A/N: Ok, there has been too much time pass between updates and for that I apologise to everyone. Believe me guys, when I get reviewers asking me to update ASAP I want to be able to do it so badly. Unfortunately, life has been insanely crazy at the moment. You know when you go through a period of time where there is about a million (ok, slight exaggaration) little things that you need to think about? Well, that is what I have been doing recently. The biggest thing at the moment for me is that it is report writing time at work (reports- the bane of all teacher's :S). I am saying this because I still have quite a few to get through, so there may also be a slight delay before I post my next chapter. I will do everything I can to try and update before the week is through, but it may not happen. And I really cannot see the principal accepting this story as a legit excuse for my reports not being completed by the due date.
Right, enough of that. Once again I am sending out a thank you to everyone who read this story. And of course, the extra special, Godzilla sized thank you to those who took the time to review and let me know what you think of this fic. I have this entire fic planned out, so it is so rewarding hearing that you all seem to enjoy the path that its taking.
So, I am going to stop here, because I have already made you wait long enough for this chapter. Please read and enjoy (and reviews are always nice as well...)
Music: Howl- The Grates, Snakeskin- Gyroscope, Train Wrecks- Birds of Tokyo
Billy sat in pensive silence, watching as Jacob sat at the kitchen table, cereal bowl in front of him. Over the past couple of days, his concern for Jacob had waned slightly. His son's smiles had been reaching his eyes and Billy could tell, just by looking at him, that he was more relaxed.
But then Jacob had arrived home the previous night and had gone straight to his room without a word. He was still yet to say a word, and at this present time he was staring into the bowl in front of him. Something was up and Billy could not put his finger on it.
Jacob glanced up and caught Billy staring at him. He knew the look in his father's eyes and suppressed a groan. 'Here we go again,' he thought to himself, putting down his spoon. "What?" he asked.
Billy shrugged. "I didn't say anything."
"I know that. But you are doing the dad staring thing, which means that you want to talk about something."
"Oh, is that so," Billy replied. "Can a father not simply observe his son without any pretence?"
Jacob snorted, throwing up his hands. "Ok then, dad. Observe away."
Billy let out a low chuckle. "I'm afraid that I can't. You've got me stumped, Jake. You are going to need to fill me in."
"Oh no," Jacob shook his head vehemently. "We are not going to have this conversation again."
"Fine," Billy said, manoeuvring his chair towards the door. "But, can I say something?" Jacob nodded as he picked up his spoon. "The past couple of days, I could have sworn that you were happy. Whatever the weight was that was on your shoulders was gone. Today, I am not so sure." With that Billy wheeled himself out of the room.
Jacob had frozen, the spoon halfway to his mouth. He no longer felt hungry, only exhausted. Which was to be expected, given that he had spent most of the night, wide awake, his mind running at a million miles an hour.
'It was because of what happened with Bella. Finally standing up has got to have positive effect,' he tried to convince himself. That was why Billy had noticed the positive change in him. But was it really that simple? He groaned, dropping his head into his hands as an image of Leah flashed in his mind. What the fuck was his thinking? The thing with Leah was only meant to be a release for the two of them. Actual feelings were not supposed to come into it...
'And you do not have any fucking 'feelings'...you are just confusing yourself. There is nothing real about you and Leah...' he played these thoughts through his head, in a desperate attempt to convince himself otherwise.
But they were soon interrupted by another image of Leah. Her eyes, her skin, her scent.
Jacob slumped down further, thumping his head on the table. This was just fucking brilliant.
XXXXX
Leah inhaled the crisp air deeply and focused on keeping her legs moving at a steady pace. It felt good, the breeze blowing gently on her face as her feet pounded the ground beneath. She had woken up that morning feeling energised. For once it had not been an effort to force herself out of bed and outside. She allowed herself a small smile as she continued to run. Either yesterday in the kitchen with Jacob was having some serious after effects, or there really was some hope for her after all.
She did not stop until her lungs were burning, screaming for a decent burst of oxygen. She slowed her pace and stopped. Using a tree to help her stretch out, Leah looked out at the wild waves of La Push. They looked like so much fun, and a swim would feel fantastic after that run. Without any more consideration, she started making her way over the rocks.
However, before she reached the sand the sight of two people stopping by the water's edge made her come to a screaming halt.
