Hello everyone, nice to see so many are still enjoying the story. I hope I manage to keep this as funny as possible. Also I thought I would let everyone know that this story is officially non harem. To my surprise I got quite the amount of request to make this a non harem story, that far outweighed the people that were for one. But Naruto will still remain as flirty and perverted as ever at least until he's tamed so to speak. Anyway let's roll on with the punches and get this underway!
Chapter 5: Dirty Minds
(Hyuuga compound)
'Six months' Hinata thought solemnly. It had been six months since she last saw Naruto and she admitted she missed his antics he indulged in for the week he had been in their class. But most of all she missed his flirtatious attitude towards her.
She'd never had anyone express any form of interest in her. Even her own clan seemed to forget at times that she was even alive. Naruto had actually made her feel as though she wasn't invisible and she missed the feeling, for now that Naruto was gone, her life returned to normal which primary consisted of her being ignored and alone.
Sighing to herself Hinata recalled Naruto's final day. He had taken the liberty of explaining to the entire class that he would be back on the road and wouldn't return to Konoha for another six months.
But it had been six months, so where the hell was he? Hinata wondered as she shifted around on her futon to get comfortable. Hinata actually had the decency to laugh at her self considering she was actually losing sleep over a boy she barely knew. Was she really that starved for attention, or was she somehow developing feelings for the blond, self proclaimed ladies man?
'Ladies man' Hinata wondered as uneasy thoughts crept into her mind. Hinata began to wonder if Naruto would even remember her name once he returned. It wasn't as though she was the only girl he conversed with, in truth it just might have been in his nature to do so, and he probably didn't take anything he said seriously.
But that wouldn't stop Hinata, she figured as flirtatious as he was she could eventually make him hers, but only time would tell.
(Meanwhile)
"Come on, why are you two moving so slow!" Naruto shouted as he along with Kakashi and Jiraiya tree hopped in the direction of the leaf village.
"Kid it's two in the morning it's not like you could visit any of those gaki's you met six months ago at this hour anyway." Jiraiya reasoned. "If anything you should want to get back so we can go to sleep, we've been tree hopping for six hours straight!"
"Sleep? I can't do that I'm wide awake." Naruto countered.
"How do you have so much energy?" Jiraiya pondered aloud.
"Well you'd have energy too, if you didn't spend the last two days pissing away all your money at that brothel." Naruto confirmed.
"What have we told you about language like that?" Kakashi piped in. "At least wait until you make Genin, and are acknowledged as an adult."
"But my minds reeling, I need something to keep it occupied." Naruto pouted.
Kakashi sighed before reaching into his flack jacket and pulling out a small orange book, and tossing it to Naruto. "There, that should keep your mind from focusing on other things."
Naruto grinned. "Yes, this is the ultra rare copy of volume 2. That was written before I was even born, I can't believe you'd let me touch this let alone read it." Naruto claimed as he began to read the book with vigor.
Forty minutes later they had finally arrived in the leaf village, much to Narutos' char grin. "Hey Otousan are you going to speak with the old man about letting me stay in class again?"
"For the one hundredth time, yes but I can't very well drop by the old man at this hour, for something that can easily wait until morning." Jiraiya reasoned. "Now give it a rest would yah?"
"Fine" Naruto reluctantly agreed "But first thing in the morning were going to see him, deal?"
"Deal, now would you shut up!" Jiraiya shouted considering he'd had enough of Naruto pestering him about something he'd already agreed to months ago.
(The Following Morning)
Sarutobi was currently in his office having a break from his duties of completing paper work. He had his pipe filled with his favorite brand of tobacco, his door locked, and the newest copy of ich icha paradise in hand. Yep it was definitely going to be a good day for the weathered Hokage.
Flipping open the book to the page he had left off on, he began to snicker and blush like the pervert he was. That is until he heard a laughter that wasn't his own.
"Enjoying the book old man?" a young voice questioned.
Sarutobi turned his head slightly to his open window and was greeted with the site of Jiraiya and Naruto grinning at him. "Well it is most engaging." Sarutobi answered trying to sound decent about his interest in reading such material.
"Don't try to be modest old man." Naruto jested. "Were all equally dirty minded here. If you don't believe me skip to page forty six, I wrote that section myself." Naruto confirmed.
Sarutobi's eyes widened, as he turned his attention to Jiriaya whom simply shrugged his shoulders.
"What can I say, this gaki has talent." Jiraiya answered casually.
