MGM owns SGA. Not me. All info taken from the West Edmonton Mall website. My math could be off, as I did that part a while ago and I'm too lazy to check it. :)


Rodney McKay had faced many dangers in his life, almost all of them exclusively as a result of his work, although there was the time the Bunsen burner exploded in grade four and scorched his eyebrows. It hadn't been his fault, but still. He'd also had many times where he thought he was going to lose his expansive and valuable mind. Again those times were almost always because of his work. Or more to the point they were mostly because of work, because there had been a good many days over the last seventeen years when the sun had set and his mind remained intact only by the most fragile of threads and work had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Today was one of those days.

Rodney sighed and, for the sixth time since sitting down on the bench well over four hours ago, went over the information in his head. He knew there were over eight hundred stores in the mall that covered forty-eight city blocks of space and the number boggled his mind. Eight hundred places full of crap that people willingly wasted their hard earned money on. The online directory of stores in the mall was divided into 32 categories. Some he knew without a doubt would fall within the interests of his wife and daughter- such as Department Stores, Jewellery and Accessories, Ladies Wear and Shoes. There were others he was equally certain would not warrant a visit from them- Automotive, Medical, Dental and Optical and Travel, for example. There were two that he sincerely hoped they wouldn't have interest in for obvious reasons- Bridal and Maternity. He was quite certain the already fraying thread holding his sanity in check would snap if he found out his little girl had been in any stores that fell into those categories.

All in all, there were seventeen categories that he figured covered stores that wouldn't interest Jennifer and Teylanna. Despite the elimination of fifty-three percent of the categories in the directory, it only counted for approximately (after all he didn't go through each and every store…who had that kind of time?) two hundred and fifty stores, or thirty-one percent. For the sake of argument, and his sanity, he'd decided to double that number to sixty-two percent to cover redundancy. How many shoe stores could they go to?

Still, that left around three hundred stores. He then cut that number in half, more out an attempt to simply lower the number to a more manageable and sensible one than any scientific or tangible reason.

And after years of study and observation he knew that, on average, Jennifer and Teylanna would spend around 47 minutes in each store. They didn't of course. Both female McKays were very particular about their shoes and were never ones to try new or different footwear. They generally went into those stores, found what they wanted and left. Usual shopping time at a shoe store: twelve minutes.

Clothing stores, on the other hand, were totally different beasts. The times for those stores depended on whether or not they had an idea of what they were looking for or what they needed. If they had a plan, it took twenty-eight minutes on average. If they didn't…Rodney sighed again.

This was one of those times where they were 'just shopping' more or less just for the sake of shopping, which to him was like getting fed upon by a Wraith just for the sake of getting fed upon by a Wraith.

"We don't get to go shopping that often, Rodney," Jennifer had said three weeks ago when the trip had been announced and she'd mentioned taking Teylanna shopping. "It's been almost eight months since our last trip back and Tey could really use a few things."

In the end he'd had to concede she had a point. Being in another galaxy where shopping centers were nonexistent and depending on the SGC definitely crimped the style of a seventeen year old girl. Of course, the way Teylanna gave him the wide-eyed, pleading look hadn't helped. Jennifer had taught her well.

So when the time had rolled around to get ready to come to Earth to visit family and go shopping, he had pretty much been on board with it. More or less. That is until they told him they wanted to go to the largest shopping mall in North America: the West Edmonton Mall.

Rodney looked around and sighed at the throng of people milling about, bumping into each other and going about their shopping. The grumbling he heard and the hard looks between the patrons he saw only stood to reinforce his belief that the mall, much like a Hive ship, was a place to be avoided at all costs.

That is until a young man stopped in front of him, holding in his arms a young girl with curly brown hair and big brown eyes. She looked to be around the age of four or five.

Rodney watched the little girl look around, her eyes wide, bright and full of wonder, as though seeing things her young mind had never thought even existed. She was enthralled with her surroundings; amazed at what she heard- the music floating from the speakers, the bings and chings coming from the nearby arcade, the voices of the people- and saw- the people moving around her, the lights of the stores and sheer expanse of the place.

The father moved away from Rodney, the little girl craning her neck to try to take in as much as possible and Rodney smiled at her when she caught his eye. She smiled back and something clicked in his mind.

He sat up straight and looked around… really looked around. There were children of all ages milling around, younger ones attached in one way or another to parents and older ones just walking by. Many were smiling; some were laughing with friends; more than a few looked awestruck.

