A/N: Sorry this update has taken SOOOO long, but I have like a trillion ideas and NO time to write. UGGH.

Anyhoo…

Emily paced back and forth in the gas station bathroom. That conniving BASTARD. He'd done this on purpose. She'd made it to DC on fumes, thankfully the hybrid Mercedes Ian had bought… or stolen… whatever, got good gas mileage; but now, she was stranded. That bastard had gotten into her wallet as she run upstairs and stolen all of what little cash she'd had, and his credit card back.

She knew why. He wanted her to run out of gas either before she made it to DC or… she didn't even know… He didn't want her to call him and save her… she'd just tried that.


*Ring*

"You ASSHOLE. You stole my credit card!" She screamed.

"Well you see Love, the card has MY name on it, so I didn't really steal anything." He said snidely.

"And my cash? How am I supposed to get home?" She cried.

"Home? I thought that's where you were headed…" He said bitterly, clearly getting agitated.

"Ian!" She cried, felt tears welling up in her eyes. Don't cry. DON'T cry, Emily, goddammit! She yelled to herself.

"You brought this on yourself. What did you expect? Me to fully pay for your little getaway trip, that I EXPRESSLY told you not to go on?" He asked incredulously.

"Ian, please, can I just talk to Declan?" She sniffed.

"Absolutely not."

"Why!"

"Well one, it's 3 o'clock in the morning on a school night and two, because I don't want him getting his hopes up that you're coming back."

"I am, Ian! I swear! I just—"

"Save it, Emily. Call back when you're ready to be a mother again. Then we'll talk about getting you back here."

And with that the line had gone dead.


She wiped away the stray tear that had escaped her weary, red eyes. She walked out of the bathroom and out to the car. It started up fine, but the warning light indicated she only had 15 miles to go. With no cash of any kind, and no hope of getting any she desperately tried to find the closest place to go.

She'd intended on going straight to Garcia's, but that was at least 25 more miles. She looked around, the closest place she knew she could get to, would be the one person who would want to see her the least.

10 minutes later she walked up the brown stairwell, one she'd walked up many times. Reaching the second floor she walked to the 3rd door down.

Taking a shuddering breath she lifted her fist to knock. She faltered a time or two before she finally mustered the courage to rap feebly on the door. Please be gone, please be gone, please be gone… She whispered mentally.

No such luck. The door opened, and a familiar voice came through the cracked door.

"Emily?"

"Hi, Morgan."

"My, god… What happened to you?" His deep voice croaked. She chewed on her bottom lip. She knew how she looked. Anorexic, a shirt that would have once been form fitting, hung loosely off her shoulders; red and puffy eyes, Ian's ring had left a nice scratch on her cheek that CoverGirl failed to conceal. She looked like she felt. Like absolute shit.

"C-can I come in?" She asked, her lip quivering.

"Uh, yeah, sure, come on in." He said, opening the door wider to allow her to enter.

She walked listlessly over to the couch, as he closed the door behind them.

"Emily, what happened? Where are the kids? Did he hurt you? Tell me! I swear to god, if that bastard laid a fucking finger on you, God will not stop me from killing him." Derek growled.

"Derek stop. Please, it-it—" she shook her head willing herself not to break into pieces before she could explain the whole story, or her memory of it anyway.

"There… there was an accident," she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut.

"An accident? Are they—are they dead Emily?" Derek asked in quiet dismay.

"Derek, Landen is gone." She said, tears squeezing through her dark lashes.

"Oh, god, Emily. When? How? Was Ian dri-"

"No! It was me! I—I—oh god…" she was starting to hyperventilate. Breathing was not second nature anymore, every breath was painful and forced. "A car, came into the intersection, t-boned the Range Rover. I woke up in the hospital. I—I couldn't remember anything… anyone." She cried. "I thought I was still undercover, I thought I was Lauren Reynolds. I didn't remember my own kids. I—Declan and Lauren, they made it through okay. B-but, Landen… When I woke up from my coma… He was gone."

"Did he die… on impact?" Derek asked gently, putting a hand on her knee.

She shook her head, as the tears flowed freely. She took another breath, "Ian… Ian had to take him off of life-support. He—he had so much brain damage, he—God, he couldn't breathe on his own. He was suffering, Derek."

"Emily, I am—I'm so sorry."

"Ian… he didn't tell me right away. The doctor told him not to, until my memory started to come back, which was weeks later. But one night, I was walking by Declan's room… and I heard him praying before bed time. He—asked God if Landen was up there with him, and to w-watch over his baby brother. And suddenly… All of my memory came back. It w-was like a flood. I couldn't breathe. I thought I was drowning. And, and then Ian came home from work. I-I held a gun up to his face and asked him where my son was… and he finally told me."

