A/N: So, this chapter kind of skips? POV's a little because, well because its hard to get the emotions across correctly from just the one side, so consider this 3rd Person omniscient lol. Err….. oh yeah! Thanks to those of you who reviewed!
"May you never forget what is worth remembering, nor ever remember what is best forgotten" – Irish Blessing
Emily froze. What baby? Hadn't she told him yet? The doctor was looking back and forth between the two of them like a tennis match.
"Uhhh… I'll let the two of you… talk. For a minute…" He said, before awkwardly excusing himself. Leaving her with a confused, and very angry Ian Doyle.
"What. Baby." He repeated quieter, than before, voice dripping with ice in every syllable.
"Ian, didn't I tell you? After we got back fro—" She inhaled sharply. She remembered now. She'd never told him, because the day they had returned to the Villa, had been the day Ian had been arrested. She'd been whisked away by INTERPOL, and that was why she'd insisted on talking to Sean. She had to tell him about her situation.
On the way though, she'd been in a car accident, a real one, from which they spun the lie about her death. The stress of the surprise arrest and coupled with the car accident, she'd miscarried a week later. And not one soul had ever known…
Ian's face was contorted with emotion and confusion. His eyes looked tired and concerned.
"Lauren, what is it? You remembered something didn't you?" He asked, leaning forward.
"I never got to tell you…" She whispered, staring at the ceiling. She was so tired, her mind was spinning and it hurt to breathe.
"Tell me what?"
"That I was pregnant. I was going to tell you when we got back from Sicily… I wanted Declan to be there. But I never… I mean that was the day…"
Ian groaned. He covered his face with his hands, breathing deeply.
"What happened after that? Do you remember?" Ian asked.
"The car accident." She whispered.
"You lost the baby in the car accident?" He asked. "You were going to keep it?"
She shook her head, "No. I mean yes I was going to keep it, but I didn't lose the baby because of the accident. I miscarried about a week after. Stress, I guess." She said sadly.
She propped herself up on an elbow, wincing.
"Love, lay down. You're supposed to be recovering." Ian said looking at her with a sharp look.
"Ian, I'm lost. How are you here? How am I? That was… almost 7 years ago." She asked.
"Darlin' we don't need to go through it all now." He said with a weak smile. He was exhausted, this day was just… overwhelming. His elation at Emily waking up, coupled with the loss of a child he never knew about, plus the lack of sleep and 2 kids at home…and child he'd buried alone last week. He wanted a stiff drink and some time alone. But too many people needed him. Emily needed him now more than ever, the kids needed him.
"Please Ian, I—I keep getting flashes and none of them are making any sense, but I can't sleep with all of this chaos. Its too much!" She said, starting to get upset. She was the one who had just come out of a fucking coma, and was it too much to ask for a little explanation?
"Please, Love, calm down. Your heart rate is getting too high." He said, looking as the monitor started beeping.
"Ian, please? Just tell me something."
"Love, I can't fill in those years for you. We were apart for a very long time, remember?" he asked trying to jog her memory.
"I'm trying!" She whined, collapsing back onto the pillow.
The doctor finally reemerged from whatever desk he'd been hiding under, to tell them that If she was feeling up to it there were some people here to see her, but only for a couple minutes, then he would have to insist that everyone leave and get some rest.
Ian held her hand in his, kissing her knuckles gently. He dreaded her seeing Lauren, because if that triggered some of her memory, he would have to explain Landen… and he wasn't sure if he could handle that today.
A timid knock came on the door and a blonde shaggy haired boy peeked around the curtain. Ian had told Declan Izzy could bring them to visit Emily, but he'd never gotten around to calling and telling them she was awake. He knew she wouldn't recognize Izzy yet, and he had no way to stop the train wreck that could potentially happen.
Declan's blue eyes grew as big as little cerulean oceans. "MOM!" He cried running to her bed, nearly throwing himself onto her before Ian managed to swoop an arm around his waist, pulling him back.
"Gently, Declan. She's not healed yet." He said sternly.
"But, Dad!"
"You can give me a hug baby," Emily said reaching for him, wincing, but covering it well with a smile.
"GENTLY." Ian re-emphasized, giving both of them firm looks. It would be just like her to overdo physical activity on the first day.
"You're so big buddy, you look so grown up!" She whispered.
