Notes: Other chapters received small formatting changes. I have no idea where time went. Terribly sorry for the slow update. Thanks for sticking with this so far!

Chapter 11: Trust


Riku stared at Sora with an anger so intense that Sora was pretty sure that the café was going to alight with flames. "Can you, now? Can you please tell me why Kairi is angry at me for a story that you told her behind my back? How about you go ahead and tell me all of what you've been saying?"

Sora forced himself to face Riku and doing so made it very difficult to make noise come out of his mouth. "It's not what it sounds like. It's not!"

"I think I got enough of the picture," Riku replied. "Maybe I've been misjudging you."

"I told an elaborate lie to hide the fact that you were in…an accident. It just got out of hand and…" Sora paused and thought for a moment. He then picked himself up off of the floor and folded his arms. "And what do you mean you've misjudged me? "

Riku folded his arms, his eyes narrow. "It's exactly as it sounds. I didn't think you were the kind of person who went around telling people lies about me, but maybe I've been wrong all these years."

Sora scoffed at this, suddenly forgetting why he was so sorrowful to begin with. "Lies about you? I told one lie, and that was to keep people from finding out what happened to you. Would you rather I tell the truth?"

"Would it be better than what you told them?"

"Who's to say? Why don't we find out? Tell you what, go in there and tell Kairi and Roxas that you got yourself killed by getting into a fight you couldn't handle. Oh wait, you can't do that can you? You're a ghost!"

"Right. I'm a ghost. I was killed because of a mistake, and you're taking complete and utter satisfaction in it, aren't you? Excited to be the popular guy at work? Finally have a fun story to tell your friends? Tell me more about how your life is in danger. I'm dying to know."

Sora's face heated up, and he felt his own fists balling at his sides. After all he'd done over the years to keep Riku in one piece, how he had sacrificed sleep, and energy, and frozen foods to accommodate his recklessness, and he was being accused of taking this situation too lightly? "That's ridiculous and you know it. I've been doing nothing but help you!"

"You're right. I'm sorry. Telling Kairi to hate me is a clear example of you trying to help."

"I didn't tell her to hate you! She came to that conclusion by herself…er…sort of."

"Because we have such frequent and regular conversations for her to get there on her own. Jeez, it's not enough for you to hate me, but you're going to make a little army of people to come with you? What's Roxas' opinion of me now? Does he think I've been torturing you? Maybe selling all of your belongings for weapons and drugs?"

Sora jabbed a finger at him, but stopped just short of his chest since he knew it would go right through. "Roxas pretty much kisses the ground you walk on because he thinks it's so cool that you go around getting your face busted in. Let's go ahead and use Roxas' judgment as the benchmark for everything we have opinions on, huh? I for one don't think it's so cool. I think it's reckless, and stupid, and to be perfectly honest, you deserve what happened because normal people don't enjoy getting into fist fights!"

Riku looked slightly taken aback by this statement, but Sora didn't care. All of the stress he had accumulated during the day, the lack of sleep, the lying, and the distinct possibility that he would never be able to yell at the real, living, breathing form of his best friend again was finally sending him over the edge.

"You screwed up, and now I have to live without you. You're dead, Riku. I've been trying to ignore that and find a suitable way of helping you, but I don't know how. What if we can't find a way to get you back into your body? What if you're a ghost forever, or worse, you disappear and I'll never be able to see you again? What if all the trying in the world we do isn't enough? People don't just get a second chance, and I just can't handle that!"

Sora didn't realize he was shaking while he was talking, not until his eyes started to tear up and his field of vision started to blur. He wiped the tears away and sniffed, spent.

Riku had an unreadable expression. Sora's words seemed to have made an impact, but he couldn't tell what impact that could be. He stared at Riku for a few minutes, his unblinking eyes, his pinched brow, his tightly set jaw.

He much preferred it when Riku was angry at him. He did not like the look that came over his face.

"You're right," Riku said quietly, shifting his gaze to meet Sora's. "I might not be able to come back."

Sora's mouth went dry. Having the truth out in the open, hanging between the two of them like a dark miasma made him feel utterly ill and empty inside. He wished that he could take the words back, that the two of them could just go back to being in denial, and arguing about petty stuff, and pretending that there was a reasonable solution hidden somewhere that the two of them would be able to find.

This small gap in their friendship, the one that had developed after Riku worked at the harbor, and Sora started working at The Filter, it had become a wide chasm now. It stretched beyond minor grievances with each other, newly developed personality conflicts, and insensitivity. It was now the divide between life and death, the physical body and the supernatural.

And it might have very well been permanent.

"Riku…"

Riku closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them, briefly flashing a myriad of emotions: anger, hurt, anger again, and resolve. He blinked, and they were gone, and the cool indifference that his eyes usually held was back. He shrugged his translucent shoulders and folded his arms. "However, that doesn't give you a right to talk about me."

"What?"

"That's right," He said pointing at Sora half heartedly. "I'll remember this forever…however long that ends up being. I'm going to go and leave you to work, but keep in mind that you're an awful person and I'm never going to forgive you." He punctuated the statement by jabbing Sora in the chest with a cold finger, then turned and floated through the wall.