"But that was the most explicit content I've ever read surely an eight year old couldn't have…" Sarutobi began "I mean do you even know what a woman's..." Sarutobi started but stopped. "Never mind, I keep forgetting who your god-father is."
"Hey that hurt's Sarutobi-sensei." Jiraiya claimed with mock hurt in his voice. "Is it so wrong to teach my god-son everything I know?"
"You know Jiraiya when people say that, they usually don't mean everything." Sarutobi countered. "Some things should be held off until the appropriate time."
"What do you mean?" Jiraiya questioned while rubbing his head thoughtfully. "The kid is old enough to read and write and use Jutsu, why shouldn't he know what a woman's clitoris is?" Jiraiya asked, with genuine confusion on his face.
"Just forget it." Sarutobi stated with a sigh. "So what can I do for you two anyway, it's unlike you to visit me this early in the morning."
"Frankly put the gaki wants' to sit in class again." Jiraiya answered.
"But of course." Sarutobi answered with a smile. "I'm glad Naruto's taking an interest in learning from our instructors."
"Uh you got it wrong; I don't think the brat could care less about that. He honestly just wants to spend time with all the kids his age." Jiraiya assessed.
Sarutobi nodded his understanding. "That's fine as well, it's not like Naruto hasn't already learnt what their teaching from you and Kakashi anyway."
"True" Jiraiya agreed. "The gaki has come far under my and Kakashi's tutelage, it's actually quite surprising."
"What's so surprising?" Naruto questioned "My dad was the fou…"
"Didn't I tell you to keep that information to yourself?" Jiraiya hissed while clamping his hand over Naruto's mouth.
Naruto pried himself from Jiraiya's grip. "What's the big deal it's not like you and the old man don't already know?"
Jiraiya slapped Naruto upside the head. "Kid don't you get it, even if someone passing by overheard that could have been bad news."
"Alright I get it, don't get your panties in a bunch." Naruto grumbled.
"Why you cheeky little…" Jiraiya started but was cut off by Sarutobi.
"That's enough Jiraiya, we already have one child present let's not have you acting like one as well." Sarutobi reasoned. "Besides, Naruto should really get going if he plans on making it to class today." Sarutobi suggested while looking at the clock on the far wall in his office.
"Don't worry old man I can make it there in no time." Naruto confirmed as he placed his hand in a hand seal and disappeared in a swirl of leaves.
"Body Flicker huh?" Sarutobi assessed. "So you've even taught him that technique, and at such an early age?"
"Yeah" Jiraiya confirmed. "It's only D-rank so I didn't see the harm in doing so. Besides we do a lot of traveling so it helps that the gaki can keep up with me and Kakashi with that technique. But on to more important things, like what did you think of the section Naruto wrote?"
"Uh well it was definitely…" Sarutobi stumbled over his words before turning angry. "Damn it Jiraiya! How could you corrupt the boy to such a degree! No eight year old should be able to write so vividly without ever even experiencing the activity they were writing about!"
"I know" Jiraiya squealed. "If he's that good now, just wait until he actually get's a taste of what he was writing about." Jiraiya stated with tears in his eyes. "He'll make one fine successor to my works!"
Sarutobi palmed his face in frustration. "You know Jiraiya I don't think you heard anything I just said."
(Academy)
Naruto grinned a wide grin that exposed all of his teeth when he appeared in front of the academy. He could see the students currently filling in, some alone, others with friends, and some were being escorted by parents or siblings.
His eyes then settled on a kid with a vaguely familiar spiky hair cut. "Isn't that?" Naruto pondered before he became certain. "Hey Sasuke!" Naruto shouted as he bounded his way up to the boy.
Sasuke turned his attention to where the voice had sounded. "So you're back I see." Sasuke greeted shortly.
"Yeah I am, pretty cool huh?" Naruto questioned as he noticed the insignia on the back of Sasuke's shirt. "Hey cool symbol." Naruto acknowledged.
Sasuke smirked. "It's my clan symbol; you're only allowed to wear it if you've mastered our clan's signature Great Fireball Jutsu."
"That's impressive." Naruto stated. "I bet if you show that off you'll have more honeys then you already do."
"If that's the case I should probably not use it, around girls then." Sasuke summarized, before turning his attention to the older boy at his side. "Hey niisan, you didn't have to go through the relentless advances of fan-girls to did you?"
Naruto for the first time took notice of the older boy standing next to Sasuke. He appeared to be an older version of Sasuke in looks, and maintained an eerie calm.
