He didn't understand why he was in this position, but he didn't really want to. Shizuo didn't need an explanation for the warm body pressing against his side. The only thing that mattered is that it was there, and he wasn't going to let it go without a fight.
His first visit to the makeshift hospital room was uncomfortable to say the least. When he walked in the door, the tension was so heavy he thought it might crush him. As he pulled up a chair next to Izaya's bed he prayed that his lungs wouldn't give out under all of the pressure to keep his breathing steady. In an attempt to lighten this horrid feeling, he tried to start a conversation. It was a weak effort with the way he muttered his greetings and he knew it. Shizuo had a feeling that Izaya did too since he saw the black haired boy clench his jaw and fist the blankets tighter. So vividly did he remember how Izaya's knuckles paled to a shade that rivaled the sheets that swaddled him. After such a pitiful visit, Shizuo stayed silent every day after that. He would sit patiently beside the bed and wait for a time when Izaya wanted to speak to him, if not for himself then to make sure the boy wasn't alone, a thought that scared him horribly after the stunt that Izaya pulled. The day when Izaya finally broke this speechlessness between them was slow to arrive, taking a good week or two to get there, but was momentous nonetheless.
Shizuo had walked in like always and reached to grab his usual chair when a meek voice halted his movements, catching him completely off guard.
"Shizu-chan," Izaya had mewled, voice barely above a whisper. His eyes were downcast, honed in on his fingers which were picking nervously at the sheet covering his legs. Those feeble digits were trembling with every little movement, wavering along with Izaya's resolve. He was forcing himself to talk and Shizuo knew it. "Come sit by me."
It was the last thing he thought he'd hear that day, but his heart still soared when he did. Shizuo's reaction didn't give this away at all; he sat down on the bed, close but not too close, one leg dangling over the side. "Alright."
They stayed like that, side by side, until the sun had vanished and the TV was the only thing lighting up the dark room. Shizuo stretched and yawned before bidding Izaya farewell. The gaunt young boy waved but didn't say anything else. Still, Shizuo was satisfied.
The next few days carried on this same fashion, with only a few words being exchanged as they stared into the television set. Neither of them noticed the subtle changes, the way they both shifted to get closer as they lay next to each other. They paid no mind to how Izaya had started using Shizuo's shoulder as a pillow. The larger male only noticed this when he felt a thin pair of arms wrap around his waist, and the silky black hair that had previously been ghosting over his forearm brushed against his collar bone. He blushed fiercely from the contact but made no move to push him away. Instead, Shizuo pulled him closer.
Surprises kept on coming at him at a startling pace that night, because not an hour after that, Izaya spoke once again.
"I didn't think anyone would really care, you know? Dad doesn't. Neither do Mairu and Kururi. The only person who would give a damn would be Shinra," Izaya said, eyes glued to the TV screen, focused intensely on whatever off documentary he was having them watch. If Shizuo remembered correctly, it was about cannibalism in South America.
He was baffled by the sudden comment but did his best to respond. "What do you mean?
His question, of course, went unacknowledged. "I thought I was okay with being on my own. I thought I could handle everything. For once, I guess I was wrong. So, dying sounded like a good idea. Falling from a building seemed like a perfectly dramatic way for someone like me to go. Quick and painless, yet incredibly gruesome in the aftermath. But my plan didn't work the way I thought it would. You had to be there, you had to see the whole thing and save my sorry life. Stupid Shizu-chan."
"Nobody can handle everything on their own, stupid flea," Shizuo responded. He was trying to sound irritated but couldn't manage it. His words came out in such a fond way as he brought Izaya ever closer to himself.
"I'm not like all of you, though. Really, I thought you would have figured that out by now." There was no malice behind what Izaya said, he was simply stating an observation, and Shizuo reveled in the joy that it brought him. "I'm a different breed, Shizu-chan. My brain works in ways that the average person wouldn't be able to comprehend."
A pang of what Shizuo could only identify as sorrow shot through his ribcage. Why? He wanted to be the person who could finally unravel Izaya and know every aspect of his being. It pained him to hear the other boy sound so desolate when speaking of his relation to other people when Shizuo was right there, when he was willing to listen. "You don't give people a chance."
"Why should I?" This time, there was a bite to Izaya's words. Shizuo pressed the pads of his fingers harder into his companion's forearm, who in turn sighed and relaxed again. "I have no one to trust. Humans are unfaithful creatures that don't know how to do anything other than hurt each other."
Shizuo wanted to shake him, yell at him that he needed to fucking open his eyes and see that he was right there to help him. He refrained, instead just nodding slowly. "Not every human is like that. I'm sure there's someone you can have faith in."
Izaya shook his head in disagreement. Raven colored locks grazed his jaw and made Shizuo shiver. "No. when you get down to it everyone is the same. People want what's best for themselves above all else, only caring about others when it's convenient for them."
"That's not true. Look at Shinra. Do you really think he's trying to get something out of having you stay here? He's doing this out of the goodness of his heart, you know." He stood up, noticing that it was much too late for him to be staying. The crinkling of Shizuo fixing his shirt and the low hum of the TV nearly drowned out what Izaya said next.
"What about you? Why are you here? You wouldn't be coming every day unless there was something in it for you," he said. It was so quiet, so faint that Shizuo almost missed it. He barely caught it, but still he said nothing. How could he respond to that? It wouldn't be right to just say 'Izaya, I think I love you, that's why I keep coming over'.
"I've gotta go. I'll be back tomorrow," Shizuo muttered with his hand on the doorknob.
"Hey, Shizu-chan," Izaya called halfheartedly. The blonde dared a glance over his shoulder.
"Yeah?"
"I hate you." If it had been any other day of any other year, and he were in any other situation, he would believe that. But the look in Izaya's eyes contradicted those three words.
Shizuo couldn't help but grin.
"Yeah. I hate you too, flea."
Well, here's some OOC fluff. I really wanted to keep up with the angst but my lovely readers deserved a prize for being so good to me. :3
Enjoy the romance now, because I plan to have some more shit go down next chapter. And if I'm in a good mood, things will get lovey dovey afterwards. We'll see.
~Chickadee