They hugged for several minutes when Lauren let out a little sneeze. "Oh, is this your babysitter Declan?" Emily asked giving Izzy and Lauren both a warm smile. She had no clue who either of them were yet…
"Mom, you know who Iz—"
"Declan." Ian shook his head in warning before continuing. "Declan, your mom had a nasty time in that accident. She doesn't remember some things or… everyone yet." He said giving a pointed look to Izzy, who caught his glance and nodded subtly. She understood.
"I'll just go wait outside here, while you guys get reacquainted." She said as Lauren began fussing and reaching for Emily.
Ian nodded. "I'll be out in a second."
He watched as Declan sat on the edge of Emily's bed holding her hand, telling her all about the summer soccer camp he'd started yesterday, how Izzy and Misty had helped him paint his bedroom neon green and blue.
She asked him lots of questions about how he was feeling and if his dad had been sleeping.
"I sleep plenty, thank you." Ian said indignantly. Declan gave him a goofy look before spouting off, "Sleeping in the chair next to Mom doesn't count!"
"Ian have you gone home at all?" She asked.
"Of course I have."
"Did you sleep while you were there?" She asked raising an eyebrow.
"Yes," he said avoiding her gaze.
"Did he?" She asked Declan.
"Nope, not once. He comes home showers, changes, eats then comes back here to sit with you. Every day since Lan—"
"Declan!" Ian barked, a little louder than he'd meant to.
"Ian!" Emily said giving him a chastising look for yelling at Declan.
"Emily, I am fine. Declan is exaggerating and its unhelpful and unnecessary." Ian said, annoyed. Rubbing his temple with one hand, he gave Declan a nod to go wait outside with Izzy.
"But, Dad! We just got here!" Declan whined.
"And you'll be back tomorrow right after soccer camp, and if you don't want to stay home tomorrow, you'll go wait outside. NOW." Ian growled.
"Well, that was uncalled for." She said, poutily after Declan had given her one last hug and stomped out glaring at Ian as he went.
"Completely. Just wait til I get home, that boy is going to hear about thi- " Ian grumbled.
"I was talking about you! You really need to get some rest Ian. You tend to get a little snippy when you're tired." She said pointing a finger at him.
"Emily, I'm fine. You need to rest though, you've been out for over a week." Ian said tiredly. She was right, he needed sleep but he hadn't wanted to miss her if she woke up and now she had. Maybe he could actually work a couple days this week. God knew the bills weren't gonna pay themselves…
Speaking of bills… he also wasn't looking forward to explaining to Emily where the 2 new cars had come from. One, of course had been replaced by their insurance company, but the other had been bought with some money he had made selling some guns to some of the Mexican drug cartel out of the state capital that a former colleague of his had given him the information of.
Izzy and Misty had been interested to know where the money had come from, but they were easy to lie to, which he admittedly felt a little bad about, but what could he say? "Oh yeahh, that? I got that selling machine guns to cracked out drug dealers…" not likely. Emily, once she remembered everything and caught herself up to the present would NOT be thrilled. She might kill him, even… But it would be nice to have her back again.
He leaned down and gave her a gentle kiss, he could tell she was exhausted. "Goodnight my love," he whispered to her. She gave him a smile, and he promised to be back first thing in the morning after he dropped Declan off at soccer camp.
He exited the room and let the nurse in to check on Emily.
"Thanks for bringing them, Iz." He said as he took Lauren from her.
"No problem… So? She woke up? That's a good thing!" She said brightly.
"Yeah," was all he said.
"Ian, that's GOOD."
"I know… it's just… I haven't figured out how to tell her about Landen, what I did. And it's gonna be even harder now because she doesn't even remember her own children, Izzy." He said bitterly.
"Yeah, but she will right? The amnesia's not permanent right?"
"The doctor said no, but God, there is so much of our past I wished she'd forget and now she has, but in order for her remember the good stuff, she'll have to remember every horrible thing I've ever done to her. And that's a lot…" He said, stopping as they reached the elevator. He turned to Declan. "I'm sorry I snapped at you, son, but your mother… She doesn't remember Landen, and I haven't thought about how to tell her that your brother is in heaven now, you know? I just didn't want you to say anything about him that might remind her before I get a chance to tell her, okay?"
Declan nodded.
They reached the parking lot and Ian said goodnight to Izzy. He strapped Lauren into her carseat, and let Declan sit up front.
The whole ride home all he could think of was Emily whether or not she was in pain, whether or not she had remembered anything else yet…
And whether or not she would still love him after he told her how he'd ended her son's life without her.