"In fact I did, and still do." He answered. "But that's of little importance, why don't you introduce me to your friend?" He suggested.
"Oh yeah, this is Naruto." Sasuke explained. "He doesn't actually attend here, but sits in on our class from time to time." Sasuke concluded before turning his attention to Naruto. "This here is my brother Itachi."
"So you're the hot shot Kiba was talking about?" Naruto summarized while looking Itachi over.
Itachi paid no mind to Naruto's comment, but opted to press on. "You're Uzumaki Naruto?" Itachi questioned.
"I guess my reputation precedes me." Naruto added haughtily.
"No it's just rumored that you travel around with Kakashi of the Sharingan eye." Itachi returned bluntly.
"It's true he's pretty much my niisan." Naruto confirmed.
"Is that so?" Itachi mussed. "I suppose with a mentor of Kakashi's caliber, you'll make a fine ninja someday." Itachi acknowledged. "Perhaps you and my little brother could do some training together."
"Training together?" Naruto repeated. "Why would we do that, when we can chase skirts instead?"
"Excuse me?" Itachi questioned with a quirked eyebrow.
"I said we can…" Naruto started but was cut off.
"No I know what you said, and I know what it implies." Itachi assured Naruto. "But aren't you a bit on the young side to concern yourself with such things?"
"That's not the way Oto sees it." Naruto confirmed. "He says its best to start out young, that way I'll have all the necessary skills when it really counts."
"Hm, I haven't thought about it that way." Itachi admitted. "Perhaps it would help with avoiding potentially troublesome situations further down the road." Itachi summarized before turning his attention to Sasuke. "You should take cues from Naruto-kun, it's always valuable to learn from all those around you."
"But I'm not interested in learning what he has in mind." Sasuke countered.
Itachi poked Sasuke in the forehead. "A ninja must be well versed." Itachi explained. "You may be given a mission when seducing a woman is the only means of retrieving valuable information."
"Really?" Naruto piped in. "How often do you get to go out on those kinds of missions?" Naruto questioned practically drooling at the prospect.
Itachi stared at Naruto in wonderment. 'Is this child really eight years old?' Itachi wondered. 'Why does the opposite sex interest him to such a degree, when he's not even at proper breeding age? Truly his upbringing leaves much to be desired.' Deciding to file that information away considering he would probably never see the boy again after that day, Itachi voiced his farewells.
"Good day to you Naruto-kun." Itachi stated, before turning his attention to Sasuke. "I…Well just have a good day today little brother." Itachi suggested with a hint of sadness to his tone that Sasuke wasn't able to pick up on.
Once Itachi had gone Naruto turned his attention to Sasuke. "Is your brother usually like that?" Naruto asked curiously as he and Sasuke made their way to class.
"Like what?" Sasuke returned simply.
"I don't know, he seemed, well kind of sad when he said bye to you." Naruto explained. "You know like he wouldn't see you again or something."
"I don't know what you mean." Sasuke answered. "Although I admit it was strange of him to drop me off today, he's only done that once." Sasuke confirmed.
Naruto thought about speaking more on the subject, but the site of a familiar indigo haired girl drew his attention. "Well I'll catch you in class today, but right now I need to go give honey-chan a greeting." Naruto supplied to Sasuke before bounding off.
Hinata wasn't particular focusing on her task of making it to class considering her mind was still currently on other matters such as Naruto. If not for the foreign feeling of something poking her butt cheek, she probably would have remained in her stupor.
"Hey it's only been six months, but I can tell you're developing well." Naruto acknowledged while poking Hinata's left but cheek with his index finger.
Hinata squeaked in surprise before rounding on the perpetrator and delivering a vicious slap.
Naruto went skidding across the ground before coming to a stop. "Wow, now I know how Oto feels, maybe I should apologize about laughing at him every time it happens." Naruto reasoned while nursing the throbbing sting on his cheek.
Hinata's eyes widened at seeing whom she'd just slapped. "N-Naruto-kun! I'm s-sorry I didn't mean to."
Naruto simply waved her off. "Hey it's no big deal Hinata-chan, I probably deserved that anyway." Naruto explained while standing back up with a goofy grin etched on his face.
"Y-you r-remember my name?" Hinata questioned in a temporary state of bliss.
"Of course." Naruto answered simply. "How could I forget my favorite honey?"
Hinata blushed crimson at Naruto calling her his favorite.
"And it seems you've gotten a bit bolder too honey-chan." Naruto added.
"W-what do you mean?" Hinata asked nervously.