Sam and Emily.
Leah did not even bother fighting back a groan. Just what she fucking needed. The day had started so well and now...
Leah made to turn and leave, not wanting to have to speak to the two of them. But, out of the corner of her eye, she saw as Sam embraced Emily from behind, resting his head on her shoulder. One of his hands made its way down, gently caressing her lower stomach.
Leah stopped, a large lump forming in her throat. The usual thoughts began running through her head. 'It isn't fair...I will never have that...Sam never felt that way about me...Why am I so fucked up, when everything is going so right for them...'
She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. She wanted to hit something. She wanted to...
'Stop!' Leah clenched her fists, inhaling deeply. She was better than this. She wasn't going to let herself get overwhelmed anymore. She was not going to allow herself to be that person anymore. It was about time that she fucking stood up and took some action.
'Action...take control. Make something happen for yourself. You need to take control.'
Determined, she turned and jogged away. She knew who she needed to see.
XXXXX
Jacob stepped out of the bathroom, revelling in the silence of the house. He had been avoiding another conversation with Billy- he was not sure how much longer he could keep lying to his father's face. It was getting to be too much.
Thankfully, Billy had left late afternoon with Rachel, for a dinner at Paul's. Jacob had bit back his thoughts that is was about time that Paul started eating at his own house, and remained thankful that he could continuing torturing himself with nobody else in the house.
Readjusting his towel so that it was wrapped tighter around his waist, he opened the door to his bedroom and walked in. It took him all of two seconds to see the female figure reclining on his bed and realise that being alone was not going to be something he could enjoy that evening.
"What the fuck, Leah?" he snapped. He didn't want to see her. He needed to get his runaway thoughts under control before facing her. Doing what they had been doing, while thinking that...he felt like that would be a very bad idea. Some forms of self-torture he could deal with. That, he wasn't sure.
"If I recall it was you who started the sneaking through each other's windows," Leah grinned, standing up from his bed.
"And as I recall," Jacob retorted, "it was you, only yesterday, who freaked out about visiting each other's houses."
Leah shrugged. "I had a change of heart," she said, sidling up to him. "I wanted to see you...felt like some fun." 'Not wanted...needed,' a small voice in her head said, but Leah pushed it away without a second thought. She needed no one but herself. "So what do you say? Feel like some fun? I know that nobody else is home."
Jacob bit back a groan. He wanted to resist, but wasn't sure if he would be able to. When he did not respond quickly enough, Leah pressed her body up against his, pinning him against the wall. Leaning up, she pressed her lips into his, pushing her tongue in to meet his. Leah could sense a hint of resistance on his behalf and so she reached down, grabbing him through the towel. "What's the matter?" she murmured into his mouth as he inhaled sharply. "Don't you not want to play?"
Jacob squeezed his eyes shut. His body was screaming at him to throw Leah on the bed and fuck her senseless. But his mind was stopping him. Telling him that things had changed. Telling him that—
"Guess you need a little incentive then," Leah said. With a tug, the towel around Jacob's waist fell to the ground. Before Jacob could stop her, she had knelt down in front of him, clasping both her hands around his cock. His body, obviously disagreeing with his mind, reacted instantly and Leah let out a soft laugh. "Enough incentive then," she whispered, before taking his length into her mouth.
Jacob let out a loud moan. Her mouth was so hot and wet and it was impossible to fight the feeling that was building in the pit of his stomach. But he could not ignore the thought that this was wrong. For some goddamned unknown reason his feelings had decided to go and change. Having Leah doing this, completely unaware of the change, made it feel as if he were using her. He couldn't do this, could he? He couldn't—
"Oh, fuck Leah," he let out as she brought her mouth down on him again. Using her tongue, she ran circles around his tip, before taking the rest of him deeper into her mouth. She continued her moving up and down him, sucking and licking. She squeezed her hands around the base of his shaft, ensuring that a part of her was touching him at all times.
'You can't do this...you are not this person, Jacob. You do not want to be this person. Don't let this turn into a sick obsession...' Jacob's eyes had remained closed through this, as he allowed his mind and body to argue. His mind was close to winning, but then Leah moaned, her throat vibrating against him. And that was all his body needed to win out.