Sora's mouth hung open. "Wait," he called, pushing open the door from the back room. "Wait!"

He was met with the bewildered expressions of Kairi, Roxas, and Cid each with various smudges of coffee grounds on their aprons.

Not Riku.

Riku was gone.

Kairi put down the ceramic cup half full of espresso and turned to him. "Sora? You okay?"

"I'm fine…I…I'm fine."

"You look kind a sick, kid." Cid said gruffly. "If you throw up, you're cleaning the floor before I send your skinny butt home."

"I'm really okay," Sora breathed, knowing that he was lying again. "I'm…I'm just going to watch what you're doing. Espresso. Right."

Kairi didn't look convinced, but Cid couldn't care less. "Great. Roxas was just learning how to make steamed milk."

Sora swallowed, and smiled halfheartedly. "Sounds great."


The end of Sora's shift seemed to come at a snail's pace.

A snail suspended in molasses.

Frozen molasses.

Even so, it did come to an end, and Roxas moseyed home with a vague idea of how to make a simple espresso, and Cid left with a distinct hatred for it from that day forward. Kairi decided to wait for Sora as he dispassionately hung up his apron, but he kind of wished that she hadn't. He wanted to walk home in the quiet of the evening and think.

What had become of things?

Where did he and Riku stand?

For that matter, he hoped that Riku might have just gone to wait at Sora's apartment, but if he knew his friend—and it was becoming increasingly more apparent that they may not be anymore—he wouldn't be there. If Sora didn't make him feel guilty enough at this point about staying at his home, then he didn't know what would.

He let out a long, tired sigh, and turned to meet Kairi, who smiled at him softly.

"Hey," she said somberly, putting a kind hand on his shoulder. "Want to walk me home?"

"I suppose I can…" he replied, not sure of what that meant. Judging from the tone of her voice, he didn't suspect any ill intent by the question, but he refused to let himself be tricked. He eyed her warily. "Why?"

"Mainly to talk, but it would probably sound nicer if I told you I was afraid of the dark, huh?"

He thought as much. "Yes."

"Sorry. I find it much easier to be honest." She smiled. "Is it okay if we talk anyway?"

Sora ignored that inadvertent stab at his conscience and agreed, although he was pretty sure that she said all that she needed to say earlier that afternoon. Riku had heard everything, and while Sora wasn't the one damaged by the harmless-turned-horrific lie he had told, he didn't know if he would be able to keep sustaining it, even though Riku wasn't present. All he really wanted to do was to mope, go home, mope some more, then go to bed, but life was starting to become increasingly harder on him.

Kairi embodied that very hardship as she grabbed his hand and steered him out the door.

The sun was low on the horizon, bathing the sky in a golden light. Sora couldn't help but wonder where Riku was right now. Would he be okay for the night? Would it be cold since he didn't have any skin to insulate his…nothingness? Would he just wander and wander until there was nothing left? That thought alone was enough to ruin any and all hope he had of getting to sleep that night, so he immediately forced that sort of thinking out of his mind. Riku was at his own home, safe and out of trouble. He refused to think anything less.

Kairi sighed deeply as she looked towards the sky, eyes bright. "It's nice out," she said simply.

"Hm."

"You don't agree?"

"I guess it's okay."

Kairi nodded. "The sky is the color of daisies, and there's a light breeze, too."

"…Is there…?"

"Sure is. There are also birds in the sky, and three of those birds are actually dinosaurs."

"Yeah."

"And their eggs are raining from the sky. Watch out, there's one coming right for you."

"…Absolutely."

Kairi sighed and stopped on the middle of the sidewalk, hands on her hips. "Really?"

"Huh?" Sora stopped too, wondering why. "What happened?"

"Something is bothering you."

"How do you gather that?"

"Because I've been sitting here talking about nonsense, and your head is in the clouds."

Sora looked at the ground, then slowly looked up to meet her eyes. "I guess there's no trying to convince you otherwise, huh?"

"Not in a million years."

Sora shook his head. Everything was so wrong, and only a portion of the part that Kairi knew was the truth. Balancing lies, keeping Riku safe, getting Riku to like him again…all of it was overwhelming. He didn't even know where to begin. What could he really say? He looked at Kairi pointedly, trying to express his inability to communicate.

The face he was met with was calm. It was peaceful, it was accepting. She wasn't gripping his arm, demanding an explanation, and she wasn't yelling at him—a nice change from their exchange earlier—and she wasn't even giving him that disapproving motherly glower she produced every time she caught him doing something ridiculous. It was a face of understanding.

He felt unbearably guilty right then. This was the person he didn't trust with a secret as important as the death of their mutual friend; this was the person he had inadvertently turned against Riku—in front of Riku no less—despite the host of future misunderstandings between them that were likely to arise.

