Coming Out of the Broom Closet (Chapter Nine)
"Good morning!" I was cheery, and rightly so. After that talk with Ron last night, I was certain I was over Professor McGonagall.
This was the test. I was seeing her for the first time since that talk with Ron. If I didn't feel any romantic feelings, that would be that. Everything would be normal again and I could move on with my life.
Honestly? I was nervous. Sure, if I felt nothing, everything was fine. But, what if my talk with Ron accomplished nothing? What if I still liked Professor McGonagall?
It's easy to think everything is fine as long as I don't have to undergo the true test now. I've always tested well, but this is a slightly different kind of test. One in which studying, it pains me to say, will get me nowhere.
But, onwards and upwards. I must have a normal conversation with Professor McGonagall and that should determine everything.
"Hermione, I have something to talk to you about. Wait, right here. It'll take me… Just, wait." McGonagall said, by way of a greeting. Then she glided off, parchment in hand.
My stomach dropped. What could she want to talk to me about? "Buggers," I mumbled to myself. I realized my stomach had dropped. Other than that, though, everything is going well. No rush of romantic feelings seemed to be coming. I sat down on the chair opposite hers to wait, almost calmly.
Moments later she rushed in. "I have good news!" she began. I merely stared at her. I knew by now that our opinions of "good news" weren't always equal. She waited for an answer and when none came after a while, she continued. "I have two girls I want you to meet. They're both gay, dating each other, actually. Anyway, it will give you someone else to talk to about anything you may be feeling. Anything."
I thought for a moment or two. This was good news. "Anyway, their names are Cho Chang and Katie Bell. And you can talk to them about anything." McGonagall continued, writing their names on a spare parchment.
I had the distinct feeling that anything I did talk about with either of them would be repeated, but what are you going to do? I did need more people who understood what I was going through, and it would help if I wasn't in love, or whatever it was I felt for McGonagall, with them. "Umm… Thank you. I'll… Talk to them. Thank you." I managed to stutter out, making my way toward the door.
With this new information, I had completely forgotten to tell Professor McGonagall my good news, which, as it turns out, was better. After all, I knew, however much I had suppressed during our conversation, I had thought her excitement completely adorable. "See you in class, Professor."
"Hermione?" I turned around to face her. "Contact those girls." McGonagall said seriously. I nodded and she turned back to her work. I then left the room without being further stopped.
"What are you thinking?" I mentally berated myself as I made my way to the Great Hall, "Do you not KNOW how much older she is than you? What is wrong with you? She's old, and SO not right for you. Stop thinking about her. Now. Stop it." I continued this mental reprimand all the way to the Great Hall and continued as I sat down next to Harry. By this time, my mental reprimand had slowly become an out-loud whisper, so as to enforce it. I had been hoping that hearing it aloud would force me to see the oddness of it all.
"Didn't go the way you planned, then?" Harry asked me, waking me from my trance.
I shrugged. "Not quite. I was going to have a normal conversation. Unfortunately, she now has people she wants me to talk to. Students, I think. They're both gay, so she thinks I should talk to them. This way I'll have someone who knows what I am going through." I told him.
"I don't understand the problem." Harry told me. He was clearly telling the truth. He looked quite confused.
"Well, in that, there isn't one. The problem comes in during that. See, she was excited, and happy… And she was so cute!" I told him, he began nodding. He seemed to understand.
"I found the problem." he kidded. I glared.
"This is not the times for jokes." I informed him. He appeared cowed and nodded that he would stop.
My glare quickly ceased, though, as Professor McGonagall and Madame Hooch entered the Great Hall, talking animatedly. I grabbed a piece of toast and picked up my bag. Harry noticed this and gave me a look that clearly said "Where are you going?" I merely motioned for him to follow, all the while watching them.
Harry followed my gaze and realized what I was doing. He grabbed Ron, who had been eating and hadn't realized what was going on, by the arm and pulled him up from his seat. He then waited for me to lead the way to the lake where we could talk more freely. I nodded my thanks for his understanding and began to lead out of the Great Hall.
Ron, meanwhile, was throwing a fit. As he had not been listening, he didn't understand what we were talking about that we needed to leave. He began claiming that he still wanted more food and he was growing rather loud.
I shook my head and realized that he was going to cause a scene and then the stealthy exit would be pointless and unattainable. I quickly spun on my heels and pointed my wand at him. "Silencio." I muttered. This quickly shut him up. He did, however, clutch at his throat and glare at me. I shrugged and motioned that we should begin moving again.
Harry merely laughed. He found this all very entertaining. Ron managed to pull out of Harry's grasp and mouthed that he could walk.
Once outside, I sat down next to the lake and began thinking. Harry sat down as well. Though he thought it silly, he always respected my wishes to leave the Great Hall if I wanted to talk about something McGonagall related. He tells me all the time that she cannot hear me from where she is seating. I, however, choose to take no chances.
