he nodded. He looked back at Matt who nodded again and then leaned forward and kissed him.

"Now you even LOOK badass." He told him which made him laugh. He watched as Christine removed the rest from his shoulder and upper arm. She checked it over and nodded.

"You're healing well, Mello I'm very happy with your progress." She stood and turned to leave. Mello grabbed her arm and stopped her. She looked back, his green eyes shining and staring into hers.

"Thank you for coming for me, Dr. Thompson. I know I would have died if you hadn't. Thank you." She bent down and wrapped her arms around the young man, the mafia member, and the killer, who was just her Mello.

"As if I had a choice," she whispered, "But you're very welcome. I'm glad I did too." She then stood, smiled at Matt, and went back to her room, closing the door behind her.

She let out a deep breath and fell into the bed; he was definitely going to be all right.