But Riku's secret wasn't Sora's secret to tell; not until his condition was final, not until Sora couldn't see him anymore. And maybe he was the tiniest bit glad for all of this, because that meant he didn't have to be strong enough to tell Kairi for a while. He could make up lies and pretend things were fine. He wouldn't have to imagine the looks of shock, the wandering eyes, the questions, the sympathy, the pomp and circumstance. Even if Sora and Riku had come to an understanding that all of this denial might be slowly coming to a close, that didn't mean that Kairi and the others had to understand any of it. Sora could keep the fantasy alive in her, and he wouldn't have to deal with so much grief at one time.

He decided to hold onto the guilt, just for a little while longer.

Sora cleared his throat. "You know, it's true. I've got a lot on my mind. I'm sorry I can't tell you much more than that."

Kairi nodded, the corners of her mouth turned upward. "I figured as much. My outburst earlier today probably didn't help. I'm sorry that I blew up like that."

"It's okay." And Sora really meant it. "I can't imagine that this is easy for you to swallow. Just do me a favor and don't blame Riku too much."

"No promises. I'll admit that I might have overreacted just a touch, but he and that harbor are trouble."

"I know. It's just…well…some things aren't always as they appear. Even bad things."

Kairi snorted and resumed walking. "Like lies?"

This caught Sora off guard, and he found himself choking on the air he was supposed to be breathing. "What?"

Kairi rolled her eyes. "Oh come on, you don't think I believe this nonsense about you being chased around by a bunch of thugs. That's why I asked you so many times."

Sora tried to keep himself from getting upset. "Well what do you think happened? Don't tell me you were yelling at me for no reason."

"Of course not." She lifted a finger to her chin. "I know that you're very upset about something, and that something bad is happening to you, and to Riku. It involves the harbor. I have suspicions about specifics, but all of them are admittedly pretty hard to prove."

Sora cleared his throat and tried to keep a neutral face. "Well, you should start believing me more."

"Please, your poker face is about as effective as telling everyone you're about to tell a lie. It's okay though."

Sora sighed, knowing he really shouldn't have been surprised by this at all. After all, Kairi had been able to read him like a picture booklet ever since they were young. He supposed the real surprise was that she had waited until just now to call him out on it. He told her as much.

Kairi grinned. "Well, I figured it must have been something really important. After all, I pretty much chewed your face off in the back and you still didn't tell. I can't force something out of you that you don't want to share. That wouldn't make me a very good friend, would it?"

"I suppose not," Sora agreed, wondering how on earth he had been lucky enough to meet such a person. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it. And for future reference, if Roxas gets excited about something you tell him, there's a good chance it didn't actually happen. Just saying."

"Noted."

"Good. Now get me home so that you can get back home to sort through whatever's bothering you. If you need me, you know where to find me." She smiled.

Sora nodded, feeling uplifted despite the situation. If only he knew where to find Riku, too.

The walk to Kairi's house continued in relative silence, but it was a peaceful silence. The sky was just starting to darken, and the moths hadn't even emerged to circle the street lamps yet. Kairi let him walk and think, and kept her word of not pestering him about his troubles. He felt at peace with her; left alone, he might wind up hopelessly moping in his apartment. He didn't think that he would ever find the proper way to thank her, at least, not while he was intentionally keeping the heart of the problem between himself and Riku. Maybe he would offer to pick up one of her shifts at the café…

When they arrived at her house, the dim glow of the porch light mirroring the warm glow of the setting sun just moments ago, he smiled as they departed. One conflict had been resolved, and it lifted a tremendous weight off of his shoulders.

There was still something else pressing he had to tend to, though, and he kept that thought in mind as he hurried home. He needed to talk to Riku, and together, they needed to find a way to get him back into his body.

When he finally saw his apartment complex above the swell of the hill, he desperately hoped that Riku would be wandering around in his living room, but he knew that the possibility of that would be slim to none. In fact, when he slid into his house knowing that he wouldn't be there, Sora was surprised at how disappointed he found himself anyway.

Perhaps to feed some nascent stubbornness, he found himself rummaging through his apartment. He searched his room, the closets, and the kitchen. He hunted through the bathroom, the shower, and even the drawers. He felt a bit ridiculous peeking under the rugs, but he did so anyway just to make sure. Home thoroughly investigated, yet no evidence of his ghostly friend presented itself.

Winded, Sora threw himself on his couch and began furiously chewing his nails. He had to find Riku, mainly because they needed to work together, but also to apologize for letting his emotions get the better of him earlier. If something terrible happened and he was never able to see Riku again, he wouldn't be able to rest knowing that an argument would be among the last things they had said to each other.

He refused.

Searching his mind for some kind of idea as to where he might be, he remembered all of Riku's usual local preferences: His apartment and the harbor.

Sora rolled his eyes as he pulled himself off of the couch. He sincerely hoped that Riku was at his apartment. It was safe there, but more importantly, it wasn't the harbor. The thought of going there made his stomach turn, and a creepy feeling race up his arms and legs. Riku may have enjoyed the ever present sense of danger that it offered, but Sora much preferred to stay as far away from it as possible.

Now energized, he headed out into the dark again, this time setting out for Riku's apartment.


Please remember to offer feedback if you have a moment! Chapter 12 will be up shortly.