****Chapter 9: Clueless in Alaska****
Edward knocked on Bella's door, knowing that this was her day off and wondering if he could talk her into spending it with him. He heard some stumbling footsteps approach the door, a small yawn, and then Bella's muffled, drowsy voice. "Just a minute."
He heard her breath as she pressed her eye to the peephole, listened to her heart start to beat faster when she saw who it was. He repressed his smile. The last thing he needed was for Bella to think he was cocky. When the door opened, there was Bella, appearing deliciously disheveled and drowsy. She blinked at him for a moment, her cheeks invitingly stained with pink. "I didn't expect you," she mumbled.
"May I come in?" he asked. He did not want to take anything for granted with Bella. He might have been given a second chance. Edward didn't know yet, but if he had been, he was going to do everything he could to make it work this time. Maybe one day, Bella could forgive him, even if Edward knew he could never forgive himself.
"Uh…sure," Bella said uncertainly, moving aside so that he could enter the apartment. Deliberately, Edward let his body brush against hers. The softness of her breast grazed his arm, taking his breath away. One look at her face confirmed the fact that she felt the electricity of their contact as well.
It was still there, that familiar, magical feeling. Edward suppressed a groan at her warmth, the scent of the blood that pulsed in her veins and throbbed invitingly at her throat. Oh yes, the old feelings were still there. In spades. Entwined with the familiar longings, however, he felt something new for Bella now. This glorious creature, with her vulnerabilities so carefully hidden beneath an exterior of very real strength drew him in a way far more powerful than her other, more innocent half.
That saddened him at first. Then he realized that it was only because this Bella seemed – somehow – more likely to survive loving him. Her body was still as fragile and delicate, but her spirit had been tested and she had triumphed. Her courage awed him; her ability to forge a new life for herself humbled him. He knew that he would spend the rest of eternity convincing her of his love if he had to, and for the first time, he was willing to consider time stretching out endlessly before them.
Eternity.
With Bella.
It lit a fire under his cold, impenetrable skin. He wanted that, and he was finally willing to pay the price for it. Bella's life. That was not his price to pay, but hers. Could he ask it of her? Would he? Should he? He knew the answer to that easily enough. How ironic that he was now ready to change her, and yet Bella had no idea what that meant now. They were, as always, at cross-purposes.
Thrusting aside his troubled musings, Edward smiled. "I thought we'd go for a picnic," he said.
Bella looked out the window, her brows drawing together. "It's not a very pretty day," she murmured uncertainly.
"Being with you will make the weather unimportant," he replied. Of course, a picnic on a sunny day was out of the question, so he was forced to hope for a day spent with her under grey, dreary skies instead.
She wrinkled her nose. "Uh…I'm not really an outdoor kinda girl," she said quietly, rubbing at her nose. Edward had to restrain himself from placing a tender kiss on that nose, settling for closing his eyes and letting her scent fill him up.
"All right then," he agreed, opening his eyes and knowing full well that she was only speaking the truth. Besides, the location did not matter – only that he got to spend time with her. "How about an indoor picnic, and then we don't have to worthy about the inclement weather," Edward added.
Bella looked up at him and laughed, shaking her head. "You sound like one of those old movies," she observed. "All formal and proper." To his surprise, she pressed her body against his and trailed the fingers of one hand down his arm while the other hand moved around to draw circles on the small of his back. Of course, his body immediately took notice and began reacting inappropriately.
He groaned and moved to step away but Bella tightened her grip on him and although it would be nothing to break free of her grasp, he found he did not want to. So he stayed pressed up against Bella Swan and suffered the agony. They were silent for a long moment, simply enjoying the close proximity and the comfort of each other's company. At last, Edward pulled away. "I took the liberty of picking up a few items," he confessed.
She frowned, looking around him. He grinned. "They're still in the car."
"Oh."
"I'll go get them," he prompted.
"Okay," Bella agreed with a slight smile. "I think I can manage that."
He gently caressed her cheek. "You still look half asleep."
"The hazards of having a night job," Bella murmured. She blinked at him. "How about I go shower and start a caffeine I.V. while you bring the stuff upstairs?"
"Fair enough," he answered, and placed a tender kiss on her forehead. "Go on sleeping beauty, I'd prefer you conscious if you don't mind."
Bella was already shuffling away from him when he happened to look up and see that was she giving him her middle finger. He snorted. The new and "improved" Bella Swan would take some getting used to, but he was looking forward to the process.