He looked around and, for a second, tried to see the place through the eyes of a child. He sighed and wondered for the first time in seventeen years if raising Teylanna on Atlantis had been the right thing to do. She had never lacked anything on Atlantis, and her brilliant mind received all the stimulation in the world by being there with some of the most intelligent minds Earth produced. Friends her own age were in short supply on Atlantis, but what friends she did have were good and true friends.

She'd been exposed to danger as well, of course, but what child wasn't exposed to dangers of one kind or another during their life?

Rodney sat back and felt a pang of regret at denying Teylanna the opportunity that came with living on Earth, that came with being in a place where she would have a better opportunity to flourish even more than she had.

"Rodney?"

Rodney looked up into a pair of concerned brown eyes. He smiled at Jennifer, then looked over to Teylanna, an identical look of worry in her blue eyes.

"Hey," he said somewhat wistfully. "All done?"

"Almost," replied Jennifer. "Are you okay?"

Rodney nodded and motioned to the numerous bags each woman held in their hands. "I see the bank accounts have taken a hit," he said.

"A little," said Jennifer, her eyes boring into his trying to ascertain if he was okay.

"So what do you have there?" he asked Teylanna to avoid looking into Jennifer's eyes.

Teylanna was looking at him with almost as much intensity as her mother, but she lifted the bags, shifted her gaze to them and said, "I got some really nice shoes, those comfortable ones that I like, and some clothes." She looked up and Rodney thought he could see her blush a little. "And I got some really nice stuff at La Vie en Rose."

Rodney looked at the gaggle of bags his daughter was holding in her hands. "One, two, three…four bags from there," he said with raised brows after counting the bags that had a large pink rose on them. "I'd say you got a lot of nice stuff from there."

Teylanna cleared her throat and glanced at her mother, who Rodney noticed had the oddest of smiles on her face.

He was getting that sinking feeling.

Again.

"Can you watch these for me, Dad?" she said as she laid the bags at his feet. She gave him a kiss on his cheek as she straightened up and said as she pointed over her shoulder with her thumb, "There's just one more store I have to go to. Then I'm all done."

She was gone before Rodney could say anything. He watched her go and the nagging feeling of having deprived her of so much continued to gnaw at him as Jennifer sat down beside him.

"You okay?" she asked as she slipped her arm around his waist.

"I'm fine," he replied. His head turned towards her and he said, "I was just wondering if we did the right thing not raising her," he looked around and whispered, "here."

Jennifer smiled and snuggled up against her husband. "I think we did the right thing. As a matter of fact, I know we did."

"Really?"

Jennifer nodded. "Really."

The weight that had been perched on his shoulders for the last few minutes lifted. "Well, if you know it then it must be true." He sighed and nodded towards the bags Jennifer had laid at her feet. "So what did you get?"

"Oh this and that," she replied with a smirk.

Rodney leaned forward and looked amongst the bags. "Nothing from this La Vie en Rose place, hmm?"

Jennifer smiled and her eyes twinkled. "I'm afraid not. That's more of a younger woman's store, I'm afraid."

Rodney made a distinct sound of incredulity. "I'm positive you would look absolutely gorgeous in whatever they have in there."

Jennifer's lower lip began to quiver with repressed laughter. "You have no idea what kind of store La Vie en Rose is do you?"

Rodney shook his head, then watched as his wife leaned over and picked up the closest La Vie en Rose bag to her. She placed it on her lap and reached inside. When she pulled the item out, Rodney's eyes went saucer sized and his vision began to cloud over with a red mist.

"It's a…it's a…it's a…it's a…"

"Lingerie store," finished Jennifer as she replaced the hot pink thong with matching bra in the bag.

Rodney tried to regain control over his breathing, which had gone rogue when he hadn't been paying attention. Once he did it took three gulps to get the sour taste out of his mouth, and when he did he looked to his wife and said, "Yes, we definitely did the right thing by staying in the city. We should go back there." He stood up and nodded eagerly at Jennifer. "Now." When Jennifer didn't move he pleaded, "Please."

He sat back down a moment later when Jennifer patted the bench. He sighed when Jennifer cuddled into him again and thought, How the hell can I get rid of those bags without being caught.

"Rodney?"

"Hmm," he responded, his attention still mostly focused on hatching plans to rid Teylanna of her lingerie.

"You're not doing anything to those bags," she said warningly, "or what's inside of them."

Rodney sighed. "Fine." He took in a deep breath and muttered as he released it, "Give me the Wraith any day."