"Ugh, Leah," his hands found their way to her hair and he held on, thrusting his hips to meet her movements. "Don't stop...keep...oh fuck..."
He opened his eyes and looked down, at the same moment that Leah glanced up at him. And that was all it took. Her eyes, filled with utter lust, looking up at him. With a loud groan, Jacob thrust his hips once more and came hard, exploding into her mouth.
His eyes widened slightly as he watched her swallow every drop, and then lick his tip once more. While he had never felt so turned on in his life, a part of him felt disgusted. If Leah knew what he had been thinking, she would be gone in a second- she would not have touched him that way. After all, it was not part of the deal. But he hadn't told her...and why? Because he wanted something to happen between the two of them? Because he wanted to use her for that without telling her how he really felt?
'Stop it,' he told himself, as Leah stood up. There were no feelings. He had just taken a small moment and obsessed about it until it was completely taking over him. The agreement between Leah and he worked. He could do this, he could prove this himself.
Leah reached out, placing a hand on his chest. "So, was that—"
She was cut off abruptly as Jacob grabbed her and turned her around. Bending her over so that her palms rested flat on his bed, he pulled down her shorts and underwear together. Stepping up close behind her, he positioned himself between her legs, his tip poised at her entrance. "Jake," Leah gasped, excitment rising within her, a reaction to sudden, almost animalistic action. "What the fuck are you waiting for?"
With that he thrust into her, hard and she let out a guttural moan. Leah could feel his hands grasping her hips as he pushed into her, harder and deeper each time. "Jake...yes...oh...fuck yes," she punctuated each thrust. For a fleeting moment, a thought crossed her mind. A thought that she would love to spend the rest of her life with Jacob, doing this. She pushed it aside. Just a reaction to the moment, she told herself.
Jacob was furiously trying to convince himself otherwise as well. 'See Jacob, you can do this," he told himself, as he grunted with each of his movements. He just had to do this, get whatever was in his system out. He could do this without any confusing feelings, and see what his agreement with Leah truly was- an opportunity for both of them to get a simple fuck.
He increased his movements, convincing himself that his confusion was evaporating with every thrust. But then Leah straightened up, bringing her back flush with his chest. Raising an arm up, she wrapped it around the back of his neck, resting her neck back on his shoulder.
"Jake..." she turned her head towards his. "Don't stop...please," she whispered, her breath tickling his neck.
Jacob almost stopped right there. The position, it was too intimate. He felt the urge to kiss her, to murmur in her ear that he wanted more. To tell her that he was starting to see her as so much more than just a release.
At the moment Leah cried out, her muscles contracting around. "Oh...Jacob..." she thrust back into him a couple of times, increasing the intensity between. But as she continued to ride out her orgasm, all Jacob could hear was the sound of his name on her lips as she climaxed. He wanted to hear it again...and again...
Leah was leaning back against him, her chest rising and falling erratically. When her breathing had levelled, Jacob stepped back and picked up his towel. As he wrapped it around his waist, he watched as Leah pulled her shorts up, a large grin playing on her face.
"What are you smiling about?" he asked. He wanted to get into their usual banter. He needed to feel like everything was normal between the two of them.
Leah looked at him. "I was just thinking how great this is- you and me."
Jacob's heart leapt as he stared at her. Was she feeling the same as him? Could she possibly—
"I mean, I just love how we can do what we just did and it's not even weird afterwards. We can just carry on, with no baggage whatsoever. I mean, we could go and have dinner with our family and friends right now and they would not have the slightest inkling that something was going on. Because," Leah paused, her smile growing bigger, "when you think about it, nothing is going on. We do what we do and that's it."
"Yeah," Jacob replied, swallowing the lump in his throat. "No baggage is a great thing."
Leah laughed as she made her way over to the window. "I'll see you around, Jake," she said, before climbing out into the darkness.
Jacob waited a few seconds and then slumped to the floor, his head resting on the top of his knees. He needed to stop this now. He couldn't tell Leah what was going on in his mind and there was no way that he could continue with their 'agreement' and still feel like a decent human being. And most of all, he had to ensure that he did not allow himself to get hurt again. He had had enough of that lately to last a good while and there was not a chance in hell that he was going to do that to himself again.
But then that annoying, niggling voice started again in his head.
'Too late.'