"Anyway," I began picking up right where I left off, "the girls she wants me to tal…" Ron kicked me. I looked up at him and he had his arms crossed and was glaring. "Ouch, Ronald." I glared back, not understanding why he had kicked me. "Anyway, their na…" Ron kicked me again. "Ronald! Fine! If you want to go finish your food, go. Harry and I aren't stopping you." I turned back to Harry, who I found to be smiling and attempting to hold back a laugh. I looked at him questioningly before I was once again kicked by Ron. "What, Ronald? What do you want? Why are you kicking me?" I stood up and tried to look him in the eye, but he had grown again over summer break and I wasn't quite tall enough. I glared at him anyway.
"I think," Harry said from his seat on the ground, "that he wants you to remove the silencing charm." Harry then laughed.
"Oh." I covered my mouth with my hand to suppress a laugh. "Right." I began to jab my wand to remove the charm. I was sidetracked, though, when both McGonagall and Hooch exited the castle and were walking this way. I gasped and turned.
"Up!" I cried, pulling Harry by his robes, "Get up!" He did and looked at me questioningly. He saw past me to what had made me react this way. Then, he too gasped. I grabbed Ron and my bag and began pulling him toward Hagrid's. We knew it would be safe there since Hagrid would still be at breakfast. Ron tried to protest silently by not moving but gave in once Harry, too, began pushing him.
We, miraculously, managed to get into Hagrid's hut without being seen. I sat down, exhausted from the anxiety of running around in the attempt to have a conversation without being overheard by the woman that I wasn't really sure about my feelings for and her girlfriend. I put my head back and breathed deeply.
Harry, who was standing watch at the window, reported that they were sitting down near the lake at the spot we had just vacated. Ron had taken to standing before me tapping his foot. I looked up at him and snorted a laugh. I jabbed my wand to remove the charm. Ron, pleased then, strode over to where Hagrid kept food so that he could finish his breakfast. After finding a scone, Ron sat down opposite of me and motioned for me to continue. Harry to walked over and sat down.
I breathed deeply and then I began to continue. "Ron, since you weren't paying attention, I'll give you a short overview of what I've already told Harry." I relayed all the information, once more, and once more got to the names. "Their names are Cho Chang and Katie Bell." Harry and Ron both gasped. "What?" I was confused. Why did the names make them react this way?
Harry spoke first. "Wow. I never knew."
"Knew what?"
Ron, ever the tactless one, spoke this time. "That Cho and Katie are dykes!"
I smacked him cleanly round the head. Then I shook my head.
"I know Katie. She's on the quidditch team. Gryffindor." Harry told me. "Come to think of it, I think Cho is on the team, too. Ravenclaw, seeker."
Ron leaned forward, still rubbing his head where I smacked him. "Harry fancies Cho." he whispered.
Harry glared. "Do not." Color had wormed its way into Harry's cheeks, clearly stating the opposite. I let it go, though. Harry had, after all, been very supportive. Harry must have realized this, though, as he walked over to the window again. "I'm going to take up watch again." he said gruffly, turning to face the outside world and pulling aside the curtain.
"Hang on." Ron said, suddenly. I looked at him. It was clear that he had just realized something.
"Wha…?" I began.
"You still like her, don't you?" Ron demanded.
"I… It's… It's not that simple." I stuttered.
"I can't believe you. Do you not realize what this is doing to you? You are becoming more and more paranoid and restless." Ron declared, standing.
"I am not!" I said angrily, also standing.
"Oh, really? Want to give me a better reason that we just ran about the grounds if you're not on edge and paranoid?" he asked, sarcasm dripping from each word.
"I… I…" I sank down in my chair, defeated.
"Hermione, I want to help you. Please. I only say this for your health. Try to get over her!"
I put my head on my arms and began crying. "I am trying!" I sobbed. "I don't know why I like her! I don't want to! I just…"
I didn't know how to finish my statement. I just what?
Need time?
Need help?
Love her?
No. That I would not admit, true or not. I composed myself and stood straight. I am a Granger. Grangers do not cry. At least not in front of others. I turned away from Ron and his pleading face. I know he wants to help me. He is my very best friend. This was something I needed to do on my own, and if I was crying, Ron and Harry wouldn't consent to let me do that. Instead, I faced Harry, who also had turned to watch the spectacle, the blush completely gone from his face. Worry, instead, was shown there. "Is the way clear? Can we return to the castle? I have Ancient Runes and Muggle Studies this morning." Harry nodded so I opened the door and strode out, my tear streaked face clearing up from the sun's heat.
From behind me I could hear Ron and Harry. "I just don't understand why she takes Muggle Studies! She was raised by muggles. She is muggle born! She knows it all!" Ron was saying to Harry. I could just picture Harry shaking his head and I heard him laugh slightly.
"At least she's her again." he pointed out.
I shook my head and held back a laugh. That Ron was always good for a laugh. Now, I just needed to decide if and when I would contact Cho and Katie.