"Six months ago I probably could have given you a full squeeze and you wouldn't have slapped me." Naruto explained.
"I-I well." Hinata mouthed while fiddling with her index fingers.
"Keep it up." Naruto suggested. "I like a women with a little spunk to her." Naruto added while grabbing Hinata by the hand and pulling her along with him.
Hinata squeaked once again at the sudden contact, but Naruto merely grinned.
"But don't get me wrong, the shy thing works for me too." Naruto added as they made their way to class.
(Later That Day)
Iruka's and Mizuki's lessons had once again proved uneventful in Naruto's eyes, and to top it off they were actually giving the option of remaining in after class to receive additional instruction.
Naruto had hardly given that option any thought considering he had better ways of spending his time. He was more then positive that Kiba would be game for anything, but he still wanted at least one other person to accompany him on his escapade.
Once class had ended Naruto offered for Kiba to hang out which the boy eagerly agreed to. His second choice had been Sasuke, for the simple fact that the two were at least on speaking terms with one another, which was more then he could say for the rest of his male classmates.
"Hey Sasuke!" Naruto greeted. "You interested in joining me and Kiba, for some uh…stealth practice?"
"I don't know, I'd planned on staying for Iruka-sensei's additional lessons." Sasuke answered.
"Are you serious?" Naruto questioned. "Don't you remember your bro saying you should take cues from me? Besides were going to have a lot more fun then sitting around here listening to Iruka-sensei's boring lectures."
Sasuke sighed. "Why do I get the feeling that your idea of fun revolves around things we shouldn't be doing?"
Naruto shrugged. "So that means you're in?"
"Fine" Sasuke accepted.
"Perfect let's get going then." Naruto ordered as the three boys exited out of the classroom, leaving behind those that opted to stay for the additional lessons.
Twenty minutes later Sasuke was questioning just how he managed to get roped in with Naruto and his side kick Kiba. True to his word they were practicing stealth, but not in the way he had in mind. For Naruto's idea of practicing stealth was spying on the women at the hot springs without getting caught.
"Man how come I've never thought of this?" Kiba remarked with an absurdly large grin on his face as he peered through his telescope that Naruto had given him.
"Because you're an average eight year old." A new voice cut in on the trio.
Both Sasuke and Kiba turned to the voice in surprise, while Naruto just continued to stare through his telescope apparently unbothered by the newcomer.
"So you come to get in on the fun too Kakashi-niisan?" Naruto questioned while never looking away from the hot springs.
"Actually I was just walking by and noticed you three, but do let me ask you something." Kakashi ventured.
"Ask away." Naruto offered.
"Why don't you three just use the transformation Jutsu, and infiltrate that way?" Kakashi suggested.
"Well I thought about that, but I wasn't sure if they've learnt it yet." Naruto answered.
Kiba scoffed, "Of course we've learnt it." Kiba claimed while hopping down from their perch to demonstrate that he could perform the Jutsu."
Clasping his hands together Kiba muttered. "Transform."
After the cloud of smoke cleared, a young teenage girl that looked vaguely familiar to Kiba stood in his place, with only a bathing towel covering the goods.
Naruto whistled. "Not bad Kiba, who did you steal that appearance from anyway?"
"My sister." Kiba answered.
'I think I'll have to meet this sister of his.' Naruto thought lecherously.
"Well what about you?" Kakashi questioned while turning a lazy eye in Sasuke's direction.
"I can do it." Sasuke answered. "But I don't know what female to transform into."
"Just pick someone you're familiar with." Kakashi suggested.
Sasuke nodded before dislodging himself from the perch they were on and performing the same hand seal Kiba had. "Transform" He chorused and he was shrouded in the familiar smoke.
When it cleared Sasuke was replaced with a woman he shared a shocking resemblance to, dressed in a simple bath robe that showed off all of her curves.
Both Kakashi and Naruto had blood seeping from their noses.
"And who did you choose?" Kakashi questioned, trying his best to seem uninterested.
"My mother." Sasuke answered bluntly.
Both Kakashi and Naruto's eyes widened before they began snickering like the perverts they were.
Once Naruto had calmed down enough he jumped from the perch and pulled his hand into a hand seal. "My turn, Sexy Jutsu!" Naruto chorused and was shrouded in smoke as well.
When the smoke cleared a very nude older female version of Naruto stood in his place.
It took all of Kiba's will power not to faint do to blood lost of seeing a girl in all her glory so close up for the first time.