An hour later, Bella was leaning back against her couch, her legs stretched out before her on the floor. She had spread a colorful blanket on the living room floor and turned on some music. It was loud enough for them to discuss the merits of various songs but not so loud as to interfere with conversation.
"You didn't eat each much," Bella commented.
Actually, Edward had not eaten anything at all, though he could have if pressed to do so. Still, bringing it back up later was never a pleasant process. So he had relied on the old tricks and he thought it had worked. He shrugged. "No, I guess not."
She studied him carefully for a moment, her eyes narrowed. He shifted uncomfortably under her scrutiny. Then she sighed and tucked her hair behind her ears. Letting her head rest on the cushion behind her, Bella closed her eyes. "This was fun," she murmured.
Edward let his eyes drink their fill of her. Giving into temptation, he reached for her hand and savored the warm softness of it in his. "Thank you," he said.
Her dark eyes fluttered opened. "Why are you thanking me?" Soft fingertips caressed his jaw. "You're the one who made it happen."
"Yes, but I wouldn't have had any fun at all if you weren't with me," Edward said softly.
"Would you please kiss me again?" Edward chuckled at the expression on her face, half pleading, half challenging.
"If you'd like," he whispered just before his lips pressed to hers. Her hands came up to tug at his hair and before he could draw another breath she was climbing into his lap, pressing herself against him without reservation. Kneeling over him, she let her tongue play against the seam of his lips, groaning when he opened his mouth to her.
"You taste so good, Eddie," she whimpered.
"If you call me Eddie again I'll stop kissing you," he threatened as his mouth played up and down the elegant line of her throat.
Bella groaned and pulled him closer. "All right, Edward," she whispered. "Have it your way, Edward." She kissed the right corner of his mouth. "Edward," she murmured. A kiss to the left side of his mouth. "Edward." A playful nip to the tip of his nose. "Edward." Then her mouth moved down his throat to his Adam's apple. "Edward," she moaned.
He shuddered as her mouth continued moving down, his hands clenching at his sides, too afraid to touch her. The need was a roaring beast now, a living thing in the room with them. Her mouth was hot and warm and open against his chest, the small space of skin left exposed by his shirt. "Edward," she said, and then her fingers were unbuttoning the shirt. Edward was completely still, torn between what he wanted and what he knew was right.
Unfortunately, he also knew that if moved so much as a finger at that exact moment, he would roll her beneath him and be thrusting his hips into hers in about five seconds. Maybe less if her legs didn't get tangled up too badly in his. The image made him groan loudly and Bella giggled, dispelling the worst of the tension.
At last, he gathered enough strength to put his hands on her hips and still the motion that was driving him mad. "Bella," he said softly, tenderly kissing her forehead. "I want to, more than you can possibly know. But honestly, if you don't stop that right this instant, I won't be able to resist. And…taking you on the living room floor isn't exactly what I had in mind for our first time."
She was silent for a moment. "You wouldn't be taking anything, Edward," she finally whispered in a husky voice that made his body clench. "I'd be giving myself to you, and taking you in return." Laughing softly, she licked his earlobe. "That's how things are in the 21st century you know, give and take." She nipped his flesh. "It's very a very cool arrangement. You should try it sometime."
"Bella…" he groaned in warning.
She laughed again and then heaved a sigh, moving off of him though he was quite sure that the brush of her knee against his erection was very deliberate. He rolled his eyes at her and grabbed a pillow, not that the camouflage fooled her for a moment. Bella scrunched up her nose adorably and stuck out her tongue.
"Spoilsport," she teased.
"I'm not even going to dignify that with a comment," Edward said solemnly and she laughed at him. Again. He loved the sound of her laughter, because it was unspoiled and innocent.
She leaned back against the couch again. "Thanks," she murmured. "It's been a great day."
"Yes, it has," he agreed. He could not help but touch her, contenting himself with tucking yet another errant strand of hair behind her ear. "Do you have to work tomorrow?" he asked, knowing quite well that she did. He had already memorized her work schedule and even when she did not know it, he was walking her home, a silent and invisible companion, keeping watch over her. She nodded. He touched the scar that ran into her hairline. "This scares me, you know."
Bella looked surprised and her fingers met his as they touched the scar together. "Why? It was a long time ago."
