Coming Out of the Broom Closet (Chapter Twelve)
I wonder how long I can avoid Ginny, I thought to myself as I walked to Professor McGonagall's office.
Don't get me wrong, I know in my head that advice can only do so much and I know that she can't, and won't make my decisions for me, but I still felt like I needed to talk to someone. I mean, conversations with one's self only help so much. After a while, you need the input of others.
"Professor!" I whined, sounding like a lost, pathetic first year. I sat down in my "usual" seat across from her.
"Hermione!" Professor McGonagall responded in a mock whine, not even having to look up from her work as she sat at her desk.
I wasn't really surprised that she didn't look up. I mean, how many other students really come bother her before breakfast?
Exactly. But I digress.
"I still don't know what to do," I complained. "I mean, I really think I love her! But I can't deal with this! I can't!"
"Remind me, Hermione," Professor McGonagall began, half looking up from her work, "why aren't you two dating if she likes you back?"
"I don't know! I mean, she, like, prides herself on being sneaky, right? But then she won't sneak! I just feel like she doesn't want to sneak for me. I…" I trailed off and practically growled in frustration causing McGonagall to look up fully, alarmed. "I just don't know! I mean, we're in the same house, so how long can I really avoid her?"
"Do you want me to talk to her?" Professor McGonagall asked compassionately. "I will if you want me to."
"No," I said, shaking my head. "No, I'll deal with it."
I secretly hoped that she would talk to her but I knew she wouldn't do that until I gave her the go ahead. But, even if she did talk to her, there was no guarantee that I would be told everything. I mean, that confidentiality thing works both ways.
"What are you going to do?" she asked.
I laughed to myself. "Avoid her as long as I can," I answered honestly.
"Hermione…" McGonagall said, a concerned and warning tone seeping into her voice.
Her tone clearly told me that she would talk to her if she thought I wasn't going to make any attempt. Even though that would be easier, it would be the coward's way out.
I sighed, "Fine! I'll try and talk to her again."
"Good. When?" she asked, clearly making sure I was forming a plan and not just trying to get her not to meddle.
I sighed again. "Now? Or when she wakes up, rather." I stood up.
She nodded. "Very good." She started to turn back to her work but stopped and just stared, wide eyed, at the door. "Sit down!" she hissed.
I sat down immediately. "What?" I asked.
"Shh!"
I looked around confused. Turning to face behind me, I saw none other than Argus Filch. I smiled evilly, enjoying this moment.
"Professor!" I whispered, barely containing my laughter. "It's your bf!"
"Shut up!" she hissed.
I watched her eyes follow him out of the room and I barely managed to fight back the laughter until he left.
"Sweet Merlin!" I said, gasping with laughter.
"It's not funny!" she said, scolding me. "It's creepy! He's always there! And he talks to me! All the time! It's weird!"
"Doesn't he know about Madam Hooch?" I asked, calming slightly after my outburst.
"I don't think so. Oh, stop it!" she said upon seeing that I was still shaking with laughter. "I told you, it's not funny! He, like, tries to walk me to my room every night!"
I laughed harder, shaking my head. I finally got up and waved goodbye as I mentally began to prepare myself for my talk with Ginny. Really, how I'm in Gryffindor is a complete mystery to me I'm really a coward!
"Hermione?"
I turned around, halfway to the door already.
"Are you sure you don't want me to talk to her?"
I took a deep breath, debating. "Yes, I'm sure," I nodded. "But thank you."
"Alright, if you're sure."
I walked back to the common room and sat down in a large armchair that afforded me a great view of Ginny's door.
"Ginny!" I exclaimed, standing up, as she walked out of her dorm room.
It being a full hour after my morning chat with McGonagall, I had prepared what I was going to say.
"Yes, Hermione?" Ginny asked, seeming somewhat surprised.
I took a deep breath. "I… I want to talk to you. Do you have a minute?"
Ginny shrugged and walked towards me.
With every step she took towards me, I could feel my nerve and conviction fleeting away.
"What's up?" she asked, sitting down.
I sat down as well, forming an intelligent plan. I need to talk to you about us. You like me, right? And I like you. I don't see the problem. We can totally pull this off. I nodded. Yes, that would sound lovely.
…Unfortunately, when I opened my mouth to speak, all that came out was a pathetic whine of "Why?"
"What?" Ginny asked, seeming both confused and agitated due to waking up and being accosted right away.
I breathed out in a huff and attempted to compose myself, despite of my hightened awareness of the forming blotchies and the feeling of nausea in the pit of my stomach. "Why?" I repeated. "Why can't we make you an I work?"
In the brief silence that passed after, I felt like I was going to puke. Sweet Merlin! Why doesn't she just answer? Any answer has got to be better than this silence! I thought as the seconds crept by unbearably slow.
Ginny finally sighed angrily and shook her head as she stood up. "I told you, Hermione. I can't. I can't do that to my family. I won't. I'm not going through this with you again." She walked back to her dorm room and I heard her slam the door behind her.
I stood up and gathered my things with shaky hands and walked to the portrait hole, silently berating myself for not sticking to my original plan of avoidance.
Okay, I thought to myself as I made my way back to Professor McGonagall's office, twice in one morning… It could be worse!
Without saying a word, I plopped myself into a chair opposite hers.
"Yes, Hermione?" she asked, finishing with a paper she was reading.
I blinked back the tears that had formed after my conversation with Ginny and waited for Professor McGonagall to look up.
She finished with the paper and looked up at me. Her eyes widened slightly. "What's wrong?" she asked immediately.
"I talked to Ginny again," I told her, unaware of which emotion would show though as I spoke: Anger or depression.
"And?" she asked even though we both knew what Ginny's response had been.
"She basically just said 'No,'" I informed her, swinging my feet back and forth as I looked down at them. I knew the blotchies were worse and already I feared I would cry.
"Hmm."
My head snapped up. "What 'hmm'? Why 'hmm'? 'Hmm' what?" I asked.
The "Hmm"s, like the faces she likes to make, always mean something.
"Well…" she sighed. "I just find it odd that she won't date you. I mean, if she likes you, what's the problem? I just think it is her way of using you. " She paused and looked at me, seeming to be debating as to whether or not she really wanted to drive this point home. "I think she is leading you on, Hermione. Again."
I sighed. As much as I love Ginny, or think I love Ginny, maybe Professor McGonagall is right. I mean, why tell me at all if she's not going to date me? I don't want to believe it, but maybe that's what it is. Maybe that's what's happening. Maybe…
No.
I shook my head. "No. I can't believe that," I told her firmly, despite my own fear of that very possibility. I had to fight my urge, that pull in my gut, that it was true. It an't be true. "She wouldn't do that, Professor. Not to me."
She looked incredulous. "Are you sure? I mean, that is what it seems like. If you ask me, she's just leading you on. I don't want to see you get hurt, Hermione," she told me gently.
"That's not what it is," I repeated with more conviction echoing in my voice than I really felt in my heart. "She wouldn't do that. She's my friend. She's… She wouldn't do that to me."
The incredulous look remained plastered to her face. "If you're sure… I mean, fine. Maybe you're right. Maybe she's just confused and scared," she said, disbelief coating her voice.
I rose from my seat and stormed out. I wasn't angry, not with Professor McGongall at any rate. I was… Upset. I was angry because Ifeared that McGongall was right about Ginny. I was afraid that Ginny was just using me. To do what, I had no idea, but I was very afraid that she was just playing with my heart.
Only one way to find out, I thought to myself as I stomped back to the common room to talk to her again.