She stopped, she was shaking so bad she couldn't grab the box of Kleenex Derek was trying to hand her.

"Oh, Emily…" Derek said rubbing his hands over his face.

"After that night, he held me, he held me all night as I cried… After that, I tho-thought I would be okay, you know, get back on track… B-but I couldn't!" She sobbed. "I couldn't eat, get out of bed, I couldn't even look at my own daughter, Derek!" She yelled, clenching her fists, punching her legs.

"Emily, Ian… he should have told you. That wasn—"

"Derek, please. Don't blame him. I—without Ian… My kids would have starved, not bathed, Declan would never have started at his new school. Don't you get it? He HELD EVERYTHING TOGETHER!" She screamed, breaking down. Morgan wrapped his arms around her holding her as she sobbed hysterically. Sobbing she said with agony, "He held everything together… and all I could do was lay there." She moaned.

"Shhh, Em, it's okay… It's gonna be okay."

"No, Derek… you don't understand. I left them. I abandoned them, because I couldn't cope. I'm supposed to be stronger than that! I've always been strong, held myself together, no matter what!"

"Emily, you lost a son!" Morgan said loudly.

"I know! But I had two more kids and—and we were gonna get married… And I left, I left them all."

"Emily, taking some time for yourself is better than what some people do to cope with loss! Or did you forget?" He said angrily.

She pushed away from him. "Derek, I came to you because I need a friend. I don't need a fucking history lesson!" She said getting up off the couch. She started pacing again, like at the gas station, frenzied and hysterical.

"Emily, shh! Calm down. I'm just saying…" Derek sighed. "I'm just saying, leaving doesn't make you a bad person. It means you knew you needed something, and you were smart enough to go get it, before you ended up doing something stupid."

"I'm a horrible mother. What kind of mother just up and leaves her children?" She said covering her face, still pacing.

"Emily!" Derek said firmly, getting up to stand in front of her. "You aren't a bad mother! Leaving to get yourself better is better than letting your kids see you miserable and borderline suicidal!"

"Then why do I feel like this?" she whispered looking at him.

"Emily, you are one of the strongest people I've ever met. You WILL get through this… Then you—you can go… home." He said trailing off, clearly still not happy about where she felt she belonged.

"Can—can I stay here for a while?" She asked through teary eyes.

"I, uh, yeah. Sure. Of course." He said.

She threw herself at him hugging him tears flowing, yet again.

"Thank you!"

"You're always welcome here, baby girl." He whispered into her hair.

"I've missed you Derek. I—I didn't think you would ever speak to me, let alone care about the mess I've made." She whispered back.

"Emily…" he said pulling back from the hug to look at her. "Don't think I am for all of this Doyle bullshit, but… you have kids and like it or not… They need you and I'm doing this to help you and them. I don't give a shit how different he is. He's still a fucking menace." Morgan said looking her directly in the eyes.

She nodded in understanding, he would help her, but Ian was off-limits. Moments later her tears had subsided and she felt her stomach growl for the first time in weeks.

"Feed me?" She asked, with a weak smile. He nodded giving her a smile back and together they left.


Ian sat on the front porch swing with Matt, sipping his Sam Adams quietly. It had been almost 2 days since his conversation with Emily. Misty and Izzy were out grocery shopping for both of their houses and left Matt and himself in charge of minding the children. Declan was upstairs working on a science fair project, while Lauren toddled around on the front porch.

"So… talked to Em lately?" Matt asked in his gruff, but quiet voice.

"Not since Tuesday." Ian said shortly. "She's a little pissy right now."

"Why?"

"Probably because she's stranded up there until she calls saying she's coming home for good."

"How'd she manage to get stranded? I assume you had some influence on that development."

"I took all the cash and credit cards out of her wallet."

"Ahh… smooth…" Matt said chuckling.

"Yeah, it's actually one of the milder things I've ever done to her in our relationship. Relationshit." Ian said with a slight smirk. "You know it's funny… A year ago, I wouldn't have ever let her leave."

"How d'you mean?" Matt asked.

"I mean I physically would not have let her leave. I would have… I dunno.. beat the shit out of her, chained her to the bed, something stupid… But I woulda dunnit, so I would never have to lose her again." Ian said roughly.

"Well, that's progress. You've changed man, for the good." Matt said giving him a smack on the back.

Ian snorted, "A lot of good it did me…" taking another swig of beer.

Matt paused, looking out at the sunset, taking a sip of his brew, before looking over at Ian.

"Yeah, but you didn't do it for you…"

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TBC!