"Don't look at me like that you'll make me blush." Naruto stated in a sultry voice, before he began laughing along with Kakashi. "Alright let's get in there." Naruto commanded as the three hinged boys walked into the woman's bathhouse.
"This should be good." Kakashi mused considering he had a good idea of what was about to happen.
When the three boys entered into the hot springs they stared around curiously. Even Sasuke couldn't keep the blush off his face at seeing all the nude women.
For the most part the women seemed to pay them no mind, all the better for them.
Naruto then turned his attention to both Kiba and Sasuke. "What the hell are you waiting for? Lose the robe and bath towel." Naruto whispered.
"Sorry forgot." Kiba stated as he let his towel drop to the ground and Sasuke did the same with his robe.
Silence is what accompanied afterwards, as all eyes fell on them. Even Naruto had been staring wide eyed at both Sasuke and Kiba before he palmed his face shamefully.
"What what's the big deal, why is everyone staring at us?" Kiba asked dumbly.
"Because were busted." Naruto explained while pointing down towards their neither regions. "You two idiots forgot to change your blue veined custard throwers."
"Our what?" Sasuke questioned.
"Your Penis's!" Naruto shouted.
A moment later the shouts and screams of agony was the only sound that could be heard coming from the women's bathhouse.
Kakashi couldn't help but laugh as he watched the three boys pummeled without mercy. 'It's always nice to play a trick on your little brother every now an again.' Kakashi mused while opening his book and going about his business.
(Later That Night)
Naruto glared at Kakashi while nursing his many injuries. "That was low niisan." He grumbled in semi righteous fury.
Kakashi shrugged. "Maybe, but it was entertaining, well at least for me." Kakashi corrected himself.
"I have to agree with the gaki." Jiraiya piped in. "I mean what the hell were you thinking? I bet any minute now were going to have to deal with either Sasuke's mom or kami forbid Kiba's mother." Jiraiya claimed and as if on cue the sound of their doorbell rang.
Jiraiya shot an equally dangerous glare at Kakashi as Naruto had been doing. "Damn you Kakashi." Jiraiya added while standing up from the table and heading towards the door to answer it.
When Jiraiya answered he wasn't too surprised to find Sasuke's mother glaring at him with Sasuke at her side looking even worse off then Naruto had.
"Oh good evening Mikoto-san." Jiraiya greeted. "Is there something I can do for you?"
Mikoto frowned. "Please don't act as if you do not know what this is about Master Jiraiya." Mikoto spoke in a soft tone that carried a dangerous undertone to it.
"I guess that would be troublesome." Jiraiya acknowledged while stepping aside to allow Mikoto and Sasuke entrance. "Well let's get this verbal lashing over with." Jiraiya offered while taking a seat and preparing to be scolded like a child.
Nearly an hour had passed by the time Mikoto had said her peace to Jiraiya and Kakashi. Surprisingly she had nothing negative to say about Naruto, considering she felt Jiraiya and Kakashi were the one's to blame for his behavior in the first place.
Now Mikoto and Sasuke were on their way back to the Uchiha compound with Kakashi trailing slightly behind them with a bored expression on his face.
Even though Mikoto had insisted that they didn't need an escort, for the simple fact that she was a Jonin and could take care of herself if need be, Jiraiya had put down the offer. It may have been some weak form of chivalry, but Jiraiya insisted that Kakashi tag along so here they were.
As the walls of the Uchiha district came into view Mikoto turned her attention to Kakashi. "This is a far as you need to escort us. We'll be safe in the Uchiha compound."
Kakashi was about to go along with it, but suddenly caught a whiff of something with the aide of his heightened sense of smell. "Actually why don't all of us remain here." Kakashi offered with no amusement in his tone.
"Um I don't understand, why would we do that?" Mikoto asked with obvious confusion in her tone.
Kakashi answer was to clasp his hands together and without muttering a word an exact clone of him appeared, before it took off in a random direction.
"What was that for?" Mikoto questioned.
"I'm requesting Anbu aide." Kakashi answered shortly.
Mikoto's eyes widened and Sasuke simply stared with a confused expression on his face. "Anbu aide, what for?" Mikoto asked with a slight hint of fear in her voice.
"I smell blood." Kakashi answered. "And lot's of it."
Well people there you have it chapter 5. I hope I managed to give you at least a couple of laughs with this chapter because the next will, obviously be on the more serious side. Anyway I'm still impressed with the popularity of this story, and that's motivation to write it. Anyway please review and I'll get the next chapter out as soon as possible, until then later!