"You could have been killed," he murmured, meeting her eyes.
"But I wasn't," she said quietly. "Well…not my body anyway."
He let that go without comment. "Can I ask you a personal question?"
"Eddie, I just tried to get a certain part of your anatomy inside of me on my living room floor," she teased. "I'd say personal questions come with the territory."
"Temptress," he accused.
"Apparently not so much," she retorted.
He cradled her face in his hands. "Oh, you're tempting all right, Ms. Swan," he assured her. "Let's just say that I've got a lot of experience in controlling myself. Otherwise, we'd both be naked by now."
"Promises, promises," she mocked, but her voice was breathy.
"Oh yes, that's a promise. Just not…yet," Edward said. "I want it to be right…perfect."
"I guess I can't argue with that," she agreed, though her voice was reluctant and chagrined.
"And before I ask, I just want to say that it's only curiosity that prompts my question," he said in a low voice. "I'm making no judgments. It's just that…" He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He frowned.
"You're gonna hurt yourself," Bella observed with a smirk. Then her expression grew serious and she sighed, shifting away from him a little. "Let me guess, you want to know what a 'nice girl' like me is doing taking her clothes off for a living?"
"Well….yes."
Bella's lips pursed and she leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. "Well, it just sort of happened, you know." She shot him a look. "My accident happened just after graduation. By the time I was even semi-functional, there was no way to get into a college. Even the community college deadlines had passed, and…" She shook her head. "I really didn't want to go to college. I didn't know what I wanted, but that wasn't it."
"Go on," he prompted when she seemed to be trying to decide if she wanted to continue.
Rolling her eyes at him, she chewed on her lower lip. "Well, one day I was sitting in my room, feeling awful, bored as hell, and just about ready to scream." She laughed nervously. "The night before I'd had a little too much to drink and had ended up getting a little rowdy. Luckily, I was on the rez and Jake took me home before I got into too much trouble." Her lips twisted. "But Charlie had read me the riot act that morning and my head ached and I had thrown up a lot and I was just sick of feeling like I was a disappointment. I was tired of seeing that look in Charlie's eyes."
"What made you feel like that?"
Her face turned away slightly as she studied the window on the far wall. "While Charlie was yelling at me, he said something along the lines of 'The Bella I knew would never have pulled that kind of stupid, reckless crap!'"
Edward put a hand on her shoulder and was not surprised to find it trembling with tension.
"And suddenly I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, if you know what I mean." She grimaced. "So I packed a bag with my clothes and then put my favorite books and CDs into some boxes and I loaded up my truck. I went to the bank and I withdrew all the money I had, which wasn't much but it was enough."
"And how did you end up here?"
Bella's head tilted as she thought about it. "Well, that was kind of funny," she said. "I wasn't really sure where I was going, but then it just popped into my head, my broken, useless mind finally gave me a fucking clue and I made my way here."
"I had to stop twice and stay for a bit, just to earn some more money and stuff." She shrugged. "And honestly, being a waitress was the easiest gig to get, so that's what I did. I could even cook a little, the simple stuff, so that helped."
Edward closed his eyes so she would not see the guilt there.
"It took me about four months to finally get here, but I had to find work, obviously."
He wrapped a strand of her hair around his fingers, marveling at its softness and her strength.
"I found a job waitressing at the Diamond, and the money was okay," Bella continued. "But when they asked me if I wanted to make more…"
Edward was silent for a moment. "And how was it?"
Bella laughed. "I threw up the first time, just before I went on stage. Twice. Luckily, everyone there is really nice," she added. "Shauna sort of took me under her wing and I stopped feeling queasy before a set. Eventually." She sighed. "I'm not really that good a dancer, but the guys don't seem to mind as long as I smile pretty and take off enough stuff."
A low growl rumbled in his chest before he could stop it. She looked at him sharply, but kept speaking.
"And the bouncers are real good about keeping the paws off of us," she said. "We're there to look at, not to touch. And they make sure that the men follow the rules." Bella smirked at me. "As I'm sure you remember."
"Ah yes, I remember quite well," Edward replied in an effort to steady himself.
"So it pays the bills, quite well actually," Bella said. "And I make enough to save some, so that one day I'll be able to do something else."
"What do you want to do?" he asked curiously.
Bella opened her mouth and then closed it. A giggle erupted out of her, making her sound like a child. "That's just it! I don't have a damned clue, Eddie."
